January 16th Hash - Write Up

Since this was Bad Hobbit’s first go at “Haredom”, I tried to check up on him relatively regularly about the trail he was setting.

At first, everything seemed pretty well under control: he knew where to do it, he had the time to do it AND he secured some assistance from veteran Hasher Able Seemen.

So I wasn’t too concerned when I learned that the Hash Scribe, Hash Beer AND Hash Cash were not going to be there. Meh, we’ll manage, they’re all kinda useless anyways…

But then, I started to get some serious information mindf**ks. Like Kiwinee telling me that he met Bad Hobbit at a bar on New Year and that he (Bad Hobbit) was actually freaking out. I messaged Bad Hobbit who sent me directions and stated that everything was under control. Except maybe for paper and trucks for a possible A to B Hash. All good, I can do that.

Also, he tried to reach Able Seemen many times but could not get trough for some reason.

I sent a 2 part mail to the veterans

1^st part: got paper?

2^nd part: got a truck?

Replies

Wirgin Bluce: Not there, no truck and got no paper.

Cop out: Bruce got paper. (no mention of truck)

Able Seemen: Have truck, haven’t heard from Bad Hobbit (spoiler alert: somebody did not bring his truck)

Another mail to Wirgin Bluce

Wirgin Bluce: Ah yeah, I got 3 HUGE bags of paper (his house is so big, it must have gotten lost).

So I put Bluce and Hobbit in communication and all is good again. Up until the night before the hash: I get a 5 page message from Bad Hobbit (who has not replied to any of my messages in 3 days) stating that the paper was not delivered, that he couldn’t get in touch with anyone and that the world was going to explode. When I read that message, I was well into my 7^th beer which prompted me to come up with this eloquent and elegant solution: “F**k it, if there’s no hash, we’ll just drink beer and sing songs because the choral hasn’t abandoned me, unlike all the others…”  I might have been crying at that point.

I showed up at the hash the next day with a hangover and an abandonment complex. After a bit of organising, we manage to figure out the A to B transport and Agent Orange managed to NOT lose all of the beer from his open cab on the road.

It turned out to be a beautiful hash and the spot Bad Hobbit chose for the circle was nothing short of majestic, making this whole ordeal *almost* worthwhile.

Circle

Able Seemen reminded me that traditionally, the circle starts with a toast to the hash. Having been to the Lanna Bush, I come to the conclusion that only Able Seemen is aware of that tradition.

Praises to the hare for a beautiful trail. In all the history of the CRHHH, never has so much paper been used for a trail.

A couple of virgins showed up. RingMaster made Nadine come, and Alan made Jena come.

Next Hares

February: Pussy Rainbow

March: The Almighty Frozen Ring

April: Smoke Break (no hash)

May:  RingMaster

June: The reluctant Mile High and No More Sushi

There was other stuff but I forget: that’s what happens when my wife and the scribe don’t show up.

Thanks to Sarah for posting pictures and picking up the slack as the Hash Photographer didn't bother to show up either. I'm looking at you SpartaPuss.

-Frozen Ring

Next Hash - January 16th - Directions

Bad Hobbit is the Hare for the next hash. No doubt his legendary trek to the White Temple with Rainbow Pussy will have ingrained in him the value of a VERY VISIBLE paper trail. 

I hear Able Semen is helping out so we will be relying on checks in "South-East Asia Jungle Green" paint. 

See you there!

-Frozen ring
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Oreyt then, details for the next hash 

Distinguished Hare: Sir Bad Hobbit
His lackey: Able Semen
Convened Time of Departure: 4PM
Location: Somewhere along the old Chiang Mai Road

Proper Simple Directions

1-Go along the old road to Chiang Mai (Road 1211) to KM stone 18 (the side that faces the road).
2-A few hundred meters more up, on the right side, there's a temple with space to park.


***Don't forget to contact Wirgin Bruce if ever you need a lift:  kennedyhb (at) hotmail (dot) com, 089-635-3224.

Not to worry, these guys won't be there to cramp our style.

Christmas Hash

WARNING - THIS LONG STORY WILL NOT BE CUT SHORT         On the third Saturday in December twenty seven keen Hashpersons were eventually present at the voluptuous estate of Yellow Beaver and her worst half, Kiweeni, for 2015's Festive Hash. All had increased their carbon footprints by arriving in gasoline guzzling vehicles except for the environmentally conscious Ring Master and Ariel, who had hitched and walked to the venue, perched under rolling hills between the White Temple and Singha Park.
        Most were there for the promise of savouring a Thai Christmas Dinner; to be consumed after walking, jogging and/or getting lost in the countryside but some were also savouring the opportunity to be rid of the club's resident stud, Oral Banger, who was soon departing to ply his trade in Hawaii and then build a harem in the United Arab Emirates. After much discussion on the relative merits of blue or green spray paint and random symbols slightly resembling Ye Old Jolly Roger flags being defaced onto the hosts' lawn, there was finally some pedal movement. Able Seaman sprinted off first with the fastest 33.3 metre dash he had managed in some time, until his hips ordered his brain to go back to walking with the majority of the pack.  
         On a lovely day, for weather, the jaunt through the wider estate had some thinking, "Mmmm, did Gary Player design this moo bahn?" It resembled a golf course, with much undulating fairway and water hazards but with houses where the greens and holes should have been. The Bad Hobbit led the charge through a Som Tum plantation, being kind enough to notify us of the checks and the locations of Asiatic Oxen poo.
     After encountering several wild geese amongst the rice paddies, Pussy Rainbow must have had an epiphany to commence a wild goose chase as he decided to forgo the check spotting; avoid the sand quarry, which was obviously part of the designated route, and follow the banana trees dotting a concrete lane leading to it. Unbelievably to the writer, this had the unintentional 'Pied-Piper of Hamelin-esque' effect of the previous front-runner, The Bad Hobbit, following him into the seventh circle of Hell. Thus the evil Bilbo's intention of attaining line-honours and being first into the grub was lost on this occasion. All contact with the hash trail and its participants was lost at this point.
       Thus begins the saga of 'The Two Johnnies'. From then on quotes included -
Johnny #1 "My instincts tell me we'll find our way back in this direction"
Johnny #2  "How much do you trust your instincts?"
Johnny #1  "About 50-50"
Johnny #2  "Do you have any f@#%king idea where we are?"
Johnny #1  "Nup, but all we have to do is run back the way we came"
Johnny #2  "I'm pissed off at myself for following you?"
Johnny #1 "Never follow anybody, especially me"
Johnny #2 "I'm seeing red"
Johnny #1  "At least we must have done about 10 kms"
Johnny #2  "It's getting dark and all the food will be finished by the time we get there"
Johnny #1 "I'll ask this copper to give us a lift back "
       I did so in broken Thai and the broken FRB hopped in the truck cab while I directed said policeman to the temple, which resembles Elvis in his Las Vegas years, as the first step in finally getting Xmas dinner and pressies. Lo and behold on arrival at Wat Rong Khun we were informed by the gendarme that the Crown Princess was in attendance, vehicles (even police ones were verboten) and we would have to make our way back on foot. I am reliably informed that on arrival The Bad Hobbit spoke of Pussy Rainbow in the highest terms whilst pounding the skull and cross bones still present on the grass. Thus ends the Lord of the Rings/Hobbit septology.

              While sinking the amber fluid, one could taste the love that went into preparing Yellow Beaver's Christmas spread and after receiving the gift of Secret Santa presents the circle began. The obvious low-light was the presence of Oral Banger, countered by the highlight of the presence of his mum Linda, who's Hash moniker is not, but maybe should be, Breeder of Hunks - that line inspired by the female staff of of a local international school. It can only be assumed that the deplorably unjustly reasonable treatment he received will be rectified at the upcoming 'Lanna Bush Vive Le France/F$#k Daesh H3 Run in Chiang Kham' on January 23, where the encule can finally be bon yoyaged.  

          Virgins included a bunch of UFC trainees including Igor, Sarah and Adam (their Master, Frozen Ring made them all come at once) and Ariel (the Ring Master made her come immediately after a long walk and hitch-hike). Named Hashmeisters were One Hung Low (Bruce) and Balls Up (Andy). The other January Hash will be Hared by The Bad Hobbit (hopefully not in Thoeng!).
             Finally, in the words of the Two Johnnies, "It's goodnight from me, and it's goodnight from him. GOODNIGHT!"
That is all.