Dec. Hash Report "Jingle Bells"

December 2010 report no.87

‘Jingle bells’

Venue; inside the Santiburi golf course estate way off to the left of the Thoeng road, at the Hare’s lair.

Hares: Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman.

With a fair few winter visitors, including another representative of the Dutch police force to keep us under control, and others lured out of hiding by the news of an ‘On,On.On’ provided by Wild Woman and Co., we had a great turn-out of 57 -though about ten sluggards didn’t actually expend any energy by taking part in the Hash.  There were quite a few children amongst us – Santa was rumoured to be going to drop in later and the sense of anticipation was palpable. The weather was cool (21.c) and overcast, and coats, cardigans and even a few Santa hats were worn for their thermal qualities.

A fair bit of finickity sorting out of the Christmas gifts by ‘Santa’s little helper’ a.k.a Wirgin Bruce prior to the start and then we were ready for the Hares’ advice. I think he was eager to get us on our way when he realised the general conversation had moved from just admiring a beautiful Jade vine (puang yok) in the driveway, on to how and where we could best take cuttings from it.

Lots of checks were promised, and as the assistant Hare had got lost on the course that morning, we could look forward to many opportunities for displaying our infamous CRH group stance of total befuddlement when faced with a choice of paths.

 There were 2 routes, the one for the FRBs being about a kilometre longer than the more popular one.

The Hash

Off we set, following the trail – one of delicately scented talc inside the estate grounds – reverting to paper outside. Only Doesn’t Matterhorn set off at anything more than a fast walk, he and Do it yourself and Lost Samurai also being the only ones to tackle the longer course and lead us all back in.

It proved to be an easy Hash with no real challenges apart from the preponderance of checks, which allowed many opportunities for deliberate short-cutting by unscrupulous Hashers. Flat ground, a few pretty ponds and firm paths made up the course.

It was just what we needed, conversation again taking precedence over forward motion, and leaving us plenty of energy for the ‘On,On,On’.  Namron was with the FRBs but turned back in search of missing children. The pace from the rest of us was so relaxed that, unbelievably, the scribes were amongst the front strollers for most of the Hash.  No-one, apart from the FRB, showed evidence of even a gentle glow on their return.

After a quick raid by Nita and Noot of Wild Woman’s passionfruit harvest (to aghast cries from Hashers not ‘in the know’, who thought they were breaking one of our cardinal rules and blatantly raiding someone’s food crop), the trail took us through a hedge into the estate and back to base.

The On,On,On

We all collected in the Hares’ back garden, admiring the view over a lake and the general surroundings.  No-one took up Bruce’s offer of a voluntary swim, but he did have to make use of the boat to retrieve a paddle that mysteriously found itself floating offshore, I had my camera ready to record any mishap, but he made it back safely.

 Only one child managed to fall in.  (Oddjob won our bet – I had guessed that all three boys would end up in the drink before the start of the meal).  They had a great time feeding the huge giant Gourami (?) with bananas.

Wild Woman and a small army of helpers had prepared a scrumptious spread for us. There was passionfruit juice, Hibiscus drink, vegetarian kebabs and spaghetti with Bolognese sauce, ROAST TURKEY and gravy, samosas, Brownies, fruit cake and almond biscuits and many other dishes too numerous to mention. In other words, there was something for every palette.

After we had eaten our fill, and as the dusk settled around us, lights were lit along the lake shore, and we were called to attention.

The Circle was kept brief – both our G.Ms were missing so Namron took over.

• The Hares were thanked for their magnificent efforts and Wild Woman asked us to toast those such as Noot and Pea who had helped prepare the food and to set up and serve at the On,On,On.  Many thanks from all of us!
• 3 virgin hashers were welcomed.
• Namron called in his 3 children to the circle, and the ‘missing’ children episode was explained. ‘Stay here, we’ll come back and get you’ the older brothers had said, (the words that, throughout history, those of us with older siblings have learnt are nowt but treacherous lies), leaving the youngest one abandoned on the trail.   They had then headed off back to the Hare’s house to make sure they didn’t miss out on the post-hash food.  Ah, brotherly love.
• Two ‘namings’ were postponed to the next meeting to allow us to proceed swiftly on to the final part of the evening’s entertainment.

Santa comes to the Hash.

I don’t know what strings they had had to pull, but the Hares had managed to get Father Christmas to come along to the Hash.  The presents had been left piled up on a Xmas tree and light festooned buffalo cart and had been prodded and shaken by an admiring group of children for some minutes. Then, from the darkness, came Santa.  The children were first in the queue for presents and we all enjoyed the experience.

After Santa had finished his duties, further fun was organised by the Hares in the form of Hula hoop races and a rather naughty game of hitting the ball down a course.  I’ll let you look at the photos to get the real picture.

There was a bit of controversy surrounding Santa’s visit. Amongst the discrepancies in his paperwork were: no work visa, no immigration arrival or departure cards or completed import duty forms for presents, his reindeer had been impounded at the customs border in MaeSai and – Shock! Horror! Khun Noot revealed she knew him intimately.  What would George say?

All in all, an excellent Hash.

Hares for next year

January- Stuart P.

February- Titanic and Nita

October – Fired up and On fire

November- Ooh Matron and OddJob.