Chiang Rai Hash
The ‘start slowly and taper off’ Hash
April 2010 Route 1121 Km.marker 19 , 1.5km up a track. Report No 78.
‘Incoming!’
Periodic bombardment from local heavy artillery supplying an unusual sound-track, it was a good start to the Thai New Year.
Unbeknownst to our Hares when they were setting the course, the junction of the main road and track leading to the starting point had been commandeered by a large group of rocketeers, intent on blowing themselves up.. Fearful that we would prove to be in the firing line, we were initially denied access to the track by the parking mannie. (‘Blooming powerful rockets’, we thought, as our starting point was 1.5km further on.) All was not lost, however. With our numbers building up and the Hash pack starting to look mildly undisciplined, it took an audacious claim by Fat Cat that he owned ‘all the land’ behind the road side to swing things our way and we were allowed to proceed- under our own recognizance.
A grand turnout of 37 Hashers from all 4 corners of the globe ( have you ever thought about how odd that phrase is?), and 1 dog, were called to attention by our Hare, Tony the Lonely and his 2nd in command Able Seaman (Ian). The more astute amongst you will have noticed that the starting point was the same as for February’s – this was not just because of the potential for knackering us all over again on the many inclines and slippery paths, and the grand scenery, but because Ian had previously lost a 5 baht coin , and was determined to rescue it.
Wild Woman,- minus Wirgin Bruce who was probably in an airport somewhere waiting for a certain volcano to stop-, was carried away by the spirit of Songkran, and greeted us all with a water blessing, When her supply ran dry, the last lucky few Hashers were treated to her icy isotonic drink being poured down their backs. Since she also treated us to steam buns and cake for after the hash, we can only say “Thank you”.
34 of us started off up the first of many hills – (did any fellow Hashers find ANY flat ground? I didn’t). Three stayed behind to enjoy the scenery of the reservoir from the shade of the sala.
Our Hare had already walked the course in the midday heat, so he parked himself sensibly in the shade towards the end of the course to commiserate on our condition as we came back in. Ian acted as scout and travel guide, popping up all over the place to check on progress.
It was another challenging course. This can be best illustrated by the fact that Ian had appeared at the start still armed with the spade he had used to cut footholds in one of the steeper descents. The FRBs were few in number – and all the more credit to them for keeping up a good pace on this terrain and in the temperatures of 38.C plus. One virgin Hasher who had come along with Fat Cat (Mike) boldly set off at a cracking pace, but by the time he had got up the first hill and spent fruitless time looking for the trail at a checkpoint which allowed the rest of us to catch up, he was only to happy to heed Fat Cat’s remark of ‘You don’t have to run, you know’, and finished the course at a more sedate rate.
As in February, we spent a lot of time tracing the footprints of the Hasher in front to keep on a safe trail, plodding onwards and ever upwards – with occasional precipitous descents - through the suffocating heat. 3 bridges were encountered. The Hash definition of a ‘bridge’ is , judging from all the examples we’ve seen, ‘ any rickety, unsecured, termite ridden piece of bamboo (or two, if you’re lucky) thrown haphazardly over an obstacle’. Angela had the additional problem of having vertigo so had to hold on to the Hasher in front and cross each one with her eyes closed, feet at duck position. You never have a camera with you when you need it.
We had two casualties , Angela and Shocking sustaining grazes, and a number of us only avoided falls by proceeding on our bottoms down some slopes, and one near miss, with a virgin hasher showing signs of dehydration on return.
Paul (Handcock), in training for an ‘important event’ and intent on staving off any signs of age, kept up a cracking walking pace throughout, but declined to actually break into a run.
Rumbles of thunder mixed with the occasional bang of a rocket provided a background noise, but the rain held off until everyone was back in.
The first Hasher in was Wi Hartmann, where does she find her stamina? Second was Peter (Doesn’t Matterhorn) closely followed by Sven (Do it Yourself) and a virgin hasher from the USA was one of the next ones in.
The Powderpuff girls and parents, a young visitor from Canada were also amongst those back and looking well rested by the time we arrived.
A slight hiccup ( Ian, acting as Hash Beer, had locked his truck up with most of the beer and soft drinks and crisps inside) meant we had to delay full-on celebration of the end of the hash until he returned, escorting some of the last ones in. A near mutiny had been narrowly prevented by finding a small supply of beer in a cooler which kept the needy going.
The Circle
Shocking called us to form the circle, and welcomed us all.
· With visitors from Los Angeles and other parts of North America, Canada and Australia, and some returnees to the area, he had a total of 6 virgin Hashers who actually did the course, and 2 who turned up after we had already started off, who stayed to join in the Circle.
· There was no-one for a naming ceremony.
· Thanks to the Hare for a suitably challenging course. (We should also congratulate him for not once getting lost or losing anyone, and for removing 3 inclines and 2 descents from Ian’s original proposal. Much appreciated.)
· He had greater success with selling some of our T-shirts as very worthwhile souvenirs of a visit to CRH.
· We had run short of paper towards the end of the trail and flour had again been used. I don’t think many of us had noticed through the waterfall of sweat from our foreheads. Pat (Shocking) proposed the purchase of a shredder to overcome this problem – particularly pressing as the rainy season is – hopefully- nearly upon us. Flour and water makes nice pancakes but poor trail markers. (N.B. Shredder has now been purchased, and even as I write this, a family memberhas been shackled to it with reams of my rejected Thai language homework to destroy.)
· Pat called again for Hares for future Hashes. The following have now been confirmed:
May – the scribes
June – Angela and Hard-wired
July -
August- Sven and Do it Better
- Sven will act as Hash beer next month – though he did check the quantity of beer left over in the coolers closely before deciding it was “worth my while”.
- Thanks were given for a splendid turn-out – we hope to see you all again soon.
Safety Advice for Virgin Chiang Rai Hashers
On a more serious note – and it may seem patently obvious -, but we don’t tend to walk on paved paths or always in the shade , so whilst our Hash routes are suitable for all, and are not as difficult as many other areas’ Hashes, could you bear in mind the following few points that will help make your first Hash an enjoyable one:
- Flip flops and heeled sandals are not the best footwear to try to clamber up and down in. Walking sandals or more robust shoes like trainers or even tropical weight walking boots are definitely safer.
- Even if you regularly exercise vigorously in cooler parts of the world, Thailand gets HOT. Everyone should carry water with them. The Hash supplies water prior to the start – if you haven’t got any with you, make sure you collect a bottle(s) from the Hash supply before you set off – ask one of the people wearing a Hash T-shirt to direct you to the stock. On return, whether you drink soft drinks or beer – rehydrate yourself fully. Heatstroke kills.
- Take a hat!
- If you feel ill on a hash, don’t struggle on in the heat, sit down under nearest shade near the trail. The Sweeper, or next Hasher along, will find you , and we will organize things from there as required.
P.S We haven’t ‘lost’ anyone yet.
Next month’s Hash is on the 15th May and is promised to be a fairly flat trail in honour of the rains and the hares’ poor level of personal fitness.
On, On!
Ooh Matron and Oddjob.
