Location: Able Semen abode in Sang Nong Bua village
Hares: Able Semen assisted by Bare Back Rider and Khun Dang
Forty-eight hashers should up for the Christmas hash including 21 men, all foreigners, 18 women, mostly Thai and 10 children. There was no difficulty getting them together as they immediately gravitated to the spacious tent to escape the sun which still beamed warmly at the 3 pm launching time. The challenge was to get them to leave the plastic chairs in which they comfortably ensconced themselves.
Ever ready to provide leadership when it is most desperately needed, your faithful correspondent was the first to start off and led the pack for at least a kilometer until the notorious Nam Ron, urged on by Immaculate Conception, Soreasses and Virgin Fred, abandoned his off-spring and finally caught up. The others followed in the usual disorderly fashion.
Conspicuously present among the following crowd was Bang Cock Chris who never content to walk on his own two feet brought two walking sticks which might conceivably serve as crutches. However in the process of extending the lengths, he managed to disassemble them. Then Scotch on the Rocks leap to the rescue on condition that she got to use one. Once they were repaired, Second Hand Sally observed that she had twisted her ankle. The only one not interested in gallant Bang Cock’s walking sticks was Cop Out who knew that these sticks were too short to provide her satisfaction.
The trail was an A to B to A each lap being 5.5 kilometers. To everyone’s surprise Flying Dutchman now reincarnated after eight months absence managed to arrive at point B just moments ahead of this truthful witness. That last hill however was too much for him and once he spied the hare’s two vehicles hidden in the woods he refused to go a step further. This set an unfortunate example eagerly embraced by all who followed.
Ever conscious of his responsibility to witness all that might transpire, you faithful readers will be relieved to know that your diligent scribe resisted the temptation to rest and persisted along the trail to glory. Shortly after leaving point B he found himself lost in the middle of a field without paper. It seems our frugal hare chose this moment in the middle of a corn field to save on paper. Fortunately Virgin Fred was still within earshot and was able to lead him back to the straight and narrow. In fact only four hashers went beyond point B. Nam Ron and Immaculate Conception managed to find their way back following paper and were rewarded by a filthy tramp through a swamp for their efforts. Knowing that preparation is the key to success, Virgin Fred bought a house immediately behind the Able Semen spread one month before so he could study the land. Thus he and your devoted reporter managed to arrive back at A with dry feet and in spite of the lack of paper.
Meanwhile back at point B, the hare fearing some heart attack might floor our courageous leader, Able Semen showed Shocking how to avoid the hill. All those following in his enormous wake, including Pat on the Back, Superglue, Hom Noi, Sperm Bank, Missed Period and the three Powder Puffs eagerly took unfair advantage of this inside information.
Now back under the tent at Able Semen residence, Shocking called the circle to order to deal with the usual business. The assistant hare, John Robinson was named “Bareback Rider” in recognition of his skills as a professional horse trainer. His better half Noi Nah in turn received the name “Lady Godiva” in view of her legendary equestrian skills. Finally Sean, son of this honest scribe, Wirgin Bluce and Wild Woman became “Immaculate Conception.”
Nam Ron splashed the four teachers for significantly reducing the average age of our group. Wirgin Bluce then condemned them and everyone like them for failing to wear a hash t-shirt. Instead of being inspired by grace and beauty of Nearly Virgin Joi who appeared for her second hash in an award-winning, S2ATO hash t-shirt, it seems these lost souls were led astray by the deployable sartorial example of Special Needs and Special Services who after so many hashes still dress as though they are special. Able Semen concluded the circle by splashing special guest star Nii, wife of the local village headman, who contrary to all hash etiquette, two years ago provided lift to On Fire, Wirgin Bluce, Hand Cock and Helping Hand.
Immediately after the circle, Dang, the better half of Able Semen, provided a wonderful Thai food buffet which the hungry masses consumed totally along with all the beer, soft drinks and every other edible thing which could be found.
The annual Christmas gift giving followed. Everyone brought a present to exchange except Thaitanic and Iceberg who had become so attached to the gifts they had bought that they left them at home. At just the right moment Santa appeared. Some suspect that this Santa might be Dirty Dancer but don’t tell anyone especially Ranger who accused Santa of being a fake. This Santa however convincing demonstrated that no one needs to study at Penn State University in order to create excitement. It was an unforgiveable performance.
Notes by Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce
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