May 16th - Write Up

Some 40+ hashers showed up at Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman’s beautiful property.

The high attendance rate was first believed to be a consequence of the free food offering, but the circle clarified things: everybody wanted to make sure Namron was really leaving… and to ensure he suffered enough so he wouldn’t change his mind.

Learning from the two previous disasters, Wirgin Bruce proposed a new way of doing checks: no checks whatsoever. False trails? Yes, plenty. Also, 2 paths: a long and hard one for the few brave ones, a short and easy one for the lazy spineless couch potatoes “others”.

From what I’ve heard, the “short one” mostly consisted of rainbows, cotton candy and unicorns. For the courageous hashers on the “not so pleasant one” (namely Virgin Alan, Virgin Kevin, Ohm, John, Able Semen, Oral Banger, Bad Hobbit, H2Hoe, myself and the so, soooooo despised Namron) , it was all false trails, barbed wire and dehydration. Did I mention false trails?

TWO HOURS AND A HALF! That’s what it took the FRBs to complete the hash!  We had to resort to rationing the water between us because some of us didn’t expect it to be so long and didn’t bother to bring water at all. Things got bleak: at some point, I think Namron and Oral Banger were plotting to kill the virgins to drink their blood.  We did manage to all make it through, coming out of the jungle to find all the bastards “others” comfortably seated and stuffing their faces.

A very special mention to Able Semen. Not only did he keep up with people half his age, but he actually did better than most of them. Also, without water. Also, he might have had a mild case of severe heat stroke later. Yeah, maybe not so great after all.

What we have to remember is that Namron is to blame because Bruce was trying to kill him (I think) and the rest of the FRBs were just innocent bystanders. Or was he just trying to kill all the FRBs?

It sure felt like it to me.

The (never ending) circle

Returns after a long absence

Our dearest  ice block

Best free buffet in town

Wild Woman

Usual DFL whose plot to kill the FRBs got foiled

Wirgin Bruce

Outstanding performance

Able Semen (in absentia: heat stroke)

Virgins

John (another One)

Jinda

Griffin

Stephen

Takashi

Kevin (Professional MMA Fighter here to train)

Alan (Coach of Kevin)

(Namron and Oral Banger’s plan of drinking their blood might have had backfired)

Unsanctionned use of cell phone during a circle

Griffin

Named

New Fangled

Will still not remember any of the vulgar songs

Frozen ring

Bad parenting

Namron

Kissing strange men behind her husband’s back

H2Hoe

Newly formed couple

Kevin and Griffin

Sitting in for Well Oiled for a new name

Oral banger

Real estate inflator / Don’t worry eat a jelly donut, future fatty / Leave and please make sure you don’t come back

Namron

June Hash

Able Semen

 See you in June, 

-Frozen ring.