Hash report No.86 20th November 2010
Trial by thorn
Venue: Down a rather pot-holed road off into the countryside near the White temple.
Hares: Able Seaman and Gorf, with Allo,Allo acting as Sweeper.
Pre-Hash gathering
This anniversary Hash saw a magnificent turn-out of 49 Hashers. People had travelled from far and wide – France, U.K, even all the way from Bangkok to be with us. We had 5 of our founding fathers in attendance, and Able Seaman had organised an On,On,On to add to the enjoyment. Don’t be fooled by the photograph showing certain thin-blooded individuals wearing thick down coats, it was 29.C in the shade and a lovely afternoon.
Able Seaman called us to listen in to the pre-Hash instructions – he described our idiosyncratic symbols for the benefit of non-regular CRHashers and gave a brief summary of what we could expect. A longer route for the more athletic, and one of about 5.5km for those who choose not to become muscle bound.
On,On
Off we set, into the greenery.
A glance at Able Seaman’s lower legs before we set off had rung alarm bells. There, beneath the finest covering of down, were the tell-tale angry red spots and deep scratches from multiple close encounters with my favourite plants –** Mimosa pigra and its’ little cousin Mimosa pudica. Having decided to venture out in walking sandals and bare legs, and spotting one of the Bangkok contingency sporting brief running shorts, I knew that some of us would be regretting these fashion choices by the end of the Hash. (As I write this, my legs and arms still look like a pustular moon landscape, each septic spot marking the point of entry of a thorn. Three other Hashers met with this week also displayed evidence of these plants’ ability to act as skin flails.)
The Hares had worked hard to cut down and clear the trail, where it had overgrown onto the paths, but –short of wearing chain mail – it’s impossible not to suffer some injury from an encounter with this thorny beast.
Now I think about, maybe this was why some Hashers were wearing thick coats and trousers – had the Hares pre-warned them?
The trails themselves were easy going enough, a few muddy patches by the paddy fields, no steep ascents and the checks had been sorted out long before I got to them. Nice big clear arrows showed us the way, and both Able Seaman and Allo,Allo guided any who deviated from the chosen path with gentle encouragement to find the correct route. No sooner had three of us balanced precariously over 2 termite ridden poles to cross a ditch, than we were summoned back over it to keep on track. Five yards further on we performed an even more hazardous crossing over an even more decrepit bit of bamboo to get to the same side of the ditch we’d reached before. Helping hands from the gentlemen in the party to assist were much appreciated.
Some of the trail was over narrow and thorny paths that edged recently harvested rice paddies. Seeking to emulate the example of some of our graceful Thai Hashers (who were making quicker and less prickly progress by using the harvested paddy to glide over, barely creating a dimple), Scotch on the rocks stepped off the path and onto the paddy surface. Regaining the path 2 steps later and wiping off the mud that covered her shoes, she was heard to mention that ‘perhaps there was a bit of a weight differential’. Not wishing to disappear up to my armpits, I made sure I stuck to the official path.
The Hash performed its’ usual function, for most of us, of allowing a bit of a chat whilst getting some exercise. Most of the early part of my Hash was spent debating matters of great scientific importance with Big bang (our resident physicist) and listening to other Hashers discussing the real estate market in C.R, occasionally breaking off to exclaim ‘ooh, look at that’ as we passed some beautiful lake vista, or ‘you b*****!’ as we encountered another bit of spiny Mimosa. We were slightly bemused to be passed three times by one Bangkok Hasher, and twice by Ron, must have been on the long trail we thought, or could they have been lost???
Anyway, we all got back. Wi (On Fire)ran in first with the Hares in close attendance, in about 1 hour and 20 minutes.
The Circle
With a long agenda to get through, and with food and drink not occupying our attention too much due to the promise of an ‘On,On,On’, it wasn’t long before Namron (our master of ceremonies for this Hash), called for our attention. The famous CRH circle ( 6 people interested in extra beers gathering round into a protective huddle, the rest of the Hash crowd lounging on picnic blankets eating and chatting and hoping no-one will ask them to regain a vertical stance) was supplemented this month by the Bangkok contingency who put us to shame with their enthusiasm.
After thanking the Hares for their excellent Hash,- though we all thought it was a lot longer than they said it was going to be - Namron got down to business.
In a blur of efficiency and amidst loud cajoling for suggestions, four Hashers received their Hash names.
- A very bashful young Hasher (Badmans’ daughter) will henceforth be ‘Runaway’ in tribute to her fast disappearance behind Mum and Dad in order to avoid going into the Circle.
- Rea, Dutch ex- plainclothes policewoman and an unmistakable figure on any Hash, became ‘Cop out’.
- Guido from Switzerland whose devotion to visiting a local supermarket is legendary, became ‘The little Big C man’’
- Lastly, Ron from USA with a lifetime of working in the medical field – most recently in dermatology – became something that sounded like ‘Sore arses’, a play on psoriasis – I think!
Welcoming the Virgins
We had 5 hash virgins to welcome, including 2 Thai gentlemen who looked very bemused by the circle but took their introduction with good humour, downing their beer with great skill.
Founding members- we were honoured with the presence of 5 of the original members of our Hash, including the very first G.M/Chairman, Brian Heath (Brain Death). At the suggestion of Namron – bemoaning the fact that CRHash is vocally challenged as we only know ‘one song’, -Brian led a magnificent and impromptu rendition of something called ‘All the usual’ to demonstrate there is more to the Hash hymn book than our ‘Drink it down’.
T-shirts were flying off the pile to them and new Hashers.
Election time
The Anniversary Hash is the event sensible Hashers make sure they miss, in order to avoid any possibility of being forced onto the Mismanagement Committee for the next year. Worn down by the onerous responsibilities from the last 12 months, most of the current committee members had forgotten what month it was and turned up.
Needless to say new ‘volunteers’ were thin on the ground and the Hash pack was not willing to accept excuses – a minor terminal illness - writers’ cramp, no battery in the Hash Cash calculator, a tendency to drink any left-over beer between Hashes- all failed to deter the ruthless pack from re-electing most of the present incumbents. However – some relief was available in the form of people going ‘sharees’ over roles. And we have new G.M’s/Chairmen, serenaded into post with a tuneful rendition of ‘where is the paper’ in schoolboy French.
2011 Mismanagement Committee
Hash Beer – Titanic (and Do it yourself will take on role when ice floes are around)
Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn will have to manfully soldier on alone.
Hash Scribes – Ooh matron and Oddjob will have the original (and best) scribe Wirgin Bruce back at the writing desk when required.
And lastly…..
‘Allo, Allo’ and Handcock will share the prestige of chairman. (They got off to a magnificent start by stating they both intended to be away for the next couple of Hashes.)
Next month’s Hash
Wirgin Bruce and Wild woman are the Hares for our Christmas Hash. In honour of the festive occasion, Wirgin Bruce requested that Hashers bring along a wrapped present (costing no less than 100baht and no more 200 baht) for Father Christmas to distribute. He also suggested that any Hasher bringing along children who wants to ensure that they receive an appropriate present, bring along something for them for Santa to hand out.
An invitation from Gorf (Frank)
Frank is due to be married this week and had very kindly invited any of the CRH to attend. Details should have reached you via an e-mail this week. Congratulations!!
The Circle activities drawing to an end, we had one last bit of excitement to deal with. The normal occupants of the Hash trail ground wanted to return to pasture. Two bullocks and a cow with well-grown calf were stunned to encounter our noisy and motley crew on their bridge to home. Deciding that passing between us was outwith their criteria of ‘things we can cope with’, the more skittish of the beasts turned tail and fled. One well meaning Hasher grabbed hold of its’ trailing rope in a vain attempt to control its’ departure. Now, in a previous incarnation Oddjob and I had been in daily close combat with livestock and know that it’s hard enough to control a bolshy blackface ewe, never mind a whopping ¾ ton stirk so we didn’t rush to his assistance. Needless to say, the beast took off down the road and into a field, pulling said Hasher at such speed it looked like he was skiing along the road surface.
The rest of us played the ‘we’re not looking at you, so we don’t exist’ game to allow the other animals to trip-trap over that bridge to safety.
A few minutes later, our heroic Hasher reappeared, sans beast, clothing akimbo, looking nonchalant and apparently un-harmed. However, rope burns to both hands were severe enough, we learned later, to curtail at least one game of golf this week. We hope you’ve recovered now.
Exhausted after all this, it was time to head off to the On,On,On or home.
On,on, ooh Matron and Oddjob
Don’t forget to look at the photos at:
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