Dec. Hash Report "Jingle Bells"

December 2010 report no.87

‘Jingle bells’

Venue; inside the Santiburi golf course estate way off to the left of the Thoeng road, at the Hare’s lair.

Hares: Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman.

With a fair few winter visitors, including another representative of the Dutch police force to keep us under control, and others lured out of hiding by the news of an ‘On,On.On’ provided by Wild Woman and Co., we had a great turn-out of 57 -though about ten sluggards didn’t actually expend any energy by taking part in the Hash.  There were quite a few children amongst us – Santa was rumoured to be going to drop in later and the sense of anticipation was palpable. The weather was cool (21.c) and overcast, and coats, cardigans and even a few Santa hats were worn for their thermal qualities.

A fair bit of finickity sorting out of the Christmas gifts by ‘Santa’s little helper’ a.k.a Wirgin Bruce prior to the start and then we were ready for the Hares’ advice. I think he was eager to get us on our way when he realised the general conversation had moved from just admiring a beautiful Jade vine (puang yok) in the driveway, on to how and where we could best take cuttings from it.

Lots of checks were promised, and as the assistant Hare had got lost on the course that morning, we could look forward to many opportunities for displaying our infamous CRH group stance of total befuddlement when faced with a choice of paths.

 There were 2 routes, the one for the FRBs being about a kilometre longer than the more popular one.

The Hash

Off we set, following the trail – one of delicately scented talc inside the estate grounds – reverting to paper outside. Only Doesn’t Matterhorn set off at anything more than a fast walk, he and Do it yourself and Lost Samurai also being the only ones to tackle the longer course and lead us all back in.

It proved to be an easy Hash with no real challenges apart from the preponderance of checks, which allowed many opportunities for deliberate short-cutting by unscrupulous Hashers. Flat ground, a few pretty ponds and firm paths made up the course.

It was just what we needed, conversation again taking precedence over forward motion, and leaving us plenty of energy for the ‘On,On,On’.  Namron was with the FRBs but turned back in search of missing children. The pace from the rest of us was so relaxed that, unbelievably, the scribes were amongst the front strollers for most of the Hash.  No-one, apart from the FRB, showed evidence of even a gentle glow on their return.

After a quick raid by Nita and Noot of Wild Woman’s passionfruit harvest (to aghast cries from Hashers not ‘in the know’, who thought they were breaking one of our cardinal rules and blatantly raiding someone’s food crop), the trail took us through a hedge into the estate and back to base.

The On,On,On

We all collected in the Hares’ back garden, admiring the view over a lake and the general surroundings.  No-one took up Bruce’s offer of a voluntary swim, but he did have to make use of the boat to retrieve a paddle that mysteriously found itself floating offshore, I had my camera ready to record any mishap, but he made it back safely.

 Only one child managed to fall in.  (Oddjob won our bet – I had guessed that all three boys would end up in the drink before the start of the meal).  They had a great time feeding the huge giant Gourami (?) with bananas.

Wild Woman and a small army of helpers had prepared a scrumptious spread for us. There was passionfruit juice, Hibiscus drink, vegetarian kebabs and spaghetti with Bolognese sauce, ROAST TURKEY and gravy, samosas, Brownies, fruit cake and almond biscuits and many other dishes too numerous to mention. In other words, there was something for every palette.

After we had eaten our fill, and as the dusk settled around us, lights were lit along the lake shore, and we were called to attention.

The Circle was kept brief – both our G.Ms were missing so Namron took over.

• The Hares were thanked for their magnificent efforts and Wild Woman asked us to toast those such as Noot and Pea who had helped prepare the food and to set up and serve at the On,On,On.  Many thanks from all of us!
• 3 virgin hashers were welcomed.
• Namron called in his 3 children to the circle, and the ‘missing’ children episode was explained. ‘Stay here, we’ll come back and get you’ the older brothers had said, (the words that, throughout history, those of us with older siblings have learnt are nowt but treacherous lies), leaving the youngest one abandoned on the trail.   They had then headed off back to the Hare’s house to make sure they didn’t miss out on the post-hash food.  Ah, brotherly love.
• Two ‘namings’ were postponed to the next meeting to allow us to proceed swiftly on to the final part of the evening’s entertainment.

Santa comes to the Hash.

I don’t know what strings they had had to pull, but the Hares had managed to get Father Christmas to come along to the Hash.  The presents had been left piled up on a Xmas tree and light festooned buffalo cart and had been prodded and shaken by an admiring group of children for some minutes. Then, from the darkness, came Santa.  The children were first in the queue for presents and we all enjoyed the experience.

After Santa had finished his duties, further fun was organised by the Hares in the form of Hula hoop races and a rather naughty game of hitting the ball down a course.  I’ll let you look at the photos to get the real picture.

There was a bit of controversy surrounding Santa’s visit. Amongst the discrepancies in his paperwork were: no work visa, no immigration arrival or departure cards or completed import duty forms for presents, his reindeer had been impounded at the customs border in MaeSai and – Shock! Horror! Khun Noot revealed she knew him intimately.  What would George say?

All in all, an excellent Hash.

Hares for next year

January- Stuart P.

February- Titanic and Nita

October – Fired up and On fire

November- Ooh Matron and OddJob.

 

Dec. 18th Hash Driving Directions

Starting at the Big C head south along the Super Highway until you reach the first traffic lights and then turn left. This is Highway 1020. Go about 6 km along this road until you reach the first major turning to the left. This is Highway 1152 headed to Phaya Mengrai. Turn left here. Travel along this road 2 km until you see the Santiburi Golf Course and turn right into this complex. Shortly after passing the gate you come to a T-junction. Turn right here. You are now on a ring road that circles the exterior of the complex. Travel 2 km never turning left until you come across a HHH pointed towards a house. Park here.

 

    Plan on 25 minutes to reach this spot from the Big C. Please plan to arrive by 2:45 so we can begin at 3:00 pm promptly.

 

    Wild Woman is going to put on an On! On! On! (supper) after the run. In order to help organize the food, would you please indicate if you are planning to come and how many people you will bring by email to Wirgin Bluce at kennedyhb@hotmail.com  or phone 089 635 3224.

 

    What makes Christmas special is the exchange of gifts. So we are asking that everyone bring some wrapped present costing not less than 100 Baht and no more than 200 Baht to be distributed by Father Christmas in a random way. If parents would like their child to receive something suitable to their age and gender, please that gift with the child's name on it and we will ensure that s/he receives it in the general distribution.

 

    Those interesting in swimming with the fish in the lake or paddling the kayak are welcome to do so at their own risk. Bring your own bathing suit and towel. We will provide life preservers for the children.

 

    On! On!

    Wirgin Bluce

November Hash Report

Hash report No.86  20^th November 2010

Trial by thorn

Venue:  Down a rather pot-holed road off into the countryside near the White temple.

Hares: Able Seaman and Gorf, with Allo,Allo acting as Sweeper.

Pre-Hash gathering 

This anniversary Hash saw a magnificent turn-out of 49 Hashers. People had travelled from far and wide – France, U.K, even all the way from Bangkok to be with us.  We had 5 of our founding fathers in attendance, and Able Seaman had organised an On,On,On to add to the enjoyment. Don’t be fooled by the photograph showing certain thin-blooded individuals wearing thick down coats, it was 29.C in the shade and a lovely afternoon.

Able Seaman called us to listen in to the pre-Hash instructions – he described our idiosyncratic symbols for the benefit of non-regular CRHashers and gave a brief summary of what we could expect.  A longer route for the more athletic, and one of about 5.5km for those who choose not to become muscle bound.

On,On

Off we set, into the greenery.

A glance at Able Seaman’s lower legs before we set off had rung alarm bells.  There, beneath the finest covering of down, were the tell-tale angry red spots and deep scratches from multiple close encounters with my favourite plants –** Mimosa pigra and its’ little cousin Mimosa pudica.  Having decided to venture out in walking sandals and bare legs, and spotting one of the Bangkok contingency sporting brief running shorts, I knew that some of us would be regretting these fashion choices by the end of the Hash. (As I write this, my legs and arms still look like a pustular moon landscape, each septic spot marking the point of entry of a thorn. Three other Hashers met with this week also displayed evidence of these plants’ ability to act as skin flails.)

The Hares had worked hard to cut down and clear the trail, where it had overgrown onto the paths, but –short of wearing chain mail – it’s impossible not to suffer some injury from an encounter with this thorny beast.

Now I think about, maybe this was why some Hashers were wearing thick coats and trousers – had the Hares pre-warned them?

The trails themselves were easy going enough, a few muddy patches by the paddy fields, no steep ascents and the checks had been sorted out long before I got to them. Nice big clear arrows showed us the way, and both Able Seaman and Allo,Allo guided any who deviated from the chosen path with gentle encouragement to find the correct route.  No sooner had three of us balanced precariously over 2 termite ridden poles to cross a ditch, than we were summoned back over it to keep on track.  Five yards further on we performed an even more hazardous crossing over an even more decrepit bit of bamboo to get to the same side of the ditch we’d reached before.  Helping hands from the gentlemen in the party to assist were much appreciated.

Some of the trail was over narrow and thorny paths that edged recently harvested rice paddies.  Seeking to emulate the example of some of our graceful Thai Hashers (who were making quicker and less prickly progress by using the harvested paddy to glide over, barely creating a dimple), Scotch on the rocks stepped off the path and onto the paddy surface. Regaining the path 2 steps later and wiping off the mud that covered her shoes, she was heard to mention that ‘perhaps there was a bit of a weight differential’.  Not wishing to disappear up to my armpits, I made sure I stuck to the official path.

The Hash performed its’ usual function, for most of us, of allowing a bit of a chat whilst getting some exercise. Most of the early part of my Hash was spent debating matters of great scientific importance with Big bang (our resident physicist) and listening to other Hashers discussing the real estate market in C.R, occasionally breaking off to exclaim ‘ooh, look at that’ as we passed some beautiful lake vista, or ‘you b*****!’ as we encountered another bit of spiny Mimosa.  We were slightly bemused to be passed three times by one Bangkok Hasher, and twice by Ron, must have been on the long trail we thought, or could they have been lost???

Anyway, we all got back.  Wi (On Fire)ran in first with the Hares in close attendance, in about 1 hour and 20 minutes. 

The Circle

With a long agenda to get through, and with food and drink not occupying our attention too much due to the promise of an ‘On,On,On’, it wasn’t long before Namron (our master of ceremonies for this Hash), called for our attention. The famous CRH circle ( 6 people interested in extra beers  gathering round into a protective huddle, the rest of the Hash crowd lounging on picnic blankets eating and chatting and hoping no-one will ask them to regain a vertical stance) was supplemented this month by the Bangkok contingency who put us to shame with their enthusiasm. 

After thanking the Hares for their excellent Hash,- though we all thought it was a lot longer than they said it was going to be - Namron got down to business.

In a blur of efficiency and amidst loud cajoling for suggestions, four Hashers received their Hash names.

• A very bashful young Hasher (Badmans’ daughter) will henceforth be ‘Runaway’ in tribute to her fast disappearance behind Mum and Dad in order to avoid going into the Circle.
• Rea, Dutch ex- plainclothes policewoman and an unmistakable figure on any Hash, became ‘Cop out’.
• Guido from Switzerland whose devotion to visiting a local supermarket is legendary, became ‘The little Big C man’’
• Lastly, Ron from USA with a lifetime of working in the medical field – most recently in dermatology – became something that sounded like ‘Sore arses’, a play on psoriasis – I think!

Welcoming the Virgins

We had  5  hash virgins to welcome, including 2 Thai gentlemen who looked very bemused by the circle but took their introduction with good humour, downing their beer with great skill. 

Founding members- we were honoured with the presence of 5 of the original members of our Hash, including the very first G.M/Chairman, Brian Heath (Brain Death).  At the suggestion of Namron – bemoaning the fact that CRHash is vocally challenged as we only know ‘one song’, -Brian led a magnificent and impromptu rendition of something called ‘All the usual’ to demonstrate there is more to the Hash hymn book than our ‘Drink it down’.

T-shirts were flying off the pile to them and new Hashers.

Election time

The Anniversary Hash is the event sensible Hashers make sure they miss, in order to avoid any possibility of being forced onto the Mismanagement Committee for the next year.  Worn down by the onerous responsibilities from the last 12 months, most of the current committee members had forgotten what month it was and turned up. 

Needless to say new ‘volunteers’ were thin on the ground and the Hash pack was not willing to accept excuses – a minor terminal illness - writers’ cramp, no battery in the Hash Cash calculator, a tendency to drink any left-over beer between Hashes-  all failed to deter the ruthless pack from re-electing most of the present incumbents.  However – some relief was available in the form of people going ‘sharees’ over roles. And we have new G.M’s/Chairmen, serenaded into post with a tuneful rendition of ‘where is the paper’ in schoolboy French.

2011 Mismanagement Committee

Hash Beer – Titanic (and Do it yourself will take on role when ice floes are around)

Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn will have to manfully soldier on alone.

Hash Scribes – Ooh matron and Oddjob will have the original (and best) scribe Wirgin Bruce back at the writing desk when required.

And lastly…..

‘Allo, Allo’ and Handcock will share the prestige of chairman.  (They got off to a magnificent start by stating they both intended to be away for the next couple of Hashes.)

Next month’s Hash

Wirgin Bruce and Wild woman are the Hares for our Christmas Hash.  In honour of the festive occasion, Wirgin Bruce requested that Hashers bring along a wrapped present (costing no less than 100baht and no more 200 baht) for Father Christmas to distribute.  He also suggested that any Hasher bringing along children who wants to ensure that they receive an appropriate present, bring along something for them for Santa to hand out.

 An invitation from Gorf (Frank)

Frank is due to be married this week and had very kindly invited any of the CRH to attend. Details should have reached you via an e-mail this week.  Congratulations!!

The Circle activities drawing to an end, we had one last bit of excitement to deal with.  The normal occupants of the Hash trail ground wanted to return to pasture.  Two bullocks and a cow with well-grown calf were stunned to encounter our noisy and motley crew on their bridge to home.  Deciding that passing between us was outwith their criteria of ‘things we can cope with’, the more skittish of the beasts turned tail and fled. One well meaning Hasher grabbed hold of its’ trailing rope in a vain attempt to control its’ departure. Now, in a previous incarnation Oddjob and I had been in daily close combat with livestock and know that it’s hard enough to control a bolshy blackface ewe, never mind a whopping ¾ ton stirk so we didn’t rush to his assistance. Needless to say, the beast took off down the road and into a field, pulling said Hasher at such speed it looked like he was skiing along the road surface.

The rest of us played the ‘we’re not looking at you, so we don’t exist’ game to allow the other animals to trip-trap over that bridge to safety.

A few minutes later, our heroic Hasher reappeared, sans beast, clothing akimbo, looking nonchalant and apparently un-harmed. However, rope burns to both hands were severe enough, we learned later, to curtail at least one game of golf this week.  We hope you’ve recovered now.

Exhausted after all this, it was time to head off to the On,On,On or home.

On,on, ooh Matron and Oddjob

Don’t forget to look at the photos at: 

 http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362