Hash Report - July 22nd

Note from Frozen Ring, interim Scribe: I’m filling in for Caillou who unexpectedly died before he could perform his duties for the first time. Out of respect for the family of the deceased, I will not go into details. The only thing I can say is that it involved autoerotic asphyxia and phalli. RIP Caillou, we will miss you.

What a glorious day this was! Rain was in the forecast, but it turned out to be the sunniest day ever at the Huay Sak reservoir. All the mud dried by the time the numerous Hashers hit the trail set by our beloved GM, Dildo Baggins.

Attendance broke new records, thanks to a Chip and Dale convention in town for the weekend. More than 30 of them decided to join us for the run to show off their glistening abs and to demonstrate how lap dancing does make you a better runner. Who would have thunk? They liked the run so much that they assured us that friends of theirs (female pole dancing professionals) were going to swing by Chiang Rai and definitely partake in the next Hash. If you don’t like scantily clad females, please abstain from the next one.

Attendance was also boosted by some of the old CRHHH guard (namely Able Semen and Shocking) that decided to partake in the circle simply for the joy of being in our company. They also made quite an announcement: Wirgin Bluce, to compensate for the disastrous job he did as Hash Beer last year, is going to host all On Ons for the rest of the year! He will provide food, drinks and venue. Doesn’t matter what people are saying, I think Wirgin Bluce is a good guy!

This Hash circle was quite eventful and many announcements were made:

• Takes It Up The Butt had a change of heart and conceded that her Hash name was growing on her. So much so that she is thinking of changing her legal name to match it. Good on you, Ms. Up the Butt!
• Leave No Man’s Behind announced, to the surprise of everybody present, that he was heterosexual and just got hitched with one (and only one) woman. He is also giving up alcohol.
• Wiked Witch and French Fanny volunteered to set all hashes until January. They believe that setting Hashes as a couple will strengthen their marriage, lead to better interpersonal communication and ultimately, help them achieve their life long goal: peace on earth.
• Sparta Puss, our long lost photographer, dropped her camera on the hard, dry soil and broke it (hence not many pictures for this one). She claimed that this would not have happened if the trail had been muddy. From now on, she will only attend on rainy days.
• Pussy Rainbow is moving to Bangkok. Nevertheless, he committed to attending every single CR Hash.

General comments for the Hash were mostly praises directed at the interim Hash Beer (yours truly): never was the beer so well iced and so neatly organized!

Comments on the trail were also exceptional: the recurring complaint being that we only got to do it once. For that reason, next month Hash will exceptionally be the same trail.

Yes, it was that good.

-Frozen Ring

Note: Some events and/or statements may or may not have actually happened.