February Hash Report

News

Since our official scribe Dildo Baggins found it more important to go hang out with dirty hippies than to write up January’s report AND to show up to the February hash, I will be filling in this month. Rest assured, it’s not my first rodeo and you’re in good hands: no cheap shots will be spared.

First off, this event was quite socially pleasant in the absence of our beloved scribe. As he so aptly put it once:

Run

The hash was hared by none other than Pussy Rainbow. Given his track record, he stayed true to form: paper was missing 200m from the start, FRBs followed the return paper and did the whole thing backwards, the trail went through thorny bushes and a barbed-wired fence (bleeding occurred), some DFLs gave up on the trail and used Google Maps for their way back, other DFLs stuck to paper and were rewarded by a 5 hour hash and a rabid dog.

All around: another bang-up job by Pussy Rainbow: give this man a hand!

Circle

• Pussy Rainbow did make it up with some homemade pizza, so comments on the trail stayed in the non-homicidal range.
• Many Mennonites and One Hung Low brought a friend. No need to know his name, he’s never coming back: he did the 5 hour hash.
• Some random guy named Bjorn showed up. Or was it random? I forget who made him come, must not have been a kinky story.
• Two hashers got named: Pubic Speaker (because he likes to give speeches with his shorts down) and Fanny Poppins (because we can’t come up with anything non-sexual).
• Frozen Ring got a very distinctive award: 3^rd Hash ran the wrong way. 

We finally got some people to commit to relationships Haring:

• March: Dildo Baggins (Set your ears to bleed)
• April: There’s no such thing as an April Hash
• May: Dirty Hippy Fucker (The commitment is strong with that one)
• June: Frozen Ring (Damn, he good lookin’!)
• …
• October: Many Mennonites and One Hung Low (They like to plan their fun together WAY ahead of time)

ON ON ON

Takes it up the Butt (sorry, Butt Hash) left early to sedate our religious advisor with NyQuil in order to get a head start on whatever tequila was left at Mala bar.

I hear some yoga lessons were also dispensed by Illinoising Swamp Ass at the bar. I wasn’t attending but I’m sure it was all in good taste and not inappropriate at all.

See ya March 17th,

-Frozen Ring