The 99th CR Hash proved to be like a good beer, mellow at first blush, but with a pleasant, lingering aftertaste. None of the high drama, of, for example, the infamous outstation hash (which shall forever remain under a veil of silence), but nonetheless an enjoyable afternoon.
The first part of the walk was along a delightful forest path, not strenuous at all – as Wirgin Bluce remarked, if Shocking is in front, there must be something wrong with the difficulty level.
The second half was perhaps a touch anti-climactic, but only due to the expectations raised by the scenic first portion, and before we knew it we were back at the cars, none of which had been broken into, this being Thailand.
Some ungrateful souls suggested the walk had been too short and easy (Pat on the Back even did a push-up at the end in order to fill her exertion quota), but all in all it was agreed that the trail was well chosen and we would like to thank the hare Handcock for his efforts in clearing the path, he still has the scars to prove it. The usual suspects came in first, namely Namron, Fired Up, Able Semen, Flying Dutchman and Crash.
Numbers at this hash were modest, to the extent that the majority of the attendees were called Molly, which spurred our wordsmiths to crowbar the words “mollify” and “mollycoddle” into their Circle orations, very droll.
Five virgins were inducted into our sect, Red Hot from NY, Pole Dancer from Oregon, Lost Potato from Idaho [this is a state in the US], and Barely Able and Barely Legal from the Philippines. Our Filipino inductees seemed slightly nervous in anticipation of what initiation rites the red-faced brutes would make them go through, and were visibly relieved after the naming ceremony was over.
Able Semen was extremely warm and welcoming towards our new members Red Hot and Pole Dancer, at which point they began claiming that they were leaving the country shortly and wouldn’t really be coming to that many more hashes. Hmmm.
It must be mentioned that newcomers, Janey from Canada and Sh”*ç%”ç% from Japan did go through a truly cruel and unnatural hazing ritual (voluntarily!), namely drinking glasses of Coca Cola down in one.
The Circle was held in the middle of a road, but members did allow the public to pass, and even greeted some of them, in the vernacular (“Sawatdikup”). Let it never be said that members of the CR Hash do no engage with the local community.
Our GM, the aptly named Shocking, was as usual an MC extraordinaire, and I don’t care what anyone says behind his back, it doesn’t matter if most people can’t understand him, it’s the thought that counts. After some time we had a switch to received pronunciatim Able Semen, and then Wirgin Bluce took over and injected his customary gravitas into the proceedings. Various administrative matters were dealt with, such as the next confirmed hares: Able Semen in Feb, Scotch on the Rocks and Cop Out in March, Lost Samurai in May and Special Needs and Special Services in Oct, but the important point to remember is that Brain Health committed to funding 4 (four) cases of whichever beer is chosen for the 100th hash, regardless of how many bottles there are in each case.
On! On!Comes Twice
Hash Scribe (Pro Bono)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Driving Instructions to the January 21 Hash
The Chiangrai January hash will begin at 3.30pm on Sat 21 Jan. Computer literates types can see the start point here. The coordinates are 19°59'23.05"N 99°46'15.65"E for satnav types. A Google Earth .kmz is attached.
(Those with long memories will recall Helping Hand's 2007 route in this area.)
Beginning at the Little Duck Hotel go north along the Asian Highway and then turn left at the first road (traffic lights) you come to after passing over the Kok River.
Continue along this road (passing the Phowadol Hotel on your right) approx 5 km until you reach a T-junction and then turn
right (HHH sign).
You are now heading north along Road no 1207.
After about 5 km you will come to another T-junction. Here you
turn right (HHH sign) and continue to follow the main road (don't turn left to the Huai Mae
Sai waterfalls).
Continue until you reach kilometer stone 12 (these markers are on your right).
Turn into the dirt road on your right (HHH sign) and go about a kilometer towards Ban Suksasem.
Park where the road reaches a Y junction where the right branch leads up a hill and the left branch becomes a very rough road.
Plan on 40 minutes drive from the Little Duck Hotel to this site assuming no traffic jam.
For more information contact Hand Cock (Paul Hancock) at 66 (0) 861 940 922 or pmchancock@gmail.com
(Those with long memories will recall Helping Hand's 2007 route in this area.)
Beginning at the Little Duck Hotel go north along the Asian Highway and then turn left at the first road (traffic lights) you come to after passing over the Kok River.
Continue along this road (passing the Phowadol Hotel on your right) approx 5 km until you reach a T-junction and then turn
right (HHH sign).
You are now heading north along Road no 1207.
After about 5 km you will come to another T-junction. Here you
turn right (HHH sign) and continue to follow the main road (don't turn left to the Huai Mae
Sai waterfalls).
Continue until you reach kilometer stone 12 (these markers are on your right).
Turn into the dirt road on your right (HHH sign) and go about a kilometer towards Ban Suksasem.
Park where the road reaches a Y junction where the right branch leads up a hill and the left branch becomes a very rough road.
Plan on 40 minutes drive from the Little Duck Hotel to this site assuming no traffic jam.
For more information contact Hand Cock (Paul Hancock) at 66 (0) 861 940 922 or pmchancock@gmail.com
Report of the Christmas Hash: Saturday, December 17, 2011
Location: Able Semen abode in Sang Nong Bua village
Hares: Able Semen assisted by Bare Back Rider and Khun Dang
Forty-eight hashers should up for the Christmas hash including 21 men, all foreigners, 18 women, mostly Thai and 10 children. There was no difficulty getting them together as they immediately gravitated to the spacious tent to escape the sun which still beamed warmly at the 3 pm launching time. The challenge was to get them to leave the plastic chairs in which they comfortably ensconced themselves.
Ever ready to provide leadership when it is most desperately needed, your faithful correspondent was the first to start off and led the pack for at least a kilometer until the notorious Nam Ron, urged on by Immaculate Conception, Soreasses and Virgin Fred, abandoned his off-spring and finally caught up. The others followed in the usual disorderly fashion.
Conspicuously present among the following crowd was Bang Cock Chris who never content to walk on his own two feet brought two walking sticks which might conceivably serve as crutches. However in the process of extending the lengths, he managed to disassemble them. Then Scotch on the Rocks leap to the rescue on condition that she got to use one. Once they were repaired, Second Hand Sally observed that she had twisted her ankle. The only one not interested in gallant Bang Cock’s walking sticks was Cop Out who knew that these sticks were too short to provide her satisfaction.
The trail was an A to B to A each lap being 5.5 kilometers. To everyone’s surprise Flying Dutchman now reincarnated after eight months absence managed to arrive at point B just moments ahead of this truthful witness. That last hill however was too much for him and once he spied the hare’s two vehicles hidden in the woods he refused to go a step further. This set an unfortunate example eagerly embraced by all who followed.
Ever conscious of his responsibility to witness all that might transpire, you faithful readers will be relieved to know that your diligent scribe resisted the temptation to rest and persisted along the trail to glory. Shortly after leaving point B he found himself lost in the middle of a field without paper. It seems our frugal hare chose this moment in the middle of a corn field to save on paper. Fortunately Virgin Fred was still within earshot and was able to lead him back to the straight and narrow. In fact only four hashers went beyond point B. Nam Ron and Immaculate Conception managed to find their way back following paper and were rewarded by a filthy tramp through a swamp for their efforts. Knowing that preparation is the key to success, Virgin Fred bought a house immediately behind the Able Semen spread one month before so he could study the land. Thus he and your devoted reporter managed to arrive back at A with dry feet and in spite of the lack of paper.
Meanwhile back at point B, the hare fearing some heart attack might floor our courageous leader, Able Semen showed Shocking how to avoid the hill. All those following in his enormous wake, including Pat on the Back, Superglue, Hom Noi, Sperm Bank, Missed Period and the three Powder Puffs eagerly took unfair advantage of this inside information.
Now back under the tent at Able Semen residence, Shocking called the circle to order to deal with the usual business. The assistant hare, John Robinson was named “Bareback Rider” in recognition of his skills as a professional horse trainer. His better half Noi Nah in turn received the name “Lady Godiva” in view of her legendary equestrian skills. Finally Sean, son of this honest scribe, Wirgin Bluce and Wild Woman became “Immaculate Conception.”
Nam Ron splashed the four teachers for significantly reducing the average age of our group. Wirgin Bluce then condemned them and everyone like them for failing to wear a hash t-shirt. Instead of being inspired by grace and beauty of Nearly Virgin Joi who appeared for her second hash in an award-winning, S2ATO hash t-shirt, it seems these lost souls were led astray by the deployable sartorial example of Special Needs and Special Services who after so many hashes still dress as though they are special. Able Semen concluded the circle by splashing special guest star Nii, wife of the local village headman, who contrary to all hash etiquette, two years ago provided lift to On Fire, Wirgin Bluce, Hand Cock and Helping Hand.
Immediately after the circle, Dang, the better half of Able Semen, provided a wonderful Thai food buffet which the hungry masses consumed totally along with all the beer, soft drinks and every other edible thing which could be found.
The annual Christmas gift giving followed. Everyone brought a present to exchange except Thaitanic and Iceberg who had become so attached to the gifts they had bought that they left them at home. At just the right moment Santa appeared. Some suspect that this Santa might be Dirty Dancer but don’t tell anyone especially Ranger who accused Santa of being a fake. This Santa however convincing demonstrated that no one needs to study at Penn State University in order to create excitement. It was an unforgiveable performance.
Notes by Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce
Hares: Able Semen assisted by Bare Back Rider and Khun Dang
Forty-eight hashers should up for the Christmas hash including 21 men, all foreigners, 18 women, mostly Thai and 10 children. There was no difficulty getting them together as they immediately gravitated to the spacious tent to escape the sun which still beamed warmly at the 3 pm launching time. The challenge was to get them to leave the plastic chairs in which they comfortably ensconced themselves.
Ever ready to provide leadership when it is most desperately needed, your faithful correspondent was the first to start off and led the pack for at least a kilometer until the notorious Nam Ron, urged on by Immaculate Conception, Soreasses and Virgin Fred, abandoned his off-spring and finally caught up. The others followed in the usual disorderly fashion.
Conspicuously present among the following crowd was Bang Cock Chris who never content to walk on his own two feet brought two walking sticks which might conceivably serve as crutches. However in the process of extending the lengths, he managed to disassemble them. Then Scotch on the Rocks leap to the rescue on condition that she got to use one. Once they were repaired, Second Hand Sally observed that she had twisted her ankle. The only one not interested in gallant Bang Cock’s walking sticks was Cop Out who knew that these sticks were too short to provide her satisfaction.
The trail was an A to B to A each lap being 5.5 kilometers. To everyone’s surprise Flying Dutchman now reincarnated after eight months absence managed to arrive at point B just moments ahead of this truthful witness. That last hill however was too much for him and once he spied the hare’s two vehicles hidden in the woods he refused to go a step further. This set an unfortunate example eagerly embraced by all who followed.
Ever conscious of his responsibility to witness all that might transpire, you faithful readers will be relieved to know that your diligent scribe resisted the temptation to rest and persisted along the trail to glory. Shortly after leaving point B he found himself lost in the middle of a field without paper. It seems our frugal hare chose this moment in the middle of a corn field to save on paper. Fortunately Virgin Fred was still within earshot and was able to lead him back to the straight and narrow. In fact only four hashers went beyond point B. Nam Ron and Immaculate Conception managed to find their way back following paper and were rewarded by a filthy tramp through a swamp for their efforts. Knowing that preparation is the key to success, Virgin Fred bought a house immediately behind the Able Semen spread one month before so he could study the land. Thus he and your devoted reporter managed to arrive back at A with dry feet and in spite of the lack of paper.
Meanwhile back at point B, the hare fearing some heart attack might floor our courageous leader, Able Semen showed Shocking how to avoid the hill. All those following in his enormous wake, including Pat on the Back, Superglue, Hom Noi, Sperm Bank, Missed Period and the three Powder Puffs eagerly took unfair advantage of this inside information.
Now back under the tent at Able Semen residence, Shocking called the circle to order to deal with the usual business. The assistant hare, John Robinson was named “Bareback Rider” in recognition of his skills as a professional horse trainer. His better half Noi Nah in turn received the name “Lady Godiva” in view of her legendary equestrian skills. Finally Sean, son of this honest scribe, Wirgin Bluce and Wild Woman became “Immaculate Conception.”
Nam Ron splashed the four teachers for significantly reducing the average age of our group. Wirgin Bluce then condemned them and everyone like them for failing to wear a hash t-shirt. Instead of being inspired by grace and beauty of Nearly Virgin Joi who appeared for her second hash in an award-winning, S2ATO hash t-shirt, it seems these lost souls were led astray by the deployable sartorial example of Special Needs and Special Services who after so many hashes still dress as though they are special. Able Semen concluded the circle by splashing special guest star Nii, wife of the local village headman, who contrary to all hash etiquette, two years ago provided lift to On Fire, Wirgin Bluce, Hand Cock and Helping Hand.
Immediately after the circle, Dang, the better half of Able Semen, provided a wonderful Thai food buffet which the hungry masses consumed totally along with all the beer, soft drinks and every other edible thing which could be found.
The annual Christmas gift giving followed. Everyone brought a present to exchange except Thaitanic and Iceberg who had become so attached to the gifts they had bought that they left them at home. At just the right moment Santa appeared. Some suspect that this Santa might be Dirty Dancer but don’t tell anyone especially Ranger who accused Santa of being a fake. This Santa however convincing demonstrated that no one needs to study at Penn State University in order to create excitement. It was an unforgiveable performance.
Notes by Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce
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