Report of Hash #104, June 16

This month’s hash began and ended at the so-called Twice Residence, so
it was more of an urban walk than a traditional hash further out of
town. As such the route was through some very degraded “nature”,
interspersed with numerous rubbish tips. Much like the other hashes
then.

After some tense moments before the start attempting to get the
hashers not to park on the grass, things quieted down and everyone set
off.

The hares had not had the heart to distribute copious amounts of
paper, so an attempt was made to stick together as a group. This
worked very well until the end of the driveway, after which the
hashers coalesced into a group of 5 very fast hashers, led by Blows
Twice’s son Stephane, and a group of 25 very slow hashers, led by the
hares. Blows Twice was possibly the first hare ever to do a hash in a
dress, but appearances can be deceptive, the hares were taking their
duties very seriously.

The atypical organisational framework occasioned much tut-tutting and
head shaking from Wirgin Bluce, but fortunately he is no longer the
hash scribe.

It is correct that some hashers got slightly lost due to the absence
of paper, but it was felt by the organisers that it would be quibbling
to differentiate between getting lost due to the absence of paper
versus getting lost due to paper intentionally pointing down false
trails.

The first part of the walk was through the vacant land around Doi
Prabat. This area is not on the tourist trail, and thus is used
primarily by the local community for leisure activities such as
buffalo grazing, catching snakes, fly-tipping and the like. After
doing a loop through here we reached the first thrill of the route, a
flimsy bridge consisting of 2 bamboo trunks. Nonetheless, everyone
decided to cross except Shocking, who was desirous to return home for
a head start on the drinks.

The vacant land on the other side of the river was more of the same.
For those adventurers amongst the hashers who like to “buy” land
without proper title and build on it, this part of Chiang Rai is
ideal. And you can walk to Central!  In fact you have to walk to
Central, because there won’t be a road going to your house.

The second bridge was even trickier than the first, due to a
pronounced swinging motion, but despite having cameras at the ready,
no one fell in, although On Fire picked up a leech. Some mastered the
bridge crossings more gracefully than others of course, but it’s not a
competition. Except for one of the hashers, who crossed a bridge on
her hands.

Back at home the business of the day was handled with customary
professionalism by Shocking, Wirgin Bluce and Able Semen. Blows
Twice’s son was on his 3rd hash and after a cliffhanger of a vote he
now rejoices in the hash name Twice As Long. These names are the gift
that keeps on giving.

The refreshments provided by the hosts (fruit) were slightly
underwhelming given that the outlay was only thb 1100, but at least
there was no issue with leftovers.

By in large the hashers were quite well behaved, apart from the odd
plastic bottle discovered on the lawn, and it is believed that no one
peed in the pool, at least not while standing on the side.

On On

Comes Twice and Blows Twice

As retired Hash Scribe your faithful ex-correspondent remains silent.
He resists commenting on the absence of paper which complicated the
search for the trail. All struggled to follow a lanky bald spot which
kept disappearing in the distance. While he acknowledges the perverse
creativity of the hares who insist on outlining in great detail every
twist and turn in the route to be followed, he confesses that at the
third turning to the left following at least four turns to the right,
he had no idea what the hare was talking about. It seems the ex-scribe
was not alone in his confusion. Stephane, son of Blows Twice who was
to lead the Front Running Bastards and presumably knew the  trail,
also got lost. It seems Stephane has a talent for leading the FRBs
astray and in recognition of this skill, he acquired the hash name
"Twice As Long."  His partner in sin, Gabriella will be coming up for
a name next time she makes the mistake of coming to a hash. May I
humbly consider that in memory of the fine hospitality we received at
the Twice residence at this June hash, we  give her the name "As Long
Inn." Jeremy the girl who walks as much on her hands as on her feet
will need a name next time also. Any  suggestions?
    I will send you by a separate email a fine video done of our hash
by Virgin Jim.
On! On!
WB