The ChiangRai ‘Start slowly and Taper off’ Hash
Report October2010
‘The Swiss Precision Hash’
Venue: Within the grounds of the C.R Horticultural Research Centre, off the old Chiang Mai road at Keystone 5. Beside lake with the trail covering a mix of newly planted and well established fruit and nut plantations.
Hares: ‘Doesn’t Matterhorn’ and ‘ Swiss Roll’
Scribe: With Ooohmatron injured Oddjob is filling in
Attendance was excellent with a total of 37 happy hashers gathering - 14 women, 13 men and 10 children all raring to go.
Trails: The hare found an idyllic spot where he was able to devise two trails – one for the runners and an easier route for the ramblers.
After being given friendly advice and hints from the hare we set off on our chosen path, the FRBs at a trot and the ramblers at a slow stroll (similar to shopping at Big C). After taking photographs of the departing groups I joined the rear of the ramblers (what else did you expect from me). I settled into a steady pace and caught up with the hare who was also acting as sweeper. As we rounded a bend we came across the entire group standing at a white cross in the middle of the track. The hare diagnosed the problem, this was the first checkpoint that the ramblers had ever seen. Normally the front runners sort out such minor inconveniences long before any ramblers appear. Pleas from the hare to look for paper eventually caused two ramblers to go down the left track whilst I headed down the right hand track looking for photo opportunities. By chance I found paper and I had become a FRB (front rambling Brit). This was first for me and for almost 1Km I lead the pack, until I reached the second checkpoint.
I opted for the left path and proceeded up Mount Everest for miles, ok it was a gentle slope and after 100 metres I came across the white line across the track. I turned and headed back retracing my steps to the checkpoint where a gaggle of ramblers had gathered. “Look for paper” sounded a familiar Swiss voice followed by tutting (if tutting was an Olympic event the hare would be sure to get gold). We were then joined by the runners Allo Allo, Able Seamen and who sailed past the checkpoint down the correct path to leave me at the rear, my moment of glory over.
And now we arrive at “the corner of doom”. The hash route took a sharp left off the main track. To assist us a large HHH arrow style sign had been attached to a tree at eye level, together with the statutory paper trail on the ground. The front runners were on a fast straight stretch and managed to run past the tree, not noticing the desired turn. Some of the faster ramblers spotted the FRBs in the lead and instead of looking for paper, opted for the easier option of following runners. They also missed the corner. The hare arrived and saw what was happening. He muttered words in a foreign tongue that I didn’t quite catch, but I believe it would have made a Swiss bar maid blush. (Luckily the hare’s mother was too far away to hear the outburst). He tried calling the disappearing group back, but they had their heads down and they were gone. “Never mind, we will meet up with them later” was the hare’s closing comment as we set off in the correct direction.
The ramblers then proceeded up a small hill where we were greeted by a panoramic view of Chiang Rai and another checkpoint. The hare had softened and he kindly pointed out the way we should head, down the hill. We accepted his kind gesture and began our descent, but not for long as the hare suddenly remembered that he had changed the route at the last moment and we had to retrace our steps back up again. Even the best monkey can drop a coconut.
It was then that we spotted little figures running around in the distance and as they got closer we realised that it was the FRB’s who were coming up the hill towards us, on paper but in the wrong direction. I will never forget the faces of Allo Allo, Able seaman and Namron as we crossed paths. A bemused farmer was standing nearby watching the excitement. I would have loved to have been able to explain to him what was going happening to put him out of his misery. As he retold his tale that evening, would anybody believe him?
And so we descended the hill where we met more lost sheep who, after surveying the mountain, decided to turn and follow us back. Shortly after this I crossed paths with Namron again. Was he going around again? No, just looking for lost children who had unfortunately followed the FRBs in the wrong direction but then missed the turn so ended up seeing nothing more than a flat dirt road.
As I returned to base I found that Allo Allo and Able Seaman were first to arrive back. They had completed the course and a bit more but in the wrong order. The Lost Samurai followed closely by Debbie no name were next in. They had completed the course in the correct order. I will let the reader decide who has the honour of first and second in. I came in a respectable third or fifth depending upon your opinion.
This must have been one of the best hashes that I have been on – wonderful scenery, good tracks, a little mud, chaos and confusion. What else can you expect for so little money. The afternoon can never be repeated, you had to be there to experience the experience.
After the hash
Swiss Roll provided an excellent repast for the Hashers including spicy salad, penang gai and green curry. Compliments flew. Doesn't Matter Horn and Swiss Roll were presented with their well deserved Paris collection tee shirts embellished with exclusive hare badges. Three lucky hashers received their new names - a retired physicist received the name "Big Banger" and his lovely wife was dubbed "Well Dimensioned." The daughter of Bad Man was in line to get her name as well but all were too intimidated by Bad Man to suggest something racy.
Photographs of the hash can be found by following this link
http://picasaweb.google.com/
On, On! Ooh Matron and Oddjob
On, On! Ooh Matron and Oddjob
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