Hares: G.M. Able Semen assisted by Nam Ron
Location: Near Ban Pong Sai off the Old Chiangmai Road
Thirty two folk showed for the hash. Thirteen were male and farang as always. Eleven were female but only eight of them were Thai. Our number of farang women is increasing! There were seven virgins but five of them jumped in the car and ran off before we had an opportunity to down down them. That left Ria and Phongsri to face the honours alone. These data do not include David and Mint about whom more is said later.
There were eight children. Nike, Cela and Katiana numbered among the disappearing virgins together with their parents Joel and Tricia. The others included Boy Magnet and her brother Superglue. Their participation along with their mother Pat on the Back was assured by the long reach of our most popular G.M. ever. Shocking phoned repeatedly from UK to ensure that his family was coming. Rolling’s daughter Benz and Nam Ron’s son Kenji completed the child rostrum.
This hash was brought to us grace of the same people who produced Run #58 in August. As all will recall, Able Semen laid the paper and Nam Ron led at least half the group so far astray that a car had to be sent to fetch them.
Perhaps illustrative of exactly how short memories can be, at the end of the September hash, Able Semen managed to nose out Bush Whacker (Nam Ron’s dog) to be elected temporary G.M. This was to complete the remaining term of the most popular G.M. ever, Shocking. When the man who volunteered to hare the October hash, Hand Cock delayed his return from abroad, the new G.M. rose to the challenge. Can you guess who he then chose to assist him? You guessed it: Nam Ron!
At the start of the run, the newly elected G.M. explained at great length and detail exactly how he had laid out the run and what hashers could expect. It all seemed very clear and straight forward. Midway along the trail they would find two clearly marked two options. L indicated the long route which was 7.5 kilometers long. S stood for “short” which was 4 kilometers long. He would sweep the long run and Nam Ron would do the short one. All this was clearly understood, the group set out with great confidence.
The trail led mostly through teak forest with cool deep shade. Occasionally we came upon vistas of large ponds and stretches of rice fields. The scenery was as beautiful as we ever find it. The checks were cleverly laid and every effective. They stymied the Front Running Bastards repeatedly allowing the most walkers to regroup. Twice this truthful scribe, a walker, found himself briefly ahead of Allo Allo, our most determined FRB.
For most of the group, progress was rapid. Do It Yourself and Do It Better, Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn and Pickled Prik joined in FRB duties. Mike worked up a sweat zealously chaperoning his nubile daughter Jo. In this task, he was eagerly assisted by otherwise tardy Hand Cock, Graham, Doc and Stoned. Rolling, Benz, Swiss Roll, Goodbye, Goodbye, China and the newly reappeared Scotch on the Rocks monitored from a distance. In fact it was all going so well that all but the stragglers chose to do the long run.
Unfortunately the slow ones were very slow indeed. These were the five virgins mentioned above whom Wild Woman and Pat on the Back plus her brood (Boy Magnet and Superglue) stayed behind to shepherd on. They wisely chose the short route. However as they were the only ones to take the short route, they had to break all the checks themselves. This was additionally challenging, as not being FRBs, Wild Woman and the Pats on the Back had never had to break checks before.
Had there been a sweep there should not have been a problem. By prior agreement Able Semen went on to sweep the long route and Nam Ron was to follow on the short one. However even “the best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men oft go awry.” Nam Ron had invited a friend, David a teacher whose job ended at 4 pm, to come. He assumed that the guy could make the 20 km ride out to the site in less than 20 minutes but that isn’t what happened. When he and Mint arrived 45 minutes late there was no way Nam Ron could sweep the whole short route so he decided to do as much as he could in reverse. Then there were more complications.
At one juncture in the road Nam Ron told son Kenji to go the easy route while he and David ran up a hill. It is along this easy trail that your faithful correspondent came across Kenji and Mint going in the wrong direction. He persuaded Kenji to turn around and follow him but not without difficulty. Kenji cried all the way in misplaced loyalty for the father who had abandoned him. Meanwhile Nam Ron reaches the intersection and missing Kenji decides to abandon his sweep and return to base. Unfortunately Wild Woman, the three Pats and five virgins had yet to reach that point.
It is now getting dark and it is becoming increasing difficult to find paper. To make matters worse, this honest reporter who served as temporary Hash Beer had locked all the beer in his car. He gave the key to Do It Yourself who is usually a FRB but he passed it to Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn. Peter fearing he would lose the key, he gave it to the G.M. but as sweep Able Semen would be among the last to arrive. So there was no beer for the FRBs.
Now worried that she might be stuck in the woods for the night, Pat on the Back phones for help. Word reaches Allo Allo and Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn who unaccustomed to sobriety, run off to excise their mounting frustration. They reach the struggling stragglers and bring them back just as the last light is fading.
As the darkness deepens, G.M. Able Semen calls a circle to honour himself and Nam Ron as hares. Your faithful correspondent is called upon to lead the gathering in song but he is slow coming up with the words. So Allo Allo steps in with his unique tune which is unlike anything ever heard in this group before.
David and Mint hop on their motorcycle and skip out before the Hash Cash could get hold of them. That is unfortunately the only blemish on his otherwise impeccable collection record. Thus a tiny opening now exists for future Hash Cashes to exceed the record established by indomitable Do It Yourself, hitherto hailed as the most efficient Hash Cash ever.
Next month, the third Saturday falls on November 15 which unfortunately coincides with the cremation of the King’s sister. As the government has asked all organizations to postpone any public events planned for that day, we will have to do likewise. Our G.M. will announce a new date after consultation with the hares.
On! On!
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
