Dec. 21st, Christmas Hash Write-Up

The December 21^st 2013 Chiang Rai Family Friendly Hash was held on a cool, beautiful Saturday afternoon southwest of the city, along the old Chiang Mai highway.  Our Hare, the esteemed Able Semen, offered the Hashers the choice of three different trails distancing approximately 3, 4, and 5 kilometers.  After a short introduction by the Hare during which few, including Able Semen, understood what was said and even fewer listened, the Hashers were off at various speeds down various trails.  The Hashers followed the trails among farms and paddies that dot the rolling hills of the area.  The conspicuously Able Semen’s trail was abundant in picturesque views of the countryside.  At one point the Hashers came upon a large Buddha statue, which, according to Wirgin Bluce (through optical illusion or an extra dose of his ‘medication’), appeared to float on the rice stocks below.  

The first FRB’s finished in less than an hour, with the walkers trickling in about twenty minutes later.  Nam’Ron’s brood of little dude Hashers were technically the first to cross the finish line with their patriarch following quickly behind.  However, it was Nam’Ron who was first to pop open a cold beer provided by Crash and dutifully protected by Oral Banger, giving him the victory.  The beer had plenty of willing guardians during the run as the MFU contingent of Well Seated, Sarah, Stuart, and Loose Stool arrived too late (some too hungover) to participate in the run. 

The first circle led by the newly elected/condemned G.M. Oral Banger introduced a new element to the family friendly festivities: ice.  Able Semen wasted no time in showing onlookers the proper way to utilize the ice, dropping trou and leaving many speechless as he sat on the ice bare-bummed while taking a healthy dose of both vitriol and congratulations.  Unfortunately for the eyes of your faithful scribe,  there was an abundance of white, cottage cheese-like O.M.A (old man arse)  steaming up the ice and burning unwanted images into everyone’s memory.   Fortunately, arses adorned the ice with good reason as our G.M. brought awards to be handed out due to the various reputations, both deserved and not, of his peers.  The awards were as follows:

1.       D.F.L (Dead F@#$ing  Last):  Crash

2.       Head Monkey: Loose Stool

3.       Happy Hasher: Nam’Ron (happy because he had two ladies on his lap)

4.       Ms. Baanoke: Pat on the Back

5.       Sexy Hasher:  Cop Out (eliminated the competition by ending the debate whether her golden tan was accompanied by lines)

6.       Worst Trail Ever: Shocking

After the awards were handed out, our G.M. passed out Hash Hymnals and encouraged everyone to get in the holiday spirit by joining voices together in song.  Precise altos, sopranos and baritones could be heard across the hills as classics such as ‘Jingle Balls’ and ‘Donnie the Retard’ were belted out with fervor.  At the conclusion of the circle the Hashers were treated to a delicious dinner by their gracious hosts Able Semen and Daeng.  Shortly after dark, the Hashers started to make their various ways home with full bellies, holiday spirits invigorated.  Hope to see everyone at the next CRFF Hash on January 4^th around Mae Fah Luang University.