The 2012 Chiang Rai Family Friendly Christmas Hash, held at the royal golf estate of Wirgin Bluce (WB) and Wild Woman (WW), turned out to be the gala event of the year. Recognizing real value for money, approximately sixty people showed up to feast upon grilled salmon, turkey, sate’, deserts, other delicacies, stuffing themselves with fine food and high quality beer for a meager 150 baht. Many of the attendees were not regular hashers but were willing to endure the long walk for the bounties at the end. The mix of attendees included all ages, from young children up to retirees with a large group of 20 something teachers and 50 something retirees.
The trail was a 7 km trek, mainly on dirt roads, through the bowels of Santiburi Golf Course’s overgrown, underdeveloped, outlying lands. Most of the veterans anticipated that the trail wouldn’t be as much of a hash as a re-hash of one of WB past trails. True to form, the first false trail caught the young gun teachers off-guard but the old veterans knew better than to follow the trail out onto the 16
th hole. Even though Cop Out and Scotch on the Rocks have spent much time searching for their miss-hit balls in this area of Santiburi, their familiarity of the terrain was not enough of an advantage to get them to the front of the pack. WB’s next checks turned out especially devious, luring the veterans up false trails used on previous hashes. Their leg-up of assumed familiarity was quickly neutralized and even proved to be a disadvantage . The dirt trails finally exited out on paved road at about the half-way point, close to Nong Luang, the large lake on the east side of Santiburi. By the time the FRB’s assembled on the pavement, there were at least 8 vying for the lead including Damn Beaver, Bottom’s Up, Oral Blaster, Able Semen, Namron, and three others who have yet to earn hash names – Katie, Alex and Devin. (As an aside, Katie a young American teacher, failed to notice an untied shoelace in time and one miss-step sent her crashing into the loose gravel, embedding small stones and dirt under her skin and cutting her knee. Showing true grit, she got herself off the ground and continued to run with the FRBs without as much as a whimper, even though she had a steady stream of blood trickling down her leg. Remember this since she will get a hash name next month!) WB took everyone back towards the golf course on a long stretch of dirt road and then set numerous checks that brought all the FRBs back together again and again except for Bottoms Up and Devin who managed to lose the FRBs as well as the trail. Able Semen proved he is a very able indeed and was able to penetrate even the most devious checks, the ones that confused the younger and more virile FRB’s, and was the first to impregnate the on-on party with his presence. He also proved to be very wily by ensuring that he had at least a 400 m. advantage before calling “on-on.” Excellent hash behavior indeed! The walkers had their fair share of adventures too. Curly Beaver whose parents had flown in from the American version of City of Angels just for the hash were enjoying the trail until Curly Beaver decided it was time to start running – in the wrong direction! Blindly following, CB’s parents and all the other walkers took the same wrong turn, went right through an X and were heading towards Wieng Chai until WB realized that ¾ of his guests weren’t going to show up at the party unless he took drastic action. So he mobilized a rescue squad by commandeering Santa’s sleigh (conveniently parked on his roof) to set the errant hashers in the right direction. Luckily Rudolph’s red nose was able to cut through the fog and save the day.
The circle turned out to be one of the shortest circles in hash history as the newly elected GM Able Semen was only able to give 3 splashes – one for the hares, one for the cooks and one for the virgins – before the temptation of getting a present from Santa proved too much and the circle was quickly closed. (However Shocking did use his brief circle time to ‘flog a dead horse” to everyone’s amusement.)
Behind the scenes there was some confusion as to who would play the role of Santa for the gift exchange (since the real Santa was away trying to find his stolen sleigh.) Assuming that the slight Namron would make an appropriate Santa, Shocking and Wirgin Bluce pointed him to the red suit and Wild Woman even offered her personal pillow as a stomach stuffer. However since Namron was stone sober and there were no vixen elves in sight, he used his FRB skills and quickly made himself scarce. The ever astute Wirgin Bluce had already recognized that this situation might occur and had three other potential Santas lined up including Do It Yourself, Sore Ass I Has and Special Needs but these veteran hashers also knew what was in store and were able to extricate themselves from this potentially warm and uncomfortable situation. So after suitably lubricating the virgin hasher Walter with alcohol and promises of sugar plum fairies and leggy rein “dears”, WB finally found a victim. Santa entered the party to a big round of applause and assuming he was the guest of honor was completely unprepared to be affronted by the young boys No Name, Ranger Danger and Buffalo Bill who were OD’ing on the sugary sweets served by Wild Woman. They called Santa a fake and tried to pull off his beard to expose the fraud they were sure they were witnessing. Santa’s only weapon was the bag of presents in his grasp and the threats of not receiving a gift soon had the rowdy boys back in line. Curly Beaver also assisted by baiting the little terrors, having them play chase through the estate.
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| Wild Woman |
For the sake of brevity the scribe will end the report here but in conclusion WB and Wild Woman had a very successful hash, even though they never got to show off the Gangnam Style dance steps they had been practicing. And if you do see Santa’s lost sleigh please report it to the local authorities as soon as possible because Christmas is only 1 week away!
Scribed by: Namron
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| Virgin Splash |
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| Hare Splash |
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| Katie Feeling the Love |
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| Little Terror #1 |
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| How can I steal his beard? |
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| Santa showing his assets |
The trail was a 7 km trek, mainly on dirt roads, through the bowels of Santiburi Golf Course’s overgrown, underdeveloped, outlying lands. Most of the veterans anticipated that the trail wouldn’t be as much of a hash as a re-hash of one of WB past trails. True to form, the first false trail caught the young gun teachers off-guard but the old veterans knew better than to follow the trail out onto the 16th hole. Even though Cop Out and Scotch on the Rocks have spent much time searching for their miss-hit balls in this area of Santiburi, their familiarity of the terrain was not enough of an advantage to get them to the front of the pack. WB’s next checks turned out especially devious, luring the veterans up false trails used on previous hashes. Their leg-up of assumed familiarity was quickly neutralized and even proved to be a disadvantage . The dirt trails finally exited out on paved road at about the half-way point, close to Nong Luang, the large lake on the east side of Santiburi. By the time the FRB’s assembled on the pavement, there were at least 8 vying for the lead including Damn Beaver, Bottom’s Up, Oral Blaster, Able Semen, Namron, and three others who have yet to earn hash names – Katie, Alex and Devin. (As an aside, Katie a young American teacher, failed to notice an untied shoelace in time and one miss-step sent her crashing into the loose gravel, embedding small stones and dirt under her skin and cutting her knee. Showing true grit, she got herself off the ground and continued to run with the FRBs without as much as a whimper, even though she had a steady stream of blood trickling down her leg. Remember this since she will get a hash name next month!) WB took everyone back towards the golf course on a long stretch of dirt road and then set numerous checks that brought all the FRBs back together again and again except for Bottoms Up and Devin who managed to lose the FRBs as well as the trail. Able Semen proved he is a very able indeed and was able to penetrate even the most devious checks, the ones that confused the younger and more virile FRB’s, and was the first to impregnate the on-on party with his presence. He also proved to be very wily by ensuring that he had at least a 400 m. advantage before calling “on-on.” Excellent hash behavior indeed! The walkers had their fair share of adventures too. Curly Beaver whose parents had flown in from the American version of City of Angels just for the hash were enjoying the trail until Curly Beaver decided it was time to start running – in the wrong direction! Blindly following, CB’s parents and all the other walkers took the same wrong turn, went right through an X and were heading towards Wieng Chai until WB realized that ¾ of his guests weren’t going to show up at the party unless he took drastic action. So he mobilized a rescue squad by commandeering Santa’s sleigh (conveniently parked on his roof) to set the errant hashers in the right direction. Luckily Rudolph’s red nose was able to cut through the fog and save the day.
Behind the scenes there was some confusion as to who would play the role of Santa for the gift exchange (since the real Santa was away trying to find his stolen sleigh.) Assuming that the slight Namron would make an appropriate Santa, Shocking and Wirgin Bluce pointed him to the red suit and Wild Woman even offered her personal pillow as a stomach stuffer. However since Namron was stone sober and there were no vixen elves in sight, he used his FRB skills and quickly made himself scarce. The ever astute Wirgin Bluce had already recognized that this situation might occur and had three other potential Santas lined up including Do It Yourself, Sore Ass I Has and Special Needs but these veteran hashers also knew what was in store and were able to extricate themselves from this potentially warm and uncomfortable situation. So after suitably lubricating the virgin hasher Walter with alcohol and promises of sugar plum fairies and leggy rein “dears”, WB finally found a victim. Santa entered the party to a big round of applause and assuming he was the guest of honor was completely unprepared to be affronted by the young boys No Name, Ranger Danger and Buffalo Bill who were OD’ing on the sugary sweets served by Wild Woman. They called Santa a fake and tried to pull off his beard to expose the fraud they were sure they were witnessing. Santa’s only weapon was the bag of presents in his grasp and the threats of not receiving a gift soon had the rowdy boys back in line. Curly Beaver also assisted by baiting the little terrors, having them play chase through the estate.
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