When and Where



We meet the third Saturday of every month. The location changes so sign up for the mailing list (just below on left) or like our FaceBook Page to get notified about the most recent updates.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Chiang Rai ‘Start Slowly and Taper Off’ Hash Report no. 81 July 2010

‘Plooterin aboot’

Venue: Pretty countryside off to the right of the Old Chiang Mai road(Route 1211) between the 17th and 18th km. markers.
Hare: Namron

Thirty one of us gathered for the July Hash, 10 young hashers, 2 virgin Hashers from Florida (welcome), and our usual polyglot of nationalities at various peaks and troughs of physical well-being. Ranging from those who could put on their trainers standing up - through the middle level of those who needed to sit down to do so, causing some degree of gastric reflux as they compressed their middle regions, - on to the elite of our group who needed to bend forward when standing to even see their feet and the assistance of a loved one to put their shoes on for them. We cater for everyone.

Early afternoon heavy rain had deterred a few less hardy souls, and the aftermath of a good Friday night may well have rendered one or two Hashers reluctant/unable to countenance anything as energetic as walking.  The drop in humidity post-rain, and a slightly later start time of 16.30 hrs meant it was cooler than for our last two Hashes.

While Doesn’t Matterhorn collected the Hash cash, Namron worked out who was able to attend the Buffet meal after the Hash. Information/money gathering sorted, Namron gave us a pre-Hash pep talk. 

He promised us a 6 km. route suitable for the slightly inclement weather ( it was still doing a fair attempt at a Scottish drizzle when we gathered),  no arduous ascents, and only a few ‘checks’, one of which was described as ‘tricky’.  His clue for this one was ‘think corn’.  Huh! more about this later.

We set off, some of us sheltering under (um)brollies, others brazenly braving the elements. Within a few minutes the rain had stopped and we enjoyed the rest of the Hash under slowly lightening skies, the sun finally showing up to light the way home.
The FRBs took off, going so fast I didn’t even see them go. 

Most of the route was over hard-packed red earth paths, rendered slightly slippery by the rain, especially in areas where there was a covering of leaves. Mud had been promised by Namron in his briefing, and we were not disappointed. For short distances we went slipping and sliding, squelching and splashing, plootering aboot in the mud. Not enough to delight a hippo looking for a wallow, but enough to ensure our immaculate trainers and gleaming calves were rendered in red and grey speckle. 

Reaching one check point we were given assistance.  “Don’t go that way” said the Hare, who had been drinking from the bottle marked ‘human kindness’, “that’s to slow the FRBs down”, and it did.  Apparently we had been spared a steep slippery ascent and descent that took the FRBs in a circle and cost them much time and effort.  They caught up with us only as we waited at…..
 The longest ‘check’ in CRH history
Following the route into a narrowing valley, we reached a check point.  The way ahead looked promising, the scrambling path to the left looked less inviting and went sharply up a hill, but, hey this was Namron’s course, surely we would be due a little pain? The way to the right through the field and up?
Nope. No paper. No paper anywhere. Don’t panic. Do what we do best. (Since it was the first time many in the rear walking crew had been at the front of the pack and had to actually check for paper.)

The Hash Pack performed the classic Hash defensive manoeuvre of standing around looking interested but hopeless, waiting for inspiration and someone else’s perspiration to lead the way.  There is always someone willing to put in more effort than we can aspire to, and in this case it was Wi, Peter, Bruce, Sven and Mark and Ian who did the necessary running around.  Crops of corn in every single direction rendered Namron’s clue of ‘think corn’ as unbelievably useless.
While we waited around hoping the Hare acting as sweeper would turn up and point us again in the right direction, Hashers retraced already checked routes to no avail. After about 10-15 minutes, with the Hash pack standing around muttering, and looking increasingly like a herd of Musk ox in a defensive circle, with the searchers (the wolves) orbiting in increasingly desperate circles, someone eventually twigged that a check could be in any direction –including straight back the way we had come. Sure enough, 100 metres back, the trail went off to the right. Off sped the FRBs not to be seen again until we got back to base.

Breaking out of our defensive formation, the Hash pack set off again.

The route took us past some Hill tribe villagers in a newish looking settlement of wooden houses on stilts, with a slightly out- of- place looking brick church.  They gazed in apparent bemusement at us – what were all these strangers doing walking, surely they could afford cars or motorcys?
The mystery of why the Hare hadn’t come to our assistance when we had been stuck at the tricky check became clear on the way back.  He had lingered to re-lay the trail, as the latter part of the course doubled back to cover part of our starting route. A fine steady pace took us home in comfort.

FRBs  
First in was Sven ,then Wi and then Able Seaman, now supposedly officially retired from active service, but putting many of us comparative youngsters to shame.  Well done everyone, especially as you all covered a fair greater distance than us.

The Circle
After quaffing our post-Hash snack of beer, soft drinks and crisps – just enough to keep a hungry hasher (and Bushwacker and an opportunistic white hen) going till the buffet – we were called into a circle.
Watching, with bemusement, were our two new recruits, from USA.  Don’t worry, it doesn’t make sense to any of us, no matter how many times we come along.
  • Failing to flog any T-shirts this month despite a hard sales pitch, Shocking (our Chairman) moved on to thanking the Hare.  This being Namron, renowned as a setter of killer routes, we had all been pleasantly surprised by the course. It was suitable for the weather, it wasn’t arduous, and it was in very pretty countryside, that we were left with enough breathe to enjoy.  I resheathed my mythical scimitar, he was safe, pep-talk promises had been kept.
  • Hares – with a tiny little bit of arm-twisting, Doesn’t Matterhorn was given the opportunity to be the hare for October.  We now have Hares allocated till next year. Thank you all.
  • A naming ceremony was required as we had 4 more Hashers to add to the Roll of Honour. Those who had stayed the course, shown true resilience and turned up for 3 Hashes had to have this achievement marred marked.
Kodi, spawn of Namron and brother of ‘Ranger’ became ‘Buffalo Bill.’  Their adventurous friend Nakkarin suggested his own name as ‘No Name’, and Michael and his girlfriend (Da?) - who had managed to find the starting point despite not knowing how to decipher those tricky Km. markers - became ‘Special Services’ (her, a Nurse) and ‘Special Needs’ (him).
‘Special Services’ struggled to finish her drink in time to for the end of the ‘downing song’ but Shocking did not –unlike at last month’s Hash- assist by finishing it off for the struggling Hasher.  Could this have had something to do with it being a soft drink she was downing, not a beer?? True gallantry should know no bounds, Shocking, we expect you to sacrifice yourself.
The Circle was kept brief as a buffet awaited.

Hares for the rest of the year are:
August- Do it yourself and Do it Better
Sept. – Fired up
October – Doesn’t Matterhorn
November- Gorf and Able Seaman
December- Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman

Photos of the event are attached.
On, on OoohMatron and Oddjob.

N.B.
For the benefit of any of our growing group of young Hashers who may be reading this, Oddjob has dared to suggest a few truly awful old jokes.  If you have better ones – in Thai or English – let me know at the next Hash.
These are Oddjob’s best :
‘ Where can you find a tortoise with no legs?”
Answer: “Wherever you left it’.

‘Where do elephants sleep?’
Answer: ‘Wherever they want to.”

Why do flamingoes stand on one leg?’
Answer:’ Because if they lifted the other, they’d fall over”.

‘Why do cows wear bells around their necks?’
Answer: “Because their horns don’t work’

Sorry. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

July 17th Driving Directions

This month's hash will start at 4:30 pm sharp on the 17th.  Park between the 17 and 18 km markers on the Old Chiang Mai Rd (rt. 1211).  The route will be fine rain or shine but if raining bring a change of clothes and shoes.  If you are interested in a buffet on-on, let me know jbclair at yahoo.com.  It will be a restaurant on the Old Chiang Mai Rd, 12 km back towards the city.  I estimate 100-150 baht per head for adults.

From Big C:  Drive South on the superhighway approx 15 km until you come to a traffic signal and turn right.  Go past Wat Rong Kun and follow the road until you come to the old Chiang Mai Rd (approx 5 km.)   Turn left and go approx 6 km and look for an HHH sign on your right.  

Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash Report No. 80 June 2010/2053


Venue: Chiang Rai Beach.
Hares: Hard-wired (+ Pee) and Begging for it

Our Chairman Shocking (Pat) welcomed us all to bucket and spade country. It was another hot and sticky afternoon in Northern Thailand, but this trail promised us a little more shade than May’s Hash There were 37 of us, with a very good turnout of 9 young Hashers, some so young that it may be necessary for Hash Cash to ask ‘Beer, soft drinks or milk?’ at future hashes. The Powder puff girls, Swiss Roll, and Shocking and Namron’s youngsters being some of our pack less troubled by advancing age.
 
Hard Wired and Begging for it were the official Hares and gave the briefing. With one or two late additions being added, the trail was approximately 7 Km in length, though if you forgo a detour around  temple grounds you could knock off about 15 minutes worth of walking. Total anticipated completion time for a ‘normal’ CRHasher being 1hour 45 mins. 

Only 2 Hashers took off running, Gorf and Doesn’t Matterhorn. The remainder of the pack paced themselves. With the FRBs already out of sight by the time we’d been uprooted and got to an upright position, it looked like there was little point in exerting ourselves too much. Anyway the trail promised plenty of flat ground and smooth paths to allow for that most important aspect of the CRH to take place – we could concentrate on conversation, not on finding the next foothold.
 
There was a little disagreement about where the initial trail went, this was due to the Hares’ system of setting the trail. Their labour-saving method of throwing thimblefuls of paper out from the back of a pick-up at 20 km/hr rendered the paper trail very thin on the ground.  Not many helpful piles of paper today, we were on starvation rations. However, once on the right trail it was on such good paths that not even Tony the Lonely could have got lost.
 
After finding 5 different ways down to the sandy shore of the mighty NamKok, through the ever hopeful Beachfront food stallholders’ tables, and ignoring their kind offers of refreshments, we reunited as a horde and slogged off to the left along the beach.  Bushwacker took full advantage of that wonderful combination of sun, ‘sea’ and sand – and a big stick that his boss kept throwing into the river for him. 
 
Leaving the beach front we travelled on smooth paths past the fishing lakes complete with swan paddle boats.  Here, I feel an opportunity had been missed; an armada of Hashers crossing the lake by pedal power, at the helms our intrepid captains just back from pirating on another body of water.  What an adventure that would have been. Those of us who wear extra large Hash T-shirts would have had the advantage of wind-assisted sails.
 
The Hares had provided us with a treat to make up for this omission, however. They had got permission from the local temple, Wat Phra That Tham Doi Kong Khao, to allow us access to their grounds which let us enjoy a circular path around the base of the temple hill with it’s splendid cliffs and shaded areas. One cliff face came complete with a massive Hornets nest and a wild bee hive. We stood well back to admire these.
 
Everyone was keeping up a good pace despite the heat.  The trail then took us briefly onto a road – where a couple of hashers sensibly restocked on liquids at a shop -  before heading in a homeward direction past some very desiccated looking paddy fields.  No verdant green patch- work to please the eye yet. Hurry up rains. The pack, split up a bit by pace, passed the old quarry, braved the nasty dogs and then went over the monsoon drain with a dribble of water in the bottom to get back to the beach via a small housing estate.
 
The usual very fast walkers ( VFWs not FRBs) including Titanic and Do it Yourself  were back some time ahead of the main group.
Shocking came in well up the field, failing miserably to hold onto his historically acquired position of ‘sweeper’. Better luck next time.

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe….. the FRBs had been busy.
 Gorf had apparently had time to acquire a partner and baby, complete the entire run twice AND ascend the temple hill in the time it took for  most of us to get back to base in our reality.  Doesn’t Matterhorn was not exactly a sluggard either.


The Circle
Shocking (Pat) managed eventually to get sufficient numbers of us to pay attention and form a fairly relaxed approximation of a circle i.e. we stayed where we’d landed but sort of turned towards him.
  • He called the Hares into the circle and thanked them for their sterling efforts, and for the provisions of fresh fruit.
All three of them being ‘virgin Hares’ they had enjoyed the experience of finding and setting a trail, and were encouraging of other novices to come forward and try it for themselves. It was a very enjoyable Hash, well suited for the current weather conditions.

  • A number of Hashers were given their Hash names:
Breaking all the rules (and why not), the first to receive her name had carefully selected it herself, so we welcomed ‘Winnie the Pooh’ into the circle.

The next Hasher was originally from Japan, but came to Thailand via USA. There were lots of suggestions, including one that alluded to his previous occupation as a ‘fake crab meat producer’, but the name that was eventually selected was ‘The Lost Samurai’.

Then – and I could have sworn they were pushed – into the circle came our last couple.  Wearing a ‘Batman’ T-shirt, there were promptly re-named as “Badman’ and ‘Bobbin’.

  • 5 ‘Virgin” Hashers were welcomed.  One lady Hasher, obviously not yet immune to the demon drink, struggled to ‘down’ hers.  After we had sung several verses of ‘drink it down, down, down’ at ever slower a tempo and she was still only on her second mouthful/burp, she was saved by the gallantry of our chairman.  To spare her blushes (and prevent wastage) he quaffed the residue on her behalf.  Such courtesy and self-sacrifice are seldom seen these days.
  • Titanic and Wirgin Bruce were welcomed back from their adventures on the high seas where they had narrowly avoided a mid sea collision with a container ship in the Caribbean. We were pleased to see they had found their land legs again and both had completed the trail in good time.  Bruce was also complimented on his ‘Shakespearean’ qualities when he was CRH scribe for many years. The current scribes were likened to J.K Rowling – I think this means our reports are long-winded, lacking in factual matter and have a poor grasp on reality. Apt description.
  • Namron is going to be July’s Hare, he has promised to ‘moderate’ his trail to reflect the C.R Hashers’ capabilities. Thank goodness for that.

Business being completed and the mosquitoes out in ferocious force, we were sent off home into the gloaming.

Next meeting= 3rd Saturday of July at 4pm. Details to follow. Hare = Namron.
CRH committee:
Chairman – “Shocking”Pat
Hash Cash – “Doesn’t Matterhorn” Peter
Hash Beer – Titanic
Scribes – Ooh Matron (Jan) and Oddjob (Terry)
Namron (Jeff) maintains our official website at Chiang Rai Hash House Harriers, where you can find details of past and present Hashes, and information on other ‘local’ Hashevents.

Don’t forget to look at the rogues’ gallery of attached photos.

Finally ….

An attempt at a triathlon? Or ‘ How your trusty scribe managed to prove yet again that she’s two sandwiches short of a picnic’.

This being a truthful account of my June Hash outing, I wish to confess to the following …

After traversing the temple grounds, we emerged into a familiar landscape. Using dog-walking knowledge, I suggested to my companions a short-cut across the fields to pick up the trail again by the disused quarry and cut off some road work. This idea was seized upon with surprising zeal by Angela  (especially as she was one of today’s Hares) and another Hasher.  Since he was new to CRhash, we should take the blame for leading him off the straight and narrow. 
Unfortunately, having clambered up and down ditch sides (who’d removed the blooming bamboo bridge?), we were spotted rejoining the trail by the sanctimoniously smug Oddjob in the company of Shocking and Wirgin Bruce, wagging ‘naughty, naughty’ fingers at us.  Still, we’d gained at least 10 seconds. These 3 steamed away at a far greater rate of knots than we could achieve, leaving us wallowing in their wake.  It was as though Bruce still had a following wind.  As we fell further and further behind, a devilish idea took root.  Why not grab the bikes from home as the return trail took us virtually past our house through the twilight zone of the Country Homes estate.  We’d show them.

The bikes got us as far as 150 metres from the house before we realized 2 tyres had punctures.  No problem, I would head back and get the truck.

Now here, any sensible person amongst you, gentle readers, will think, ‘Why didn’t she just take the bikes back that short distance, and carry on the trail on foot?’

No, the heat had got to me – and to a lesser extent must have also affected my companions, as they went along with what then transpired.

Back to the house, get truck.  Drive truck to bikes/Hashers.  Heave bikes onto truck. Drive slowly (albeit in air conditioned comfort towards the beach, sipping ice cold cokes.)  Spot proper, morally upright, Hashers on road, drive excruciatingly slowly behind them to as near the meeting point as possible. Stop truck just out of sight of everyone, unload heavy useless bikes and –feigning a casual manner- push aforementioned ‘useless’ transportation to the end.

So there you have it, 3 modes of transport, a C.R.Hash triathlon.
It seemed a good idea at the time.
And Oddjob still got there before me.