Chiang Rai HHH unintentional quarterly report

Well, its been a while since I last posted a write-up. A very long while, in fact. But in my defence, there have been some things that happened that have been absolutely beyond words, some utter failures that have not only tested my writing skills, but actually come closer than any individual item ever posted on Tumblr in the history of its existence to giving me actual cancer. 

And in that spirit, I thought I would start off this post by making a bit more effort than usual, in other words with the magic of memes. In other words, spending a couple of minutes on Google Images, and a couple more minutes in MS Paint. There may be more memes to come, depending on what manner of pure filth flows from my mouth over the next couple of hours (or indeed through my keyboard fingers, as the case may be).

The last hash that was covered by this scribe took place in March - before the April break. He spent a very long time indeed scouting out a spot at Mae Fah Luang uni, an epic spot, involving not one, not two, but *three* lakes in a single trail. Spent a long time on it, ended by feeling immensly proud of himself - only for, once again, only Pussy Rainbow and Frozen Ring to come, meaning instead of an actual Hash, we just got yet another PR/FR/BH faggotry-fest, with the three pretty much just drinking and talking absolute bollocks. 

BH, so mortified by this failure of anyone to actually fucking show up to the trail he'd busted his arse on, was unable to stay in Thailand, and fucked off to Burma for the next month or so, thinking he'd rather take his chances in an actual zone of active conflict than stay in this place that the Trumpster might be tempted to refer to as a certain word for a hole in the ground that people empty the results of their food poisoning from their anuses.

Having come back from Burma, relatively refreshed considering this is Bad Hobbit we're talking about, feeling in a relatively good mood, the CRHHH crew returned for the first hash of the season, in May. A city affair by Gemma and Michelle, you say? This could be interesting. Worthwhile, even.

However, it turned out to be yet another shitshow, with people getting lost, BH getting butthurt at losing his way again, a Russian attendee deciding he couldn't be arsed with it anymore, and that going home, opening up his computer to relax, perhaps hacking another election or two, might be a better use of his time.

Parts of the trail were inaccessible during our intended time, due to the hospital not being a public right of way and the gates being locked during the night. The way some of us felt might be compared to Spidey in the following meme classic:

However, there was drinking, and free Sambuca at Mala, which made the evening worth putting down the PS4 controller. Almost.

The next hash was actually more than worthwhile, hosted by Shocking, which was a chance for the former and current Spiritual Advisors to meet face to face, perhaps for Shocking to impart some of his tips for Moralfagging to Alex, since as we all know, moralfagging is a central skill for anyone whose job entails spirituality in any way. A brilliant and absolutely beautiful trail, though paper was a tad scant due to the CRHHH shredder sperging out and failing to produce any more paper for us. Which again, caused people to get lost, and more fits from BH.

BH finally made his way to the house, for his foul mood to be somewhat curtailed by the absolute beast of a feast Shocking had put on for everyone - a large meal indeed, which made it all the more the better that (for some reason utterly fucking beyond me), people actually turned up for this hash - to the score of 20 or so people, even - meaning for the first time ever, the hash actually ran out of beer for the first time ever. There was an emotional goodbye to Frozen Ring, the absolute ROCK of the Hash over the past year or so, since many of the old-timers have decided they couldn't face hanging out with the reprobates that currently make up the CRHHH crew.

FR was dutifully rewarded for all his efforts for the Hash over all this time by being made to sit on the ice until every single drop of it had been melted by the fumes coming from the depths of his butthole, and sloshed all over the food we had left.

The next thing that happened was the Lanna Bush Hash, which I won't say anything about as being full of MGTOWS, these lot are threatened by the presence of women.

The final event I shall cover in this period was the hash that literally just happened on Saturday (I know, so soon after the event - BH managed to close the PornHub window, stop fapping for just five minutes, and actually start typing a BlogSpot post  - colour me fucking surprised).

Unfortunately for us, however, and fortunately for what BH calls a sense of humour, it ended up being another shitshow of the highest order, with it pouring down rain on that day more intensely than the piss that came from the groins of the Russian hookers that stood over Donny T on *that* night in Moscow. After Megan and Rob had busted their arses trying to do a decent trail, parts of it were rendered nearly inaccessible due to the deluge, situated as they were on rice paddies.

In the end, after getting bitten to fuck by ants and after Megan living well and truly up to the name "swamparse" (which she supposedly got after a similar escapade at a lake, but this scribe suspects she may actually have gotten from the results of an urgent rush to the toilet after a bout of gastroenteritis after plonking down in Thailand for the first time), all but Gemma and Megan decided that slinking back to the house and getting shitfaced was a more profitable use of their time.

After the return of the only two Hashers, it was down to the most relaxed circle of any hash this scribe can remember. Though the trail was made utter cancer by the rain, Rob made up for it with some incredible hospitality, with a grand feast of cheese, crackers, pies and muffins, which got all in attendance well and truly stuffed. The "circle" was pretty much just us all sitting in our chairs, nominating us one by one to sit in one of the chairs which looked no different from the others.

Despite the failure of the trail, all came away feeling very happy indeed, thus making our coming out of our respective houses a worthwhile endavour.

Again, *almost*....

Anywhays, this scribe is pooped, buggered and done (not in the literal sense for once), and makes a promise right here and now to have these u̶t̶t̶e̶r̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶t̶h̶l̶e̶s̶s̶,̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶u̶f̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶p̶o̶s̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶p̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶c̶e̶r̶ thought-provoking, intellectual, stimulating and utterly well-thought-out blogposts finished and published on more regular a basis.

Peace the Fuck Out

- BH