‘You’ve caused chaos and confusion’ said the Fat Controller
Hare: Stuart (The Best Man) was Hare –this was his first time at laying a trail for us.
Venue: Along the 1151,near the Café de doi in the vicinity of the Pong Phrabat waterfall, north of town.
By the time we all gathered at the start, the slightly overcast sky of the morning had burnt away to clear blue and the temperatures were in the balmy mid-20.C, a more pleasant day for a Hash could not have been asked for. There were 47 of us, the usual culprits including 11 children, a few ‘returnees’ and 3 eager virgin hashers who knew no better at that stage.
Stuart gave the briefing – thanking Shocking and Able Semen for their assistance in setting up his first hash trail. Apparently, ignoring exhortations from Namron to try to kill us off by making it a very challenging course, he had opted for one about ‘6….or 7…..or 8 km’ long and of medium difficulty, with ‘about 8 checks’. I didn’t like the sound of this at all, we were right up against the hills, would we be aquaplaning down the waterfall, was it going to be one of those no- level -ground -found Hashes? Ah well, I’d recover in time for next month, and Shocking gave me hope as he had managed to get round it 2 days before with a heel injury.
Off we set – and straight away spirits amongst those of us who find setting out the Scrabble board a physically gruelling activity could be heard to rise as we headed AWAY from the looming hills back down into rice paddy land. The FRBs were off, off and away into the distance before most of us had reached the car park entrance.
Almost straight away, memories of another Hash were brought to mind in vivid detail – Handcock’s infamous ‘365 ways to cross a paddy field’ was surpassed by the events of the next half an hour.
It was ‘chaos and confusion’ thought your trusty scribe.
Imagine, if you will, dry paddy fields as far as your eye can see, a patchwork of earth borders dividing each paddy with absolutely no discernable features to identify one from the other. Imagine the pale bleached rice straw left in the fields, a colour leaching sun, the pale colour of a very sparce paper trail and picture the resultant chaos. People went off in every single direction. Shouts of ‘On,on’ from the FRBs soon faded away as they wandered (albeit very quickly) around in the distance looking for paper. No-one in the Hash Pack had seen how the FRBs had got to where they were, so there were two/three/four groups looking for paper. Back and forth, everyone had their heads down searching, apart from those of us who like to watch how things develop before committing ourselves to physical effort. Sure enough the ‘wait and see’ approach worked and minimal effort achieved maximum results for this elite sub-group of CRH. The paddy fields being dry, whenever a paper trail was found, off we set across them to catch up.
Shouts for ‘John’ were occasionally heard as mischievous-minded Hashers spotted some skittish cows with ropes attached – but he had learned his lesson and made no attempt to corral them. One of the cows was decided the hashers were in the mood for a beef dinner and started charging at the FRB's. Luckily his nose was attached to a rope as it was the only thing from turning the hash into a running with the bull.
Criss-crossing the fields, we reached the end, a small hedge and ditch to traverse, and we faced another paddy patchwork. Such was the confusion that – until lured astray by a paper pile that turned out to be a bit of a feed bag – Titanic noted that our small group was briefly in the lead, a situation that nearly caused nervous exhaustion to set in. This error being swiftly rectified, we back tracked and followed the Hash Pack to reach another steep sided ditch with 3 bits of rotten wood pretending to be a bridge. Over this with no fatalities – though Wirgin Bruce stood by ready to capture any mishaps with his camera, and there was a respite from the paddies and a wider path to follow. Nita seemed to have acquired by this time some vegetation that required carrying home for transplanting.
Once on the paths, then clambering down, leaping over and then scrambling up a few more ditches,
( Wild Woman magnificently demonstrating the art of dyke vaulting to Cop Out at one of them) , past some ripening pineapple fields, and - with a couple of gentle inclines to raise the heart rate- it was back to base for most of us. The last part of the Hash offering lovely views to the hills, and the Café de doi where there was an evening concert and food to tempt post-Hash hashers with any stamina left.
Namron came in first, then immediately headed back out on a lap of honour to round up the children. Wi came in second, and then Able Semen. Most of us had been back for some considerable time when Wild Woman jogged in to wild applause, followed a few minutes later by Sally, then Stuart (Hare) and Shocking en famille…. It turns out that Stuart – having laid the trail in the morning had been called away and on his return had forgotten to remove the paper on what was supposed to be a false trail. The group he was with had trustingly followed his lead down this dead end for some considerable way before it had dawned on him that he had no idea where he was. This is what makes a Hash good fun. We hope it doesn’t put him off having another go at being a hare!
The Circle
Handcock carried out his first duties as one of this years’ G.Ms and thanked Stuart for his Hash.
Welcoming the 3 virgin hashers, from Australia, UK and Thailand in the traditional way, we then held a naming ceremony for three 3 times Hashers.
American Ex- teacher Debbie became ‘Ma’am – a – lade’
Our Thai teacher became ‘Nok easy’ – this was something to do with her having the ability to spot a paper trail from a great distance,
And Gus – apparently a great disco fiend and lover of Pattaya’s less salubrious areas became ‘Dirty Dancer’.
Bruce informed the Circle of an idea that had been floated to him of CRH possibly hosting a regional Hash. He invited any Hasher interested in discussing the idea to meet the following Monday.
(I can tell you now that a decision was taken at that meeting not to pursue this idea at the moment, but to celebrate our 10th Anniversery in 2013 by making it an Invitational Hash. I am sure we will hear more details after the next Hash).
For any of you who want to expend some more energy, Bruce is helping organise a Sprint triathalon on Saturday the 12th of February. Comprising a 750 metres swim, a 20km bike ride and a 4km run, he invites any interested people to contact him on kennedyhb@hotmail.com. You can just take part in one event, or enter as a group. It’s in aid of a good cause too.
Hares for the forthcoming Months
Titanic and Iceberg will be next month’s Hares.
Shocking and Pee will be March’s, but we need volunteers for April, May, June and July. Don’t be shy, the ‘old hands’ are very helpful and will advise and guide you through what to do.
P.S We have a shredder available for anyone who wishes to borrow it. Let Shocking know if you want to use it.
See you all next month in the year of the Rabbit.
OohMatron and OddJob.
Photographic evidence of this month’s Hash can be found at:
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