Annual Christmas Hash!
Hares: Well Oiled assisted by Oiled Well
Location: The Oiled House off Soi 5, Ban Sai Mun
Celebrating Christmas at the Oiled’s house has become a tradition over the past three years with the Chiangrai HHH. This year’s gathering began anxiously as Hand Cock, the Hash Beer had yet to show up with the beer. People began to wonder, “Why is Do It Yourself, our super efficient Hash Cash collecting when the outcome of this event is still uncertain?” At the last moment as the Well Oiled was herding a skeptical public unto the ithaems, Hand Cock finally appeared in a well stocked pick-up. The collective sigh of relief was audible at the temple at the top of the hill where monks were trying to meditate through all the grumbling.
Thirty seven hashers showed up on this occasion. Nineteen were men, all farangs as usual. There were fourteen women, ten of whom were Thai. Finally there were four children all boys and all half Thai. The youngest was virgin Kodi, aged four who Nam Ron carried in a seat strapped to his back and thus found an excuse to linger among the walkers.
The ithaems took the hashers in comfort out along Soi 5 about one kilometer. Then, for reasons still untold, they stopped in a side soi and obliged their passengers to off-load. Multiple layers of paper discarded from Christmases Past led our heroes down country lanes, over hills and through rice fields. Flaps was the only one to try to run. He soon became discouraged and was soon caught up by Do It Yourself, G.M. Able Semen and virgins John and Deon (son of Stoned). These four fast walked their way ahead and reached the final drinking point about ten minutes before the others.
At two points it crossed irrigation ditches where Smoked Weiner, momentarily escaping his mother Jolly Molly, found it convenient to ignore the bridges and step into the middle of the flowing water. Thus he acquired a new hew to his long blue pants. Many others like Scotch on the Rocks, Dirty Hairy, Loose Spoke and Pat on the Back cheated using a pole to stop sliding down the muddy bank.
The trail ended on Soi 5 but before one reached the ithaems, there was one last deviation off the road signaled by chalked arrows. No sooner than one stepped on to this trail but we came across a chalked bar indicating a false trail. This confused Pickled Prik and Doesn’t Matterhorn who thought they had stumbled upon a new lexicon of HHH symbols. While Hand Cock searched vainly in the woods before the bar, your fearless correspondent soon discovered paper beyond the false trail sign and then led the others back on to the original trail in reverse direction. That soon led to the itaems where some remained while the thirsty walked the remaining kilometer back to Oiled house where they hoped to get an early start on the beer.
Your faithful correspondent was among the latter group but to his surprise and annoyance the ithaems collected their charges quickly and arrived at the house before him. Then he discovered with horror that Barry, his wife Jan and his parents visiting from Canada who were supposed to guarding the beer were themselves indulging with the FRBs who must be renamed because none of them ran.
Oiled Well produced a fine buffet of grilled chicken, sticky rice, shredded shrimp and spring rolls. This hungry, besotted group made short work of that feast.
Well Oiled produced a bag full of stuffed animals as Christmas presents first for the children, notably Kodi, Kenji, Smoked Weiner and Superglue and then for the child at heart. The G.M. received a pink rabbit in recognition of his efforts.
G.M. Able Semen then called for a circle to honour our host-hares with the usual down downs. Virgins were similarly toasted. Nam Ron drew attention to our host’s predilection for a high class Bulgarian beer while serving us the local cheap stuff.
Before closing the G.M. tried to sell some t-shirts. He pointed out that Christmas was coming and he couldn’t think of a better present to a loved one than one of our beautiful surplus t-shirts. However in the absence of our beautiful model, Boy Magnet that line got nowhere. On the contrary when the G.M. showed off how wonderful the t-shirt looked on him, Reverse Thruster asked if he could donate his t-shirt back to the pile.
Before concluding the G.M. endorsed Well Oiled’s call for annual statistics. They are as follows:
Altogether there were 363 person-events during 2008. The average attendance per hash was 30 people. The lowest turn out was 21 at the March hash. The best turn out was 44 people in July when we met at the Wild Woman house.
Exactly one half of the participants were men. All but one of these was a farang. The one Thai never returned after that first appearance. Women made up 36% of the participants and 88% of these people were Thais. The remaining 14% were children who are mostly half Thai.
We are a very distinct group. Photos showing exactly how distinct may be seen by hitting the link below.
HHH Run #62 December 20, 2008
On! On!
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
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