Run Report from 20th Feb. 2010

Hash No.76    Venue: Route 1211, K stone 19, the reservoir on the right

Our Hash this month was a special one, with about 30 Chiang Mai Hashers joining us at the event and a post-Hash meal (for those who had the stamina to attend).

We assembled for a 15.30 start to allow time for everyone to finish the course(s) before gloaming. We made a joint turn-out of 58 people, though a small number did not stray from the start. Randall had broken the directions code and got there too this time.

Before we set off, Pat ‘Shocking’-with a superb bit of salesmanship – managed to offload (or, should I say, that a few fortunate Hashers were able to purchase at very reasonable cost) most of our vintage and, now, rare CRH T-shirts. This is prior to the launch of our new design ones coming on the market very soon. Have your cash ready next meet. He also presented one of these rarities to Square Rooter for his endeavours. 

Disappointingly, Shocking had purchased a new pair of shorts since the last Hash, so we were unable to play ‘will they/won’t they’ again.

There was a bit of a difference of opinion about the most appropriate footwear from sandals to stout boots with gaiters being displayed by Hashers.  As it turned out, on some parts of the courses, crampons would have been the best choice.

The Hares were Able Semen of C.R.H and Square Rooter of C.M.H. They had laid 2 trails for our amusement.

The Hares welcomed us all. A standing invitation was made for everyone/anyone to join the other group’s Hashes. They explained the courses, emphasizing the more arduous nature – particularly of the longer one (approx. 11 km) and the need of participants to be sensible about which to choose to do.  Since it hadn’t occurred to most of us that walking more than 8 km in only one day was possible, the decision making was easy. Able Semen warned that there may be a lack of paper trail at the top of the hills as the weather had been gusty since the trail was laid. A drinks stop had been organized for the long courses’ 8km mark, to be manned by himself (oh, the sacrifice, guarding all that beer), and anyone reaching this point after 17.40 was required to come back in the truck for safety reasons. No-one was getting lost on this Hash.

The Hares also explained the Hash course symbols we would meet. (I’d always wondered what those pretty chalk patterns were, so this was enlightening.) Our more sophisticated southern visitors made much of our lack of geometrical knowledge. Apparently a cross ‘check’ is not circular. 

The Long Course (a.k.a trial by fire)

These few brave souls were sent off sharp by the Hares. (Since neither of us scribes chose to run this one (please do not laugh, it is cruel to mock the incapable), we can only rely on participants’ comments.) Apologies if the standard of this report, therefore, differs from our usual meticulously researched and accurate ones.

Natural hazards were plentiful enough, with very few areas to run at any great pace. We felt it was a little extreme for the Hares to complicate matters by arranging for Hashers to meet with a mad dog and then have to cross a wall of fire. This was not an Indiana Jones movie.

Peter ‘Doesn’t Matterhorn’ said it was ‘hard, very hard’, with some tricky inclines and worse descents, resulting in some Hashers painfully covering ground using their bottoms rather than their feet.  The last hill was ‘the worst’, taking up to 20 minute to climb. Though the view from the ridgeline for the first 1/3 of the course was ‘magnificent’, Peter, in an un-hash-like manner decided to re-lay the trail to divert any lagging followers around it to spare them the punishing ascent but it turns out there were only 2 who benefited from his generosity, the FRB's all had to do the bushwack on the side of a steep hill with slippery dried bamboo leaves at their feet.  (The Hares declared they got lost on this section so we all had to suffer.)  Roger commented on the ‘quietness’ – but was this because he wasn’t on course? All agreed that this was not a trail for the wet season.

Frank ‘Gorf’ a regular Manila hasher, who had just arrived the day before ran in first in a magnificently athletic manner after several mishaps with the local animals including a very loud black dog and a large cow.   His Royal Anus was the FRB most of the way to the water-break but one wrong check after the stop put him out of the lead.  Chuck Waow and Namron finished behind Gorf and the others came in not far behind except for the two who opted to come back with Able Semen in the truck after lingering too long.  Well done to everyone who finished. 

The Wimps Course (a.k.a the conga trail)

Having been lulled into a false sense of security by our last 4 or 5 Hashes, it was a shock to the system to be faced with a more challenging one.

Slippery leaves over a hard shiny clay ‘path’ at a 45 degrees angle meant the first part of the course was spent looking downwards to find a safe footing, resulting in at least one nasty crack to a CM hasher’s forehead from overhanging bamboo. It was a Hash trail that had a lax interpretation of the word ‘one’ as used in the phrase “ there is only one hill”. The very narrow track meant progress via a slow conga around a reservoir, grabbing hold of bamboo to maintain balance or risk a slide into water. There wasn’t any room for overtaking, even if anyone had felt so inclined. Patricia ‘Scotch on the rocks’said it was a course best suited to the Haggis ( a beastie famous for having developed one leg shorter than the other, the better to balance while running around on the notoriously steep Scottish hills).

Finally we reached slightly more open ground and the pack split up.  The checks were time-greedy, our own Hash Beer being one of a few brave souls to sacrifice themselves manfully to descend and re-ascend the ulu to find the correct trail on each occasion. Whilst they clambered up and down ravines, sensible Hashers loitered at the checks waiting for guidance.

It was nice to see that the CRH tradition of food gathering en-route is shared by CMH, one lady Hasher spotted diligently collecting baby eggplants.

We had a number of ditches to cross, the Dutch law-enforcer, once more out on patrol with us, showed considerable compassion and strength by pulling the more infirm (O.K, me) up one such ditch side.

Later in the course, the effects of dehydration and sun having taken their toll, we saw her and Scotch on the rocks attempting to demonstrate their slaloming skills down a hillside.

The last part of the course saw some of us going slightly off course, doing a controlled fall down a precipitous slope and traversing a rickety bamboo bridge. At this stage it was anything to avoid going back up that hill. We then re-entered the bamboo thickets for a fun-filled mad dash to the finish line.

Despite the challenges, we all enjoyed the afternoon, arriving back flushed with pleasure and the heat.

After enjoying some welcome drinks, we stood and watched the runners come back in from their route and the last group from the Wimps course, safely gathered in by Square Rooter who acted as Sweeper.

The Circle

Thanks were given for a great Hash. Unfortunately we had to leave early so we still don’t know what use the blue water pipes and what looked like pumping equipment are put to by CMH.  We did stay long enough to see Namron demonstrate what those ice blocks were for. I’m sure a good time was had by all.

Things we learned from Saturday’s Hash

Able Semen

·        Don’t get a lift from this Hasher – by his own admission he can’t control the wind.

·        He is unable to tell the difference between a hill and a mountain.

·        One hour ten minutes to ‘walk the course’ means 2 hours for lesser mortals.

  Comments for the attention of the CMH

• We liked the V- check symbol, it could be very effective, but only works well when not reached first by Chiang Rai Hashers who consistently scrubbed out the wrong arm of the V. Sorry.
• Please ensure the Big C car park attendant who was mugged for his administrative aid (whistle) has it returned.  This was altogether too efficient a tool for us to use to signal the route.  We prefer a muted ‘on,on’ as there is much more chance of losing the lazy ones at the back doing it our way. We play by Darwin Rules here, survival of the fittest.
• It was very nice to see you all.

Thank you for reading this mammoth report.  Don’t miss the photos attached.

Next Hash , 3^rd Saturday in March.  Hares are Begging for it and one other. 

 On!On!.

Scribblers: OohMatron and Oddjob

directions to hash Sat 20th Feb 2010

The start time is 3:30 pm (15:30) prompt

 

Promising to have something for everyone Able Semen and Square Rooter will set at least 2 runs, possibly 3 in expectation of the Chiang Mai outstation joining the run.  Challenge yourself for an 11 km excursion, enjoy the scenery on a 6 km leisurely walk or be first to pop open a beer on the 3.5 km teaser.  Follow the directions below:

1 If starting from Chiang Rai, proceed south along the Old Chiang Mai Road - 1211 - until you reach Kstone 19. Alternatively, proceed south along Superhighway - 1/AH2 - to the White Temple traffic light; turn right and proceed along this road to the Stop sign at its end; turn left on to Old Chiang Mai Road and go to Kstone 19.

 

Here you will see a new building under construction to the left of the road. Slow down and in 200 metres you will then see a rubbish yard (recycling plant) also on left of road. Just beyond this yard, there is a dirt track on the right hand side of road. There will be a Hash sign here. Turn on to this track and proceed along it for 1.5 kms. This will bring you to a reservoir. Go over the dam into a parking area with a salak. This is the meeting point.

 

From the hotel, the CM visitors should turn right out of the hotel drive. Carry on along this road until you reach the Stop sign at its end. Avoid any and all turnings off this road until you get to the end. Turn left and this is the Old Chiang Mai road. Proceed as above.

 

2 If coming direct from CM, either

Turn left on to the Old Chiang Mai Road - 1211 - from the main Chiang Mai Road if you know this turning. Proceed to Kstone 20. Then look out for a Hash sign on left side of road. Turn left here on to dirt track and proceed as above. 

Or, if you miss this turn, carry on to 1/AH2 traffic lights. Turn left on to AH2 and go to the next set of lights which are those at the White Temple. Turn left here and then proceed as above.

(There is a short cut from new CM Road to Old CM Road which might be known to some. If you know this road then take it. If you do not, then don't even look for it!)

Report of HHH run 75. 16th January 2010/2553

Venue: somewhere in Chiang Rai province, north of Rajabhat University.

365 ways to cross a paddy field

An unseasonably hot afternoon saw 33 of us gathered for the start for the January meet.  Children (5) and women (14) outnumbered the men. Set in the well cultivated countryside north of Chiang Rai and dominated by big hills to the left, our trail, thankfully, left them well alone.

            Prior to setting off, Paul ‘Handcock’ finally gained our attention to give a brief pep talk. Apologies were given about the paucity of trail markers. Our supply of shredded paper had dried up, so flour had been used instead. (One Hasher later confessed that, on starting off, he had initially looked out for piles of flower petals as markers).  The Hash was ‘easy’, ‘flat’ and ‘almost impossible’ for even CRHashers ‘legendary’ sense of misdirection to get lost.  Those were the words of our Hare.

            Within 100metres of the start we had gone completely off course.  Only the commanding voice of the Hare – visibly smirking, it has to be said – calling us back, averted disaster.  Pointing us into a paddy field via a ditch (it’s not a Hash unless there’s water, preferably muddy, and this was), we set off again. For a heady 10 seconds, having been at the rear, I was in the dizzying position of being a FRB.

            This paddy field became the scene of a battle for the next 20 minutes or so, with an extraordinarily diverse set of opinions from various platoon leaders being shown about where the trail was.  The Front runners went off one way, only to be caught up with again briefly by the pack, taking an alternative path.  A herd of cattle joined in the trail finding but failed to lead us further astray and eventually stampeded off in a flurry of dust and hooves.  Even the presence of an ex- policewoman failed miserably to control this crowd. Savvy Hashers, staying to the rear, had only to watch which direction the leaders were going and then cut across the field to save time and metres. 

            Pat ‘Shocking”, newly returned from sunny Liverpool, and clearly re-invigorated, was briefly up near the front – steaming in like the Mersey ferry from a shortcut to the right, but a pit-stop at the pig farm put him amongst the back runners again.

( N.B. The term ‘back runners’ may, here, be regarded as a linguistic flight of fancy, a misnomer even, it is not meant as an accurate description of either their speed or athleticism.)

            The Hare did say, later on at the Circle, that the Hash had gone ‘pretty much as anticipated’. This I doubt; it would have been impossible to imagine a more disorganized melee than the one displayed by us happy Hashers criss-crossing the field that afternoon.

            Once across the field, we headed in a more organized fashion onto some welcome shaded paths. The FRBs were probably already back by the time the main group reached this point. The majority of the Hashers enjoyed a convivial brisk walk and came in pretty much bunched together. No incidents or accidents were reported, and even our trusty food collectors, who can usually be guaranteed to find something to eat long the way, came back empty handed. There were no pineapple- shaped lumps under T-shirts as far as we could make out.

First in was Doesn’t Matterhorn, then the mini Marathon winning on fire Wi Hartmann, closely behind was Able Semen. A very easy flat run for them - once they were put on the right trail.

Oddjob and family trailed in last, handicapped by Barney and Poppy who insisted on watering every twig and stone encountered.  The hounds certainly didn’t catch the hares that day.

                        An oversight on the part of the Hare – who was supposed to be acting as ‘sweeper’, left us back runners to our own devices. He reportedly hadn’t realized that there could be any people behind himself, -I think he meant to say ‘slower’, but was just being kind. We proved him wrong. Relying on Indian tracking skills when the trail was lost , we found our way back by following the distinctive footwear pattern in the dust of  Noongbenz’s sandals.  

            Beautiful late afternoon light, golden stubble in the paddy fields, bee swarms, fields of pineapples and some enormous skinks sunbathing, added to the usual pleasurable Hash.

The Circle.

Pat ‘Shocking’stood in as G.M., slightly hampered by shorts that insisted on travelling south. We were spared our blushes by the prompt hoicking up of said garment by his better half whenever a critical level was reached. Thank you.

• Thanks were given to the Hare, a very enjoyable hash it was agreed. A few Hashers had a little difficulty finding the starting point, and one failed to find it at all (thank you for your e-mail, you will be relieved to see you weren’t the only one, we will see you next month,  Rand)
• No virgin (Hashers) attended, and we spent some considerable time finding the appropriate Hash names for the Hare’s sister and brother –in-law, with the vote finally going to Second hand and Bangcock.
• Scotch on the Rocks was welcomed back to the Hash (slightly belatedly as she was at the Xmas one) from the isle of Arran.
• Namron called the FRBs to account for their underuse of those magic words ‘on,on’ at this Hash.
• The topic of our lack of G.M. was briefly touched upon. We await developments.
• The subject of Hash T-shirts was re-visited, and an amendment was made.  Hares will now receive (FREE) 2 T-shirts – in whatever size we have available – as thanks for their efforts. Pat will take control of their supply. Any Hasher may buy a t-shirt; a suggestion that regular Hashers attending not wearing this garment should be penalized was not voted in.
• Suggestions for possible sources of shredded paper were asked for. Begging For It will chase up one possible lead – but if you know of any supply, do let us know. Either that, or as Able Semen said, the Hares have got plenty of time to get busy with scissors and paper.
• And, finally, a request was made, on behalf of the Chiang Mai Hashers, who intend to visit us, for accommodation suggestions in the form of local Hotel/guest houses.  They usually go to the Pimann Inn, but would like alternative suggestions in case there is a problem. They need somewhere that can supply 15-20 rooms. Preferably cheap and close to a brewery. If you have any ideas, please e-mail them to us and we will forward the info.

Hares for the following Hashes:

February – Able Semen

March – Begging for it  (and another)

April – Tony the Lonely

See you next month, weather permitting. On,on.

 OhhMatron and Oddjob.

Run Report Sat. Dec. 19, 2009 Annual Xmas Hash

Hares: Well oiled and Oiled well

Unwilling to fix something that’s not broken, the Xmas Hash was again held at Ban Sai Mun with George (Well oiled) and Noot (Oiled well)acting as hares and hosts. 

An early start was set to allow more time for post – Hash entertainment.  Oddjob press–ganged Hashers into standing with pieces of paper in front of the camera to enable ease of identification for us as new scribes. (As you will find, it hasn’t helped us much yet.)

After a short briefing from Well Oiled promising us the walk was “easy” and “only 6km” long, we set off for the start in a fleet of chauffer driven and air conditioned vehicles.  Those Hashers riding shotgun found themselves at risk of a free pedicure from the unprotected engine fan, whilst those in the rear enjoyed a slow but convivial drive to the start point.

The first ithean disgorged its cargo whereupon some elected (Win, Jan and Scrotum Face to name a few) to set off early whilst others decided to be goodie two shoes and wait for the starting pistol.  With the benefit of selective hearing, calls of “come back” were ignored, knowing that any advantage gained would soon be lost.  Sure enough the early birds soon heard the thunder of feet and were passed by Nam Ron, Wirgin Bluce , Sean and the other “normal”  FRBs.

The hash was predominately flat with a few gentle inclines towards the end.  Most of the route used hard packed earth tracks passing through paddy fields and small plantations.  Another great Hash route for those of us who favour looking at the fine views at a sweat free strolling pace.  There were no challenging ascents of Everest, perhaps to the annoyance of those who really like to exert themselves, but some tricky checks had been laid out to delay the FRBs and allow the less gifted a chance to catch up.  Some of the detours had a paper trail that lead for quite a distance before stopping.  Titanic complained he had been led off course for a kilometre at one point. Naughty Well Oiled and Oiled well.

First over the finish line were Sean and Ms Jubb (we think) at 16:00 followed shortly by the rest of the runners.  One of the runners came panting in wearing no clothes – and after crossing the finish line leapt into a nearby stream and played in the mud.  Bushwacker was the called to heel by Jeff and they trotted back home to make a start on the beer.

Well oiled and Oiled well with the assistance from Santa’s little helpers put on a super buffet, lit by xmas lights.  For me the star dishes were the home made fruit cake and plum and hibiscus juice.  Many thanks to all who helped with the food.

After a huge dent had been made in the victuals, Well Oiled donned his Santa hat to start the Xmas raffle. Amazingly all the children managed to win a prize, the variety of which is too numerous to mention in this limited space.  Everyone appreciated their gifts.

The circle.

We were missing our new GM Sten (Stoned).  I am not sure why he was absent but I did hear the words “VD”, “infectious” and “water buffalo”. (A whispering source said that Sten had been seen getting stoned whilst he was cruising Jetyod road on Saturday night.)  Ian Swan stepped back into his old post (much to his disgust as this reduced his beer drinking time.)  Remembering something outstanding , Ian gave thanks to the outgoing committee members, and to the Hares for their grand efforts.  General consensus was positive about the course, though some questioned the length, “seemed more like 9kms to me and all uphill”, was a typical comment.  7 virgins to the Hash were welcomed. One was promptly given the name Blow Job, due to his choice of T-shirt, (the logo was ‘I love cocaine’).

An unseasonally harsh decision by the circle forced Oddjob to drink beer. He had failed to walk the course, his excuses of being needed to assist with transport, to take photos of the Hashers arriving back, and ,even, not wanting to blind runners with the sun reflecting off his head were rejected. Down,down.

NamRon noted we were letting our standards slip – thrusting an under-age drinker into the circle, he berated our lack of vigilance – for a brief moment we thought he was being serious until he produced another beer for the guilty one.

Burrito Buff, visiting from the Chiang Mai Hashers, extended an open invitation to their Hashes. (she has e-mailed you all with details). Their “Bunny Hash” is held last Sunday in the month – traditionally an all-female affair, men are welcomed if they cross dress for the circle. Hashers from Chiang Mai will be joining us for our January 16^th Hash. Bleepers and blinkers may be required for those of us of a more sensitive nature as their circle is reported to be a rather different affair to ours.

Hares for January and February were confirmed – but we can’t remember who they were- it was now 7 pm and past my bedtime.

Committee for 2010/2553

G.M – Sten (Stoned)

Hash Cash – Peter (Doesn’t Matterhorn)

Hash Beer – Titanic

Hash Scribes – Jan (oohMatron) and Terry (Oddjob)

Contact us via e-mail: chiangraihash@gmail.com. Especially if you are reading someone else’s copy and want to be added to our mailing list.

P.S Thanks for your feedback about the hash, it’s good to get different viewpoints. Whatever our reasons for attending – Chiang Rai Hash appears unique in offering a family friendly and welcoming atmosphere – long may it continue. See you on January 16^th.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

News From the 6th Anniversary Chiang Rai Hash

November 21^st 2009/52

Venue: Able Semen’s usual, this time going round clockwise.

Firstly, an apology to all the Hashers regarding the lack of detail on attendees and ‘who did what’.   This is due to us not taking any notice, and only appreciating we had to act as scribes after the event. However, from the recesses of brains badly needing de-fragmenting, this is what we retrieved.

The Hash

The weather was kind, almost cool. We had an earlier start to take account of the night’s drawing in and no one wanting to have to retrieve lost souls in the dark.

The starter pistol went, some hared off and the rest of us took a more measured approach, needing to save our strength for other things, like breathing.

.

The walk  run was set in pleasantly forested teak and fruit plantations, amidst ponds and very dark bamboo groves – though no ghosts were seen, thanks to  the presence of one of the new runners. No really challenging hazards were met, apart from a steepish descent and a sneaky sharp left turn through a barbed wire fence. One hazard was man-made, with a number of us spending some time blindly following a distant yellow shirted figure tramping across a paddy field (turned out to be the short cutting bastard Titanic), all the time muttering ‘ I can’t see any paper’ – perhaps this should have alerted us to consider we were not on the trail. However, no ill was done, and any shortening in distance was off set by the rougher terrain. Yes, it was.

Arriving back, the usual smugly grinning crew were already re-assembled, looking remarkably as though they had appropriated wheeled transport round the first, hidden, bend to complete the course with.  We were later informed that Nam Ron had run in first at 15.15 p.m., since this was fifteen minutes before the start time, he must be really fast.

The rest of us marched, strolled, ambled in, most making some attempt to pretend effort had been made. Only one Hasher really letting the ethos of the event down by openly admitting taking the opportunity to investigate the pruning methods for Sandoricum koetjape planted along the way. Shame.

Post event.

Many thanks to Pat on the Back and assistants of the day for a delicious post-Hash repast, in particular, a wickedly hot som tom.

The Circle

This was a fairly lengthy affair due to pressure of business.

1. The Chairman asked for comments on Hash – all were complimentary, though we all felt Pat’s excuses for non-attendance at his own Hash were pretty poor.
2. George ( Well oiled) was called into the Circle to describe/entice us with a description of the December Hash.  We are promised a ride on a local taxi bus, delicious food, a non-arduous run/walk, and (we swear) we heard mention of Santa Claus.  Don’t miss it. 3^rd Saturday in December. Details to follow.
3. Three Hashers were given their Hash names:

• Iceberg – having declared she was ‘into gardening and flowers’ she was promptly given the name of a lettuce. (And since her better half is called the Titanic, she was given the major role in the disaster.)
• Ball-Tickler – this having something to do with his goatee and what a goatee is called in the boy bars of San Francisco.
• GhostBuster – see previous comment about dark bamboo groves.

4. We nearly had one Virgin, but he was sent out of the circle in disgrace when the Chairman discovered that he’d only traversed a dizzying 250 metres and then turned back. This was due to: a, arriving after everyone else had set off, and b, not having a clue what he was supposed to do. This latter shows great promise, just the calibre of person who will fit in well with the C.R. Hashers.  Please come again.
5. Hares were confirmed for Hashes up till March.
6. Being the Anniversary Hash, the present Committee members were desperately looking to off load their roles on new victims. Nominations were received for the posts of Chairman, Hash Cash, Hash Beer and Scribe(s). Not one of the nominees seemed to have grasped any element of what was involved in the roles, so this bodes extremely well for the next year.  Many thanks to the out-going committed for their efforts and hard work.  (And collective sighs were heard when the group realized Able Semen wasn't going to re-nominate himself.)

After this, the Circle degenerated further but, we think, there was some further discussion on the following matters:

T-shirts – they will no longer be given away (free) after the qualifying period of Hash attendances – but the ones you will now be able to buy will be of ‘superior quality’.

Jeff suggested the purchase of a G.P.S device for use by each month’s Hare from any Beer cash surplus. The decision about this was drowned out, but the words ‘Sven’, ‘new truck, and ‘no surplus’ seemed to figure.

There was also an invitation to form a contingency to go to Chiang Mai for their Hash this weekend. Contact Jeff (very, very quickly) for more details.

The only details of your new committee that we can remember:

Chairman –  Stoned

Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn

Hash Beer -  

Scribes – Ooh Matron and Odd Job

We hope to see you all at the December Hash. We will pay more attention.

On, On.

Ooh Matron and Odd Job

   front runner is welcomed in by the waiting crowd (I think)

    The last one in.

2009 Anniversary Hash, Nov. 21 3:30 PM

Directions to the Nov Hash which starts at 3:30 pm.

If starting in Chiang Rai, proceed south past Big C on the superhighway and turn left at the traffic lights by the Little Duck Hotel. This brings you on to the 1020 (direction toward Thoeng among other places.) Proceed until you reach Kilometere stone 11, which is peeling badly and so the 11 is difficult to read. You will recognise it easily enough for it is the stone after kilometer stone 10.

 

Slow down here. After about 500 metres, turn right into a narrow road signed to a Forestry Commission site but in Thai only. Do not fear however since a Hash sign will be displayed at this point prominently. Yes, thats right, prominently.

 

Continue for some 1.5 k and then turn right again where you see another helpfully placed Hash sign. After 2 further kilometeres, you will reach a T junction. Turn right again and proceed for 250 meters where you will find the Hash meeting area.

 

If you get lost, call Pat.

 

I walked the course this morning and it took me exactly 1 hour and 5 minutes at a good pace. Probably 5 to 5.5 kilometres therefore. See you Saturday. On On. Ian 

Report of HHH Run# 72: Saturday, October 18, 2009

Location: Baan Lao at the Huai San reservoir (off the Old Chiangmai Road)

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by Tony the Lonely

As the days grow shorter, the light-sensitive hashers become ever more punctual and by 4 p.m. some 24 had already gathered at the starting point. Including the absent hare, there were eleven men all farang, ten women of whom eight were Thai and four kids plus a dog. Then the ever vigilant Hand Cock observed that Nam Ron, the hare was missing. After a few minutes stunned silence, Tony the Lonely admitted that he was also part of this hash’s miss-planning committee and that in fulfillment of the hare’s promise that no feet would escape dry, the run begins by crossing the reservoir dam that was already overflowing with water.
Just before crossing your helpful correspondent asked if this was the only place we would get our feet wet. Tony the Lonely assured us that indeed this was the only location. What he neglected to clarify however was that the trail would oblige one to pass this location a second time and that staying dry elsewhere depended on one’s dexterity navigating two precarious bridges.
Consistent with Nam Ron’s reputation, the trail was a masterpiece of confusion and obfuscation. Two checks followed by false trails were so successful leading the diligent astray, that Wild Woman, Rolling and Do It Better, briefly found themselves in the lead simply by loitering at a scrubbed out check.
Nam Ron made a number of other promises to entice the unsuspecting. On a scale of one to ten rating difficulty he said this one ranked a seven. Like his side kick, Tony the Lonely he neglected to mention a few critical details: for example, ten represents a 100 meter slippery cliff topped by an overhanging precipice. He also suggested that Allo Allo would be able to do the 6.1 km trail in 48 minutes while Shocking would finish 48 minutes later. Suspicious that Tony the Lonely might abscond with the beer, Allo Allo did indeed complete the track in record time while the equally skeptical Shocking failed to materialize at all.
Inured to this culture of cynical abuse, imagine then the shock and disbelief which greeted the gallant Doesn’t Matterhorn who after delivering his precious Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream to the other side of a particularly treacherous bridge, re-entered the water to help virgins and other inept hashers across. Odd Job and Ooohmatron didn’t even have the decency to pretend self-sufficiency.
The last promise Nam Ron made was that the trail would climb 342 meters. He neglected to add that the climb was through a corn field, all in one place. There were no helpful hands to assist Pat on the Back and Superglue pull and push their virgin guests up the hill. When Tight Lips and Lip Service appeared in the distance, all the ladies declared a break as if in solidarity with the late-comers.
Following his nose rather than paper and keenly focused on the scent of beer, Allo Allo found a short cut back to home base. In this deception he was cheerfully assisted by fellow FRB’s Stoned, Do It Yourself and Able Semen who re-laid paper to implicate the others. Thus the group by-passed the most scenic part of the trail. At least was the defense of the hare who claimed that the greatest bucolic splendors had yet to be seen. According to him, only Wild Woman passed by the intended route but she declared that it must have been too dark to notice anything special.
As dusk fell and visions of distraught virgins wandering lost in the bush began to afflict the conscience of our now present hare. Nam Ron accordingly drove back out the road in search of the distressed. Meanwhile your faithful correspondent, together with Hand Cock and Virgin Abbey hitched a ride in passing pick up full of Able Semen’s relatives. It was conveniently dark by the time the group reassembled and the G.M. accordingly kept the circle session short. This strategy appealed especially to the Hash Beer, Hand Cock who departed the scene shortly thereafter with a cold box nearly full of surplus drinks.
Being the 72th event, this hash concludes the sixth cycle of our existence. On Saturday November 21 we will celebrate the anniversary and hopefully elect a new mismanagement committee. Last year we reelected the same gang in spite of hash they did of managing our affairs. It was said at the time, that however bad these guys may be, they are better than any of the alternatives on offer. This year however glum the outlook, we are determined to do differently, if not better. So if anyone has any bright ideas for improvement, nominations and especially volunteering for executive functions, would you please send them to me in response to this hash report for election at the anniversary gathering.
To underline the obvious, those who take exception to way our history is written, now have an opportunity to rewrite the past simply by voting the Scribe out of office. Volunteers welcome!


Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

HHH Run Report# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Report of HHH Run# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Location: Behind Wat Phrathat Jomsak on Soi 6 off the Asian Highway just south of the international airport.

Hares: Loose Spoke assisted by Tight Sprocket and Third Wheel

By 4 p.m. 40 hashers were stamping with excitement eager to get started before threatening rain or dusk could overtake them. As usual all 12 males but only one of the eight females were farang. Still we waited for Odd Job and Oooolmatron who were to bring a guest. The Oileds were also absent at starting time. Upon arrival Odd Job then confessed that the guest had become so inebriated the night before that she fell off her motorcycle and could not join them. All thought of the delinquent Oileds now forgotten, the herd took off in pursuit of paper, accompanied by cattle which must have recognized the scene from Pamplona.

Allo Allo soon left all but Able Semen and Peter Doesn’tmatterhorn in the dust. Third Wheel and his pal Sticky Goo followed at a distance. Tony the Lonely demonstrated the inappropriateness of his name by arriving with Stoned and Mike.

Fat Cat became so absorbed in trying to recover his viral name Tom Cat that he completely forgot his daughter. The nubile Kitty Kat and her cousin Kat in the Hat seized the moment to escape his chaperonage.

Meanwhile seeking safety in numbers, Wild Woman, Do It Better, Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream, Pat on the Back, Superglue, Tight Sprocket and Rolling moved at a gentle pace which allowed them to appreciate the bucolic views. There was not much elevation; the trail stuck to gravel roads; it was perfect for a possibly rainy day.

Likewise Nam Ron made a lazy day of it. He pretended that sons Kenji and Kodi were responsible for the slow pace.

Only Boy Magnet distinguished herself looking ravishing in her HHH t-shirt.
Unfortunately there was no opportunity to sell t-shirts to ardent men she inspired. No sooner had the last group arrived but the rain began to fall in earnest. The Hash Cash, Do It Yourself declared that this was the best hash so far as there was no time to consume beer in a circle. Shocking then made resolution to be among the front runners in future so he could be sure to drink his money’s worth.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

REPORT OF HHH RUN #70 SATURDAY AUGUST 15TH 2009

Location-----Nong Pueng Pond Northwest of Doi Khau Khwai
Hares----- Doesen"t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll

In the absence of are renowned hash scribe Virgin Bluce who his believed to be on a touring holiday of all the Whiskey and Beer Distillerys of Canada, I offer my humble contribution.
There was a very good turn out for our Virgin hares trail that consisted of 17male,12 female 3 Children.
The FRBS of Allo Allo, On Fire and Virgin Jessica who had only been jogging around the pond until Reverse Thruster press ganged her into the hash set the pace.
Within the first kilometre the pattern of the scenic trail unfolded,the FRBs panned out to trace some very crafty checks giving the rest of the field time to bunch up. This suited the mid division that consisted of Oops Matron,Odd Job,Super Glue, Do It Better and Pat On The Back, the only major obstacle was a rather unsafe looking bamboo bridge that had over half the field queueing up to cross. Bushwacker showed the way by bravely skipping over the bridge together with Speedy Gonzarlis, Rolling, Sealed Lips and Lip Service while MANipulator’s 5 month old Rottweiler pup had to be coaxed over.
As the FRBs came home in under 40 minutes with the rest of the field not far behind only to be greeted by our devoted GM Able Semen who had stayed behind to guard the beer stocks just in case anyone from Liverpool was holidaying in the area.
The circle was called with the thanking of Doesen"t Matterhorn, Swiss Roll and of course Swiss Cream for their efforts and hospitality of Mango and Sticky Rice also Somtam Khaow Neo.
We had 6 virgins Hannie, Mike, Ryan, Jessica and Darryl & wife. Darryl must rate as a future ardent hasher as he brought his own beer just in case the hash stocks ran out.
Next up the 3 hashers who were due names, Tony whose hash name from Manilla is Tony The Lonely but it was suggested that as this was the first hash he had not got lost it should read Tony was The Lonely. After a tight vote his Manila name stood. Next up was John who after giving a detailed account of his navigation skills was donned the name "Titanic." His wife is due a name on her next appearance. Stuart received the name The Better Man.

Four hashers, notably Flying Dutchman, Dutch Treat, Fired Up and On Fire had completed our very stringent 6 hash free shirt rule and after vowing not to resell them on E bay for a vast profit received their t-shirts.
Before the circle was concluded, Nam Ron tried to bring to task Stoned, Do It Yourself and myself (the most popular ex-GM ever) for their objections to his idea of a 5pm start. He was soon shot down when it was revealed he had been offered a "Job Lot" of very cheap Miners Headlamps that prompted him into cashing in by palming them off on the hash.
on on
Shocking

August 15th Hash, Driving Directions

Next Hash Saturday 15th August Start 4 pm

DIRECTIONS FOR THE AUGUST 15TH HASH ---START 4-00PM PROMPT
ALL WELCOME COME AND ENJOY
Hi all HHH

We will start our August City-HHH at the large pond (called Nong Pueng) northwest of "Doi Khau Khwai" on Saturday August 15 beginning at 4 pm.
"Doi Khau Khwai" (ดอยเขาควาย) as known as The City View Point, is located about 3 kilometers west of the old Airport Runway.

Driving direction : Start at the old Airport Runway heading west. After passing the Driving Range, The Buffalo Hill Guesthouse and Sinthanii 8 you will arrive at the the entrance up to the View Point just before the entrance turn sharply right (HHH signs) and follow the few HHH sings for about 1.5 kilometers. the start will be at the "salaa" (ศาลาชุมชนหนองปึ๋ง) next to the pond on your left hand side (HHH signs).

For those who are Chiang Rai Virgins and don't know the old Airport or "Doi Khau Khwai", please click on this map!

On On !

Swiss cream, Swiss Roll and Doesn't Matterhorn