Hares: Stoned assisted by Rolling
Location: Doi Puy park south of kilometer 11 on the Thoerng highway
The heavens opened and the rain poured down beginning around 3 pm. The prospects for a successful hash looked dismal. Nonetheless 22 intrepid hashers including two virgins and two children, showed up for the occasion. Overlooking some details like dual nationalities, the demographics followed the usual pattern: fourteen males all farang and eight women all Thai.
By popular demand the temporary Hash Beer Nam Ron is forced to off-load the booze before the run started. Having learned from past suffering, the addicts needed to ensure that there would be no more enforced sobriety waiting for the Hash Beer to arrive at the end of a run!
By way of introduction, Stoned, the hare explained that this trail was inspired by the hash rule that there are no rules. He also assured the assembled gathering that they would get their feet wet. Thus encouraged the group set off.
As usual Allo Allo took off in the lead closely followed by Nam Ron who had abandoned his family for the day. Other reckless contenders included Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Able Semen.
The trail was ideally suited for rainy season conditions. It moved through rice paddies, forest tracks and laterite service roads. There were no slippery heights to conquer. Moreover the hare kept his promise: feet did get wet. There were also ample opportunities to confuse the trail direction which the hare delighted in confounding. Unfortunately the FRBs did a less than a perfect job in clarifying the way forward. This obliged the frontrunners among the walkers notably Pickled Prik and your faithful correspondent, to refind the way forward in several instances. As a result the chasm between the FRBs and the others widened. Whereas the former arrived in 45 minutes, the latter took 50 minutes longer. These included among others Pat-on-the Back, Superglue, Wild Woman, Andrew, two virgins, Well Oiled and Oiled Well. The practical consequence of this delay is that the beer was nearly all gone when the slow ones struggled in. Blank stares of disbelief greeted the spectacle. Virgins Barry and Jan were heard to wonder aloud how anyone in conscience could collect 100 Baht extra per person for such a pathetic stock of beer.
Rolling minimized the grumbling by producing sticky rice packs with jerked beef. There were also two spicy Thai dishes notably Jao Bong (fermented fish paste with dried chilies and herbs) and Prik Num (smashed fresh chilies with herbs) which separated the sheep from the goats when it came to culinary delights. Unfortunately the supply proved insufficient once Well Oiled got into it.
In the circle afterwards Jolly Molly complained that the devoted scribe kept confusing her name. This raised the question of how she acquired such a disgusting name in the first place. A suggestion was made that the name should be changed to “Incoming” in honour of the motorcycle which was just then invading our circle. At that point our all time favourite G.M. Shocking cut the discussion short by declaring hash names to be sacred and therefore unchangeable.
Pickled Prik was welcomed back after four months absence and awarded a t-shirt after promising he would not sell it at enormous profit on E-bay. Lacking the excitement of our nubile model, Boy Magnet, other efforts to sell the t-shirt found no takers.
Allo Allo’s spouse Khun Meow came forward for naming. After much creative deliberation the group decided to call her “Goodbye, Goodbye.”
At the call for volunteer hares, Smoked Weiner raised. His mother Jolly Molly and absent grandfather Reverse Thruster were given the opportunity to choose the month later. Pickled Prik also indicated a willingness to serve.
Nam Ron confessed that he had failed to rehydrate his dog, Bushwhacker at the end of last month’s hash. So he wanted to publicly thank your faithful scribe for sharing his internal waters with his dog while he sprayed the plants in a shady corner of the gathering place.
Do It Yourself was likewise called into the circle to recognize his services as “best Hash Cash ever.” This being Lent he claims to have gone dry and sports a beard to prove it. However when offered a coke to salute his noble status, he insisted on a double beer because this is his only opportunity to break his vows.
At the conclusion of the circle our all time favourite G.M. declared that for the next three months he would abandon Chiang Rai for the sweet climes of jolly England. As a parting gesture he nominated Able Semen to replace him. In the election which followed Able Semen narrowly edged out Bushwhacker to become the replacement G.M.
Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce
No comments:
Post a Comment