First Hash of 2014!!!

Hare:  Oral Banger

The first of our ‘Winter Special’ hashes will be held this coming Saturday, 4^th January, 2014. The location will be at, on, and around Mae Fah Luang University. The hare believes that this is the most beautiful run CRFFH has done in years… It’s a bold statement…. but come and see for yourself.

Directions:

The directions are quite easy. Just head north from Chiang Rai on the super highway heading towards Mae Sai. About 20 kms north of Chiang Rai there are some traffic lights at the entrance of Mae Fah Luang University. Turn right into the university and after about 100 M turn right again. There will be a sign here. Follow the access road up for about 400 M and just before the gate we will have the meeting point…. EASY! The Hare brief will be at 2:45 and the start will be at 3:00 Sharp. If you have any problems you can call Oral Banger at 0804204824.

Due to the busy agenda for the Christmas Hash our naming ceremony was not held… this will be rectified this weekend so think of some clever names for our newer members….. See you soon and        

ON ON!!!

Dec. 21st, Christmas Hash Write-Up

The December 21^st 2013 Chiang Rai Family Friendly Hash was held on a cool, beautiful Saturday afternoon southwest of the city, along the old Chiang Mai highway.  Our Hare, the esteemed Able Semen, offered the Hashers the choice of three different trails distancing approximately 3, 4, and 5 kilometers.  After a short introduction by the Hare during which few, including Able Semen, understood what was said and even fewer listened, the Hashers were off at various speeds down various trails.  The Hashers followed the trails among farms and paddies that dot the rolling hills of the area.  The conspicuously Able Semen’s trail was abundant in picturesque views of the countryside.  At one point the Hashers came upon a large Buddha statue, which, according to Wirgin Bluce (through optical illusion or an extra dose of his ‘medication’), appeared to float on the rice stocks below.  

The first FRB’s finished in less than an hour, with the walkers trickling in about twenty minutes later.  Nam’Ron’s brood of little dude Hashers were technically the first to cross the finish line with their patriarch following quickly behind.  However, it was Nam’Ron who was first to pop open a cold beer provided by Crash and dutifully protected by Oral Banger, giving him the victory.  The beer had plenty of willing guardians during the run as the MFU contingent of Well Seated, Sarah, Stuart, and Loose Stool arrived too late (some too hungover) to participate in the run. 

The first circle led by the newly elected/condemned G.M. Oral Banger introduced a new element to the family friendly festivities: ice.  Able Semen wasted no time in showing onlookers the proper way to utilize the ice, dropping trou and leaving many speechless as he sat on the ice bare-bummed while taking a healthy dose of both vitriol and congratulations.  Unfortunately for the eyes of your faithful scribe,  there was an abundance of white, cottage cheese-like O.M.A (old man arse)  steaming up the ice and burning unwanted images into everyone’s memory.   Fortunately, arses adorned the ice with good reason as our G.M. brought awards to be handed out due to the various reputations, both deserved and not, of his peers.  The awards were as follows:

1.       D.F.L (Dead F@#$ing  Last):  Crash

2.       Head Monkey: Loose Stool

3.       Happy Hasher: Nam’Ron (happy because he had two ladies on his lap)

4.       Ms. Baanoke: Pat on the Back

5.       Sexy Hasher:  Cop Out (eliminated the competition by ending the debate whether her golden tan was accompanied by lines)

6.       Worst Trail Ever: Shocking

After the awards were handed out, our G.M. passed out Hash Hymnals and encouraged everyone to get in the holiday spirit by joining voices together in song.  Precise altos, sopranos and baritones could be heard across the hills as classics such as ‘Jingle Balls’ and ‘Donnie the Retard’ were belted out with fervor.  At the conclusion of the circle the Hashers were treated to a delicious dinner by their gracious hosts Able Semen and Daeng.  Shortly after dark, the Hashers started to make their various ways home with full bellies, holiday spirits invigorated.  Hope to see everyone at the next CRFF Hash on January 4^th around Mae Fah Luang University. 

Directions to Dec. 21st Hash

The Chiang Rai Hash #122 Saturday, 21^st December 2013

Hare: Able Semen

The 2013 Christmas Hash will start at 3 pm. Please arrive no later than 2.45pm to allow time for a Hare Brief.

We are putting on some “Christmas Fayre” after the Circle and so we need to know, and well in advance, how many of you are intending to come along – for catering purposes. Please could you let me know soonest that you will be in attendance.  Able Semen's email address is ianswan@rocketmail.com

Those parents whose children will attend the Hash and would like to meet up with a thinly disguised Father Christmas, should bring a modest Christmas present with them for their own children.

Directions:

From the traffic lights at the Little Duck Hotel, proceed south down the so called Superhighway until you get to the traffic lights at the White Temple (Wat Rong Khun). This is the second set of lights after those at the Little Duck. Turn right here and proceed for about 5 kms until you reach the Old Chiang Mai Road. Turn left and go on for about 800 metres until you see the Km stone #13 on your right. Remember that it is the number facing the road that is relevant – not the number facing you.. Start to slow down here and after about 3 to 400 metres look out for a road on the left. This road is very easy to miss so I will put up a HHH sign here. The turning has an amber flashing light which occasionally works. Turn left here and proceed for about 2.5 kms. You will then see a water tower on your right with a sharp right turn immediately after it. Turn right and go on for another 1 km and you will see our place on your left. Turn in at the gate and then turn right at the second opening on the right. This is a field and ideal for safe parking (unless it’s been raining in which case do what you want). In the event that you are unable to locate the house, call me on 083 762 3267.  Plan on taking a half hour drive to get to the Able Semen house from the Big C.

The gps coordinates are 19.815256, 99.718748 

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10th Anniversary Hash Report

The magical mystery tour that was the 10th Anniversary Chiang Rai Hash was held on November 16^th 2013 on property along the old Chiang Mai highway and less than 1km from the Singha Plantation, Boon Rawd Farm.  The hash was set around the property of our magnanimous host /hare: NamRon.  It was attended by  52 hashers, all of which arrived quite keen to take advantage of the sunshine, the countryside, and NamRon’s best efforts.  They were not to be disappointed.

The hare took full advantage of his ideal surroundings by immediately taking the runners into the tea plantations nearby .  The beauty of the rows of tea slowed down even the FRB’s, and some hashers could even be seen taking ‘selfies’ among the plants.  Jock Block (Stu…aka…JustinMyBeaver..this name SUCKS) was off to the front alongside Oral Banger and a host of little dude hashers including the hare’s own troublemakers Ranger Danger and Buffalo Bill.  It was only revealed later that these youngsters actually co-Hared alongside NamRon.  Needless to say, their trajectory was one that was followed by the more insightful FRB’s.  The first check along the tea saw Jock Block lose his position, as he ran in the opposite direction for some time before hearing the dreaded ‘On On’ call behind him.  Next, the hare took everyone into the rice paddies to the south.  The trail led the hashers on the narrow paddie walls, and calls of ‘watch out for that hole!’ and ‘it’s pretty slick right there!’ echoed around the hills.  NamRon’s trail was a classic case of Strict Liability Hashing, watch out for your own butt and those around you.

Hashers navigated small streams, barbed wire, beasts of burden, spiny grass and steep hills.  The trail winded through the sun and shade.  At some points the hashers found themselves clustered together in a tight space, only minutes later cruising in an open field or through someone’s backyard.

Eventually, the trail took the hashers to the bottom of a bamboo forest and a devious circle check.  Hashers fanned out, everyone’s eyes peeled for the first glimmer of white paper.  It was around this point that Oral Banger accompanied by Able Semen (who had previously proclaimed intimate knowledge of the area) separated themselves from the group at the front.  As Jock Block, Loose Stool, Squats in the Bush and others jumped into the bamboo with vigor, it was Oral Banger and Able Semen that miraculously fell upon paper…..in the middle of the trail.  Oral and Able, were apparently speechless at this discovery and rather than call out the ‘On On,’ were not heard from until the final stretch of the hash.  Protecting their rather cushy lead with a system of silent deceit, Able and Oral seemed assured to finish far ahead of the pack.

Once the Hare’s true trail was discovered, the ‘On On’ was music to everyone’s ears.  However, the pace seemed slowed as the sun moved closer to the horizon and magic hour blanketed the rolling green hills.  The sky changed into vibrant oranges, reds and purples with no shortage of ethereal (suck it Nam’Ron) wisps of clouds.  By now, the FRB’s knew that the key to solving NamRon’s riddle was simply to follow his sons and their very fashionably coiffed friend (one of the best mullets this scribe has ever seen).  The boys were only too happy to proclaim knowledge of the trail and the location of paper after every check.  This scribe can assure you that it wasn’t the boys’ morality but the shoddy ethics taught to them by their father that influenced their decision to show the FRB’s the way home.
 

It was lucky for the FRB’s that they followed the youthful guides, as Oral Banger and Able Semen were confused by a check as they returned to the tea fields.  The tricky twosome found their lead disappear as Buffalo Bill, Jock Block and Loose Stool raced past them.
 

The FRBs finished in a bit over an hour, with the walkers finishing about half an hour later.  Unfortunately as the sun went down NamRon was notified that a pair of Kiwi/Thai hashers had yet to finish.  With a large gulp to finish his beer, he jumped on his motorbike and revved off to save them.  Minutes later, all three returned to a friendly ribbing, NamRon for his treacherous trail, the Kiwis for their directional impairment.

The circle was home to plenty of jokes and adult beverages as many hash virginities were lost and a new group of Hash officials were elected (though by which exact means of democracy your newly elected hash scribe does not know).  Hands were shaken, cups were sucked dry, songs were sung and the 10th Chiang Rai Anniversary Hash came to a close.  The ‘On On’ dinner proved both delicious and strategic, with numerous hashers continuing the party afterward at the Boon Rawd Festival less than a kilometer away.
 

For the record a completely fresh set of faces were “elected” to take the CR Hash into its 11^th year with Oral Banger as GM, Cop Out as hash cash, Crash as hash beer and Loose Stool as scribe (who penned this report except for the last paragraph.)