Chiang Rai Hash House Harriers

News From the 6th Anniversary Chiang Rai Hash

2009-11-28T11:29:00.001+07:00

November 21^st 2009/52

Venue: Able Semen’s usual, this time going round clockwise.

Firstly, an apology to all the Hashers regarding the lack of detail on attendees and ‘who did what’. This is due to us not taking any notice, and only appreciating we had to act as scribes after the event. However, from the recesses of brains badly needing de-fragmenting, this is what we retrieved.

The Hash

The weather was kind, almost cool. We had an earlier start to take account of the night’s drawing in and no one wanting to have to retrieve lost souls in the dark.

The starter pistol went, some hared off and the rest of us took a more measured approach, needing to save our strength for other things, like breathing.

The ~~walk~~ run was set in pleasantly forested teak and fruit plantations, amidst ponds and very dark bamboo groves – though no ghosts were seen, thanks to the presence of one of the new runners. No really challenging hazards were met, apart from a steepish descent and a sneaky sharp left turn through a barbed wire fence. One hazard was man-made, with a number of us spending some time blindly following a distant yellow shirted figure tramping across a paddy field (turned out to be the short cutting bastard Titanic), all the time muttering ‘ I can’t see any paper’ – perhaps this should have alerted us to consider we were not on the trail. However, no ill was done, and any shortening in distance was off set by the rougher terrain. Yes, it was.

Arriving back, the usual smugly grinning crew were already re-assembled, looking remarkably as though they had appropriated wheeled transport round the first, hidden, bend to complete the course with. We were later informed that Nam Ron had run in first at 15.15 p.m., since this was fifteen minutes before the start time, he must be really fast.

The rest of us marched, strolled, ambled in, most making some attempt to pretend effort had been made. Only one Hasher really letting the ethos of the event down by openly admitting taking the opportunity to investigate the pruning methods for Sandoricum koetjape planted along the way. Shame.

Post event.

Many thanks to Pat on the Back and assistants of the day for a delicious post-Hash repast, in particular, a wickedly hot som tom.

The Circle

This was a fairly lengthy affair due to pressure of business.

The Chairman asked for comments on Hash – all were complimentary, though we all felt Pat’s excuses for non-attendance at his own Hash were pretty poor.
George ( Well oiled) was called into the Circle to describe/entice us with a description of the December Hash. We are promised a ride on a local taxi bus, delicious food, a non-arduous run/walk, and (we swear) we heard mention of Santa Claus. Don’t miss it. 3^rd Saturday in December. Details to follow.
Three Hashers were given their Hash names:

Iceberg – having declared she was ‘into gardening and flowers’ she was promptly given the name of a lettuce. (And since her better half is called the Titanic, she was given the major role in the disaster.)
Ball-Tickler – this having something to do with his goatee and what a goatee is called in the boy bars of San Francisco.
GhostBuster – see previous comment about dark bamboo groves.

We nearly had one Virgin, but he was sent out of the circle in disgrace when the Chairman discovered that he’d only traversed a dizzying 250 metres and then turned back. This was due to: a, arriving after everyone else had set off, and b, not having a clue what he was supposed to do. This latter shows great promise, just the calibre of person who will fit in well with the C.R. Hashers. Please come again.
Hares were confirmed for Hashes up till March.
Being the Anniversary Hash, the present Committee members were desperately looking to off load their roles on new victims. Nominations were received for the posts of Chairman, Hash Cash, Hash Beer and Scribe(s). Not one of the nominees seemed to have grasped any element of what was involved in the roles, so this bodes extremely well for the next year. Many thanks to the out-going committed for their efforts and hard work. (And collective sighs were heard when the group realized Able Semen wasn't going to re-nominate himself.)

After this, the Circle degenerated further but, we think, there was some further discussion on the following matters:

T-shirts – they will no longer be given away (free) after the qualifying period of Hash attendances – but the ones you will now be able to buy will be of ‘superior quality’.

Jeff suggested the purchase of a G.P.S device for use by each month’s Hare from any Beer cash surplus. The decision about this was drowned out, but the words ‘Sven’, ‘new truck, and ‘no surplus’ seemed to figure.

There was also an invitation to form a contingency to go to Chiang Mai for their Hash this weekend. Contact Jeff (very, very quickly) for more details.

The only details of your new committee that we can remember:

Chairman – Stoned

Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn

Hash Beer -

Scribes – Ooh Matron and Odd Job

We hope to see you all at the December Hash. We will pay more attention.

On, On.

Ooh Matron and Odd Job

front runner is welcomed in by the waiting crowd (I think)

The last one in.

2009 Anniversary Hash, Nov. 21 3:30 PM

2009-11-20T20:14:00.000+07:00

Directions to the Nov Hash which starts at 3:30 pm.

If starting in Chiang Rai, proceed south past Big C on the superhighway and turn left at the traffic lights by the Little Duck Hotel. This brings you on to the 1020 (direction toward Thoeng among other places.) Proceed until you reach Kilometere stone 11, which is peeling badly and so the 11 is difficult to read. You will recognise it easily enough for it is the stone after kilometer stone 10.

Slow down here. After about 500 metres, turn right into a narrow road signed to a Forestry Commission site but in Thai only. Do not fear however since a Hash sign will be displayed at this point prominently. Yes, thats right, prominently.

Continue for some 1.5 k and then turn right again where you see another helpfully placed Hash sign. After 2 further kilometeres, you will reach a T junction. Turn right again and proceed for 250 meters where you will find the Hash meeting area.

If you get lost, call Pat.

I walked the course this morning and it took me exactly 1 hour and 5 minutes at a good pace. Probably 5 to 5.5 kilometres therefore. See you Saturday. On On. Ian

Report of HHH Run# 72: Saturday, October 18, 2009

2009-10-26T20:44:00.000+07:00

Location: Baan Lao at the Huai San reservoir (off the Old Chiangmai Road)

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by Tony the Lonely

As the days grow shorter, the light-sensitive hashers become ever more punctual and by 4 p.m. some 24 had already gathered at the starting point. Including the absent hare, there were eleven men all farang, ten women of whom eight were Thai and four kids plus a dog. Then the ever vigilant Hand Cock observed that Nam Ron, the hare was missing. After a few minutes stunned silence, Tony the Lonely admitted that he was also part of this hash’s miss-planning committee and that in fulfillment of the hare’s promise that no feet would escape dry, the run begins by crossing the reservoir dam that was already overflowing with water.
Just before crossing your helpful correspondent asked if this was the only place we would get our feet wet. Tony the Lonely assured us that indeed this was the only location. What he neglected to clarify however was that the trail would oblige one to pass this location a second time and that staying dry elsewhere depended on one’s dexterity navigating two precarious bridges.
Consistent with Nam Ron’s reputation, the trail was a masterpiece of confusion and obfuscation. Two checks followed by false trails were so successful leading the diligent astray, that Wild Woman, Rolling and Do It Better, briefly found themselves in the lead simply by loitering at a scrubbed out check.
Nam Ron made a number of other promises to entice the unsuspecting. On a scale of one to ten rating difficulty he said this one ranked a seven. Like his side kick, Tony the Lonely he neglected to mention a few critical details: for example, ten represents a 100 meter slippery cliff topped by an overhanging precipice. He also suggested that Allo Allo would be able to do the 6.1 km trail in 48 minutes while Shocking would finish 48 minutes later. Suspicious that Tony the Lonely might abscond with the beer, Allo Allo did indeed complete the track in record time while the equally skeptical Shocking failed to materialize at all.
Inured to this culture of cynical abuse, imagine then the shock and disbelief which greeted the gallant Doesn’t Matterhorn who after delivering his precious Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream to the other side of a particularly treacherous bridge, re-entered the water to help virgins and other inept hashers across. Odd Job and Ooohmatron didn’t even have the decency to pretend self-sufficiency.
The last promise Nam Ron made was that the trail would climb 342 meters. He neglected to add that the climb was through a corn field, all in one place. There were no helpful hands to assist Pat on the Back and Superglue pull and push their virgin guests up the hill. When Tight Lips and Lip Service appeared in the distance, all the ladies declared a break as if in solidarity with the late-comers.
Following his nose rather than paper and keenly focused on the scent of beer, Allo Allo found a short cut back to home base. In this deception he was cheerfully assisted by fellow FRB’s Stoned, Do It Yourself and Able Semen who re-laid paper to implicate the others. Thus the group by-passed the most scenic part of the trail. At least was the defense of the hare who claimed that the greatest bucolic splendors had yet to be seen. According to him, only Wild Woman passed by the intended route but she declared that it must have been too dark to notice anything special.
As dusk fell and visions of distraught virgins wandering lost in the bush began to afflict the conscience of our now present hare. Nam Ron accordingly drove back out the road in search of the distressed. Meanwhile your faithful correspondent, together with Hand Cock and Virgin Abbey hitched a ride in passing pick up full of Able Semen’s relatives. It was conveniently dark by the time the group reassembled and the G.M. accordingly kept the circle session short. This strategy appealed especially to the Hash Beer, Hand Cock who departed the scene shortly thereafter with a cold box nearly full of surplus drinks.
Being the 72th event, this hash concludes the sixth cycle of our existence. On Saturday November 21 we will celebrate the anniversary and hopefully elect a new mismanagement committee. Last year we reelected the same gang in spite of hash they did of managing our affairs. It was said at the time, that however bad these guys may be, they are better than any of the alternatives on offer. This year however glum the outlook, we are determined to do differently, if not better. So if anyone has any bright ideas for improvement, nominations and especially volunteering for executive functions, would you please send them to me in response to this hash report for election at the anniversary gathering.
To underline the obvious, those who take exception to way our history is written, now have an opportunity to rewrite the past simply by voting the Scribe out of office. Volunteers welcome!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

HHH Run Report# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

2009-10-04T10:50:00.000+07:00

Report of HHH Run# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Location: Behind Wat Phrathat Jomsak on Soi 6 off the Asian Highway just south of the international airport.

Hares: Loose Spoke assisted by Tight Sprocket and Third Wheel

By 4 p.m. 40 hashers were stamping with excitement eager to get started before threatening rain or dusk could overtake them. As usual all 12 males but only one of the eight females were farang. Still we waited for Odd Job and Oooolmatron who were to bring a guest. The Oileds were also absent at starting time. Upon arrival Odd Job then confessed that the guest had become so inebriated the night before that she fell off her motorcycle and could not join them. All thought of the delinquent Oileds now forgotten, the herd took off in pursuit of paper, accompanied by cattle which must have recognized the scene from Pamplona.

Allo Allo soon left all but Able Semen and Peter Doesn’tmatterhorn in the dust. Third Wheel and his pal Sticky Goo followed at a distance. Tony the Lonely demonstrated the inappropriateness of his name by arriving with Stoned and Mike.

Fat Cat became so absorbed in trying to recover his viral name Tom Cat that he completely forgot his daughter. The nubile Kitty Kat and her cousin Kat in the Hat seized the moment to escape his chaperonage.

Meanwhile seeking safety in numbers, Wild Woman, Do It Better, Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream, Pat on the Back, Superglue, Tight Sprocket and Rolling moved at a gentle pace which allowed them to appreciate the bucolic views. There was not much elevation; the trail stuck to gravel roads; it was perfect for a possibly rainy day.

Likewise Nam Ron made a lazy day of it. He pretended that sons Kenji and Kodi were responsible for the slow pace.

Only Boy Magnet distinguished herself looking ravishing in her HHH t-shirt.
Unfortunately there was no opportunity to sell t-shirts to ardent men she inspired. No sooner had the last group arrived but the rain began to fall in earnest. The Hash Cash, Do It Yourself declared that this was the best hash so far as there was no time to consume beer in a circle. Shocking then made resolution to be among the front runners in future so he could be sure to drink his money’s worth.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

REPORT OF HHH RUN #70 SATURDAY AUGUST 15TH 2009

2009-08-23T11:53:00.000+07:00

Location-----Nong Pueng Pond Northwest of Doi Khau Khwai
Hares----- Doesen"t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll

In the absence of are renowned hash scribe Virgin Bluce who his believed to be on a touring holiday of all the Whiskey and Beer Distillerys of Canada, I offer my humble contribution.
There was a very good turn out for our Virgin hares trail that consisted of 17male,12 female 3 Children.
The FRBS of Allo Allo, On Fire and Virgin Jessica who had only been jogging around the pond until Reverse Thruster press ganged her into the hash set the pace.
Within the first kilometre the pattern of the scenic trail unfolded,the FRBs panned out to trace some very crafty checks giving the rest of the field time to bunch up. This suited the mid division that consisted of Oops Matron,Odd Job,Super Glue, Do It Better and Pat On The Back, the only major obstacle was a rather unsafe looking bamboo bridge that had over half the field queueing up to cross. Bushwacker showed the way by bravely skipping over the bridge together with Speedy Gonzarlis, Rolling, Sealed Lips and Lip Service while MANipulator’s 5 month old Rottweiler pup had to be coaxed over.
As the FRBs came home in under 40 minutes with the rest of the field not far behind only to be greeted by our devoted GM Able Semen who had stayed behind to guard the beer stocks just in case anyone from Liverpool was holidaying in the area.
The circle was called with the thanking of Doesen"t Matterhorn, Swiss Roll and of course Swiss Cream for their efforts and hospitality of Mango and Sticky Rice also Somtam Khaow Neo.
We had 6 virgins Hannie, Mike, Ryan, Jessica and Darryl & wife. Darryl must rate as a future ardent hasher as he brought his own beer just in case the hash stocks ran out.
Next up the 3 hashers who were due names, Tony whose hash name from Manilla is Tony The Lonely but it was suggested that as this was the first hash he had not got lost it should read Tony was The Lonely. After a tight vote his Manila name stood. Next up was John who after giving a detailed account of his navigation skills was donned the name "Titanic." His wife is due a name on her next appearance. Stuart received the name The Better Man.

Four hashers, notably Flying Dutchman, Dutch Treat, Fired Up and On Fire had completed our very stringent 6 hash free shirt rule and after vowing not to resell them on E bay for a vast profit received their t-shirts.
Before the circle was concluded, Nam Ron tried to bring to task Stoned, Do It Yourself and myself (the most popular ex-GM ever) for their objections to his idea of a 5pm start. He was soon shot down when it was revealed he had been offered a "Job Lot" of very cheap Miners Headlamps that prompted him into cashing in by palming them off on the hash.
on on
Shocking

August 15th Hash, Driving Directions

2009-08-13T14:33:00.002+07:00

Next Hash Saturday 15th August Start 4 pm

DIRECTIONS FOR THE AUGUST 15TH HASH ---START 4-00PM PROMPT
ALL WELCOME COME AND ENJOY
Hi all HHH

We will start our August City-HHH at the large pond (called Nong Pueng) northwest of "Doi Khau Khwai" on Saturday August 15 beginning at 4 pm.
"Doi Khau Khwai" (ดอยเขาควาย) as known as The City View Point, is located about 3 kilometers west of the old Airport Runway.

Driving direction : Start at the old Airport Runway heading west. After passing the Driving Range, The Buffalo Hill Guesthouse and Sinthanii 8 you will arrive at the the entrance up to the View Point just before the entrance turn sharply right (HHH signs) and follow the few HHH sings for about 1.5 kilometers. the start will be at the "salaa" (ศาลาชุมชนหนองปึ๋ง) next to the pond on your left hand side (HHH signs).

For those who are Chiang Rai Virgins and don't know the old Airport or "Doi Khau Khwai", please click on this map!

On On !

Swiss cream, Swiss Roll and Doesn't Matterhorn

Report of HHH Run# 69: Saturday July 19, 2009

2009-07-29T14:07:00.003+07:00

Location: Five kilometers due west from the eight kilometer stone on the Old Chiangmai Road, at the foot of the stone quarry Hua Fai in the Boonrawd rubber tree orchard.

Hares: Allo Allo

Goodbye Goodbye

Some say that half the fun of a trip is going there. In this case far more than half the fun was bound up in the travel as a deluge of rain swamped all but the hale and hearty. Your faithful correspondent for example was forced to park his steed along the side of the road until rescued by John and Nitta. Maki and Takase actually turned back but were cut off at the pass by Nam Ron. Doesn’t Matterhorn braved the elements in a hired Rot Subaru with Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream and the Swiss Family Romano, four virgins who didn’t know any better. Fat Cat had threatened to come but once his feline nose scented water, he never left the bar. The Hash Beer, Hand Cock brought Helping Hand and the beer. However he then declared that liquid belongs in the gullet not on the skin and refused to leave the comfort of his dry vehicle cabin.

Most people brought umbrellas. This honest scribe was no exception. However he made the mistake of leaving his on the ground while he returned to John’s vehicle to don hiking boots. When he finally re-emerged there was no umbrella to be found. Apparently while Swiss Roll wasn’t watching, Doesn’t Matterhorn stole the umbrella and gallantly presented it to Dutch Treat.

Thirty-one intrepid hashers gathered under umbrellas. Nineteen were male, but no Thais. Of the twelve females, seven were Thais. Included in these data are three Japanese, who being neither farang nor Thai require some special category. Eventually, a semi-starved hunch-back hidden beneath an orange pancho rain cover, over-sized glasses and profuse mustache and equipped with a bamboo walking stick, came forward to announce that he was not Mahatma Gandhi but our very own Allo Allo who is the hare for this occasion.

Fired Up, Nam Ron and his constant companion Bushwacker immediately took off. Close behind was John who proved once again that a fast walker can keep up with these ambitous FRBs who run only to tarry at the checks. As the rains had dissolved or otherwise washed away much paper the task of finding and staying on track proved doubly complicated. This was not helped by the Flying Dutchman who came equipped with more paper but rather than reinforce the existing trail he chose to demonstrate short-cuts. Once started he neglected to lay paper to the point where the new met the old trial so that anyone who had the misfortune to follow his innovations, soon found themselves off paper and more confused than ever.

In the end the Swiss-Japanese delegation led by Doesn’t Matterhorn gave up on paper and followed a road back to the foot of the stone quarry where he knew the cars were parked. They were not last in however. That honour was claimed by Well Oiled who wore sandals which kept getting stuck in the mud. He claimed to be recovering from Swine Fever and did not intend to run. However caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment, he went hashing despite the inappropriate footwear. He survived thanks to the repeated efforts of Oiled Well and Sticky Glue to extricate him from the mud. Meanwhile Pat on the Back walked barefoot having sacrificed her shoelaces in a vain attempt to stop Shockiing’s soles from ripping off his boots. Shocking however was not discouraged. He looks forward to making a fortune selling his “slightly used” size 11 boots on E-Bay.

However painful it may have been, Allo Allo, our usual FRB stayed behind to shepherd the stragglers in as weep. Upon arrival he then immediately set about slicing home-made paté to spread on French bread. Not accustomed to gourmet appetizers a stunned silence followed which was soon broken by Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Stoned and Rolling who are sophisticated enough to recognize a good thing when they see it.

As the sky darkened and the rain threatened to return, the G.M. Able Semen called for brief circle. Maki and Takase earned their hash names Tight Lips and Lip Service for bringing their virgin friend suited out in dress shirt and leather shoes. Later Shocking complained that he could easily have sold this ill clad “friend” a S2ATO t-shirt even with the enticement of Boy Magnet’s modelling. Likewise we avoided discussing the subject of water, this time in a bottle which was the focus of heated e-mail correspondence.

Unlikely as it may seem, some people enjoy the hash so much that there was some discussion about organizing a family outing on the first Saturday of the month. The format is still to be decided. Anyone interested should contact Nam Ron (telephone 089 661 5840)

Chiangrai Hash Saturday July 18 starting at 4 pm

2009-07-13T21:15:00.001+07:00

From the city beginning at the Chiangmai Gate head south along the old Chiang Mai road. Carry on through the two sets of traffic lights (at Den Haa) and keep going south. Just before the white Kilometer stone 8 turn right at the flashing orange light (HHH sign) and follow this paved road for precisely 5,354 meters. Then you will see another HHH sign on the right hand side of the road and some parked cars. That means that you have arrived!

Do not be afraid. This is not a "Phuket Tin-man." It is just a normal, "Start Slowly and Taper Off" Chiangrai run. It is almost flat.

Yes you can run from 7 to 77 years!!!!

If the weather is good do not forget your cameras for the amazing view.

ALLO-ALLO

On-On

Christmas Hash Dec 20 at 2:30 pm

2008-12-14T13:20:00.001+07:00

As the days are getting shorter and the Hare, Well Oiled plans to use ithems (as in past Christmas hashes) to carry hashers to the starting point
we have decided to BEGIN THE HASH EARLIER THAN USUAL ie 2:30 PM. Please all be on time.

Here are the driving instructions to the Oiled house where we will meet the ithems (locally constructed farm trucks).

Driving Up From the South on A1, Super Highway towards Mae Chan:

As son as you cross the Rim Kok Bridge look for a red light and turn left.

Follow that road to the west for a distance of 3.3 km to a three point intersection.

Look for a HHH sign and then turn right and proceed north to Ban Sai Moon for a distance of 4.5 km.

At the Ban Sai Moon 3 point intersection look for another HHH sign and swing right and proceed 90 meters to a Soi 5 sign (and another HHH sign)

Turn right into the Soi 5 and proceed east for a distance of 900 m to a Wat sign (and HHH sign).

The Oiled house is just up the road to the Wat on the right hand side. Park your car along Soi 5 and we will get on the ithems at that point.

It will take about a half and hour to get to the Oiled house from the Ha Yaek Mengrai statue.

Driving Up From the West of Town Using The Mae Fa Luang Bridge

Once you have crossed the bridge, go straight up (north) the road through Nam Lat village for a distance of 4.5 km to the Ban Sai Moon 3 point intersection.

Look for HHH sign number 2 and swing right for a distance of only 90 m to Soi 5.

Then follow the directions as above.

Then you are there!!

Start Time is 2:30 pm sharp.

On! On!
Wirgin Bluce

Report of HHH Run# 67: Saturday May 16, 2009

2009-05-21T17:28:00.000+07:00

Location: Nawng Luang in Tha Sai, 2 kilometers south of the windmill off highway 1020 near the east bank of the Mae Laow River

Hares: Hash Cash Do It Yourself
Do It Better

This is the second time our hash has used this location. The first time was the third anniversary hash (run #37 on November 25, 2006) which was also the occasion of the Stiffy and Mam wedding. Your devoted scribe was hare at that time.

This time the hare, Do It Yourself explained that the run is a little long and begins with a kilometer walk along a boring road. So he invited women and children to ride in his pick up so he could drive them that first kilometer. Absent any definition of children, Reverse Thruster was first to jump in the car. Burdened with responsibility to report all happenings throughout the hash, your faithful correspondent also felt obliged get on the car for your sakes, dear readers.

As a consequence of this maneuver it was the women and children who came upon the first check. Unaccustomed as they were to finding the way forward, many lingered about wondering what to do next. When someone did find the way forward, no one thought to kick out the cross and spread paper for the folks behind. Fortunately this honest reporter was there to fill in the gap.

The women and children held the lead for exactly ten minutes. Then they came upon a mafai tree with golden ripe fruit. The temptation to steal overwhelmed them. Meanwhile FRBs Hallo Hallo and On Fire raced by them.

About a kilometer later Reverse Thruster began complaining about his knee. It was sad to see the poor man limping along with only his grandson, seven-year old Smoked Wiener to help. Your heart-of-gold scribe felt so sorry for the guy that he used local knowledge to find a short cut. The end point was a beautiful sala set in a lake. Once it came in sight, Smoked Wiener and his side kick Jonah began to run and thus became first and second ones in. They were immediately rewarded with liquid refreshment thanks to the assistant hare, Do It Better, who had sacrificed the joy of re-running the route in order to guard the beer,

Ten minutes later the erstwhile FRBs Hallo Hallo and On Fire appeared, now astonished to be so completely displaced. Virgin John arrived next having fast walked the entire distance. He was followed in rapid succession by Stunned, Rolling, the Flying Dutchman, Doesn’t Matterhorn, Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream, Nam Ron and three virgins Patrick, Hiro and Maki. A few minutes later Fired Up, Hard Wired arrived along with Do It Yourself who as Sweep declared that he had waited long enough and that anyone who came after him had better find their own way. Shocking came in next, panting and sweating profusely saying the only thing good about that last hill was that it wasn’t as high as the 65th run. Finally the women and children came bearing the ill-gotten fruit of their labour. Pat on the Back carried the biggest bag. She was ably assisted by Wild Woman, Boy Magnet, Superglue and the two Oileds. Most distinguished of all was the fashionably-dressed Crazy Salami who managed to do the entire walk in high heels. Likewise uniquely shod was Jan. He got to the end in sandals but he kept wife Terry and daughter Jane nearby in case he needed a lift.

In the absence of Grand Master Able Semen, our ever favourite G.M. Shocking called the group to form a circle. After honouring the hares and the virgins he quickly turned to new names. Hard-wire’s spouse, Phat was named “Short Circuit.” Recalling his efforts to park his car vertically in a ditch, Rafaele got the name “Italian Job” while his wife Lek became “Crazy Salami.” Swiss Roll’s daughter, Benz shall be known as “Swiss Cream.”

Thirty-six people came to the hash including five children. All but one of the males were farang, the exception being Hiro, a Japanese. Among the women there were eight Thai, two farang and Maki likewise Japanese. Teetotalers again out numbered the true hashers 16 to 13.

Before the circle broke up the hare Do It Yourself produced a memory chip which he said he found in the sala. He asked if anyone was missing it. When no one responded he observed that perhaps someone’s memory was so far gone that s/he couldn’t remember that he once had a memory.

You can see photos relating to this run at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=bruce.kennedy1&target=ALBUM&id=5338204724248616113&authkey=Gv1sRgCI2gz-e3gaCD-wE&authkey=Gv1sRgCI2gz-e3gaCD-wE&invite=CISn--4K&feat=email

Hares volunteering for future runs are:

June Stoned and Rolling
July Hallo Hallo and Goodbye Goodbye
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll
September Loose Spoke, Tight Socket and Third Wheel
October Nam Ron
November Shocking and Pat on the Back
December Well Oiled and Oiled Well

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Chiangrai HHH Run#67 Saturday May 16 at 4 pm

2009-05-15T15:04:00.000+07:00

Here are directions for Saturday's Hash:
From Big C going south on Superhighway turn left at first trafficlight on road 1020 towards Toeng.
After 2.5 km you are going over a bridge and 0.9 km after the bridge, make a U-turn. Go back 0.7 km and turn left (the last road before the bridge.

Go 2.5 km and you have a big pond on your left. Turn left at the end of the pond and park where you see the sala over the pond.

From Big C around 15 minutes in a reasonably modern car.

Everyone is welcome!

On On !

Do It Yourself

Report of Run #66: Saturday, March 21, 2009

2009-05-10T16:31:00.000+07:00

Hares: Hand Cock and Helping Hand assisted by G.M. Able Semen
Location: On road beyond the Nam Laat caves

April is the hottest month of the year in Thailand so we were thankful that 35 people showed up for the run. These included seven children and three passers-through: Sarah and James I and II who presumably didn’t know any better. As usual all 15 of the men were farang. Among the women 9 were Thais and 4 farang. Depressingly eighteen adults declared themselves teetotalers. Only ten hashers inbibed.

There were a variety of strategies to deal with the heat. Super-glue kept cool by doffing his shoes and walking in socks. His pal, Sticky Goo followed in his buddy’s wake. Pat on the Back tried to avoid climbing over a gate but fell into an electrified fence. Mark refused to carry his three young daughters abandoning them to their own devices.

Being close to town, the area had many crisscrossing footpaths leading off in every direction. The hares exploited these to create many false trails which discouraged the FRBs while enabling the slow ones to catch up. In two instances the trail paralleled itself on two sides of a bog. The hares incorrectly supposed that the bogs would discourage short-cutting but they forgot that in the hot season everything dries up. Your faithful correspondent short-cut thusly and to his surprise, he became the FRB briefly. That honour lasted precisely two seconds. On Fire slipped by him as soon as he turned to call “On! On!” signaling the way forward to Do It Yourself, Do It Better and other FRBs lurking nearby.

The visiting Icelander, Halla demonstrated her political sympathies by wearing bright red pants. However her courage failed her when passing a herd of cattle. She suddenly became very friendly towards this honest scribe whom she kept between her and them. Once past a curious bull, she took off with incredible vigor surpassing all others to be the first one in. Third Wheel and On Fire came second and third.

At the circle afterwards hash names were allocated as follows: Peter, a locomotive fireman became “Fired Up” while his better half Vee shall be known as “On Fire;” Ben and Yvonne who are both Dutch became the “Flying Dutchman” and “Dutch Treat” respectively. Marty, an electrical contractor in Iraq earned the name “Hard Wired;” and Som’O was called by some “Speeding Gonzalles” but shall always be known to this reporter as “Sticky Goo” in light of his special relationship to “Super Glue.”

Hand Cock noted that this circle was special as it was the first time in over a year that Shocking neglected to flog t-shirts. Thus prompted Shocking sprang into action but in the absence of his usual sexy model, his sales pitch met with indifference. Taking advantage of the current economic down turn Helping Hand offered to buy one provided she get the same discount which applies to men. She eventually succeeded while retaining an option to re-sell at enormous profit on e-bay .

At the conclusion of the circle G.M. Able Semen announced some good and bad news. Beginning with the former he declared that he would be away for the next two months. The bad news was that Shocking, our favourite G.M. ever, would replace him during this absence.

Hares volunteering for future runs are:

May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling
July Still open
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll
September Loose Spoke, Tight Socket and Third Wheel
October Still open
November Shocking and Pat on the Back
December Well Oiled and Oiled Well

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Driving Directions Hash April 25, 2009

2009-04-20T15:29:00.003+07:00

The next Hash will take place on Sat 25 Apr with a 4pm start. Hares will be Hand Cock and (who else?) Helping Hand, ably assisted (how else?) by Able Semen. The route is set in the hillside around our office in Nam Lad, just across the Mae Fah Luang bridge.

1. Directions from Big C - count 20 mins

(NB There will be as many HHH signs as I can find):

a) head north on the superhighway heading towards Mae Chan. Pass the Mengrai/Haayaek junction and cross the Mae Kok river bridge.

b) at the first traffic lights after the bridge, turn left (sign "Huay Khom" route 1207). Reset your kilometer/odometer to 0.

c) after 1.8km, pass the turning to the left signposted to Rimkok Hotel and prepare to turn left at the next cross roads (360 m further on, 2.26km from traffic lights).

d) after turning left, follow the road for 1km (total 3.26 km from traffic lights) until you come to a slightly offset crossroads.

e) at the crossroads, go straight across (actually, slightly offset to the left). This is the road out to the Buddha caves for those of you in the know.

(200 m after the crossroads, NOTE, but DON'T STOP at a driveway off to the right (opposite the school gates on your left) with a sign on the gatepost saying "Khom Loy Development Foundation" - this is where you will be returning in your own cars for the cold beer afterwards)

f) drive along this road a total of 2km from the last offset crossroads (total 5.56km since turning off superhighway). You will pass a Buddha Cave on your right, then the road turns sharp left. Look for somewhere to park - the start is in a track leading to the right immediately after this left hand bend.

2. Directions from the west of CR

For those coming from the south or south-west and who don't want to go all the way east to the superhighway:

a) cross the river on the Mae Fah Luang Bridge (the non-superhighway bridge just to the west of the Rimkok Hotel/Dusit Island Hotel) and reset your kilometer/odometer to 0

b) continue north after crossing the bridge 1km when you will come a crossroads with a sign marked "Buddha Cave" to the left - turn left here.

(200 m after the crossroads, NOTE, but DON'T STOP at a driveway off to the right (opposite the school gates on your left) with a sign on the gatepost saying "Khom Loy Development Foundation" - this is where you will be returning in your own cars for the cold beer afterwards)

c) drive along this road a total of 2km from the crossroads (total 3km since crossing the bridge). You will pass a Buddha Cave on your right, then the road turns sharp left. Look for somewhere to park - the start is in a track leading to the right immediately after this right hand bend.

Report of Run #65: Saturday, March 21, 2009

2009-03-23T11:07:00.000+07:00

Hares: Wirgin Bluce assisted by G.M. Able Semen and Wild Woman

Location: Wild Woman farm at Pa Rim Korn village off the Khun Korn road

Attendance at the 65th hash seemed uncertain when it was discovered that Nam Ron had departed for Indonesia the day before with Kenji, Put In, Take Out and other unmentionables. Wild Woman reduced her food rations accordingly. That was a mistake. Forty-four adults showed up plus ten children. Ten declared themselves virgins to the Hash Cash Do It Yourself but later many more entered the circle to share in the photo and down down. Eight were volunteers at a nearby orphanage. Wild Woman’s reputation for hospitality had spread so far that two families and a dog drove an hour and a half from Phaya Mengrai.

As usual all 21 of the men were farang. For the first time, females outnumbered the males. Of the 23 women, 14 were Thais. As hash groups go, ours would be considered dangerously sliding downwards. Only 16 consumed beer while 28 stuck to soft drinks.

The trail began gently enough along a country road. Within ten minutes one of Virgin Mark’s three young daughters began to rebel so he obligingly carried her. A few hundred meters later it turned on to a foot path where a helper handed a walking stick to all who desired one. The quality of that trail was excellent for about 200 meters but then it suddenly dwindled into an array of offshoots. That was the perfect spot for a check. A FRB stumbled upon paper in a creek but the followers failed to identify the path he had taken. They stumbled through virgin jungle to the source of the “On! On!” Thus they created an entirely new path for others to follow.

The next check was located at the base of the high hill. There were various alternatives to explore but these young FRBs, all virgins were far smarter than our usual crew. Rather than search the easy ways, they immediately took to the hill and 100 meters perpendicularly uphill they again found paper. Nothing slowed them down.

That hill was a greater challenge to the others. The most popular G.M. ever, Shocking swore that it took a few pounds off his ample frame. Mark had to off-load his daughters in order to help Sandy up the hill while husband Peter struggled nearby. A villager’s field hut proved to be Sandy’s salvation. Many were thankful for the walking sticks which served as a third leg.

At the top of the hill the trail divided into two tracks. Most of the smarter ones took the short way. Many blindly followed the FRBs and were suitably punished. Only one check significantly delayed the group. This was beside a farmer’s house from which many field paths led. Counter-intuitively the path led back up the hill. It took the FRBs ten minutes to sort that one out.

Back at the farm house Wild Woman was well prepared to replace all calories lost on the run. There was spaghetti, salad, sweet mangos with sticky rice, and for local tastes, sour mangos with spicy sauce topped off with ice cream. No one left with a net calorific deficit. Several of the orphanage volunteers commented that it made a welcome break from their usual fare. Wild Woman shared the thanks of the group with Pat on the Back, Pailin, Oiled Well and Rolling who contributed to the feast.

Boy Magnet, our usual voluptuous model, refused to appear when the call for t-shirts went out. Well Oiled stepped into her place but somehow the magic was missing. When Shocking asked all buyers to form an orderly line, there were no takers. Later when no one was looking, six people snuck up to buy their shirts.

Hares volunteering for future runs are:
April Hand Cock and Helping Hand
May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling
July Still open
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Chiangrai Hash Saturday March 21 beginning at 4:00 pm

2009-03-18T10:03:00.003+07:00

Saturday the 21st will soon be upon us and that of course is the day of our next Chiangrai "Start Slowly and Taper Off" Hash. This time Wild Woman and I will be the hares. The location is our farm off the road to the Khun Korn waterfalls. Here are the driving instructions:
Going south from Big C along the Asian Highway (Route no.1) drive to the second set of stop lights (about 10 km) and then turn to your right. The overhead green sign will indicate that this is the direction to Khun Korn. You will pass the white temple (Wat Rong Khun) and continue about 2 km to the a t-junction. Here you will turn left to go south along the Old Chiangmai Road. Drive 3 kilometers until you reach another t-junction where another sign indicates the way to the Khun Korn waterfalls. Turn right here and drive yet another 5 kilometers. As you climb a hill and approach a steep left curve in the road, you will see a temple on your left. Turn right into a village road (HHH sign) and descend the hill through the village about 100 meters. Turn into the second road on your left (HHH sign) and drive over the bridge. Turn left into the first farm (HHH sign). Park your car and get ready to run.
Expect to take about 40 minutes from the Big C to the Wild Woman farm. The run will start at 4 pm. There will be lots of ups and downs so wear good footwear.
On! On!
Hash Scribe Wirgin Blue

Report of Run #64: Saturday, February 21, 2009

2009-02-25T11:26:00.000+07:00

Hares: G.M. Able Semen assisted by Willing-and-Able

Location: Near Wat Rawng Khun in the shadow of Hua Doi mountain

Our February hash was notable for the number of core hashers not present. Hash Cash, Do It Yourself and Hash Beer, Hand Cock found replacements in our most popular G.M. ever, Shocking and the perpetual Scribe, Wirgin Bluce. Bushwacker was also missed but less so her inseparable companion, Nam Ron. The later it got the more surely we all expected the Oileds to appear. Eventually Wild Woman phoned Well Oiled. That’s how we discovered that they plan to come on the morrow.

Nonetheless 25 people showed up for the run of whom seven declared themselves virgins. There were eleven farang men. The women numbered six Thais and two farangs. Six were kids.

The G.M. tried to get the hashers moving promptly but no one would leave before seeing the beer properly iced. There was no shortage of helping hands when the temporary Hash Beer finally arrived with the stocks.

Front Running Bastards Hallo, Hallo, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Brussels Sprouts disappeared as soon as the door to the beer car was locked. Having learned from previous experience how easily these FRBs can lead people astray, the hare, G.M. Able Semen ran with them leaving his assistant, Willing-and-Able to sweep the route. The next time we saw the FRBs, they were retching in withdrawal symptoms waiting for Wild Woman to return with the car key.

The rest of the hashers spread themselves out in a long row. Virgins Peter, Paul and Marty closely followed Ben and Yvonne incorrectly assuming that they knew what they were doing. At the rear, Pat-on-the-Back led a pack of female virgins and children including Wee, Som O, Doi, Nawng and Yo Yo. Mike efforts to destroyed a bamboo bridge stranding daughter Jo on the wrong side.

The prospects of selling more t-shirts did not look good as the curvaceous Boy Magnet neglected to don her form-fitting wear. However Mike was so impressed by the way the t-shirt flatters Superglue’s stocky frame that he thought it might hide his paunch as well. Fortunately he also bought one for svelte Jo who will surely have more success prompting future sales.

Before asking for volunteers to hare future hashes, the G.M. honoured Smoked Wiener who has always responded positively to such calls. Mother Jolly Molly looked on proudly as her five-year-old downed his first glass of beer. His grandfather, Reverse Thruster, will be pleased to how precociously the boy masters essential HHH skills, she said.

Future hares, mostly absent, answering the call were:
March Wirgin Bluce and Wild Woman
April Hand Cock and Helping Hand
May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling

As the meeting broke up, first off was the temporary Hash Cash with the collection before the temporary Hash Beer could present the bills. Thus our group continues to have a positive cash balance for a few more days.

Hint the link below for photos of this run. http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=bruce.kennedy1&target=ALBUM&id=5305551258129567025&authkey=9f6zYyZcFeA&authkey=9f6zYyZcFeA&invite=CMTRg_EG&feat=email

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #63: Saturday, January 17, 2009

2009-01-26T20:46:00.000+07:00

Hares: Smoked Wiener assisted by JollyMolly and Reverse Thruster

Location: The Reverse Thruster orchard at the foot of Doi Khao Kwai

Word must have gotten out that pizza would be served at the Reverse Thruster palace following the 63d Hash, because the turn out exceeded all expectations. Altogether there were 41 adults and ten children. Twelve confessed to be virgins. For the first time ever, there were women than men. Of the 25 women, exactly half were Thai. As usual all of the 16 men present were expatriates.

Our ever vigilant Hash Cash, Do It Yourself ably assisted by Do It Better was there with his hand out to greet one and all. Upon the arrival of Well Oiled and Oiled Well, our leaders determined all who were coming, had indeed come. So the run began.

Rather than hang back to sweep for lost souls, the hare Smoked Wiener delegated that task to his mother while he and his cohorts swept up the hill rendering the first set of checks utterly useless. Meanwhile Reverse Thruster drove to the top of the hill with water and two grandmothers. Shockingly, our most popular G.M. ever, now returned from a Liverpool taxi, also grabbed a free lift to the top.

In remarkable similarity to previous runs in the Doi Khao Kwai area, the trail went up and down the hill in reckless abandon. The only thing it didn’t do, is go level. Eventually it ended up (predictably) at the temple at the top of the hill which provided commanding views over the town of Chiangrai. It was sunny and warm up there and only the prospect of after-run treats could persuade Wild Woman, Rolling, Stoned, Pat-on-the Back and Superglue to leave that beautiful spot.

About an hour after setting off the last stranglers found their way to the palace. Nam Ron gallantly struggled to get sons Kodi and Kenji to the end. By contrast, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll in his race to the pizza. Yulia and Polly kept a low profile hoping no one would remember that they were overdue for a hash name.

In toasting the hare, Smoked Wiener found the cup of coke too big for him. After a few sips he dumped the remainder over his head. This prompted the G.M. to complain about the environmental hazards of seepage.

Boy Magnet looked gorgeous in her freshly ironed HHH t-shirt. This stimulated unquenchable demand for t-shirts among the female virgins who observed the focus of male hasher attention. Then G.M. Able Semen confessed that he had forgotten to bring t-shirts for sale.

Only four of the virgins (Philip, Simon and consorts) dared indicate any interest in joining our group. As for the others, Hand Cock and Helping Hand admitted to enticing four short-term volunteers under false pretenses while Tricia dragged several relatives off the plane from America. Guy and Walter confided that they came only for the free pizza. They refused to give your faithful correspondent their email addresses for fear that the neighbours might think that they regularly associated with a group like this.

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #62: Saturday, December 20, 2008

2008-12-22T15:53:00.000+07:00

Annual Christmas Hash!

Hares: Well Oiled assisted by Oiled Well

Location: The Oiled House off Soi 5, Ban Sai Mun

Celebrating Christmas at the Oiled’s house has become a tradition over the past three years with the Chiangrai HHH. This year’s gathering began anxiously as Hand Cock, the Hash Beer had yet to show up with the beer. People began to wonder, “Why is Do It Yourself, our super efficient Hash Cash collecting when the outcome of this event is still uncertain?” At the last moment as the Well Oiled was herding a skeptical public unto the ithaems, Hand Cock finally appeared in a well stocked pick-up. The collective sigh of relief was audible at the temple at the top of the hill where monks were trying to meditate through all the grumbling.

Thirty seven hashers showed up on this occasion. Nineteen were men, all farangs as usual. There were fourteen women, ten of whom were Thai. Finally there were four children all boys and all half Thai. The youngest was virgin Kodi, aged four who Nam Ron carried in a seat strapped to his back and thus found an excuse to linger among the walkers.

The ithaems took the hashers in comfort out along Soi 5 about one kilometer. Then, for reasons still untold, they stopped in a side soi and obliged their passengers to off-load. Multiple layers of paper discarded from Christmases Past led our heroes down country lanes, over hills and through rice fields. Flaps was the only one to try to run. He soon became discouraged and was soon caught up by Do It Yourself, G.M. Able Semen and virgins John and Deon (son of Stoned). These four fast walked their way ahead and reached the final drinking point about ten minutes before the others.

At two points it crossed irrigation ditches where Smoked Weiner, momentarily escaping his mother Jolly Molly, found it convenient to ignore the bridges and step into the middle of the flowing water. Thus he acquired a new hew to his long blue pants. Many others like Scotch on the Rocks, Dirty Hairy, Loose Spoke and Pat on the Back cheated using a pole to stop sliding down the muddy bank.

The trail ended on Soi 5 but before one reached the ithaems, there was one last deviation off the road signaled by chalked arrows. No sooner than one stepped on to this trail but we came across a chalked bar indicating a false trail. This confused Pickled Prik and Doesn’t Matterhorn who thought they had stumbled upon a new lexicon of HHH symbols. While Hand Cock searched vainly in the woods before the bar, your fearless correspondent soon discovered paper beyond the false trail sign and then led the others back on to the original trail in reverse direction. That soon led to the itaems where some remained while the thirsty walked the remaining kilometer back to Oiled house where they hoped to get an early start on the beer.

Your faithful correspondent was among the latter group but to his surprise and annoyance the ithaems collected their charges quickly and arrived at the house before him. Then he discovered with horror that Barry, his wife Jan and his parents visiting from Canada who were supposed to guarding the beer were themselves indulging with the FRBs who must be renamed because none of them ran.

Oiled Well produced a fine buffet of grilled chicken, sticky rice, shredded shrimp and spring rolls. This hungry, besotted group made short work of that feast.

Well Oiled produced a bag full of stuffed animals as Christmas presents first for the children, notably Kodi, Kenji, Smoked Weiner and Superglue and then for the child at heart. The G.M. received a pink rabbit in recognition of his efforts.

G.M. Able Semen then called for a circle to honour our host-hares with the usual down downs. Virgins were similarly toasted. Nam Ron drew attention to our host’s predilection for a high class Bulgarian beer while serving us the local cheap stuff.

Before closing the G.M. tried to sell some t-shirts. He pointed out that Christmas was coming and he couldn’t think of a better present to a loved one than one of our beautiful surplus t-shirts. However in the absence of our beautiful model, Boy Magnet that line got nowhere. On the contrary when the G.M. showed off how wonderful the t-shirt looked on him, Reverse Thruster asked if he could donate his t-shirt back to the pile.

Before concluding the G.M. endorsed Well Oiled’s call for annual statistics. They are as follows:

Altogether there were 363 person-events during 2008. The average attendance per hash was 30 people. The lowest turn out was 21 at the March hash. The best turn out was 44 people in July when we met at the Wild Woman house.

Exactly one half of the participants were men. All but one of these was a farang. The one Thai never returned after that first appearance. Women made up 36% of the participants and 88% of these people were Thais. The remaining 14% were children who are mostly half Thai.

We are a very distinct group. Photos showing exactly how distinct may be seen by hitting the link below.
HHH Run #62 December 20, 2008

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #61: Saturday, November 22, 2008

2008-12-08T13:01:00.000+07:00

Report of Run #61: Saturday, November 22, 2008
Fifth Anniversary Run!

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by G.M. Able Semen

Location: Nam Ron farm in Suan Dok village off the Old Chiangmai Road

There were 26 adults and 5 children showed up for our fifth anniversary hash. As usual, all 15 of the men were farang. Eight of the eleven women were Thai. Five were virgins plus two children. Almost all present were local residents. Exceptions included Square Rooter and Anti-Virus who were among the seven Chiangrai people who attended our group’s inaugural run. The former abandoned us after the fifth run to sin in Chiangmai whereas the latter fell victim to the bright lights of Bangkok three years ago.

That unbeatable combination of Nam Ron and G.M. Able Semen put together yet another run with the same predictable results. This time they put together two A to B runs.

Most people chose the broad and easy path which began in the Srisun Nam Korn (Season Korn River) resort off the Khun Korn waterfall road. In the absence of a sweep Hand Cock and Helping Hand trailed behind to ensure that there were no droppings like the last time Nam Ron and Able Semen did their thing. Polly, her Virgin friend Nayu and Smoked Weiner set a fast pace from the beginning. Pickled Prik trailed with his Virgin wife, Maew as their four year-old son Jimmy was determined to walk the route on his own. Virgin Kenneth’s wife Em showed no such pride. She hopped on Kenneth’s back every time mud appeared. The most exciting moments involved crossing the edge of an overflowing dam through a couple of inches of fast flowing water. Then one had to step along the top of wall two meters long which traversed a ravine three meters deep filled with muck and jungle. Fortunately no one fell although Wild Woman and Able Semen’s friend Dang seemed a little shaky. Do It Better crossed with her usual speed and grace. MANipulator gave up her running passion to keep her new husband, Virgin Stuart in sight.

There was some dispute about who was first in. Nam Ron declared that twelve-year old Third Wheel was the first to cross the imaginary finishing line but Stoned maintained that such abstract concepts are meaningless. As the final objective is to reach the beer, Stoned claims that the honour belongs to him. Rolling can testify to his speed and duration. Do It Yourself, the Hash Cash eager to monitor beer consumption likewise took note. Loose Spoke was too laid back to notice. Helping Hand diversified the diet by donating a large bottle of wine.

Four hashers dared do the 9 kilometer Ball Breaker. It began in the hills behind the Wild Woman farm further along the Khun Korn waterfall road. Able Semen who laid the paper claimed that it took him only 1 hour 45 minutes. Two and a half hours later with no runners in sight, people began to think about Able Semen’s first effort (Hash #59) when a truck had to collect the forsaken. As dusk fell Belgian Waffle appeared with tales of beautiful views, diminishing paper and a meandering river which crossed the trial seven times prompting Yuliya to doff shoes repeatedly. In the end Nam Ron rushed a jeep out to rescue her, virgin Raymond and Square Rooter who claims he selflessly stayed back to lead the other two to safety. Dirty Harry’s motorcycle got bumped in the haste.

Given the delay the four ball busters were lucky to find any beer left. However the fine buffet which Nam Ron organized, had nothing remaining for them.

The sun now long gone, Nam Ron turned on spotlights to prolong the social agony. The G.M. called a circle to toast the hare and the virgins. Absent the provocation of our beautiful model, Boy Magnet, there was absolutely no interest in t-shirts. It was proposed to name Yulia, “Put In”, recalling her country’s leader but a final decision was postponed until the next time she dares to show up. For lack of a better alternative, the entire mismanagement committee was reelected for another year. Thus endith the fifth anniversary.

Pictures from this hash can be seen at http://picasaweb.google.com/bruce.kennedy1/HHHRun61#

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #60: Saturday, October 18, 2008

2008-10-22T11:54:00.000+07:00

Hares: G.M. Able Semen assisted by Nam Ron

Location: Near Ban Pong Sai off the Old Chiangmai Road

Thirty two folk showed for the hash. Thirteen were male and farang as always. Eleven were female but only eight of them were Thai. Our number of farang women is increasing! There were seven virgins but five of them jumped in the car and ran off before we had an opportunity to down down them. That left Ria and Phongsri to face the honours alone. These data do not include David and Mint about whom more is said later.

There were eight children. Nike, Cela and Katiana numbered among the disappearing virgins together with their parents Joel and Tricia. The others included Boy Magnet and her brother Superglue. Their participation along with their mother Pat on the Back was assured by the long reach of our most popular G.M. ever. Shocking phoned repeatedly from UK to ensure that his family was coming. Rolling’s daughter Benz and Nam Ron’s son Kenji completed the child rostrum.

This hash was brought to us grace of the same people who produced Run #58 in August. As all will recall, Able Semen laid the paper and Nam Ron led at least half the group so far astray that a car had to be sent to fetch them.

Perhaps illustrative of exactly how short memories can be, at the end of the September hash, Able Semen managed to nose out Bush Whacker (Nam Ron’s dog) to be elected temporary G.M. This was to complete the remaining term of the most popular G.M. ever, Shocking. When the man who volunteered to hare the October hash, Hand Cock delayed his return from abroad, the new G.M. rose to the challenge. Can you guess who he then chose to assist him? You guessed it: Nam Ron!

At the start of the run, the newly elected G.M. explained at great length and detail exactly how he had laid out the run and what hashers could expect. It all seemed very clear and straight forward. Midway along the trail they would find two clearly marked two options. L indicated the long route which was 7.5 kilometers long. S stood for “short” which was 4 kilometers long. He would sweep the long run and Nam Ron would do the short one. All this was clearly understood, the group set out with great confidence.

The trail led mostly through teak forest with cool deep shade. Occasionally we came upon vistas of large ponds and stretches of rice fields. The scenery was as beautiful as we ever find it. The checks were cleverly laid and every effective. They stymied the Front Running Bastards repeatedly allowing the most walkers to regroup. Twice this truthful scribe, a walker, found himself briefly ahead of Allo Allo, our most determined FRB.

For most of the group, progress was rapid. Do It Yourself and Do It Better, Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn and Pickled Prik joined in FRB duties. Mike worked up a sweat zealously chaperoning his nubile daughter Jo. In this task, he was eagerly assisted by otherwise tardy Hand Cock, Graham, Doc and Stoned. Rolling, Benz, Swiss Roll, Goodbye, Goodbye, China and the newly reappeared Scotch on the Rocks monitored from a distance. In fact it was all going so well that all but the stragglers chose to do the long run.

Unfortunately the slow ones were very slow indeed. These were the five virgins mentioned above whom Wild Woman and Pat on the Back plus her brood (Boy Magnet and Superglue) stayed behind to shepherd on. They wisely chose the short route. However as they were the only ones to take the short route, they had to break all the checks themselves. This was additionally challenging, as not being FRBs, Wild Woman and the Pats on the Back had never had to break checks before.

Had there been a sweep there should not have been a problem. By prior agreement Able Semen went on to sweep the long route and Nam Ron was to follow on the short one. However even “the best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men oft go awry.” Nam Ron had invited a friend, David a teacher whose job ended at 4 pm, to come. He assumed that the guy could make the 20 km ride out to the site in less than 20 minutes but that isn’t what happened. When he and Mint arrived 45 minutes late there was no way Nam Ron could sweep the whole short route so he decided to do as much as he could in reverse. Then there were more complications.

At one juncture in the road Nam Ron told son Kenji to go the easy route while he and David ran up a hill. It is along this easy trail that your faithful correspondent came across Kenji and Mint going in the wrong direction. He persuaded Kenji to turn around and follow him but not without difficulty. Kenji cried all the way in misplaced loyalty for the father who had abandoned him. Meanwhile Nam Ron reaches the intersection and missing Kenji decides to abandon his sweep and return to base. Unfortunately Wild Woman, the three Pats and five virgins had yet to reach that point.

It is now getting dark and it is becoming increasing difficult to find paper. To make matters worse, this honest reporter who served as temporary Hash Beer had locked all the beer in his car. He gave the key to Do It Yourself who is usually a FRB but he passed it to Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn. Peter fearing he would lose the key, he gave it to the G.M. but as sweep Able Semen would be among the last to arrive. So there was no beer for the FRBs.

Now worried that she might be stuck in the woods for the night, Pat on the Back phones for help. Word reaches Allo Allo and Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn who unaccustomed to sobriety, run off to excise their mounting frustration. They reach the struggling stragglers and bring them back just as the last light is fading.

As the darkness deepens, G.M. Able Semen calls a circle to honour himself and Nam Ron as hares. Your faithful correspondent is called upon to lead the gathering in song but he is slow coming up with the words. So Allo Allo steps in with his unique tune which is unlike anything ever heard in this group before.

David and Mint hop on their motorcycle and skip out before the Hash Cash could get hold of them. That is unfortunately the only blemish on his otherwise impeccable collection record. Thus a tiny opening now exists for future Hash Cashes to exceed the record established by indomitable Do It Yourself, hitherto hailed as the most efficient Hash Cash ever.

Next month, the third Saturday falls on November 15 which unfortunately coincides with the cremation of the King’s sister. As the government has asked all organizations to postpone any public events planned for that day, we will have to do likewise. Our G.M. will announce a new date after consultation with the hares.

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Run Report #58: Saturday August 16, 2008

2008-09-23T16:57:00.002+07:00

due to our renowed hash scribe wirgin (shakespeare)bluce
rushing off after the hash to a chaingmai temple in order to
meditate for the next ten days and who wishes it to be known
that the rumour he his drying out is completly untrue,
the following notes have been compiled by the very willing and
able semen

> The August Hash was held on Saturday, 16th August, 2008.
> The event was attended by a total of 25 people, of whom
> there were 11 men, all of the farang persuasion, 10 were
> women, comprised of 9 Thai ladies and 1 from the US of A.
> The Hash commenced shortly after 4 pm and all proceeded
> smoothly for the relatively short distance of 1.5 kms or so.
> Then it did not! It seems that the paper trail, leading away
> from a check near to a small hut by a stream, could not be
> found. This had the unfortunate effect of causing everyone
> to take the wrong trail from that point onwards.
> In fact, the Hash split into two groups here. The first
> appeared to pick up the final 3.5 kms of the trail, which
> they then followed, so completing a much abbreviated version
> of the intended trail. This group finished their "short
> course" in 38 minutes. Brain helth was first home, followed
> closely by 'Allo 'Allo, then Do It Better, and dosent matterhorn
> The other group, after toiling away in the rice fields in
> their fruitless search for the paper trail leading from the
> hut, then followed what seems to have been the correct trail
> but in the wrong direction. After some 1 hour and 30
> minutes, they reluctantly bowed to the inevitable and
> summoned a lift back to the finish. At the point from which
> they telephoned for transport, they had completed about 75%
> of the trail, or some 6 kms.
> Both the Hare and the Writer are sorry at this outcome to what, otherwise, had all the
> makings of a successful Hash. Regrettably the Hare is unable
> to change history and can only express regret. The Writer
> could change history, I suppose, but will not!
> To turn to more positive aspects of the day, it was
> generally felt that the terrain was well suited to a Hash,
> and that the location, or what little was seen of it, was
> attractive and most picturesque. A return visit was mooted.
> The Hash was fortunate to have found a resort under
> construction in the area. The owner was happy to allow the
> Hash to make use of a small sala within the grounds of this
> resort and so it was that we were able to provide some hot
> food as well as the more traditional liquid form of
> refreshment, prior to the Circle being formed. The catering
> was of a very high standard, as the Writer has already come
> to expect of Pat on the Back. Our collective thanks go to
> pat on the back and boy magnet for making all of this happen so splendidly.
> And so to the Circle!
> There was one Hash Virgin, namely Ashley, the sole farang
> lady. It is to be hoped that this will be the first of
> numerous Hashes for you Ashley.
> In addition, there were two Hash christenings. To be
> totally accurate, there was only one since namrons offspring insisted
on being named power ranger but then compomised with danger ranger
> the second went ahead and so congratulations go to Stuck in
> the Mud, so named for somewhat obvious reasons. I am quite
> sure that the soubriquet (that was entirely for the benefit
> of Allo Allo if he has bothered to read this far!) is
> totally unjustified in all other respects!
> Brain helth offered a thank you to the providers of transport
> which retrieved the Second group
> The GM thanked pat on the back and boy magnet for their splendid work in
> feeding for the Hash. Perhaps not 5000, but they certainly
> catered admirably for 25!
> And, of course the GM made a few comments regarding the
> trail, the Hare, the dubious nature of the Hare's
> parentage etc., etc., etc. I expect you get the drift of it
> all. Hey ho!
> Finally, Stoned was thanked for having agreed to organise the
> September 2008 meeting of the Chiang Rai Hash House
> Harriers.
> (Note: any similarity to actual events, places or persons
> whether living or otherwise is purely accidental)

ON ON

Run Report #59: Saturday September 20, 2008

2008-09-23T16:59:00.001+07:00

Hares: Stoned assisted by Rolling

Location: Doi Puy park south of kilometer 11 on the Thoerng highway

The heavens opened and the rain poured down beginning around 3 pm. The prospects for a successful hash looked dismal. Nonetheless 22 intrepid hashers including two virgins and two children, showed up for the occasion. Overlooking some details like dual nationalities, the demographics followed the usual pattern: fourteen males all farang and eight women all Thai.

By popular demand the temporary Hash Beer Nam Ron is forced to off-load the booze before the run started. Having learned from past suffering, the addicts needed to ensure that there would be no more enforced sobriety waiting for the Hash Beer to arrive at the end of a run!

By way of introduction, Stoned, the hare explained that this trail was inspired by the hash rule that there are no rules. He also assured the assembled gathering that they would get their feet wet. Thus encouraged the group set off.

As usual Allo Allo took off in the lead closely followed by Nam Ron who had abandoned his family for the day. Other reckless contenders included Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Able Semen.

The trail was ideally suited for rainy season conditions. It moved through rice paddies, forest tracks and laterite service roads. There were no slippery heights to conquer. Moreover the hare kept his promise: feet did get wet. There were also ample opportunities to confuse the trail direction which the hare delighted in confounding. Unfortunately the FRBs did a less than a perfect job in clarifying the way forward. This obliged the frontrunners among the walkers notably Pickled Prik and your faithful correspondent, to refind the way forward in several instances. As a result the chasm between the FRBs and the others widened. Whereas the former arrived in 45 minutes, the latter took 50 minutes longer. These included among others Pat-on-the Back, Superglue, Wild Woman, Andrew, two virgins, Well Oiled and Oiled Well. The practical consequence of this delay is that the beer was nearly all gone when the slow ones struggled in. Blank stares of disbelief greeted the spectacle. Virgins Barry and Jan were heard to wonder aloud how anyone in conscience could collect 100 Baht extra per person for such a pathetic stock of beer.

Rolling minimized the grumbling by producing sticky rice packs with jerked beef. There were also two spicy Thai dishes notably Jao Bong (fermented fish paste with dried chilies and herbs) and Prik Num (smashed fresh chilies with herbs) which separated the sheep from the goats when it came to culinary delights. Unfortunately the supply proved insufficient once Well Oiled got into it.

In the circle afterwards Jolly Molly complained that the devoted scribe kept confusing her name. This raised the question of how she acquired such a disgusting name in the first place. A suggestion was made that the name should be changed to “Incoming” in honour of the motorcycle which was just then invading our circle. At that point our all time favourite G.M. Shocking cut the discussion short by declaring hash names to be sacred and therefore unchangeable.

Pickled Prik was welcomed back after four months absence and awarded a t-shirt after promising he would not sell it at enormous profit on E-bay. Lacking the excitement of our nubile model, Boy Magnet, other efforts to sell the t-shirt found no takers.

Allo Allo’s spouse Khun Meow came forward for naming. After much creative deliberation the group decided to call her “Goodbye, Goodbye.”

At the call for volunteer hares, Smoked Weiner raised. His mother Jolly Molly and absent grandfather Reverse Thruster were given the opportunity to choose the month later. Pickled Prik also indicated a willingness to serve.

Nam Ron confessed that he had failed to rehydrate his dog, Bushwhacker at the end of last month’s hash. So he wanted to publicly thank your faithful scribe for sharing his internal waters with his dog while he sprayed the plants in a shady corner of the gathering place.

Do It Yourself was likewise called into the circle to recognize his services as “best Hash Cash ever.” This being Lent he claims to have gone dry and sports a beard to prove it. However when offered a coke to salute his noble status, he insisted on a double beer because this is his only opportunity to break his vows.

At the conclusion of the circle our all time favourite G.M. declared that for the next three months he would abandon Chiang Rai for the sweet climes of jolly England. As a parting gesture he nominated Able Semen to replace him. In the election which followed Able Semen narrowly edged out Bushwhacker to become the replacement G.M.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

HHH Run Report #57: Saturday July 19, 2008

2008-09-23T16:44:00.001+07:00

Hares: Wirgin Bluce assisted by Wild Woman

Location: Wild Woman house in Santiburi Golf complex

The prospects for a successful hash in the middle of July looked unlikely as the rain deluged on three successive days prior to the event. However to everyone’s amazement the clouds cleared on the appointed day only to return with a vengeance once all had gotten safely home.

One of the first to arrive was the founder G.M. Brain Health. The unlikely presence of such a distinguished hasher at a second successive hash after so many years absence confused some people who thought they must have come to the wrong address. However parking was so easy that no one turned away looking elsewhere. Even Rafaele was able to find a place to put his car without falling into a ditch or climbing a tree.

By 4 pm there were seventeen men and sixteen women plus eleven children present. Our super efficient Hash Cash, Do It Yourself had collected. The one conspicuous absence was the temporary Hash Beer, Nam Ron. No one wanted to leave without assurance that the essential stocks had arrived. When he did appear, we learned that Nam Ron had heard rumours that Wild Woman had blown the budget for the party afterwards. He suspected that some lazy individuals had come to the hash with no intention of leaving the home base. So rather than risk these dissidents consuming all the beer while the true hashers went running, he refused to offload the beer until he returned.

Facing the prospect of a long, dry spell the entire group felt a powerful impulse to start as soon as possible in order to put an early end to the impending agony.

A new recruit with 15 years hashing experience in Phuket led the group off the starting block. His name is Allo, Allo and his answer to every question was predictably “Yes, no” or “No, yes.” Closely following this intrepid Front Running Bastard were Nick and Nile Weldon, visiting grandsons of the notorious Jiggs Weldon who long time Chiangrai residents recall fondly. Other FRBs included the fore-mentioned Brain Health, Do It Better, Nam Ron, Rolling and Stoned.

The first check was easily solved but the second was complicated by the presence of irritated cattle who justifiably decided to charge the FRB intruders. In their cowardly haste to withdraw from the field, the FRBs failed to find the way forward. This necessitated some delay while they stumbled about trying to inspire their adversaries to attack someone else. Eventually Allo Allo stumbled upon some paper which the hare had thoughtfully deposited behind a distant bush. Rather than attract attention to himself the FRB whispered On! On! to the next in line in hopes that he could escape without attracting the bulls attention.

Meanwhile many in the second wave of hashers caught up. Inspired by such easy success, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll to chase after the front runners. Meanwhile Nam Ron heard vociferous complaints from his five-year son Kenji and reluctantly dropped back.

Mike Olsen brought his nubile daughter Josephine and his niece Plaeng. He then walked in their shadows all the way around the course for fear that some uninhibited males might get the wrong idea. Close on Mike’s heels were Shocking, Loose Spoke, Well Oiled and Rafaele. They left their spouses Pat-on-the-Back, Tight Sprocket and Lek far behind. Well Oiled even persuaded Oiled Well not to run this day claiming some medical condition. Idling with her at the home base were Do It Yourself, who took the precaution of wrapping a bandage around his ankle, and Pailin wife of Jim McAlear who brought along their three-year old child to keep her busy. Just Perfect took off in her car threatening to come back for the party.

Boy Magnet and Wild Woman’s niece Deuan got lost in the rush to fresh beauty.

Lek and her nieces Sasipha and Viradi could not bear to part from their fashionable high heels and wore them until they could no go longer. Then they completed the course barefoot.

The fourth check had five possible outlets. The actual way forward skirted a hill but in the confusion, Stoned thought he heard the On! On! coming from beyond the hill top. So he helpfully scattered paper along the road going straight up thus adding a new false trail for the grateful lot who followed.

The last check had no obvious way onwards. The one gate was locked, well covered with barbed wire and marked with the false trail symbol. The FRBs repeated asked the farmwife which way the hare had gone but she claimed she did not know. At least a half hour was wasted in their frivolous search. Meanwhile Yulia, Polly, Dirty Hairy, Naly, Smoked Weiner, Reverse Thruster, Jolly Molly, Ray Weldon (the under-performing progenitor of FRBs Nick and Nile), Nam Ron and Kenji who brought up the rear saw the FRBs wandering about the distant orchard and decided to shortcut across the rice fields. Then they got frustrated because they found thorns instead of paper.

Eventually Doesn’t Matterhorn returned to rice fields and ran another half kilometer until he found a place he could easily enter the Santiburi complex. Then he ran back to Wild Woman house and thus became the first one in.

Meanwhile Rolling deceitfully prevailed upon the farmwife’s Thai female solidarity to reveal where the trail led onwards. Mistaking her appeal for sincerity the girl pointed to the back of the house, where Rolling quickly discovered a gap which the others had overlooked. To the farmwife’s horror, she then cried out the On! On! and the race was back on.

There was one last deviation. This led on to a peninsula which faced the back of Wild Woman’s garden across 100 meters of water. Not to be discouraged, Nick and Nile stripped to their shorts and plunged in. Mike now hot after two hours chaperoning, did likewise as did Nam Ron.

Now clean and dried, the temporary Hash Beer jumped in his car and tried to escape with the booze. However before departing Kenji demanded the ice cream which Wild Woman had promised. Meanwhile Do It Yourself having patiently guarded the car (while nursing a bottle of water) forced him to offload.

Upon arrival the gang immediately set upon a fine repast prepared by Wild Woman with help from Lek (lasagna), Pailin (Yum) and Jolly Molly (fruit). So absorbed were the hashers in this gastronomic distraction that they dared to ignore the GM Shocking’s repeated calls for a circle. Eventually the night came to an end but not before all the food was eaten and the beer consumed.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #56: Saturday, June 21, 2008

2008-06-26T21:14:00.000+07:00

Hares: G.M. Shocking assisted by Pat on the Back, Boy Magnet and Superglue

Location: Doi Puy Forest Reserve south of kilometer stone 11 on the Thung highway

This run hared by our most popular G.M. attracted one of the best turn outs our group has ever seen. Forty-one people including six children showed up. Among the 35 adults there were 18 men, all farang and 17 women of whom only nine were Thai. Ten of the participants were virgins.

There were so many vehicles that parking became a problem. Virgins Rafaele and Lek however found a novel solution. They parked their car vertically by crushing their hood down into a ditch.

Well Oiled and Oiled Well showed up ahead of time which led to some confusion. Everyone checked their watches thinking there must be some mistake. This and the late arrival of Nam Ron accounted for the delay in getting started.

This hash was uniquely blessed on this occasion by the guest appearance of its founder Brain Health accompanied by his consort Just Perfect. So long had the founder absented himself that the hash has been giving serious consideration to renaming him “Frigid” short for “Never Comes.” Displaying the leadership for which he is famous, Brain Health threw himself into the lead once the hare declared the run open. However following the club dictum “Start Slowly and Taper Off” he was soon overtaken by five- year olds Kenji, Smoked Weiner, Pauli and Neen.

This run had been billed by the G.M. as the “headless chicken” run. He accordingly gave the horn to the man whose head looked the smallest in proportion to his body. Once Hammer Head took off, we never heard the horn again. No one knows whether he was too far ahead or he couldn’t figure out how to blow the thing.

Nam Ron closely followed Hammer Head until he fell from exhaustion. Then the paternal instinct conveniently seized him and he turned back with his more faithful dog Bushwacker to search of his wayward son, Kenji.

Many of the Front Running Bastards (FRBs) were virgins including Stoned’s daughter and a volunteer working with the Hash Beer, Hand Cock. If Doesn’t Matter Horn managed to squeeze in ahead of the Hash Cash Do It Yourself, it was only because Do It Better was not present to trip him up.

The Piti Suksa Montessori school faculty appeared in force. Long-serving Dirty Harry showed up for his third run accompanied by Dao. Anne also came with her husband Rudolf. Yuliya and her daughter Pauli have finally recovered sufficiently from the 4th Anniversary run in November to try hashing again.

The trail was mostly flat but passed through a wide variety of flora including grasses which towered over the head, tunnels through bamboo forests and rice paddies. Wild Woman made sure she would not get lost by obliging the hare’s son Superglue to accompany her. Along the way she collected the other mostly Thai ladies including Noi Na, Lek, Swiss Roll, Rolling, Oiled Well, Joy Stick and Nely. Not far ahead of this group were Reverse Thruster, Well Oiled, Jolly Molly, Pat and John. The last named is Noi Na’s husband who phoned from the U.K. during last month’s circle prompting the G.M. to tell him exactly where to get off. Flaps made himself noticed by tripping the Hash Scribe and then demanding an explanation from the victim for the mishap in the circle.

Rafaele, Mickey, Ben and Yvon managed to avoid detection which raised questions as to whether they hid in the bushes and drank beer until the FRBs returned 45 minutes after departure. In any case they somehow reemerged in time to treat themselves to the fine feed which Pat on the Back had prepared for the more deserving folk.

Once again nubile Boy Magnet modeled the unique S2ATO t-shirt and generated such interest that our stock quickly sold out of certain sizes. First among the feverish buyers was our founder G.M. who could not get his hands on one fast enough.

In the following circle the founder G.M. tried to make amends for his sins by presenting super-size yellow “snake head” hash t-shirt to the biggest G.M. in our troop’s history. He also presented some Bangkok hash write ups, which he noted, neglects to give any demographic details.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #55: Saturday, May 17, 2008

2008-05-19T12:16:00.000+07:00

Hares: Hash Cash Do It Yourself assisted by Do It Better

Location: On road circling the Huai Sak reservoir at the Do It farm

Twenty people showed up for the 55th run evenly split between men and women. As usual all the men but only one of the women was farang.

Just before the run began, rain came down in a deluge. Hash Beer Hand Cock, Smoked Weiner, Polly Molly immediately sought refuge with Reverse Thruster in his car. They then headed off to the Do It farm where they promptly got stuck in the mud.

Meanwhile a brigade of umbrellas and raincoats set off in the direction that Do It Yourself promised one would find paper. Unfortunately all of the powder and much of the paper had disappeared in the rain. That hardly discouraged Front Running Bastards (FRBs) Nam Ron and Able Semen as they had Bushwacker to assist them. She picked up the hare’s scent and unfailingly guided the FRBs through the checks which had dissolved in the rain. Hence the FRBs arrived at the trail’s end in record time but did nothing to assist the progress of those behind them.

Second in were Stoned, Rolling and Virgin Christine. These three had previously been walking with G.M. Shocking and Wirgin Bluce until they realized that no one had seen paper for several minutes. The latter two retraced their steps where they found a washed out false trail sign. Meanwhile the ever helpful virgin ran forward and stumbled upon paper. Rolling and Stoned joined her and thus circumvented two thirds of the trail leaving the G.M. and Hash Scribe to worry whether we would ever see these three in this life again.

Cutting across fields in pursuit of the echoing On! Ons! Shocking and Wirgin Bluce managed to rejoin the main body of hashers. These were entirely female plus Superglue who as usual closely followed his mother, Pat on the Back. Thanks to the constant chatter it was not difficult to recognize Wild Woman who was accompanied by her niece Deuan and virgins Bee and Noi Na. Boy Magnet however was more difficult to identify in the absence of the usual male sniffers.

When the rain stopped Reverse Thruster, Polly Molly, Smoked Weiner and Hand Cock dared to get out of the car and follow paper backwards from the Do It farmhouse. They ignored the FRBs but when they came upon Stoned, Rolling and Christine they turned back towards the farm house on the assumption that the others could not be far behind. Thus nine of the twenty hashers arrived prematurely at the end and this accounts for the severely depleted beer stocks when the others arrived.

The first order of business upon assembly at the farm house was extricating Reverse Thruster’s vehicle from the mud. That done he, Polly Molly and Smoked Weiner took off before the Hash Cash had time to collect.

The second order of business was flogging t-shirts. The G.M. conscripted his daughter Boy Magnet to model it and succeeded in enticing Virgin Christine to buy one. Conveniently there was no mirror available. Christine will not discover until she reaches home that the t-shirt looks a lot better on the nubile Boy Magnet.

The third order of business was honouring Ian Swan with a hash name. In recognition of his passion for sailing, he shall be known henceforth as Able Semen.

The final order of business was recognizing Virgin Noi Na who hid previously while Virgins Christine and Bee were subjected to the down down. Noi Na excused herself saying she was talking to her husband in England. Then our fearless and most popular G.M., a Liverpool taxi driver confiscated the phone and told the distant husband exactly where he could get off.

Next month’s scheduled hares are Pat on the Back and MANipulator. However in the absence of the usual man to manipulate (Barefoot Beer Lao Bob), there is no certainty about the outcome. The G.M. will investigate.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce