The July CRFFHHH was set by experienced hare Wirgin Bluce assisted by virgin hares Man Eater and Unconscious Woman Beater. Wirgin Bluce, opting not to explore new territory, used his second favorite location, moving the venue from well-worn Santiburi to a public lake just outside the city. WB marketed the trail as “rain friendly” since it was on dirt roads in the countryside. Indeed, many of the younger hashers had not been to this area so the beautiful rolling hills, mountain and rice field views and a circle on the lake were a rewarding experience them. Additionally, the skies were slightly overcast so the temperature was very pleasant. So, there was no excuse for a poor hash but . . . as usual, the FRB’s managed to f*&k things up from the beginning. Oral Banger, Running Shit Mouth, Shannon, Scape Goat and Namron along with his gang of ruffians, ran straight through a check near the beginning and ended up running the trail in reverse! Along the trail, Oral Banger and Scapegoat were making fun of “senile” WB who seemed to be putting paper only 10 m. from the checks only to realize later that WB wasn’t the one who made the mistake. Luckily the trail was a loop so the FRBs got to eat crow as they passed the gaggle of walkers lead by Wild Woman who actually knew the right direction. Regardless of the error, everyone seemed to enjoy, especially virgin Shannon who decided to run the course one more time just to get a bit more exercise! The first ones in were able to enjoy tuna sandwiches, San Miguel Beer and guacamole dip while when the walkers returned Wild Woman brought out additional vittles including corn, chicken wings and sticky rice. The young ruffians and a few of the young at heart enjoyed a refreshing jump off the sala into the lake. Additionally, Oral Banger gave vuvuzela blowing lessons to anyone who was willing to try blow really hard, resulting in a loud noise and a smile on Oral Banger's face.
After ample food and beer, the GM called Wirgin Bluce into the circle. Unbeknownst to the majority of the hashers, the GM had gotten a frantic phone call the day before the hash from WB who wanted to cancel the hash because there was a chance of rain. Being a young, inexperienced GM, Oral Banger was flummoxed that one of the “original hashers” of the CR hash was so concerned about rain so he called Namron, the religious advisor. Namron, not wanting to make any imprudent recommendations decided to consult with the Bangkok hash. What he found was shocking; in nearly 2,000 runs (37 years of hashing x 52 runs a year) the Bangkok hash has NEVER cancelled a hash because of weather! However, that is a MALE hash so just to be overly cautious, he checked with the WOMEN’S group, the Bangkok Harriettes who have been running weekly since 1982. In over 1,400 hashes they too have NEVER cancelled a hash because of weather. So Oral Banger awarded Wirgin Bluce a beer for being the “oldest lady at the hash” and recommended he take off his knickers next time the skies get a little cloudy.
Crash was brought into the circle and ribbed for being the first hasher to come over 10 times and not even attempt to complete a run but at the same time, kudos were given by being far and away the best hash beer of all times. Never has the CR hash eaten so well or had such good beer!
Shannon and Running Sh!t Mouth were given their farewell song but they both promise to come back sometime in the not too distant future.
Scapegoat will be the hare for the August hash which looks to be a doozy as Scapegoat has already been consulting with Namron about the appropriateness of running the hashers through chest deep water.
Finally it was decided that Loose Stool is completely useless as a scribe and had to be cut loose so by executive order, Oral Banger has appointed Namron as scribe until the Nov. elections come around.
- Nam Ron
