November 15th - Write Up

First off, to all the hashers who have bestowed upon me the honor of being scribe for the next year, I would like to say this in my mother tongue, as I think French best describes my state of mind: “Allez tous chier autant que vous êtes, hostie de crosseurs de poules mortes.”

Now that we are done with the pleasantries, on with the Hash write up. If you find that this write up is patchy, please take into account the following:
• I had a few beers
• I didn’t know I had to do this prior to the events
• Memory is not my best asset
• I had a few beers

The hash was set by virgin hares Man-eater, Unconscious Woman Beater, Artsy Fartsy and Silky Smooth. They chose an easy to get to location as everybody who made it actually probably showed up (eventually).

Once instructions were given and water not given because of *insert reason here*, we were on our way. While most people were waiting for the nice shop lady to wake up from her afternoon slumber to take our money for the water bottles we had already taken, virgin Parker took off his shirt to blend in seamlessly with the locals.

The scenery was beautiful: the asphalt made way to esthetically pleasing uphill dirt roads, conveniently located in the blistering sun. I suppose a few hashers died but we don’t have an official body count yet (please let me know the names of the deceased via e-mail so I can update the mailing list).

Luckily, most people made it through the course and even more luckily, there was beer waiting for us. As a general comment about the hash, people would have liked more hills, so please take that into consideration for future Hashes.

Here’s the list of people whose buttocks got refrigerated:

Virgins
• Parker
• Rebecca (who conveniently arrived for the beer but not the hash)

Christened hashers
• Downward Dog (who demonstrated the yoga position while Oral Banger tried to take advantage of the situation)
• Smegma (because we all know what goes on in dairy farms)
• H2Hoe (that’s how you spell chemist in Surrey)
• Frozen Ring (because I was on the block for a long, looooooong time)


Election of the new mismanagement committee

I was unpleasantly surprised to learn that nominations are not on a voluntary basis. People name names (usually the people trying to get out of those jobs) and candidates are usually voted in by the vast majority in attendance that wouldn't touch a responsibility with a 10 ft. pole.

Here are your suckers for the next year:

GM: Cop Out
(Unanimously voted in because most of the Hash money hasn’t gone missing while she was Hash Cash)

Hash Cash:  Tri-Sexual, H2Hoe
(There is no such thing as a corrupt Canadian)

Hash Scribe: Frozen Ring
(Many thanks to the previous guys for setting the bar low)

Beer Meister: Agent Orange
(I think he was voted in mostly because he owns some kind of vehicle with 4 wheels. I also think Crash might help since beer is involved.)

Thanks to the previous mismanagement committee, Oral Banger, Crash, Loose Stool and Cop Out (who got suckered in for a 2nd term) for your work over the last year. I’m sure the new administration will not let this legacy of verbal abuse and inadequacy falter.

Next hashes (don’t forget, more hills please)
-December 20th: Able Semen
-January: Loose Stool
-February: Tri-Sexual
-March: Dragon Balls

Frozen Ring, Hash Scribe.