Sept. Hash Report

    The September hash was set by virgin hare Oral Banger along with his 4 legged mate Ninja. 46 hashers, a mixed group of novices and veterans, showed up to enjoy the scenery of Nang Lae Nai and see what the fledgling hare had in store. After the hare brief Oral Banger gingerly guided the hashers to the start of the trail only to have them go straight up a steep slope and without a check abruptly turned back down. Even the veteran hashers were unable to find the paper and after 10 minutes of checking everyone was cursing the hare (who was enjoying himself by sitting in the river drinking a beer, chuckling at the lot of us.) Luckily, Stoned who just returned from a 3.5 year hiatus, was able to put everyone back on track by finding a wad of paper hidden deep in the woods. After sliding and falling down the hill (Long and Hard proved especially adept at this) the hashers found the rest of the path was flat but longer than advertised – the short trail turned out to be 6 km and the long trail 8 km. The trail was mainly on gravel road but with some cement roads, rice fields, orchards and farmer’s backyards thrown into the mix.
    Being especially diabolical, Oral Banger had arranged to have some skittish cows tied up in the middle of the trail so that hashers had to take turns sprinting for safety one by one as the cows thrashed around on their ropes fearing for their lives. The hare also set many checks which kept the runners together until one exceptionally long false trail took the FRBs 200+ meters out and resulted in the younger runners searching the hillside in the wrong direction. After that check the lead was shared by only 3 hashers - Chester, Stuart and Namron. Not long after nearly getting mauled by the cows, Stuart went the wrong way at a check and ended up getting too close to a farmhouse with 3 large guard dogs. Suddenly it was as though Usain Bolt was in our midst – Stuart came sprinting down the hill at breakneck speed. Even the dogs were flabbergasted at his fleetness of foot and stopped chasing him to admire his dash. The only thing faster is Shocking downing a beer! The FRBs got back in 1 hour 20 minutes and had time to sit in the stream and drink with Oral Banger for about 40 minutes before all the walkers arrived.
    The circle was led by GM Able Semen recently released from hospital, demonstrated that rumors of his retirement were a few months premature. There were 3 virgin hashers – the bearded boyfriend of Doesn’t Cum who managed not only to come but to get wet while sitting in the river and two other virgins who looked as ready to ride motorcycles around the course as to walk it. Stoned was welcomed back to the circle by Wirgin Bluce who declared that he is the only GM in the history of our family-friendly hash to celebrate his victory by immediately absconding to Australia. Do It Yourself attempted to act as a lawyer in Stoned’s defense and after having all the ex-GM’s raise their hands asked, “Do you blame Stoned for not wanting to be associated with such a group?” We tried to give out hash names to Kim, the girlfriend of Loose Stool, and Stuart, our hard charging ex-quarterback hasher. However we failed at both attempts. Even though Kim was given the name “Bottom’s Up” in honor of Shocking's lecherous admiration of her derriere, the mismanagement committee has since recognized the error in our ways and has chosen to rescind that name since it has already been used.
    Just before the circle closed, Nam Ron proposed that during the cool season, the CR hash be held 2x a month. Most agreed but there was less enthusiasm for the idea of a joint outstation with Chiang Mai hash. Many hands went up to volunteer to lay trails which is the key to our hashing experience. See hare line page with our thanks to those who make the effort.
    Our thanks also go to Wild Woman who grilled pieces of chicken and to Crash's better half who produced an outstanding avocado dip to go with the potato chips. The circle closed as darkness descended and 14 still hungry hashers went to an on-on-on dinner at a fish restaurant just down the road. See you next month!

Driving Directions to Sept. 21st Hash

Saturday 21st September: Start 4-00pm prompt　 LOCATION----Nang Lae Nai Waterfall, Chiang Rai DIRECTIONS Head north from Chiang Rai on the Super Highway (#1), continuing north through the Chiang Rai Rajabhat University intersection in Ban Du. About 1 km past the Rajabhat intersection there are some traffic lights. Continue north through the lights and the turn off to Nang Lae Nai is about 400 meters past the lights. Turn left here. The first HHH sign will be here and there are some yellow flags and a red sign saying “Nang Lae Nai Waterfall”. Follow this road for about 7 kms into the forestry area leading up to Nang Lae Nai waterfall. On the right there are some salas and a creek. This will be the meeting spot. It would be a good idea to prepare for wet weather and muddy trails. ON ! ON ! Oral Banger

Aug. Hash Report

The August 17th hash was set by our Japanese contingent of Lost Samurai and Mile High. 33 hashers turned out, including many of the English teachers from the local schools and universities. At the hare brief Lost Samurai mentioned the possibility of finding wild mushrooms on the trail and Oral Banger and Loose Stool got especially excited. (Since neither of them was able to finish at the front of the pack, we can only assume they had success.) The trail was suspiciously similar to the one from the previous year but since many of the younger hashers weren’t around at that time, it was virgin territory for them. However, even the experienced FRBs had difficulty finding the correct path as the hares were especially duplicitous with their false trails. The course was only 5 km if you managed stayed on paper the whole way but at least 1.5 km further for those breaking the checks. The FRBs got to the circle in about an hour and it took another 45 minutes or so for the walkers to arrive. Two of the front runners – Bill and Chester not only ran fast, but were fast to leave because they had dates that evening (which means we still haven’t given Bill a hash name.) FRB Brian, in honor of being such a nice guy, got the name Missionary Position. After a long hiatus, the three twisted sisters came out for their 3rd run and managed to secure hash names - in honor of her bout with Dengue, Melinda got the name “Laid Up”, Susan living up to her wicked witch reputation got the name “Baby Burner” and Hannah known chiefly for missing appointments, got the apposite name “Doesn’t Cum.” Namron, having the voice of a crow (according to Shocking,) made the hashers endure more hash songs and having ample time to drink before the circle started, was especially generous in giving out hash patches (which had been stored in Shocking’s closet, slated to go on EBay.) This gesture earned the wrath of Wirgin Bluce who has had a history of playing Scrooge in the Christmas school play in his native Canada. However, the hare patches were retained and have to be earned by setting a trail (one which actually includes checks and cannot be driven in a car.) Oral Banger is slated to set the September trail, Crash is taking October and Namron has November. The hares amply supplemented by Pat on the Back and Wild Woman, provided refreshments for the circle so in the end everyone left with a fully belly. On! On! Hash Scribe Nam Ron