The July 21st hash was held in the rolling hills at the base
of the mountains SE of the city.
A brave 25 souls turned up for the occasion as the weather had been
rainy for the days leading up to the hash.
Expectations were low because it was the first hash to be set by our
Japanese duo of Lost Samurai and Mile High.
During the briefing Mile High mentioned that there was a long stretch of
straight flat dusty road beside the main road that had the more experienced
hashers trying to think of a good excuse to get away before the start but
without an alibi, they were stuck. The
beginning of the hash led on a dirt road through a forested area and numerous
checks were easily solved by the early FRBs including Able Semen, Flying
Dutchman, Crash, Fired Up and an unnamed hasher aka Moses. The young lads – Johnny Walker and Buffalo
Bill were able to keep pace with the FRBs for the first couple km until a
bamboo bridge leading into the rice fields was too much of a temptation and
they relinquished their positions by opting to splash in mud by jumping off the
bridge. Just as Namron was commenting to
Brain Health that first time hares had a tendency to make checks too easy, Able
Semen came running back, cursing under his breath “God-damn, TWO false trails
leading to a back check!” Brain Health
turned and said “those Japanese can be quite tricky, it looks like a completely
different kettle of fish.” Sure enough,
the checks proved very devious and kept the pack together as tight as sardines
for the first 70% of the course. The
trail was exceptionally beautiful taking us through verdant rice fields, over
panoramic hills in fruit plantations and through cool deep forests. Our hares were even kind enough to run us through
some thick shiggy so that No Name and Ranger were able to add to their
collection of weed induced scars on their young faces. The weather cooperated and it turned out to
be a radiant day (except for the FRBs who kept getting spanked by the checks.) Being the sympathetic bastards that they are,
the hares eventually took pity and made the approx. 1 km stretch of forested
trail check free so that FRBs were finally able to break away from the
pack. The last 1 km was indeed a hot,
flat 1 km walk back to the circle but there were no complaints. By the time everyone returned at the circle,
it was only 5:20 pm and the sun was still HOT so the circle took place in the
only small patch of shade in the area. After
Shocking did his usual spiel, praising the hares and welcoming the guests and then
needed something to keep the circle going he called Brain Health into the
circle and with tears of ecstasy in his eyes told the circle that we should
honor the Chiang Rai founding father (when will it stop!?) Brain Health used the occasion to emphasize
that the Chiang Rai hash is truly becoming an international affair with
Japanese hares, British, American and Thai runners and an Irish virgin that he
immediately took a shining to (since his wife was away testing the limits of
his credit card in Central.) However,
when called into the circle, the hashers were befuddled that a virginal
Irishwoman did not order beer, only coke
and not only that, she wasn’t able to finish it! Brain Health started getting suspicious and
through his lawyerly questioning ascertained that the virgin was actually an American
of Irish heritage (from the rotten spud generation) and at that point, the
gleam in his eyes disappeared (but unfortunately his credit card bill didn’t!). The naming ceremony for Chompoo (Crash’s
better half) was also a rather drawn out affair. Crash, being afraid of repercussions, did not
assist in the naming at all. (Showing obviously who wears the pants in that
relationship!) Finally Brain Health made
the connection between her bike shop and bedroom behavior (Crash has not
commented on this either) and she was christened the venerable “Pumps a
Lot.”
The GM, Shocking, who was unable to do the run because of a
sliver in his big toe, did a commendable job of protecting the hash stash and
the local beer thieves were only able to get away with 8 cans of beer before
the FRBs returned. Shocking said that if
it wasn’t for his black belts in Akido and Jujitsu the bastards would have taken
it all.
Besides what turned out to be possibly the best virgin
run that our Alzheimer infected hashers could remember, the hares also treated the hashers to a large variety of fresh fruits. The 4 young lads along with Moses and Namron took full
advantage of the fact that they were the only ones to have brought a mat to sit
on and subsequently all the food ended up in front of them so they ravenously made short
work of it.
Another interesting aside in CR hash history is that this
must have been the first circle with more Coke requests for splashes than beer
- certainly not living up to our billing as a drinking group with a running
problem! Wirgin Bluce, who has been
working hard to come up with a hash name for the yet unnamed member of the
Twice clan will be happy to know that since Gabriella did not show up, he will
have a chance to work his magic yet again!
Scribe: Namron who subscribes to the belief that you
shouldn’t let the truth get in the way of a good story!
