News From the 6th Anniversary Chiang Rai Hash

November 21^st 2009/52

Venue: Able Semen’s usual, this time going round clockwise.

Firstly, an apology to all the Hashers regarding the lack of detail on attendees and ‘who did what’.   This is due to us not taking any notice, and only appreciating we had to act as scribes after the event. However, from the recesses of brains badly needing de-fragmenting, this is what we retrieved.

The Hash

The weather was kind, almost cool. We had an earlier start to take account of the night’s drawing in and no one wanting to have to retrieve lost souls in the dark.

The starter pistol went, some hared off and the rest of us took a more measured approach, needing to save our strength for other things, like breathing.

.

The walk  run was set in pleasantly forested teak and fruit plantations, amidst ponds and very dark bamboo groves – though no ghosts were seen, thanks to  the presence of one of the new runners. No really challenging hazards were met, apart from a steepish descent and a sneaky sharp left turn through a barbed wire fence. One hazard was man-made, with a number of us spending some time blindly following a distant yellow shirted figure tramping across a paddy field (turned out to be the short cutting bastard Titanic), all the time muttering ‘ I can’t see any paper’ – perhaps this should have alerted us to consider we were not on the trail. However, no ill was done, and any shortening in distance was off set by the rougher terrain. Yes, it was.

Arriving back, the usual smugly grinning crew were already re-assembled, looking remarkably as though they had appropriated wheeled transport round the first, hidden, bend to complete the course with.  We were later informed that Nam Ron had run in first at 15.15 p.m., since this was fifteen minutes before the start time, he must be really fast.

The rest of us marched, strolled, ambled in, most making some attempt to pretend effort had been made. Only one Hasher really letting the ethos of the event down by openly admitting taking the opportunity to investigate the pruning methods for Sandoricum koetjape planted along the way. Shame.

Post event.

Many thanks to Pat on the Back and assistants of the day for a delicious post-Hash repast, in particular, a wickedly hot som tom.

The Circle

This was a fairly lengthy affair due to pressure of business.

1. The Chairman asked for comments on Hash – all were complimentary, though we all felt Pat’s excuses for non-attendance at his own Hash were pretty poor.
2. George ( Well oiled) was called into the Circle to describe/entice us with a description of the December Hash.  We are promised a ride on a local taxi bus, delicious food, a non-arduous run/walk, and (we swear) we heard mention of Santa Claus.  Don’t miss it. 3^rd Saturday in December. Details to follow.
3. Three Hashers were given their Hash names:

• Iceberg – having declared she was ‘into gardening and flowers’ she was promptly given the name of a lettuce. (And since her better half is called the Titanic, she was given the major role in the disaster.)
• Ball-Tickler – this having something to do with his goatee and what a goatee is called in the boy bars of San Francisco.
• GhostBuster – see previous comment about dark bamboo groves.

4. We nearly had one Virgin, but he was sent out of the circle in disgrace when the Chairman discovered that he’d only traversed a dizzying 250 metres and then turned back. This was due to: a, arriving after everyone else had set off, and b, not having a clue what he was supposed to do. This latter shows great promise, just the calibre of person who will fit in well with the C.R. Hashers.  Please come again.
5. Hares were confirmed for Hashes up till March.
6. Being the Anniversary Hash, the present Committee members were desperately looking to off load their roles on new victims. Nominations were received for the posts of Chairman, Hash Cash, Hash Beer and Scribe(s). Not one of the nominees seemed to have grasped any element of what was involved in the roles, so this bodes extremely well for the next year.  Many thanks to the out-going committed for their efforts and hard work.  (And collective sighs were heard when the group realized Able Semen wasn't going to re-nominate himself.)

After this, the Circle degenerated further but, we think, there was some further discussion on the following matters:

T-shirts – they will no longer be given away (free) after the qualifying period of Hash attendances – but the ones you will now be able to buy will be of ‘superior quality’.

Jeff suggested the purchase of a G.P.S device for use by each month’s Hare from any Beer cash surplus. The decision about this was drowned out, but the words ‘Sven’, ‘new truck, and ‘no surplus’ seemed to figure.

There was also an invitation to form a contingency to go to Chiang Mai for their Hash this weekend. Contact Jeff (very, very quickly) for more details.

The only details of your new committee that we can remember:

Chairman –  Stoned

Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn

Hash Beer -  

Scribes – Ooh Matron and Odd Job

We hope to see you all at the December Hash. We will pay more attention.

On, On.

Ooh Matron and Odd Job

   front runner is welcomed in by the waiting crowd (I think)

    The last one in.

2009 Anniversary Hash, Nov. 21 3:30 PM

Directions to the Nov Hash which starts at 3:30 pm.

If starting in Chiang Rai, proceed south past Big C on the superhighway and turn left at the traffic lights by the Little Duck Hotel. This brings you on to the 1020 (direction toward Thoeng among other places.) Proceed until you reach Kilometere stone 11, which is peeling badly and so the 11 is difficult to read. You will recognise it easily enough for it is the stone after kilometer stone 10.

 

Slow down here. After about 500 metres, turn right into a narrow road signed to a Forestry Commission site but in Thai only. Do not fear however since a Hash sign will be displayed at this point prominently. Yes, thats right, prominently.

 

Continue for some 1.5 k and then turn right again where you see another helpfully placed Hash sign. After 2 further kilometeres, you will reach a T junction. Turn right again and proceed for 250 meters where you will find the Hash meeting area.

 

If you get lost, call Pat.

 

I walked the course this morning and it took me exactly 1 hour and 5 minutes at a good pace. Probably 5 to 5.5 kilometres therefore. See you Saturday. On On. Ian 

Report of HHH Run# 72: Saturday, October 18, 2009

Location: Baan Lao at the Huai San reservoir (off the Old Chiangmai Road)

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by Tony the Lonely

As the days grow shorter, the light-sensitive hashers become ever more punctual and by 4 p.m. some 24 had already gathered at the starting point. Including the absent hare, there were eleven men all farang, ten women of whom eight were Thai and four kids plus a dog. Then the ever vigilant Hand Cock observed that Nam Ron, the hare was missing. After a few minutes stunned silence, Tony the Lonely admitted that he was also part of this hash’s miss-planning committee and that in fulfillment of the hare’s promise that no feet would escape dry, the run begins by crossing the reservoir dam that was already overflowing with water.
Just before crossing your helpful correspondent asked if this was the only place we would get our feet wet. Tony the Lonely assured us that indeed this was the only location. What he neglected to clarify however was that the trail would oblige one to pass this location a second time and that staying dry elsewhere depended on one’s dexterity navigating two precarious bridges.
Consistent with Nam Ron’s reputation, the trail was a masterpiece of confusion and obfuscation. Two checks followed by false trails were so successful leading the diligent astray, that Wild Woman, Rolling and Do It Better, briefly found themselves in the lead simply by loitering at a scrubbed out check.
Nam Ron made a number of other promises to entice the unsuspecting. On a scale of one to ten rating difficulty he said this one ranked a seven. Like his side kick, Tony the Lonely he neglected to mention a few critical details: for example, ten represents a 100 meter slippery cliff topped by an overhanging precipice. He also suggested that Allo Allo would be able to do the 6.1 km trail in 48 minutes while Shocking would finish 48 minutes later. Suspicious that Tony the Lonely might abscond with the beer, Allo Allo did indeed complete the track in record time while the equally skeptical Shocking failed to materialize at all.
Inured to this culture of cynical abuse, imagine then the shock and disbelief which greeted the gallant Doesn’t Matterhorn who after delivering his precious Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream to the other side of a particularly treacherous bridge, re-entered the water to help virgins and other inept hashers across. Odd Job and Ooohmatron didn’t even have the decency to pretend self-sufficiency.
The last promise Nam Ron made was that the trail would climb 342 meters. He neglected to add that the climb was through a corn field, all in one place. There were no helpful hands to assist Pat on the Back and Superglue pull and push their virgin guests up the hill. When Tight Lips and Lip Service appeared in the distance, all the ladies declared a break as if in solidarity with the late-comers.
Following his nose rather than paper and keenly focused on the scent of beer, Allo Allo found a short cut back to home base. In this deception he was cheerfully assisted by fellow FRB’s Stoned, Do It Yourself and Able Semen who re-laid paper to implicate the others. Thus the group by-passed the most scenic part of the trail. At least was the defense of the hare who claimed that the greatest bucolic splendors had yet to be seen. According to him, only Wild Woman passed by the intended route but she declared that it must have been too dark to notice anything special.
As dusk fell and visions of distraught virgins wandering lost in the bush began to afflict the conscience of our now present hare. Nam Ron accordingly drove back out the road in search of the distressed. Meanwhile your faithful correspondent, together with Hand Cock and Virgin Abbey hitched a ride in passing pick up full of Able Semen’s relatives. It was conveniently dark by the time the group reassembled and the G.M. accordingly kept the circle session short. This strategy appealed especially to the Hash Beer, Hand Cock who departed the scene shortly thereafter with a cold box nearly full of surplus drinks.
Being the 72th event, this hash concludes the sixth cycle of our existence. On Saturday November 21 we will celebrate the anniversary and hopefully elect a new mismanagement committee. Last year we reelected the same gang in spite of hash they did of managing our affairs. It was said at the time, that however bad these guys may be, they are better than any of the alternatives on offer. This year however glum the outlook, we are determined to do differently, if not better. So if anyone has any bright ideas for improvement, nominations and especially volunteering for executive functions, would you please send them to me in response to this hash report for election at the anniversary gathering.
To underline the obvious, those who take exception to way our history is written, now have an opportunity to rewrite the past simply by voting the Scribe out of office. Volunteers welcome!


Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

HHH Run Report# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Report of HHH Run# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Location: Behind Wat Phrathat Jomsak on Soi 6 off the Asian Highway just south of the international airport.

Hares: Loose Spoke assisted by Tight Sprocket and Third Wheel

By 4 p.m. 40 hashers were stamping with excitement eager to get started before threatening rain or dusk could overtake them. As usual all 12 males but only one of the eight females were farang. Still we waited for Odd Job and Oooolmatron who were to bring a guest. The Oileds were also absent at starting time. Upon arrival Odd Job then confessed that the guest had become so inebriated the night before that she fell off her motorcycle and could not join them. All thought of the delinquent Oileds now forgotten, the herd took off in pursuit of paper, accompanied by cattle which must have recognized the scene from Pamplona.

Allo Allo soon left all but Able Semen and Peter Doesn’tmatterhorn in the dust. Third Wheel and his pal Sticky Goo followed at a distance. Tony the Lonely demonstrated the inappropriateness of his name by arriving with Stoned and Mike.

Fat Cat became so absorbed in trying to recover his viral name Tom Cat that he completely forgot his daughter. The nubile Kitty Kat and her cousin Kat in the Hat seized the moment to escape his chaperonage.

Meanwhile seeking safety in numbers, Wild Woman, Do It Better, Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream, Pat on the Back, Superglue, Tight Sprocket and Rolling moved at a gentle pace which allowed them to appreciate the bucolic views. There was not much elevation; the trail stuck to gravel roads; it was perfect for a possibly rainy day.

Likewise Nam Ron made a lazy day of it. He pretended that sons Kenji and Kodi were responsible for the slow pace.

Only Boy Magnet distinguished herself looking ravishing in her HHH t-shirt.
Unfortunately there was no opportunity to sell t-shirts to ardent men she inspired. No sooner had the last group arrived but the rain began to fall in earnest. The Hash Cash, Do It Yourself declared that this was the best hash so far as there was no time to consume beer in a circle. Shocking then made resolution to be among the front runners in future so he could be sure to drink his money’s worth.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

REPORT OF HHH RUN #70 SATURDAY AUGUST 15TH 2009

Location-----Nong Pueng Pond Northwest of Doi Khau Khwai
Hares----- Doesen"t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll

In the absence of are renowned hash scribe Virgin Bluce who his believed to be on a touring holiday of all the Whiskey and Beer Distillerys of Canada, I offer my humble contribution.
There was a very good turn out for our Virgin hares trail that consisted of 17male,12 female 3 Children.
The FRBS of Allo Allo, On Fire and Virgin Jessica who had only been jogging around the pond until Reverse Thruster press ganged her into the hash set the pace.
Within the first kilometre the pattern of the scenic trail unfolded,the FRBs panned out to trace some very crafty checks giving the rest of the field time to bunch up. This suited the mid division that consisted of Oops Matron,Odd Job,Super Glue, Do It Better and Pat On The Back, the only major obstacle was a rather unsafe looking bamboo bridge that had over half the field queueing up to cross. Bushwacker showed the way by bravely skipping over the bridge together with Speedy Gonzarlis, Rolling, Sealed Lips and Lip Service while MANipulator’s 5 month old Rottweiler pup had to be coaxed over.
As the FRBs came home in under 40 minutes with the rest of the field not far behind only to be greeted by our devoted GM Able Semen who had stayed behind to guard the beer stocks just in case anyone from Liverpool was holidaying in the area.
The circle was called with the thanking of Doesen"t Matterhorn, Swiss Roll and of course Swiss Cream for their efforts and hospitality of Mango and Sticky Rice also Somtam Khaow Neo.
We had 6 virgins Hannie, Mike, Ryan, Jessica and Darryl & wife. Darryl must rate as a future ardent hasher as he brought his own beer just in case the hash stocks ran out.
Next up the 3 hashers who were due names, Tony whose hash name from Manilla is Tony The Lonely but it was suggested that as this was the first hash he had not got lost it should read Tony was The Lonely. After a tight vote his Manila name stood. Next up was John who after giving a detailed account of his navigation skills was donned the name "Titanic." His wife is due a name on her next appearance. Stuart received the name The Better Man.

Four hashers, notably Flying Dutchman, Dutch Treat, Fired Up and On Fire had completed our very stringent 6 hash free shirt rule and after vowing not to resell them on E bay for a vast profit received their t-shirts.
Before the circle was concluded, Nam Ron tried to bring to task Stoned, Do It Yourself and myself (the most popular ex-GM ever) for their objections to his idea of a 5pm start. He was soon shot down when it was revealed he had been offered a "Job Lot" of very cheap Miners Headlamps that prompted him into cashing in by palming them off on the hash.
on on
Shocking

August 15th Hash, Driving Directions

Next Hash Saturday 15th August Start 4 pm

DIRECTIONS FOR THE AUGUST 15TH HASH ---START 4-00PM PROMPT
ALL WELCOME COME AND ENJOY
Hi all HHH

We will start our August City-HHH at the large pond (called Nong Pueng) northwest of "Doi Khau Khwai" on Saturday August 15 beginning at 4 pm.
"Doi Khau Khwai" (ดอยเขาควาย) as known as The City View Point, is located about 3 kilometers west of the old Airport Runway.

Driving direction : Start at the old Airport Runway heading west. After passing the Driving Range, The Buffalo Hill Guesthouse and Sinthanii 8 you will arrive at the the entrance up to the View Point just before the entrance turn sharply right (HHH signs) and follow the few HHH sings for about 1.5 kilometers. the start will be at the "salaa" (ศาลาชุมชนหนองปึ๋ง) next to the pond on your left hand side (HHH signs).

For those who are Chiang Rai Virgins and don't know the old Airport or "Doi Khau Khwai", please click on this map!

On On !

Swiss cream, Swiss Roll and Doesn't Matterhorn

Report of HHH Run# 69: Saturday July 19, 2009

Location: Five kilometers due west from the eight kilometer stone on the Old Chiangmai Road, at the foot of the stone quarry Hua Fai in the Boonrawd rubber tree orchard.

Hares: Allo Allo

Goodbye Goodbye

Some say that half the fun of a trip is going there. In this case far more than half the fun was bound up in the travel as a deluge of rain swamped all but the hale and hearty. Your faithful correspondent for example was forced to park his steed along the side of the road until rescued by John and Nitta. Maki and Takase actually turned back but were cut off at the pass by Nam Ron. Doesn’t Matterhorn braved the elements in a hired Rot Subaru with Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream and the Swiss Family Romano, four virgins who didn’t know any better. Fat Cat had threatened to come but once his feline nose scented water, he never left the bar. The Hash Beer, Hand Cock brought Helping Hand and the beer. However he then declared that liquid belongs in the gullet not on the skin and refused to leave the comfort of his dry vehicle cabin.

Most people brought umbrellas. This honest scribe was no exception. However he made the mistake of leaving his on the ground while he returned to John’s vehicle to don hiking boots. When he finally re-emerged there was no umbrella to be found. Apparently while Swiss Roll wasn’t watching, Doesn’t Matterhorn stole the umbrella and gallantly presented it to Dutch Treat.

Thirty-one intrepid hashers gathered under umbrellas. Nineteen were male, but no Thais. Of the twelve females, seven were Thais. Included in these data are three Japanese, who being neither farang nor Thai require some special category. Eventually, a semi-starved hunch-back hidden beneath an orange pancho rain cover, over-sized glasses and profuse mustache and equipped with a bamboo walking stick, came forward to announce that he was not Mahatma Gandhi but our very own Allo Allo who is the hare for this occasion.

Fired Up, Nam Ron and his constant companion Bushwacker immediately took off. Close behind was John who proved once again that a fast walker can keep up with these ambitous FRBs who run only to tarry at the checks. As the rains had dissolved or otherwise washed away much paper the task of finding and staying on track proved doubly complicated. This was not helped by the Flying Dutchman who came equipped with more paper but rather than reinforce the existing trail he chose to demonstrate short-cuts. Once started he neglected to lay paper to the point where the new met the old trial so that anyone who had the misfortune to follow his innovations, soon found themselves off paper and more confused than ever.

In the end the Swiss-Japanese delegation led by Doesn’t Matterhorn gave up on paper and followed a road back to the foot of the stone quarry where he knew the cars were parked. They were not last in however. That honour was claimed by Well Oiled who wore sandals which kept getting stuck in the mud. He claimed to be recovering from Swine Fever and did not intend to run. However caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment, he went hashing despite the inappropriate footwear. He survived thanks to the repeated efforts of Oiled Well and Sticky Glue to extricate him from the mud. Meanwhile Pat on the Back walked barefoot having sacrificed her shoelaces in a vain attempt to stop Shockiing’s soles from ripping off his boots. Shocking however was not discouraged. He looks forward to making a fortune selling his “slightly used” size 11 boots on E-Bay.

However painful it may have been, Allo Allo, our usual FRB stayed behind to shepherd the stragglers in as weep. Upon arrival he then immediately set about slicing home-made paté to spread on French bread. Not accustomed to gourmet appetizers a stunned silence followed which was soon broken by Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Stoned and Rolling who are sophisticated enough to recognize a good thing when they see it.

As the sky darkened and the rain threatened to return, the G.M. Able Semen called for brief circle. Maki and Takase earned their hash names Tight Lips and Lip Service for bringing their virgin friend suited out in dress shirt and leather shoes. Later Shocking complained that he could easily have sold this ill clad “friend” a S2ATO t-shirt even with the enticement of Boy Magnet’s modelling. Likewise we avoided discussing the subject of water, this time in a bottle which was the focus of heated e-mail correspondence.

Unlikely as it may seem, some people enjoy the hash so much that there was some discussion about organizing a family outing on the first Saturday of the month. The format is still to be decided. Anyone interested should contact Nam Ron (telephone 089 661 5840)

Chiangrai Hash Saturday July 18 starting at 4 pm

From the city beginning at the Chiangmai Gate head south along the old Chiang Mai road. Carry on through the two sets of traffic lights (at Den Haa) and keep going south. Just before the white Kilometer stone 8 turn right at the flashing orange light (HHH sign) and follow this paved road for precisely 5,354 meters. Then you will see another HHH sign on the right hand side of the road and some parked cars. That means that you have arrived!

Do not be afraid. This is not a "Phuket Tin-man." It is just a normal, "Start Slowly and Taper Off" Chiangrai run. It is almost flat.

Yes you can run from 7 to 77 years!!!!

If the weather is good do not forget your cameras for the amazing view.



ALLO-ALLO

On-On

Report of HHH Run# 67: Saturday May 16, 2009

Location: Nawng Luang in Tha Sai, 2 kilometers south of the windmill off highway 1020 near the east bank of the Mae Laow River

Hares: Hash Cash Do It Yourself
Do It Better

This is the second time our hash has used this location. The first time was the third anniversary hash (run #37 on November 25, 2006) which was also the occasion of the Stiffy and Mam wedding. Your devoted scribe was hare at that time.

This time the hare, Do It Yourself explained that the run is a little long and begins with a kilometer walk along a boring road. So he invited women and children to ride in his pick up so he could drive them that first kilometer. Absent any definition of children, Reverse Thruster was first to jump in the car. Burdened with responsibility to report all happenings throughout the hash, your faithful correspondent also felt obliged get on the car for your sakes, dear readers.

As a consequence of this maneuver it was the women and children who came upon the first check. Unaccustomed as they were to finding the way forward, many lingered about wondering what to do next. When someone did find the way forward, no one thought to kick out the cross and spread paper for the folks behind. Fortunately this honest reporter was there to fill in the gap.

The women and children held the lead for exactly ten minutes. Then they came upon a mafai tree with golden ripe fruit. The temptation to steal overwhelmed them. Meanwhile FRBs Hallo Hallo and On Fire raced by them.

About a kilometer later Reverse Thruster began complaining about his knee. It was sad to see the poor man limping along with only his grandson, seven-year old Smoked Wiener to help. Your heart-of-gold scribe felt so sorry for the guy that he used local knowledge to find a short cut. The end point was a beautiful sala set in a lake. Once it came in sight, Smoked Wiener and his side kick Jonah began to run and thus became first and second ones in. They were immediately rewarded with liquid refreshment thanks to the assistant hare, Do It Better, who had sacrificed the joy of re-running the route in order to guard the beer,

Ten minutes later the erstwhile FRBs Hallo Hallo and On Fire appeared, now astonished to be so completely displaced. Virgin John arrived next having fast walked the entire distance. He was followed in rapid succession by Stunned, Rolling, the Flying Dutchman, Doesn’t Matterhorn, Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream, Nam Ron and three virgins Patrick, Hiro and Maki. A few minutes later Fired Up, Hard Wired arrived along with Do It Yourself who as Sweep declared that he had waited long enough and that anyone who came after him had better find their own way. Shocking came in next, panting and sweating profusely saying the only thing good about that last hill was that it wasn’t as high as the 65th run. Finally the women and children came bearing the ill-gotten fruit of their labour. Pat on the Back carried the biggest bag. She was ably assisted by Wild Woman, Boy Magnet, Superglue and the two Oileds. Most distinguished of all was the fashionably-dressed Crazy Salami who managed to do the entire walk in high heels. Likewise uniquely shod was Jan. He got to the end in sandals but he kept wife Terry and daughter Jane nearby in case he needed a lift.

In the absence of Grand Master Able Semen, our ever favourite G.M. Shocking called the group to form a circle. After honouring the hares and the virgins he quickly turned to new names. Hard-wire’s spouse, Phat was named “Short Circuit.” Recalling his efforts to park his car vertically in a ditch, Rafaele got the name “Italian Job” while his wife Lek became “Crazy Salami.” Swiss Roll’s daughter, Benz shall be known as “Swiss Cream.”

Thirty-six people came to the hash including five children. All but one of the males were farang, the exception being Hiro, a Japanese. Among the women there were eight Thai, two farang and Maki likewise Japanese. Teetotalers again out numbered the true hashers 16 to 13.

Before the circle broke up the hare Do It Yourself produced a memory chip which he said he found in the sala. He asked if anyone was missing it. When no one responded he observed that perhaps someone’s memory was so far gone that s/he couldn’t remember that he once had a memory.

You can see photos relating to this run at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=bruce.kennedy1&target=ALBUM&id=5338204724248616113&authkey=Gv1sRgCI2gz-e3gaCD-wE&authkey=Gv1sRgCI2gz-e3gaCD-wE&invite=CISn--4K&feat=email

Hares volunteering for future runs are:

June Stoned and Rolling
July Hallo Hallo and Goodbye Goodbye
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll
September Loose Spoke, Tight Socket and Third Wheel
October Nam Ron
November Shocking and Pat on the Back
December Well Oiled and Oiled Well

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Chiangrai HHH Run#67 Saturday May 16 at 4 pm

Here are directions for Saturday's Hash:
From Big C going south on Superhighway turn left at first trafficlight on road 1020 towards Toeng.
After 2.5 km you are going over a bridge and 0.9 km after the bridge, make a U-turn. Go back 0.7 km and turn left (the last road before the bridge.

Go 2.5 km and you have a big pond on your left. Turn left at the end of the pond and park where you see the sala over the pond.

From Big C around 15 minutes in a reasonably modern car.

Everyone is welcome!

On On !

Do It Yourself

Report of Run #66: Saturday, March 21, 2009

Hares: Hand Cock and Helping Hand assisted by G.M. Able Semen
Location: On road beyond the Nam Laat caves


April is the hottest month of the year in Thailand so we were thankful that 35 people showed up for the run. These included seven children and three passers-through: Sarah and James I and II who presumably didn’t know any better. As usual all 15 of the men were farang. Among the women 9 were Thais and 4 farang. Depressingly eighteen adults declared themselves teetotalers. Only ten hashers inbibed.

There were a variety of strategies to deal with the heat. Super-glue kept cool by doffing his shoes and walking in socks. His pal, Sticky Goo followed in his buddy’s wake. Pat on the Back tried to avoid climbing over a gate but fell into an electrified fence. Mark refused to carry his three young daughters abandoning them to their own devices.

Being close to town, the area had many crisscrossing footpaths leading off in every direction. The hares exploited these to create many false trails which discouraged the FRBs while enabling the slow ones to catch up. In two instances the trail paralleled itself on two sides of a bog. The hares incorrectly supposed that the bogs would discourage short-cutting but they forgot that in the hot season everything dries up. Your faithful correspondent short-cut thusly and to his surprise, he became the FRB briefly. That honour lasted precisely two seconds. On Fire slipped by him as soon as he turned to call “On! On!” signaling the way forward to Do It Yourself, Do It Better and other FRBs lurking nearby.

The visiting Icelander, Halla demonstrated her political sympathies by wearing bright red pants. However her courage failed her when passing a herd of cattle. She suddenly became very friendly towards this honest scribe whom she kept between her and them. Once past a curious bull, she took off with incredible vigor surpassing all others to be the first one in. Third Wheel and On Fire came second and third.

At the circle afterwards hash names were allocated as follows: Peter, a locomotive fireman became “Fired Up” while his better half Vee shall be known as “On Fire;” Ben and Yvonne who are both Dutch became the “Flying Dutchman” and “Dutch Treat” respectively. Marty, an electrical contractor in Iraq earned the name “Hard Wired;” and Som’O was called by some “Speeding Gonzalles” but shall always be known to this reporter as “Sticky Goo” in light of his special relationship to “Super Glue.”

Hand Cock noted that this circle was special as it was the first time in over a year that Shocking neglected to flog t-shirts. Thus prompted Shocking sprang into action but in the absence of his usual sexy model, his sales pitch met with indifference. Taking advantage of the current economic down turn Helping Hand offered to buy one provided she get the same discount which applies to men. She eventually succeeded while retaining an option to re-sell at enormous profit on e-bay .

At the conclusion of the circle G.M. Able Semen announced some good and bad news. Beginning with the former he declared that he would be away for the next two months. The bad news was that Shocking, our favourite G.M. ever, would replace him during this absence.



Hares volunteering for future runs are:

May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling
July Still open
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll
September Loose Spoke, Tight Socket and Third Wheel
October Still open
November Shocking and Pat on the Back
December Well Oiled and Oiled Well

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Driving Directions Hash April 25, 2009

The next Hash will take place on Sat 25 Apr with a 4pm start. Hares will be Hand Cock and (who else?) Helping Hand, ably assisted (how else?) by Able Semen. The route is set in the hillside around our office in Nam Lad, just across the Mae Fah Luang bridge.

1. Directions from Big C - count 20 mins

(NB There will be as many HHH signs as I can find):

a) head north on the superhighway heading towards Mae Chan. Pass the Mengrai/Haayaek junction and cross the Mae Kok river bridge.

b) at the first traffic lights after the bridge, turn left (sign "Huay Khom" route 1207). Reset your kilometer/odometer to 0.

c) after 1.8km, pass the turning to the left signposted to Rimkok Hotel and prepare to turn left at the next cross roads (360 m further on, 2.26km from traffic lights).

d) after turning left, follow the road for 1km (total 3.26 km from traffic lights) until you come to a slightly offset crossroads.

e) at the crossroads, go straight across (actually, slightly offset to the left). This is the road out to the Buddha caves for those of you in the know.

(200 m after the crossroads, NOTE, but DON'T STOP at a driveway off to the right (opposite the school gates on your left) with a sign on the gatepost saying "Khom Loy Development Foundation" - this is where you will be returning in your own cars for the cold beer afterwards)

f) drive along this road a total of 2km from the last offset crossroads (total 5.56km since turning off superhighway). You will pass a Buddha Cave on your right, then the road turns sharp left. Look for somewhere to park - the start is in a track leading to the right immediately after this left hand bend.


2. Directions from the west of CR

For those coming from the south or south-west and who don't want to go all the way east to the superhighway:

a) cross the river on the Mae Fah Luang Bridge (the non-superhighway bridge just to the west of the Rimkok Hotel/Dusit Island Hotel) and reset your kilometer/odometer to 0

b) continue north after crossing the bridge 1km when you will come a crossroads with a sign marked "Buddha Cave" to the left - turn left here.

(200 m after the crossroads, NOTE, but DON'T STOP at a driveway off to the right (opposite the school gates on your left) with a sign on the gatepost saying "Khom Loy Development Foundation" - this is where you will be returning in your own cars for the cold beer afterwards)

c) drive along this road a total of 2km from the crossroads (total 3km since crossing the bridge). You will pass a Buddha Cave on your right, then the road turns sharp left. Look for somewhere to park - the start is in a track leading to the right immediately after this right hand bend.

Report of Run #65: Saturday, March 21, 2009

Hares: Wirgin Bluce assisted by G.M. Able Semen and Wild Woman

Location: Wild Woman farm at Pa Rim Korn village off the Khun Korn road

Attendance at the 65th hash seemed uncertain when it was discovered that Nam Ron had departed for Indonesia the day before with Kenji, Put In, Take Out and other unmentionables. Wild Woman reduced her food rations accordingly. That was a mistake. Forty-four adults showed up plus ten children. Ten declared themselves virgins to the Hash Cash Do It Yourself but later many more entered the circle to share in the photo and down down. Eight were volunteers at a nearby orphanage. Wild Woman’s reputation for hospitality had spread so far that two families and a dog drove an hour and a half from Phaya Mengrai.

As usual all 21 of the men were farang. For the first time, females outnumbered the males. Of the 23 women, 14 were Thais. As hash groups go, ours would be considered dangerously sliding downwards. Only 16 consumed beer while 28 stuck to soft drinks.

The trail began gently enough along a country road. Within ten minutes one of Virgin Mark’s three young daughters began to rebel so he obligingly carried her. A few hundred meters later it turned on to a foot path where a helper handed a walking stick to all who desired one. The quality of that trail was excellent for about 200 meters but then it suddenly dwindled into an array of offshoots. That was the perfect spot for a check. A FRB stumbled upon paper in a creek but the followers failed to identify the path he had taken. They stumbled through virgin jungle to the source of the “On! On!” Thus they created an entirely new path for others to follow.

The next check was located at the base of the high hill. There were various alternatives to explore but these young FRBs, all virgins were far smarter than our usual crew. Rather than search the easy ways, they immediately took to the hill and 100 meters perpendicularly uphill they again found paper. Nothing slowed them down.

That hill was a greater challenge to the others. The most popular G.M. ever, Shocking swore that it took a few pounds off his ample frame. Mark had to off-load his daughters in order to help Sandy up the hill while husband Peter struggled nearby. A villager’s field hut proved to be Sandy’s salvation. Many were thankful for the walking sticks which served as a third leg.

At the top of the hill the trail divided into two tracks. Most of the smarter ones took the short way. Many blindly followed the FRBs and were suitably punished. Only one check significantly delayed the group. This was beside a farmer’s house from which many field paths led. Counter-intuitively the path led back up the hill. It took the FRBs ten minutes to sort that one out.

Back at the farm house Wild Woman was well prepared to replace all calories lost on the run. There was spaghetti, salad, sweet mangos with sticky rice, and for local tastes, sour mangos with spicy sauce topped off with ice cream. No one left with a net calorific deficit. Several of the orphanage volunteers commented that it made a welcome break from their usual fare. Wild Woman shared the thanks of the group with Pat on the Back, Pailin, Oiled Well and Rolling who contributed to the feast.

Boy Magnet, our usual voluptuous model, refused to appear when the call for t-shirts went out. Well Oiled stepped into her place but somehow the magic was missing. When Shocking asked all buyers to form an orderly line, there were no takers. Later when no one was looking, six people snuck up to buy their shirts.


Hares volunteering for future runs are:
April Hand Cock and Helping Hand
May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling
July Still open
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll



On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Chiangrai Hash Saturday March 21 beginning at 4:00 pm

Saturday the 21st will soon be upon us and that of course is the day of our next Chiangrai "Start Slowly and Taper Off" Hash. This time Wild Woman and I will be the hares. The location is our farm off the road to the Khun Korn waterfalls. Here are the driving instructions:
Going south from Big C along the Asian Highway (Route no.1) drive to the second set of stop lights (about 10 km) and then turn to your right. The overhead green sign will indicate that this is the direction to Khun Korn. You will pass the white temple (Wat Rong Khun) and continue about 2 km to the a t-junction. Here you will turn left to go south along the Old Chiangmai Road. Drive 3 kilometers until you reach another t-junction where another sign indicates the way to the Khun Korn waterfalls. Turn right here and drive yet another 5 kilometers. As you climb a hill and approach a steep left curve in the road, you will see a temple on your left. Turn right into a village road (HHH sign) and descend the hill through the village about 100 meters. Turn into the second road on your left (HHH sign) and drive over the bridge. Turn left into the first farm (HHH sign). Park your car and get ready to run.
Expect to take about 40 minutes from the Big C to the Wild Woman farm. The run will start at 4 pm. There will be lots of ups and downs so wear good footwear.
On! On!
Hash Scribe Wirgin Blue

Report of Run #64: Saturday, February 21, 2009

Hares: G.M. Able Semen assisted by Willing-and-Able

Location: Near Wat Rawng Khun in the shadow of Hua Doi mountain

Our February hash was notable for the number of core hashers not present. Hash Cash, Do It Yourself and Hash Beer, Hand Cock found replacements in our most popular G.M. ever, Shocking and the perpetual Scribe, Wirgin Bluce. Bushwacker was also missed but less so her inseparable companion, Nam Ron. The later it got the more surely we all expected the Oileds to appear. Eventually Wild Woman phoned Well Oiled. That’s how we discovered that they plan to come on the morrow.

Nonetheless 25 people showed up for the run of whom seven declared themselves virgins. There were eleven farang men. The women numbered six Thais and two farangs. Six were kids.

The G.M. tried to get the hashers moving promptly but no one would leave before seeing the beer properly iced. There was no shortage of helping hands when the temporary Hash Beer finally arrived with the stocks.

Front Running Bastards Hallo, Hallo, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Brussels Sprouts disappeared as soon as the door to the beer car was locked. Having learned from previous experience how easily these FRBs can lead people astray, the hare, G.M. Able Semen ran with them leaving his assistant, Willing-and-Able to sweep the route. The next time we saw the FRBs, they were retching in withdrawal symptoms waiting for Wild Woman to return with the car key.

The rest of the hashers spread themselves out in a long row. Virgins Peter, Paul and Marty closely followed Ben and Yvonne incorrectly assuming that they knew what they were doing. At the rear, Pat-on-the-Back led a pack of female virgins and children including Wee, Som O, Doi, Nawng and Yo Yo. Mike efforts to destroyed a bamboo bridge stranding daughter Jo on the wrong side.

The prospects of selling more t-shirts did not look good as the curvaceous Boy Magnet neglected to don her form-fitting wear. However Mike was so impressed by the way the t-shirt flatters Superglue’s stocky frame that he thought it might hide his paunch as well. Fortunately he also bought one for svelte Jo who will surely have more success prompting future sales.

Before asking for volunteers to hare future hashes, the G.M. honoured Smoked Wiener who has always responded positively to such calls. Mother Jolly Molly looked on proudly as her five-year-old downed his first glass of beer. His grandfather, Reverse Thruster, will be pleased to how precociously the boy masters essential HHH skills, she said.

Future hares, mostly absent, answering the call were:
March Wirgin Bluce and Wild Woman
April Hand Cock and Helping Hand
May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling


As the meeting broke up, first off was the temporary Hash Cash with the collection before the temporary Hash Beer could present the bills. Thus our group continues to have a positive cash balance for a few more days.

Hint the link below for photos of this run. http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=bruce.kennedy1&target=ALBUM&id=5305551258129567025&authkey=9f6zYyZcFeA&authkey=9f6zYyZcFeA&invite=CMTRg_EG&feat=email


On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

Report of Run #63: Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hares: Smoked Wiener assisted by JollyMolly and Reverse Thruster

Location: The Reverse Thruster orchard at the foot of Doi Khao Kwai

Word must have gotten out that pizza would be served at the Reverse Thruster palace following the 63d Hash, because the turn out exceeded all expectations. Altogether there were 41 adults and ten children. Twelve confessed to be virgins. For the first time ever, there were women than men. Of the 25 women, exactly half were Thai. As usual all of the 16 men present were expatriates.

Our ever vigilant Hash Cash, Do It Yourself ably assisted by Do It Better was there with his hand out to greet one and all. Upon the arrival of Well Oiled and Oiled Well, our leaders determined all who were coming, had indeed come. So the run began.

Rather than hang back to sweep for lost souls, the hare Smoked Wiener delegated that task to his mother while he and his cohorts swept up the hill rendering the first set of checks utterly useless. Meanwhile Reverse Thruster drove to the top of the hill with water and two grandmothers. Shockingly, our most popular G.M. ever, now returned from a Liverpool taxi, also grabbed a free lift to the top.

In remarkable similarity to previous runs in the Doi Khao Kwai area, the trail went up and down the hill in reckless abandon. The only thing it didn’t do, is go level. Eventually it ended up (predictably) at the temple at the top of the hill which provided commanding views over the town of Chiangrai. It was sunny and warm up there and only the prospect of after-run treats could persuade Wild Woman, Rolling, Stoned, Pat-on-the Back and Superglue to leave that beautiful spot.

About an hour after setting off the last stranglers found their way to the palace. Nam Ron gallantly struggled to get sons Kodi and Kenji to the end. By contrast, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll in his race to the pizza. Yulia and Polly kept a low profile hoping no one would remember that they were overdue for a hash name.

In toasting the hare, Smoked Wiener found the cup of coke too big for him. After a few sips he dumped the remainder over his head. This prompted the G.M. to complain about the environmental hazards of seepage.

Boy Magnet looked gorgeous in her freshly ironed HHH t-shirt. This stimulated unquenchable demand for t-shirts among the female virgins who observed the focus of male hasher attention. Then G.M. Able Semen confessed that he had forgotten to bring t-shirts for sale.

Only four of the virgins (Philip, Simon and consorts) dared indicate any interest in joining our group. As for the others, Hand Cock and Helping Hand admitted to enticing four short-term volunteers under false pretenses while Tricia dragged several relatives off the plane from America. Guy and Walter confided that they came only for the free pizza. They refused to give your faithful correspondent their email addresses for fear that the neighbours might think that they regularly associated with a group like this.


On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce