Hares: Hash Cash Do It Yourself assisted by Do It Better
Location: On road circling the Huai Sak reservoir at the Do It farm
Twenty people showed up for the 55th run evenly split between men and women. As usual all the men but only one of the women was farang.
Just before the run began, rain came down in a deluge. Hash Beer Hand Cock, Smoked Weiner, Polly Molly immediately sought refuge with Reverse Thruster in his car. They then headed off to the Do It farm where they promptly got stuck in the mud.
Meanwhile a brigade of umbrellas and raincoats set off in the direction that Do It Yourself promised one would find paper. Unfortunately all of the powder and much of the paper had disappeared in the rain. That hardly discouraged Front Running Bastards (FRBs) Nam Ron and Able Semen as they had Bushwacker to assist them. She picked up the hare’s scent and unfailingly guided the FRBs through the checks which had dissolved in the rain. Hence the FRBs arrived at the trail’s end in record time but did nothing to assist the progress of those behind them.
Second in were Stoned, Rolling and Virgin Christine. These three had previously been walking with G.M. Shocking and Wirgin Bluce until they realized that no one had seen paper for several minutes. The latter two retraced their steps where they found a washed out false trail sign. Meanwhile the ever helpful virgin ran forward and stumbled upon paper. Rolling and Stoned joined her and thus circumvented two thirds of the trail leaving the G.M. and Hash Scribe to worry whether we would ever see these three in this life again.
Cutting across fields in pursuit of the echoing On! Ons! Shocking and Wirgin Bluce managed to rejoin the main body of hashers. These were entirely female plus Superglue who as usual closely followed his mother, Pat on the Back. Thanks to the constant chatter it was not difficult to recognize Wild Woman who was accompanied by her niece Deuan and virgins Bee and Noi Na. Boy Magnet however was more difficult to identify in the absence of the usual male sniffers.
When the rain stopped Reverse Thruster, Polly Molly, Smoked Weiner and Hand Cock dared to get out of the car and follow paper backwards from the Do It farmhouse. They ignored the FRBs but when they came upon Stoned, Rolling and Christine they turned back towards the farm house on the assumption that the others could not be far behind. Thus nine of the twenty hashers arrived prematurely at the end and this accounts for the severely depleted beer stocks when the others arrived.
The first order of business upon assembly at the farm house was extricating Reverse Thruster’s vehicle from the mud. That done he, Polly Molly and Smoked Weiner took off before the Hash Cash had time to collect.
The second order of business was flogging t-shirts. The G.M. conscripted his daughter Boy Magnet to model it and succeeded in enticing Virgin Christine to buy one. Conveniently there was no mirror available. Christine will not discover until she reaches home that the t-shirt looks a lot better on the nubile Boy Magnet.
The third order of business was honouring Ian Swan with a hash name. In recognition of his passion for sailing, he shall be known henceforth as Able Semen.
The final order of business was recognizing Virgin Noi Na who hid previously while Virgins Christine and Bee were subjected to the down down. Noi Na excused herself saying she was talking to her husband in England. Then our fearless and most popular G.M., a Liverpool taxi driver confiscated the phone and told the distant husband exactly where he could get off.
Next month’s scheduled hares are Pat on the Back and MANipulator. However in the absence of the usual man to manipulate (Barefoot Beer Lao Bob), there is no certainty about the outcome. The G.M. will investigate.
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
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