March 28th - Write Up

According to wiktionary.org, a clusterf*ck can be defined by:

A chaotic situation where everything seems to go wrong. It is often caused by incompetence, communication failure, or a complex environment.

The March 28^th Hash can only be described as a complete, utter, total clusterf*ck.

First, let’s give props where props are due. Kudos to Oral Banger for choosing Chiang Rai beach as a hash location.  It sounds like the ideal spot for a hare: food, sun, water and drinks while the hashers sweat it out. Awesomeness, right?

Wrong.

It just so happened that it rained profusely the week leading to the hash. It made the air clean but it also transformed the Kok River from a sedate stream to a devastating current of brown water. Oral Banger had us cross that.

Oral Banger, being resourceful, rented a couple inner tubes to help us cross the river. Imagine the scene:  hashers on inner tubes pushed by Oral Banger and Baby Smooth, carried over hundreds of meters by the strong current, amidst boats rushing by. If you’re having trouble imagining it, try putting some ants in the toilet and flush. Needless to say it was a great spectacle for the hundreds of people actually enjoying Chiang Rai beach at that moment.

Another plus for Oral Banger: once you made it across, you no longer felt hot and your will to live grew stronger (incidentally, it’s one of the side effects of near-drowning). 
  

The actual Hash started out very promising: a cave, some dense jungle… But then, 500 meters in, there was a road and the trail got fuzzy. The FRBs must have spent 15-20 minutes to find paper across the said road. By that time, most the hashers had made it across the river and it got a bit out of control: everybody went in different directions trying to find paper but I think Hashers just started to make their own trail… mostly small circles.

After a good 30 minutes of fumbling, a mismanagement meeting was held where the motion “I think it’s beer o’clock” was adopted unanimously.  The whole group headed to the Buddha image caves so we could be upstream to cross the river one again.

We were met by Oral Banger who tried to shift the blame of this complete failure on:

a-The hashers

b-His girlfriend

c-Some individual hashers

d-The rain

(I had a great picture of that but unfortunately the camera got stolen in Bangkok, sorry!)

Nevertheless Oral Banger did manage to get a boat to stop and to carry the hashers across the river, making it the first Hash ever to include an inner tube ride as well as a boat ride. A lot of Hashers were leaving after a year stint as teachers in Thailand. I think Oral Banger managed to make this Epic failure a hash to remember!

Hash circle

Virgins

Ohm (Oral bangers girlfriend/student/blame receiver)

John (Teacher at the international school who has been living in CR for about 2-3 years)

Murat (Travelling through)

Andrea (Works at a foundation)

Chris (Friend of Black Diamond, lived in HMC)

Nancy (Friend of Black Diamond, lived in HMC)

Sally (Friend of Black Diamond, sister of Nancy)

People leaving (all going back unemployed)

Scotch on the Rocks (leaving for 6 months to go to Whistler, boohoo!)

Artsy Fartsy

Baby Smooth

Black Diamond

Peach Fuzz

Maneater

Unconscious Woman Beater

Come back after a long absence

Titanic

May Hash

Wirgin Bruce


-Frozen Ring