February 2017 - Write-Up

The current setting is Mae Chan, there’s a few days to go until this scribe starts the process of (temporarily) leaving Thailand, everythings (mostly) ready that needs doing and he is currently in full lazy bastard mode, proudly upholding the standards of the mismanagement committee, sipping from his trademark British-style pint glass of Beerlao Dark.

The February Hash was a fair while in the making, being fraught with difficulties due to the two hares cancelling, and both co-GMs being away; in this scribe (and replacement hare)’s case going on an epic trip to (or should that be ‘in’) a field in Chiang Dao with a load of Japanese hippies, and then spending a week at a meditation retreat near Mae Hong Son to make up for all the gratuitous violation of the Fourth Precept that had ensued the previous week. 

(For those who are even remotely interested, and for those who aren’t, the Fourth Precept cautions one to “Refrain from intoxicants that lead to carelessness” – or in Yorkshire-speak “Doohnt doo stuff that fooks wi’ tha ‘ed”)

Due in part to his shirking of his duties, the hash was pushed back one week, which had the bonus effect of both GMs being able to make it, and more people in general able to attend due to it no longer co-inciding with the Chiang Rai balloon festival.

However, when the scribe/hare got off his motorbike at 5pm the day before, having left Mae Hong Son at 5am that day, he was pleased to find that Frozen Ring and H2Hoe had dutifully left paper at Pussy Rainbow’s bar. After physically collapsing his broken body onto a bed at Tot’s place for a few hours, he went out and set the trail the next day – a feet of physicality to be commended, and one which will no doubt render the scribe an even more insufferable arrogant smart-arse than he already is.

The setting was 18km along the old road to Chiang Mai, a location that had been used before, at almost this exact time last year, for Jono, aka Bad Hobbit, aka Dildo Bugger of Bell End the Bad Hobbit’s first hare-ing. A stunningly beautiful place, involving a bit of a trek through countryside before joining a country road that eventually opens out on a very large, very beautiful lake.

A relatively easy place to find, with clear-ish directions having been previously posted, however that didn’t stop Virgin Bruce (aka The Invisible Man) calling the scribe, at a time he was mid-way along the superhighway from Chiang Mai, because he couldn't figure out how a website works, and didn't know how to scroll downward.

After hare-ing the trail, and then collapsing again onto the back of the motorbike, Bad Hobbit was pleased yet again to find that there was a goodly turnout, of nearly 30 people, for the hash.

Sadly minus some of the old crowd, there was nonetheless a respectable turnout of newer folk, drawn here by Bad Hobbit’s frequent shitposting online, and not scared off by Spiritual Advisor Shocking’s menacing of the latecomers with a big stick at the January Hash, including the recently-named Takes It Up The Butt, 

Unfortunately, it appears Takes it up the butt does not like her given hash name, and has expressed a strong desire to change it.

Other newer folk to the CR Hash fam included Irena, Michelle, and first-timer Megan.

Once the hash massive started off, most people ran ahead and out of sight while the past and present scribes hang back to have one of their engaging literary discussions, during which time one of the many topics raised was the concept of having a Hash Photographer, since the current scribe possesses no camera or cameraphone. A novel idea indeed, and one to which the past scribe may well be suited for (and regret suggesting).

Since while both scribes, past and present, are adept in the art of memes and shitposting for teh keks (a venerable British art stretching back hundreds of years pre-dating the internet, that before Millennial times was known as 'talking bollocks'), only the past scribe is adept in the art of taking photographs of hashes and then posting them. However, that will be a discussion for another time.

The trail took us through countryside, up a steep hill through some very bushy terrain, which somehow resulted in only the hare’s legs being cut up bloody. The terrain was slightly different last time, due to farmers and burn-ers having been very busy indeed, and eventually connected with the main road, ending with a good, long run down a straight line to the lake. The weather was warm but not too hot, and in the bushy part there was plenty of coverage from the many rubber trees, albeit no coverage on the hill which had been Shireen Baratheon-ed to black ash before we got there.

Once again, Bad Hobbit was the first to finish, this time his own trail, and one which he didn’t even run (at first), further massaging his ego. Then more came – however, at one point there were 7 people missing, including the co-GM, Ringmaster.

At more or less the exact moment when we would have sent out search parties, in the last few came, who had somehow managed to get lost, on a trail where the hare was too much of a lazy bastard to do any checks or leave any false trails. The co-GM didn’t *quite* come in DFL (Dead Fucking Last), but she was close enough for pisstaking.

Eventually, the circle started (although not soon enough to pre-empt a round of “Why are we waiting, we could be fornicating?”), with the co-GM, scribe, hare, and choir rolled into one person and parked in the center, given his down-down, and teaching the many first-timers the exact words for the songs to be sung (“He’s a hasher true and true, he’s a pisspot so they say, he tried to get to heaven but he went the other way”).

After this, it was time for the virgins to get into the circle, including two who’d done a hash before, but not the CR one. In the absence of a hash lawyer to determine as to whether they needed to go in, in they went, each introducing themselves to the group, with both the GMs literally wrestling to preside over their down-downs.

Hares for March and May were decided, with April, as usual being skipped over, something to be expected due to the long school holiday, and teaching being one of the only legal jobs for foreigners to do in Thailand.

Circle closed, everyone hopped on the back of French Fanny’s pickup truck, a very happy and tipsy bunch of hashers, heading back, waving to locals. We also continued our engaging discussions about the meaning of life, the cruelty of being dropped into it, without being asked, amassing all these amazing experiences and then having to return to nothingness – a cruel fact of reality that, we discussed, religions are a way of dealing with.

The On On continued at Mala Bar, and ended up at the Reggae Bar, with lots of emotional hasher bonding and shit attempts at karaoke in which Bad Hobbit royally butchered “Highway to Hell” and thought he was Lemmy (he’s certainly no Angus Young). Other songs covered included Pussy Rainbow’s two favorite songs of all time, “Stairway to heaven” and “Bohemian Rhapsody” – if you’re ever doing karaoke, especially at Mala Bar, make sure you do these two songs, and sing ‘em loud – he loves ‘em.