Venue: somewhere in Chiang Rai province, north of Rajabhat University.
365 ways to cross a paddy field
An unseasonably hot afternoon saw 33 of us gathered for the start for the January meet. Children (5) and women (14) outnumbered the men. Set in the well cultivated countryside north of Chiang Rai and dominated by big hills to the left, our trail, thankfully, left them well alone.
Prior to setting off, Paul ‘Handcock’ finally gained our attention to give a brief pep talk. Apologies were given about the paucity of trail markers. Our supply of shredded paper had dried up, so flour had been used instead. (One Hasher later confessed that, on starting off, he had initially looked out for piles of flower petals as markers). The Hash was ‘easy’, ‘flat’ and ‘almost impossible’ for even CRHashers ‘legendary’ sense of misdirection to get lost. Those were the words of our Hare.
Within 100metres of the start we had gone completely off course. Only the commanding voice of the Hare – visibly smirking, it has to be said – calling us back, averted disaster. Pointing us into a paddy field via a ditch (it’s not a Hash unless there’s water, preferably muddy, and this was), we set off again. For a heady 10 seconds, having been at the rear, I was in the dizzying position of being a FRB.
This paddy field became the scene of a battle for the next 20 minutes or so, with an extraordinarily diverse set of opinions from various platoon leaders being shown about where the trail was. The Front runners went off one way, only to be caught up with again briefly by the pack, taking an alternative path. A herd of cattle joined in the trail finding but failed to lead us further astray and eventually stampeded off in a flurry of dust and hooves. Even the presence of an ex- policewoman failed miserably to control this crowd. Savvy Hashers, staying to the rear, had only to watch which direction the leaders were going and then cut across the field to save time and metres.
Pat ‘Shocking”, newly returned from sunny Liverpool, and clearly re-invigorated, was briefly up near the front – steaming in like the Mersey ferry from a shortcut to the right, but a pit-stop at the pig farm put him amongst the back runners again.
( N.B. The term ‘back runners’ may, here, be regarded as a linguistic flight of fancy, a misnomer even, it is not meant as an accurate description of either their speed or athleticism.)
The Hare did say, later on at the Circle, that the Hash had gone ‘pretty much as anticipated’. This I doubt; it would have been impossible to imagine a more disorganized melee than the one displayed by us happy Hashers criss-crossing the field that afternoon.
Once across the field, we headed in a more organized fashion onto some welcome shaded paths. The FRBs were probably already back by the time the main group reached this point. The majority of the Hashers enjoyed a convivial brisk walk and came in pretty much bunched together. No incidents or accidents were reported, and even our trusty food collectors, who can usually be guaranteed to find something to eat long the way, came back empty handed. There were no pineapple- shaped lumps under T-shirts as far as we could make out.
First in was Doesn’t Matterhorn, then the mini Marathon winning on fire Wi Hartmann, closely behind was Able Semen. A very easy flat run for them - once they were put on the right trail.
Oddjob and family trailed in last, handicapped by Barney and Poppy who insisted on watering every twig and stone encountered. The hounds certainly didn’t catch the hares that day.
An oversight on the part of the Hare – who was supposed to be acting as ‘sweeper’, left us back runners to our own devices. He reportedly hadn’t realized that there could be any people behind himself, -I think he meant to say ‘slower’, but was just being kind. We proved him wrong. Relying on Indian tracking skills when the trail was lost , we found our way back by following the distinctive footwear pattern in the dust of Noongbenz’s sandals.
Beautiful late afternoon light, golden stubble in the paddy fields, bee swarms, fields of pineapples and some enormous skinks sunbathing, added to the usual pleasurable Hash.
The Circle.
Pat ‘Shocking’stood in as G.M., slightly hampered by shorts that insisted on travelling south. We were spared our blushes by the prompt hoicking up of said garment by his better half whenever a critical level was reached. Thank you.
- Thanks were given to the Hare, a very enjoyable hash it was agreed. A few Hashers had a little difficulty finding the starting point, and one failed to find it at all (thank you for your e-mail, you will be relieved to see you weren’t the only one, we will see you next month, Rand)
- No virgin (Hashers) attended, and we spent some considerable time finding the appropriate Hash names for the Hare’s sister and brother –in-law, with the vote finally going to Second hand and Bangcock.
- Scotch on the Rocks was welcomed back to the Hash (slightly belatedly as she was at the Xmas one) from the isle of Arran.
- Namron called the FRBs to account for their underuse of those magic words ‘on,on’ at this Hash.
- The topic of our lack of G.M. was briefly touched upon. We await developments.
- The subject of Hash T-shirts was re-visited, and an amendment was made. Hares will now receive (FREE) 2 T-shirts – in whatever size we have available – as thanks for their efforts. Pat will take control of their supply. Any Hasher may buy a t-shirt; a suggestion that regular Hashers attending not wearing this garment should be penalized was not voted in.
- Suggestions for possible sources of shredded paper were asked for. Begging For It will chase up one possible lead – but if you know of any supply, do let us know. Either that, or as Able Semen said, the Hares have got plenty of time to get busy with scissors and paper.
- And, finally, a request was made, on behalf of the Chiang Mai Hashers, who intend to visit us, for accommodation suggestions in the form of local Hotel/guest houses. They usually go to the Pimann Inn, but would like alternative suggestions in case there is a problem. They need somewhere that can supply 15-20 rooms. Preferably cheap and close to a brewery. If you have any ideas, please e-mail them to us and we will forward the info.
Hares for the following Hashes:
February – Able Semen
March – Begging for it (and another)
April – Tony the Lonely
See you next month, weather permitting. On,on.
OhhMatron and Oddjob.
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