Report of HHH Run# 72: Saturday, October 18, 2009

Location: Baan Lao at the Huai San reservoir (off the Old Chiangmai Road)

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by Tony the Lonely

As the days grow shorter, the light-sensitive hashers become ever more punctual and by 4 p.m. some 24 had already gathered at the starting point. Including the absent hare, there were eleven men all farang, ten women of whom eight were Thai and four kids plus a dog. Then the ever vigilant Hand Cock observed that Nam Ron, the hare was missing. After a few minutes stunned silence, Tony the Lonely admitted that he was also part of this hash’s miss-planning committee and that in fulfillment of the hare’s promise that no feet would escape dry, the run begins by crossing the reservoir dam that was already overflowing with water.
Just before crossing your helpful correspondent asked if this was the only place we would get our feet wet. Tony the Lonely assured us that indeed this was the only location. What he neglected to clarify however was that the trail would oblige one to pass this location a second time and that staying dry elsewhere depended on one’s dexterity navigating two precarious bridges.
Consistent with Nam Ron’s reputation, the trail was a masterpiece of confusion and obfuscation. Two checks followed by false trails were so successful leading the diligent astray, that Wild Woman, Rolling and Do It Better, briefly found themselves in the lead simply by loitering at a scrubbed out check.
Nam Ron made a number of other promises to entice the unsuspecting. On a scale of one to ten rating difficulty he said this one ranked a seven. Like his side kick, Tony the Lonely he neglected to mention a few critical details: for example, ten represents a 100 meter slippery cliff topped by an overhanging precipice. He also suggested that Allo Allo would be able to do the 6.1 km trail in 48 minutes while Shocking would finish 48 minutes later. Suspicious that Tony the Lonely might abscond with the beer, Allo Allo did indeed complete the track in record time while the equally skeptical Shocking failed to materialize at all.
Inured to this culture of cynical abuse, imagine then the shock and disbelief which greeted the gallant Doesn’t Matterhorn who after delivering his precious Swiss Roll and Swiss Cream to the other side of a particularly treacherous bridge, re-entered the water to help virgins and other inept hashers across. Odd Job and Ooohmatron didn’t even have the decency to pretend self-sufficiency.
The last promise Nam Ron made was that the trail would climb 342 meters. He neglected to add that the climb was through a corn field, all in one place. There were no helpful hands to assist Pat on the Back and Superglue pull and push their virgin guests up the hill. When Tight Lips and Lip Service appeared in the distance, all the ladies declared a break as if in solidarity with the late-comers.
Following his nose rather than paper and keenly focused on the scent of beer, Allo Allo found a short cut back to home base. In this deception he was cheerfully assisted by fellow FRB’s Stoned, Do It Yourself and Able Semen who re-laid paper to implicate the others. Thus the group by-passed the most scenic part of the trail. At least was the defense of the hare who claimed that the greatest bucolic splendors had yet to be seen. According to him, only Wild Woman passed by the intended route but she declared that it must have been too dark to notice anything special.
As dusk fell and visions of distraught virgins wandering lost in the bush began to afflict the conscience of our now present hare. Nam Ron accordingly drove back out the road in search of the distressed. Meanwhile your faithful correspondent, together with Hand Cock and Virgin Abbey hitched a ride in passing pick up full of Able Semen’s relatives. It was conveniently dark by the time the group reassembled and the G.M. accordingly kept the circle session short. This strategy appealed especially to the Hash Beer, Hand Cock who departed the scene shortly thereafter with a cold box nearly full of surplus drinks.
Being the 72th event, this hash concludes the sixth cycle of our existence. On Saturday November 21 we will celebrate the anniversary and hopefully elect a new mismanagement committee. Last year we reelected the same gang in spite of hash they did of managing our affairs. It was said at the time, that however bad these guys may be, they are better than any of the alternatives on offer. This year however glum the outlook, we are determined to do differently, if not better. So if anyone has any bright ideas for improvement, nominations and especially volunteering for executive functions, would you please send them to me in response to this hash report for election at the anniversary gathering.
To underline the obvious, those who take exception to way our history is written, now have an opportunity to rewrite the past simply by voting the Scribe out of office. Volunteers welcome!


Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

HHH Run Report# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Report of HHH Run# 71: Saturday September 19, 2009

Location: Behind Wat Phrathat Jomsak on Soi 6 off the Asian Highway just south of the international airport.

Hares: Loose Spoke assisted by Tight Sprocket and Third Wheel

By 4 p.m. 40 hashers were stamping with excitement eager to get started before threatening rain or dusk could overtake them. As usual all 12 males but only one of the eight females were farang. Still we waited for Odd Job and Oooolmatron who were to bring a guest. The Oileds were also absent at starting time. Upon arrival Odd Job then confessed that the guest had become so inebriated the night before that she fell off her motorcycle and could not join them. All thought of the delinquent Oileds now forgotten, the herd took off in pursuit of paper, accompanied by cattle which must have recognized the scene from Pamplona.

Allo Allo soon left all but Able Semen and Peter Doesn’tmatterhorn in the dust. Third Wheel and his pal Sticky Goo followed at a distance. Tony the Lonely demonstrated the inappropriateness of his name by arriving with Stoned and Mike.

Fat Cat became so absorbed in trying to recover his viral name Tom Cat that he completely forgot his daughter. The nubile Kitty Kat and her cousin Kat in the Hat seized the moment to escape his chaperonage.

Meanwhile seeking safety in numbers, Wild Woman, Do It Better, Swiss Roll, Swiss Cream, Pat on the Back, Superglue, Tight Sprocket and Rolling moved at a gentle pace which allowed them to appreciate the bucolic views. There was not much elevation; the trail stuck to gravel roads; it was perfect for a possibly rainy day.

Likewise Nam Ron made a lazy day of it. He pretended that sons Kenji and Kodi were responsible for the slow pace.

Only Boy Magnet distinguished herself looking ravishing in her HHH t-shirt.
Unfortunately there was no opportunity to sell t-shirts to ardent men she inspired. No sooner had the last group arrived but the rain began to fall in earnest. The Hash Cash, Do It Yourself declared that this was the best hash so far as there was no time to consume beer in a circle. Shocking then made resolution to be among the front runners in future so he could be sure to drink his money’s worth.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce