10th Anniversary Hash Report

The magical mystery tour that was the 10th Anniversary Chiang Rai Hash was held on November 16^th 2013 on property along the old Chiang Mai highway and less than 1km from the Singha Plantation, Boon Rawd Farm.  The hash was set around the property of our magnanimous host /hare: NamRon.  It was attended by  52 hashers, all of which arrived quite keen to take advantage of the sunshine, the countryside, and NamRon’s best efforts.  They were not to be disappointed.

The hare took full advantage of his ideal surroundings by immediately taking the runners into the tea plantations nearby .  The beauty of the rows of tea slowed down even the FRB’s, and some hashers could even be seen taking ‘selfies’ among the plants.  Jock Block (Stu…aka…JustinMyBeaver..this name SUCKS) was off to the front alongside Oral Banger and a host of little dude hashers including the hare’s own troublemakers Ranger Danger and Buffalo Bill.  It was only revealed later that these youngsters actually co-Hared alongside NamRon.  Needless to say, their trajectory was one that was followed by the more insightful FRB’s.  The first check along the tea saw Jock Block lose his position, as he ran in the opposite direction for some time before hearing the dreaded ‘On On’ call behind him.  Next, the hare took everyone into the rice paddies to the south.  The trail led the hashers on the narrow paddie walls, and calls of ‘watch out for that hole!’ and ‘it’s pretty slick right there!’ echoed around the hills.  NamRon’s trail was a classic case of Strict Liability Hashing, watch out for your own butt and those around you.

Hashers navigated small streams, barbed wire, beasts of burden, spiny grass and steep hills.  The trail winded through the sun and shade.  At some points the hashers found themselves clustered together in a tight space, only minutes later cruising in an open field or through someone’s backyard.

Eventually, the trail took the hashers to the bottom of a bamboo forest and a devious circle check.  Hashers fanned out, everyone’s eyes peeled for the first glimmer of white paper.  It was around this point that Oral Banger accompanied by Able Semen (who had previously proclaimed intimate knowledge of the area) separated themselves from the group at the front.  As Jock Block, Loose Stool, Squats in the Bush and others jumped into the bamboo with vigor, it was Oral Banger and Able Semen that miraculously fell upon paper…..in the middle of the trail.  Oral and Able, were apparently speechless at this discovery and rather than call out the ‘On On,’ were not heard from until the final stretch of the hash.  Protecting their rather cushy lead with a system of silent deceit, Able and Oral seemed assured to finish far ahead of the pack.

Once the Hare’s true trail was discovered, the ‘On On’ was music to everyone’s ears.  However, the pace seemed slowed as the sun moved closer to the horizon and magic hour blanketed the rolling green hills.  The sky changed into vibrant oranges, reds and purples with no shortage of ethereal (suck it Nam’Ron) wisps of clouds.  By now, the FRB’s knew that the key to solving NamRon’s riddle was simply to follow his sons and their very fashionably coiffed friend (one of the best mullets this scribe has ever seen).  The boys were only too happy to proclaim knowledge of the trail and the location of paper after every check.  This scribe can assure you that it wasn’t the boys’ morality but the shoddy ethics taught to them by their father that influenced their decision to show the FRB’s the way home.
 

It was lucky for the FRB’s that they followed the youthful guides, as Oral Banger and Able Semen were confused by a check as they returned to the tea fields.  The tricky twosome found their lead disappear as Buffalo Bill, Jock Block and Loose Stool raced past them.
 

The FRBs finished in a bit over an hour, with the walkers finishing about half an hour later.  Unfortunately as the sun went down NamRon was notified that a pair of Kiwi/Thai hashers had yet to finish.  With a large gulp to finish his beer, he jumped on his motorbike and revved off to save them.  Minutes later, all three returned to a friendly ribbing, NamRon for his treacherous trail, the Kiwis for their directional impairment.

The circle was home to plenty of jokes and adult beverages as many hash virginities were lost and a new group of Hash officials were elected (though by which exact means of democracy your newly elected hash scribe does not know).  Hands were shaken, cups were sucked dry, songs were sung and the 10th Chiang Rai Anniversary Hash came to a close.  The ‘On On’ dinner proved both delicious and strategic, with numerous hashers continuing the party afterward at the Boon Rawd Festival less than a kilometer away.
 

For the record a completely fresh set of faces were “elected” to take the CR Hash into its 11^th year with Oral Banger as GM, Cop Out as hash cash, Crash as hash beer and Loose Stool as scribe (who penned this report except for the last paragraph.)