Hares: Stoned assisted by Rolling
Location: Doi Puy park south of kilometer 11 on the Thoerng highway
The heavens opened and the rain poured down beginning around 3 pm. The prospects for a successful hash looked dismal. Nonetheless 22 intrepid hashers including two virgins and two children, showed up for the occasion. Overlooking some details like dual nationalities, the demographics followed the usual pattern: fourteen males all farang and eight women all Thai.
By popular demand the temporary Hash Beer Nam Ron is forced to off-load the booze before the run started. Having learned from past suffering, the addicts needed to ensure that there would be no more enforced sobriety waiting for the Hash Beer to arrive at the end of a run!
By way of introduction, Stoned, the hare explained that this trail was inspired by the hash rule that there are no rules. He also assured the assembled gathering that they would get their feet wet. Thus encouraged the group set off.
As usual Allo Allo took off in the lead closely followed by Nam Ron who had abandoned his family for the day. Other reckless contenders included Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Able Semen.
The trail was ideally suited for rainy season conditions. It moved through rice paddies, forest tracks and laterite service roads. There were no slippery heights to conquer. Moreover the hare kept his promise: feet did get wet. There were also ample opportunities to confuse the trail direction which the hare delighted in confounding. Unfortunately the FRBs did a less than a perfect job in clarifying the way forward. This obliged the frontrunners among the walkers notably Pickled Prik and your faithful correspondent, to refind the way forward in several instances. As a result the chasm between the FRBs and the others widened. Whereas the former arrived in 45 minutes, the latter took 50 minutes longer. These included among others Pat-on-the Back, Superglue, Wild Woman, Andrew, two virgins, Well Oiled and Oiled Well. The practical consequence of this delay is that the beer was nearly all gone when the slow ones struggled in. Blank stares of disbelief greeted the spectacle. Virgins Barry and Jan were heard to wonder aloud how anyone in conscience could collect 100 Baht extra per person for such a pathetic stock of beer.
Rolling minimized the grumbling by producing sticky rice packs with jerked beef. There were also two spicy Thai dishes notably Jao Bong (fermented fish paste with dried chilies and herbs) and Prik Num (smashed fresh chilies with herbs) which separated the sheep from the goats when it came to culinary delights. Unfortunately the supply proved insufficient once Well Oiled got into it.
In the circle afterwards Jolly Molly complained that the devoted scribe kept confusing her name. This raised the question of how she acquired such a disgusting name in the first place. A suggestion was made that the name should be changed to “Incoming” in honour of the motorcycle which was just then invading our circle. At that point our all time favourite G.M. Shocking cut the discussion short by declaring hash names to be sacred and therefore unchangeable.
Pickled Prik was welcomed back after four months absence and awarded a t-shirt after promising he would not sell it at enormous profit on E-bay. Lacking the excitement of our nubile model, Boy Magnet, other efforts to sell the t-shirt found no takers.
Allo Allo’s spouse Khun Meow came forward for naming. After much creative deliberation the group decided to call her “Goodbye, Goodbye.”
At the call for volunteer hares, Smoked Weiner raised. His mother Jolly Molly and absent grandfather Reverse Thruster were given the opportunity to choose the month later. Pickled Prik also indicated a willingness to serve.
Nam Ron confessed that he had failed to rehydrate his dog, Bushwhacker at the end of last month’s hash. So he wanted to publicly thank your faithful scribe for sharing his internal waters with his dog while he sprayed the plants in a shady corner of the gathering place.
Do It Yourself was likewise called into the circle to recognize his services as “best Hash Cash ever.” This being Lent he claims to have gone dry and sports a beard to prove it. However when offered a coke to salute his noble status, he insisted on a double beer because this is his only opportunity to break his vows.
At the conclusion of the circle our all time favourite G.M. declared that for the next three months he would abandon Chiang Rai for the sweet climes of jolly England. As a parting gesture he nominated Able Semen to replace him. In the election which followed Able Semen narrowly edged out Bushwhacker to become the replacement G.M.
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Run Report #58: Saturday August 16, 2008
due to our renowed hash scribe wirgin (shakespeare)bluce
rushing off after the hash to a chaingmai temple in order to
meditate for the next ten days and who wishes it to be known
that the rumour he his drying out is completly untrue,
the following notes have been compiled by the very willing and
able semen
> The August Hash was held on Saturday, 16th August, 2008.
> The event was attended by a total of 25 people, of whom
> there were 11 men, all of the farang persuasion, 10 were
> women, comprised of 9 Thai ladies and 1 from the US of A.
> The Hash commenced shortly after 4 pm and all proceeded
> smoothly for the relatively short distance of 1.5 kms or so.
> Then it did not! It seems that the paper trail, leading away
> from a check near to a small hut by a stream, could not be
> found. This had the unfortunate effect of causing everyone
> to take the wrong trail from that point onwards.
> In fact, the Hash split into two groups here. The first
> appeared to pick up the final 3.5 kms of the trail, which
> they then followed, so completing a much abbreviated version
> of the intended trail. This group finished their "short
> course" in 38 minutes. Brain helth was first home, followed
> closely by 'Allo 'Allo, then Do It Better, and dosent matterhorn
> The other group, after toiling away in the rice fields in
> their fruitless search for the paper trail leading from the
> hut, then followed what seems to have been the correct trail
> but in the wrong direction. After some 1 hour and 30
> minutes, they reluctantly bowed to the inevitable and
> summoned a lift back to the finish. At the point from which
> they telephoned for transport, they had completed about 75%
> of the trail, or some 6 kms.
> Both the Hare and the Writer are sorry at this outcome to what, otherwise, had all the
> makings of a successful Hash. Regrettably the Hare is unable
> to change history and can only express regret. The Writer
> could change history, I suppose, but will not!
> To turn to more positive aspects of the day, it was
> generally felt that the terrain was well suited to a Hash,
> and that the location, or what little was seen of it, was
> attractive and most picturesque. A return visit was mooted.
> The Hash was fortunate to have found a resort under
> construction in the area. The owner was happy to allow the
> Hash to make use of a small sala within the grounds of this
> resort and so it was that we were able to provide some hot
> food as well as the more traditional liquid form of
> refreshment, prior to the Circle being formed. The catering
> was of a very high standard, as the Writer has already come
> to expect of Pat on the Back. Our collective thanks go to
> pat on the back and boy magnet for making all of this happen so splendidly.
> And so to the Circle!
> There was one Hash Virgin, namely Ashley, the sole farang
> lady. It is to be hoped that this will be the first of
> numerous Hashes for you Ashley.
> In addition, there were two Hash christenings. To be
> totally accurate, there was only one since namrons offspring insisted
on being named power ranger but then compomised with danger ranger
> the second went ahead and so congratulations go to Stuck in
> the Mud, so named for somewhat obvious reasons. I am quite
> sure that the soubriquet (that was entirely for the benefit
> of Allo Allo if he has bothered to read this far!) is
> totally unjustified in all other respects!
> Brain helth offered a thank you to the providers of transport
> which retrieved the Second group
> The GM thanked pat on the back and boy magnet for their splendid work in
> feeding for the Hash. Perhaps not 5000, but they certainly
> catered admirably for 25!
> And, of course the GM made a few comments regarding the
> trail, the Hare, the dubious nature of the Hare's
> parentage etc., etc., etc. I expect you get the drift of it
> all. Hey ho!
> Finally, Stoned was thanked for having agreed to organise the
> September 2008 meeting of the Chiang Rai Hash House
> Harriers.
> (Note: any similarity to actual events, places or persons
> whether living or otherwise is purely accidental)
ON ON
rushing off after the hash to a chaingmai temple in order to
meditate for the next ten days and who wishes it to be known
that the rumour he his drying out is completly untrue,
the following notes have been compiled by the very willing and
able semen
> The August Hash was held on Saturday, 16th August, 2008.
> The event was attended by a total of 25 people, of whom
> there were 11 men, all of the farang persuasion, 10 were
> women, comprised of 9 Thai ladies and 1 from the US of A.
> The Hash commenced shortly after 4 pm and all proceeded
> smoothly for the relatively short distance of 1.5 kms or so.
> Then it did not! It seems that the paper trail, leading away
> from a check near to a small hut by a stream, could not be
> found. This had the unfortunate effect of causing everyone
> to take the wrong trail from that point onwards.
> In fact, the Hash split into two groups here. The first
> appeared to pick up the final 3.5 kms of the trail, which
> they then followed, so completing a much abbreviated version
> of the intended trail. This group finished their "short
> course" in 38 minutes. Brain helth was first home, followed
> closely by 'Allo 'Allo, then Do It Better, and dosent matterhorn
> The other group, after toiling away in the rice fields in
> their fruitless search for the paper trail leading from the
> hut, then followed what seems to have been the correct trail
> but in the wrong direction. After some 1 hour and 30
> minutes, they reluctantly bowed to the inevitable and
> summoned a lift back to the finish. At the point from which
> they telephoned for transport, they had completed about 75%
> of the trail, or some 6 kms.
> Both the Hare and the Writer are sorry at this outcome to what, otherwise, had all the
> makings of a successful Hash. Regrettably the Hare is unable
> to change history and can only express regret. The Writer
> could change history, I suppose, but will not!
> To turn to more positive aspects of the day, it was
> generally felt that the terrain was well suited to a Hash,
> and that the location, or what little was seen of it, was
> attractive and most picturesque. A return visit was mooted.
> The Hash was fortunate to have found a resort under
> construction in the area. The owner was happy to allow the
> Hash to make use of a small sala within the grounds of this
> resort and so it was that we were able to provide some hot
> food as well as the more traditional liquid form of
> refreshment, prior to the Circle being formed. The catering
> was of a very high standard, as the Writer has already come
> to expect of Pat on the Back. Our collective thanks go to
> pat on the back and boy magnet for making all of this happen so splendidly.
> And so to the Circle!
> There was one Hash Virgin, namely Ashley, the sole farang
> lady. It is to be hoped that this will be the first of
> numerous Hashes for you Ashley.
> In addition, there were two Hash christenings. To be
> totally accurate, there was only one since namrons offspring insisted
on being named power ranger but then compomised with danger ranger
> the second went ahead and so congratulations go to Stuck in
> the Mud, so named for somewhat obvious reasons. I am quite
> sure that the soubriquet (that was entirely for the benefit
> of Allo Allo if he has bothered to read this far!) is
> totally unjustified in all other respects!
> Brain helth offered a thank you to the providers of transport
> which retrieved the Second group
> The GM thanked pat on the back and boy magnet for their splendid work in
> feeding for the Hash. Perhaps not 5000, but they certainly
> catered admirably for 25!
> And, of course the GM made a few comments regarding the
> trail, the Hare, the dubious nature of the Hare's
> parentage etc., etc., etc. I expect you get the drift of it
> all. Hey ho!
> Finally, Stoned was thanked for having agreed to organise the
> September 2008 meeting of the Chiang Rai Hash House
> Harriers.
> (Note: any similarity to actual events, places or persons
> whether living or otherwise is purely accidental)
ON ON
HHH Run Report #57: Saturday July 19, 2008
Hares: Wirgin Bluce assisted by Wild Woman
Location: Wild Woman house in Santiburi Golf complex
The prospects for a successful hash in the middle of July looked unlikely as the rain deluged on three successive days prior to the event. However to everyone’s amazement the clouds cleared on the appointed day only to return with a vengeance once all had gotten safely home.
One of the first to arrive was the founder G.M. Brain Health. The unlikely presence of such a distinguished hasher at a second successive hash after so many years absence confused some people who thought they must have come to the wrong address. However parking was so easy that no one turned away looking elsewhere. Even Rafaele was able to find a place to put his car without falling into a ditch or climbing a tree.
By 4 pm there were seventeen men and sixteen women plus eleven children present. Our super efficient Hash Cash, Do It Yourself had collected. The one conspicuous absence was the temporary Hash Beer, Nam Ron. No one wanted to leave without assurance that the essential stocks had arrived. When he did appear, we learned that Nam Ron had heard rumours that Wild Woman had blown the budget for the party afterwards. He suspected that some lazy individuals had come to the hash with no intention of leaving the home base. So rather than risk these dissidents consuming all the beer while the true hashers went running, he refused to offload the beer until he returned.
Facing the prospect of a long, dry spell the entire group felt a powerful impulse to start as soon as possible in order to put an early end to the impending agony.
A new recruit with 15 years hashing experience in Phuket led the group off the starting block. His name is Allo, Allo and his answer to every question was predictably “Yes, no” or “No, yes.” Closely following this intrepid Front Running Bastard were Nick and Nile Weldon, visiting grandsons of the notorious Jiggs Weldon who long time Chiangrai residents recall fondly. Other FRBs included the fore-mentioned Brain Health, Do It Better, Nam Ron, Rolling and Stoned.
The first check was easily solved but the second was complicated by the presence of irritated cattle who justifiably decided to charge the FRB intruders. In their cowardly haste to withdraw from the field, the FRBs failed to find the way forward. This necessitated some delay while they stumbled about trying to inspire their adversaries to attack someone else. Eventually Allo Allo stumbled upon some paper which the hare had thoughtfully deposited behind a distant bush. Rather than attract attention to himself the FRB whispered On! On! to the next in line in hopes that he could escape without attracting the bulls attention.
Meanwhile many in the second wave of hashers caught up. Inspired by such easy success, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll to chase after the front runners. Meanwhile Nam Ron heard vociferous complaints from his five-year son Kenji and reluctantly dropped back.
Mike Olsen brought his nubile daughter Josephine and his niece Plaeng. He then walked in their shadows all the way around the course for fear that some uninhibited males might get the wrong idea. Close on Mike’s heels were Shocking, Loose Spoke, Well Oiled and Rafaele. They left their spouses Pat-on-the-Back, Tight Sprocket and Lek far behind. Well Oiled even persuaded Oiled Well not to run this day claiming some medical condition. Idling with her at the home base were Do It Yourself, who took the precaution of wrapping a bandage around his ankle, and Pailin wife of Jim McAlear who brought along their three-year old child to keep her busy. Just Perfect took off in her car threatening to come back for the party.
Boy Magnet and Wild Woman’s niece Deuan got lost in the rush to fresh beauty.
Lek and her nieces Sasipha and Viradi could not bear to part from their fashionable high heels and wore them until they could no go longer. Then they completed the course barefoot.
The fourth check had five possible outlets. The actual way forward skirted a hill but in the confusion, Stoned thought he heard the On! On! coming from beyond the hill top. So he helpfully scattered paper along the road going straight up thus adding a new false trail for the grateful lot who followed.
The last check had no obvious way onwards. The one gate was locked, well covered with barbed wire and marked with the false trail symbol. The FRBs repeated asked the farmwife which way the hare had gone but she claimed she did not know. At least a half hour was wasted in their frivolous search. Meanwhile Yulia, Polly, Dirty Hairy, Naly, Smoked Weiner, Reverse Thruster, Jolly Molly, Ray Weldon (the under-performing progenitor of FRBs Nick and Nile), Nam Ron and Kenji who brought up the rear saw the FRBs wandering about the distant orchard and decided to shortcut across the rice fields. Then they got frustrated because they found thorns instead of paper.
Eventually Doesn’t Matterhorn returned to rice fields and ran another half kilometer until he found a place he could easily enter the Santiburi complex. Then he ran back to Wild Woman house and thus became the first one in.
Meanwhile Rolling deceitfully prevailed upon the farmwife’s Thai female solidarity to reveal where the trail led onwards. Mistaking her appeal for sincerity the girl pointed to the back of the house, where Rolling quickly discovered a gap which the others had overlooked. To the farmwife’s horror, she then cried out the On! On! and the race was back on.
There was one last deviation. This led on to a peninsula which faced the back of Wild Woman’s garden across 100 meters of water. Not to be discouraged, Nick and Nile stripped to their shorts and plunged in. Mike now hot after two hours chaperoning, did likewise as did Nam Ron.
Now clean and dried, the temporary Hash Beer jumped in his car and tried to escape with the booze. However before departing Kenji demanded the ice cream which Wild Woman had promised. Meanwhile Do It Yourself having patiently guarded the car (while nursing a bottle of water) forced him to offload.
Upon arrival the gang immediately set upon a fine repast prepared by Wild Woman with help from Lek (lasagna), Pailin (Yum) and Jolly Molly (fruit). So absorbed were the hashers in this gastronomic distraction that they dared to ignore the GM Shocking’s repeated calls for a circle. Eventually the night came to an end but not before all the food was eaten and the beer consumed.
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
Location: Wild Woman house in Santiburi Golf complex
The prospects for a successful hash in the middle of July looked unlikely as the rain deluged on three successive days prior to the event. However to everyone’s amazement the clouds cleared on the appointed day only to return with a vengeance once all had gotten safely home.
One of the first to arrive was the founder G.M. Brain Health. The unlikely presence of such a distinguished hasher at a second successive hash after so many years absence confused some people who thought they must have come to the wrong address. However parking was so easy that no one turned away looking elsewhere. Even Rafaele was able to find a place to put his car without falling into a ditch or climbing a tree.
By 4 pm there were seventeen men and sixteen women plus eleven children present. Our super efficient Hash Cash, Do It Yourself had collected. The one conspicuous absence was the temporary Hash Beer, Nam Ron. No one wanted to leave without assurance that the essential stocks had arrived. When he did appear, we learned that Nam Ron had heard rumours that Wild Woman had blown the budget for the party afterwards. He suspected that some lazy individuals had come to the hash with no intention of leaving the home base. So rather than risk these dissidents consuming all the beer while the true hashers went running, he refused to offload the beer until he returned.
Facing the prospect of a long, dry spell the entire group felt a powerful impulse to start as soon as possible in order to put an early end to the impending agony.
A new recruit with 15 years hashing experience in Phuket led the group off the starting block. His name is Allo, Allo and his answer to every question was predictably “Yes, no” or “No, yes.” Closely following this intrepid Front Running Bastard were Nick and Nile Weldon, visiting grandsons of the notorious Jiggs Weldon who long time Chiangrai residents recall fondly. Other FRBs included the fore-mentioned Brain Health, Do It Better, Nam Ron, Rolling and Stoned.
The first check was easily solved but the second was complicated by the presence of irritated cattle who justifiably decided to charge the FRB intruders. In their cowardly haste to withdraw from the field, the FRBs failed to find the way forward. This necessitated some delay while they stumbled about trying to inspire their adversaries to attack someone else. Eventually Allo Allo stumbled upon some paper which the hare had thoughtfully deposited behind a distant bush. Rather than attract attention to himself the FRB whispered On! On! to the next in line in hopes that he could escape without attracting the bulls attention.
Meanwhile many in the second wave of hashers caught up. Inspired by such easy success, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll to chase after the front runners. Meanwhile Nam Ron heard vociferous complaints from his five-year son Kenji and reluctantly dropped back.
Mike Olsen brought his nubile daughter Josephine and his niece Plaeng. He then walked in their shadows all the way around the course for fear that some uninhibited males might get the wrong idea. Close on Mike’s heels were Shocking, Loose Spoke, Well Oiled and Rafaele. They left their spouses Pat-on-the-Back, Tight Sprocket and Lek far behind. Well Oiled even persuaded Oiled Well not to run this day claiming some medical condition. Idling with her at the home base were Do It Yourself, who took the precaution of wrapping a bandage around his ankle, and Pailin wife of Jim McAlear who brought along their three-year old child to keep her busy. Just Perfect took off in her car threatening to come back for the party.
Boy Magnet and Wild Woman’s niece Deuan got lost in the rush to fresh beauty.
Lek and her nieces Sasipha and Viradi could not bear to part from their fashionable high heels and wore them until they could no go longer. Then they completed the course barefoot.
The fourth check had five possible outlets. The actual way forward skirted a hill but in the confusion, Stoned thought he heard the On! On! coming from beyond the hill top. So he helpfully scattered paper along the road going straight up thus adding a new false trail for the grateful lot who followed.
The last check had no obvious way onwards. The one gate was locked, well covered with barbed wire and marked with the false trail symbol. The FRBs repeated asked the farmwife which way the hare had gone but she claimed she did not know. At least a half hour was wasted in their frivolous search. Meanwhile Yulia, Polly, Dirty Hairy, Naly, Smoked Weiner, Reverse Thruster, Jolly Molly, Ray Weldon (the under-performing progenitor of FRBs Nick and Nile), Nam Ron and Kenji who brought up the rear saw the FRBs wandering about the distant orchard and decided to shortcut across the rice fields. Then they got frustrated because they found thorns instead of paper.
Eventually Doesn’t Matterhorn returned to rice fields and ran another half kilometer until he found a place he could easily enter the Santiburi complex. Then he ran back to Wild Woman house and thus became the first one in.
Meanwhile Rolling deceitfully prevailed upon the farmwife’s Thai female solidarity to reveal where the trail led onwards. Mistaking her appeal for sincerity the girl pointed to the back of the house, where Rolling quickly discovered a gap which the others had overlooked. To the farmwife’s horror, she then cried out the On! On! and the race was back on.
There was one last deviation. This led on to a peninsula which faced the back of Wild Woman’s garden across 100 meters of water. Not to be discouraged, Nick and Nile stripped to their shorts and plunged in. Mike now hot after two hours chaperoning, did likewise as did Nam Ron.
Now clean and dried, the temporary Hash Beer jumped in his car and tried to escape with the booze. However before departing Kenji demanded the ice cream which Wild Woman had promised. Meanwhile Do It Yourself having patiently guarded the car (while nursing a bottle of water) forced him to offload.
Upon arrival the gang immediately set upon a fine repast prepared by Wild Woman with help from Lek (lasagna), Pailin (Yum) and Jolly Molly (fruit). So absorbed were the hashers in this gastronomic distraction that they dared to ignore the GM Shocking’s repeated calls for a circle. Eventually the night came to an end but not before all the food was eaten and the beer consumed.
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)