Hares: Hand Cock and Helping Hand assisted by G.M. Able Semen
Location: On road beyond the Nam Laat caves
April is the hottest month of the year in Thailand so we were thankful that 35 people showed up for the run. These included seven children and three passers-through: Sarah and James I and II who presumably didn’t know any better. As usual all 15 of the men were farang. Among the women 9 were Thais and 4 farang. Depressingly eighteen adults declared themselves teetotalers. Only ten hashers inbibed.
There were a variety of strategies to deal with the heat. Super-glue kept cool by doffing his shoes and walking in socks. His pal, Sticky Goo followed in his buddy’s wake. Pat on the Back tried to avoid climbing over a gate but fell into an electrified fence. Mark refused to carry his three young daughters abandoning them to their own devices.
Being close to town, the area had many crisscrossing footpaths leading off in every direction. The hares exploited these to create many false trails which discouraged the FRBs while enabling the slow ones to catch up. In two instances the trail paralleled itself on two sides of a bog. The hares incorrectly supposed that the bogs would discourage short-cutting but they forgot that in the hot season everything dries up. Your faithful correspondent short-cut thusly and to his surprise, he became the FRB briefly. That honour lasted precisely two seconds. On Fire slipped by him as soon as he turned to call “On! On!” signaling the way forward to Do It Yourself, Do It Better and other FRBs lurking nearby.
The visiting Icelander, Halla demonstrated her political sympathies by wearing bright red pants. However her courage failed her when passing a herd of cattle. She suddenly became very friendly towards this honest scribe whom she kept between her and them. Once past a curious bull, she took off with incredible vigor surpassing all others to be the first one in. Third Wheel and On Fire came second and third.
At the circle afterwards hash names were allocated as follows: Peter, a locomotive fireman became “Fired Up” while his better half Vee shall be known as “On Fire;” Ben and Yvonne who are both Dutch became the “Flying Dutchman” and “Dutch Treat” respectively. Marty, an electrical contractor in Iraq earned the name “Hard Wired;” and Som’O was called by some “Speeding Gonzalles” but shall always be known to this reporter as “Sticky Goo” in light of his special relationship to “Super Glue.”
Hand Cock noted that this circle was special as it was the first time in over a year that Shocking neglected to flog t-shirts. Thus prompted Shocking sprang into action but in the absence of his usual sexy model, his sales pitch met with indifference. Taking advantage of the current economic down turn Helping Hand offered to buy one provided she get the same discount which applies to men. She eventually succeeded while retaining an option to re-sell at enormous profit on e-bay .
At the conclusion of the circle G.M. Able Semen announced some good and bad news. Beginning with the former he declared that he would be away for the next two months. The bad news was that Shocking, our favourite G.M. ever, would replace him during this absence.
Hares volunteering for future runs are:
May Do It Yourself and Do It Better
June Stoned and Rolling
July Still open
August Doesn’t Matterhorn and Swiss Roll
September Loose Spoke, Tight Socket and Third Wheel
October Still open
November Shocking and Pat on the Back
December Well Oiled and Oiled Well
On! On!
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
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