Dec. Hash Report "Jingle Bells"

December 2010 report no.87

‘Jingle bells’

Venue; inside the Santiburi golf course estate way off to the left of the Thoeng road, at the Hare’s lair.

Hares: Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman.

With a fair few winter visitors, including another representative of the Dutch police force to keep us under control, and others lured out of hiding by the news of an ‘On,On.On’ provided by Wild Woman and Co., we had a great turn-out of 57 -though about ten sluggards didn’t actually expend any energy by taking part in the Hash.  There were quite a few children amongst us – Santa was rumoured to be going to drop in later and the sense of anticipation was palpable. The weather was cool (21.c) and overcast, and coats, cardigans and even a few Santa hats were worn for their thermal qualities.

A fair bit of finickity sorting out of the Christmas gifts by ‘Santa’s little helper’ a.k.a Wirgin Bruce prior to the start and then we were ready for the Hares’ advice. I think he was eager to get us on our way when he realised the general conversation had moved from just admiring a beautiful Jade vine (puang yok) in the driveway, on to how and where we could best take cuttings from it.

Lots of checks were promised, and as the assistant Hare had got lost on the course that morning, we could look forward to many opportunities for displaying our infamous CRH group stance of total befuddlement when faced with a choice of paths.

 There were 2 routes, the one for the FRBs being about a kilometre longer than the more popular one.

The Hash

Off we set, following the trail – one of delicately scented talc inside the estate grounds – reverting to paper outside. Only Doesn’t Matterhorn set off at anything more than a fast walk, he and Do it yourself and Lost Samurai also being the only ones to tackle the longer course and lead us all back in.

It proved to be an easy Hash with no real challenges apart from the preponderance of checks, which allowed many opportunities for deliberate short-cutting by unscrupulous Hashers. Flat ground, a few pretty ponds and firm paths made up the course.

It was just what we needed, conversation again taking precedence over forward motion, and leaving us plenty of energy for the ‘On,On,On’.  Namron was with the FRBs but turned back in search of missing children. The pace from the rest of us was so relaxed that, unbelievably, the scribes were amongst the front strollers for most of the Hash.  No-one, apart from the FRB, showed evidence of even a gentle glow on their return.

After a quick raid by Nita and Noot of Wild Woman’s passionfruit harvest (to aghast cries from Hashers not ‘in the know’, who thought they were breaking one of our cardinal rules and blatantly raiding someone’s food crop), the trail took us through a hedge into the estate and back to base.

The On,On,On

We all collected in the Hares’ back garden, admiring the view over a lake and the general surroundings.  No-one took up Bruce’s offer of a voluntary swim, but he did have to make use of the boat to retrieve a paddle that mysteriously found itself floating offshore, I had my camera ready to record any mishap, but he made it back safely.

 Only one child managed to fall in.  (Oddjob won our bet – I had guessed that all three boys would end up in the drink before the start of the meal).  They had a great time feeding the huge giant Gourami (?) with bananas.

Wild Woman and a small army of helpers had prepared a scrumptious spread for us. There was passionfruit juice, Hibiscus drink, vegetarian kebabs and spaghetti with Bolognese sauce, ROAST TURKEY and gravy, samosas, Brownies, fruit cake and almond biscuits and many other dishes too numerous to mention. In other words, there was something for every palette.

After we had eaten our fill, and as the dusk settled around us, lights were lit along the lake shore, and we were called to attention.

The Circle was kept brief – both our G.Ms were missing so Namron took over.

• The Hares were thanked for their magnificent efforts and Wild Woman asked us to toast those such as Noot and Pea who had helped prepare the food and to set up and serve at the On,On,On.  Many thanks from all of us!
• 3 virgin hashers were welcomed.
• Namron called in his 3 children to the circle, and the ‘missing’ children episode was explained. ‘Stay here, we’ll come back and get you’ the older brothers had said, (the words that, throughout history, those of us with older siblings have learnt are nowt but treacherous lies), leaving the youngest one abandoned on the trail.   They had then headed off back to the Hare’s house to make sure they didn’t miss out on the post-hash food.  Ah, brotherly love.
• Two ‘namings’ were postponed to the next meeting to allow us to proceed swiftly on to the final part of the evening’s entertainment.

Santa comes to the Hash.

I don’t know what strings they had had to pull, but the Hares had managed to get Father Christmas to come along to the Hash.  The presents had been left piled up on a Xmas tree and light festooned buffalo cart and had been prodded and shaken by an admiring group of children for some minutes. Then, from the darkness, came Santa.  The children were first in the queue for presents and we all enjoyed the experience.

After Santa had finished his duties, further fun was organised by the Hares in the form of Hula hoop races and a rather naughty game of hitting the ball down a course.  I’ll let you look at the photos to get the real picture.

There was a bit of controversy surrounding Santa’s visit. Amongst the discrepancies in his paperwork were: no work visa, no immigration arrival or departure cards or completed import duty forms for presents, his reindeer had been impounded at the customs border in MaeSai and – Shock! Horror! Khun Noot revealed she knew him intimately.  What would George say?

All in all, an excellent Hash.

Hares for next year

January- Stuart P.

February- Titanic and Nita

October – Fired up and On fire

November- Ooh Matron and OddJob.

 

Dec. 18th Hash Driving Directions

Starting at the Big C head south along the Super Highway until you reach the first traffic lights and then turn left. This is Highway 1020. Go about 6 km along this road until you reach the first major turning to the left. This is Highway 1152 headed to Phaya Mengrai. Turn left here. Travel along this road 2 km until you see the Santiburi Golf Course and turn right into this complex. Shortly after passing the gate you come to a T-junction. Turn right here. You are now on a ring road that circles the exterior of the complex. Travel 2 km never turning left until you come across a HHH pointed towards a house. Park here.

 

    Plan on 25 minutes to reach this spot from the Big C. Please plan to arrive by 2:45 so we can begin at 3:00 pm promptly.

 

    Wild Woman is going to put on an On! On! On! (supper) after the run. In order to help organize the food, would you please indicate if you are planning to come and how many people you will bring by email to Wirgin Bluce at kennedyhb@hotmail.com  or phone 089 635 3224.

 

    What makes Christmas special is the exchange of gifts. So we are asking that everyone bring some wrapped present costing not less than 100 Baht and no more than 200 Baht to be distributed by Father Christmas in a random way. If parents would like their child to receive something suitable to their age and gender, please that gift with the child's name on it and we will ensure that s/he receives it in the general distribution.

 

    Those interesting in swimming with the fish in the lake or paddling the kayak are welcome to do so at their own risk. Bring your own bathing suit and towel. We will provide life preservers for the children.

 

    On! On!

    Wirgin Bluce

November Hash Report

Hash report No.86  20^th November 2010

Trial by thorn

Venue:  Down a rather pot-holed road off into the countryside near the White temple.

Hares: Able Seaman and Gorf, with Allo,Allo acting as Sweeper.

Pre-Hash gathering 

This anniversary Hash saw a magnificent turn-out of 49 Hashers. People had travelled from far and wide – France, U.K, even all the way from Bangkok to be with us.  We had 5 of our founding fathers in attendance, and Able Seaman had organised an On,On,On to add to the enjoyment. Don’t be fooled by the photograph showing certain thin-blooded individuals wearing thick down coats, it was 29.C in the shade and a lovely afternoon.

Able Seaman called us to listen in to the pre-Hash instructions – he described our idiosyncratic symbols for the benefit of non-regular CRHashers and gave a brief summary of what we could expect.  A longer route for the more athletic, and one of about 5.5km for those who choose not to become muscle bound.

On,On

Off we set, into the greenery.

A glance at Able Seaman’s lower legs before we set off had rung alarm bells.  There, beneath the finest covering of down, were the tell-tale angry red spots and deep scratches from multiple close encounters with my favourite plants –** Mimosa pigra and its’ little cousin Mimosa pudica.  Having decided to venture out in walking sandals and bare legs, and spotting one of the Bangkok contingency sporting brief running shorts, I knew that some of us would be regretting these fashion choices by the end of the Hash. (As I write this, my legs and arms still look like a pustular moon landscape, each septic spot marking the point of entry of a thorn. Three other Hashers met with this week also displayed evidence of these plants’ ability to act as skin flails.)

The Hares had worked hard to cut down and clear the trail, where it had overgrown onto the paths, but –short of wearing chain mail – it’s impossible not to suffer some injury from an encounter with this thorny beast.

Now I think about, maybe this was why some Hashers were wearing thick coats and trousers – had the Hares pre-warned them?

The trails themselves were easy going enough, a few muddy patches by the paddy fields, no steep ascents and the checks had been sorted out long before I got to them. Nice big clear arrows showed us the way, and both Able Seaman and Allo,Allo guided any who deviated from the chosen path with gentle encouragement to find the correct route.  No sooner had three of us balanced precariously over 2 termite ridden poles to cross a ditch, than we were summoned back over it to keep on track.  Five yards further on we performed an even more hazardous crossing over an even more decrepit bit of bamboo to get to the same side of the ditch we’d reached before.  Helping hands from the gentlemen in the party to assist were much appreciated.

Some of the trail was over narrow and thorny paths that edged recently harvested rice paddies.  Seeking to emulate the example of some of our graceful Thai Hashers (who were making quicker and less prickly progress by using the harvested paddy to glide over, barely creating a dimple), Scotch on the rocks stepped off the path and onto the paddy surface. Regaining the path 2 steps later and wiping off the mud that covered her shoes, she was heard to mention that ‘perhaps there was a bit of a weight differential’.  Not wishing to disappear up to my armpits, I made sure I stuck to the official path.

The Hash performed its’ usual function, for most of us, of allowing a bit of a chat whilst getting some exercise. Most of the early part of my Hash was spent debating matters of great scientific importance with Big bang (our resident physicist) and listening to other Hashers discussing the real estate market in C.R, occasionally breaking off to exclaim ‘ooh, look at that’ as we passed some beautiful lake vista, or ‘you b*****!’ as we encountered another bit of spiny Mimosa.  We were slightly bemused to be passed three times by one Bangkok Hasher, and twice by Ron, must have been on the long trail we thought, or could they have been lost???

Anyway, we all got back.  Wi (On Fire)ran in first with the Hares in close attendance, in about 1 hour and 20 minutes. 

The Circle

With a long agenda to get through, and with food and drink not occupying our attention too much due to the promise of an ‘On,On,On’, it wasn’t long before Namron (our master of ceremonies for this Hash), called for our attention. The famous CRH circle ( 6 people interested in extra beers  gathering round into a protective huddle, the rest of the Hash crowd lounging on picnic blankets eating and chatting and hoping no-one will ask them to regain a vertical stance) was supplemented this month by the Bangkok contingency who put us to shame with their enthusiasm. 

After thanking the Hares for their excellent Hash,- though we all thought it was a lot longer than they said it was going to be - Namron got down to business.

In a blur of efficiency and amidst loud cajoling for suggestions, four Hashers received their Hash names.

• A very bashful young Hasher (Badmans’ daughter) will henceforth be ‘Runaway’ in tribute to her fast disappearance behind Mum and Dad in order to avoid going into the Circle.
• Rea, Dutch ex- plainclothes policewoman and an unmistakable figure on any Hash, became ‘Cop out’.
• Guido from Switzerland whose devotion to visiting a local supermarket is legendary, became ‘The little Big C man’’
• Lastly, Ron from USA with a lifetime of working in the medical field – most recently in dermatology – became something that sounded like ‘Sore arses’, a play on psoriasis – I think!

Welcoming the Virgins

We had  5  hash virgins to welcome, including 2 Thai gentlemen who looked very bemused by the circle but took their introduction with good humour, downing their beer with great skill. 

Founding members- we were honoured with the presence of 5 of the original members of our Hash, including the very first G.M/Chairman, Brian Heath (Brain Death).  At the suggestion of Namron – bemoaning the fact that CRHash is vocally challenged as we only know ‘one song’, -Brian led a magnificent and impromptu rendition of something called ‘All the usual’ to demonstrate there is more to the Hash hymn book than our ‘Drink it down’.

T-shirts were flying off the pile to them and new Hashers.

Election time

The Anniversary Hash is the event sensible Hashers make sure they miss, in order to avoid any possibility of being forced onto the Mismanagement Committee for the next year.  Worn down by the onerous responsibilities from the last 12 months, most of the current committee members had forgotten what month it was and turned up. 

Needless to say new ‘volunteers’ were thin on the ground and the Hash pack was not willing to accept excuses – a minor terminal illness - writers’ cramp, no battery in the Hash Cash calculator, a tendency to drink any left-over beer between Hashes-  all failed to deter the ruthless pack from re-electing most of the present incumbents.  However – some relief was available in the form of people going ‘sharees’ over roles. And we have new G.M’s/Chairmen, serenaded into post with a tuneful rendition of ‘where is the paper’ in schoolboy French.

2011 Mismanagement Committee

Hash Beer – Titanic (and Do it yourself will take on role when ice floes are around)

Hash Cash – Doesn’t Matterhorn will have to manfully soldier on alone.

Hash Scribes – Ooh matron and Oddjob will have the original (and best) scribe Wirgin Bruce back at the writing desk when required.

And lastly…..

‘Allo, Allo’ and Handcock will share the prestige of chairman.  (They got off to a magnificent start by stating they both intended to be away for the next couple of Hashes.)

Next month’s Hash

Wirgin Bruce and Wild woman are the Hares for our Christmas Hash.  In honour of the festive occasion, Wirgin Bruce requested that Hashers bring along a wrapped present (costing no less than 100baht and no more 200 baht) for Father Christmas to distribute.  He also suggested that any Hasher bringing along children who wants to ensure that they receive an appropriate present, bring along something for them for Santa to hand out.

 An invitation from Gorf (Frank)

Frank is due to be married this week and had very kindly invited any of the CRH to attend. Details should have reached you via an e-mail this week.  Congratulations!!

The Circle activities drawing to an end, we had one last bit of excitement to deal with.  The normal occupants of the Hash trail ground wanted to return to pasture.  Two bullocks and a cow with well-grown calf were stunned to encounter our noisy and motley crew on their bridge to home.  Deciding that passing between us was outwith their criteria of ‘things we can cope with’, the more skittish of the beasts turned tail and fled. One well meaning Hasher grabbed hold of its’ trailing rope in a vain attempt to control its’ departure. Now, in a previous incarnation Oddjob and I had been in daily close combat with livestock and know that it’s hard enough to control a bolshy blackface ewe, never mind a whopping ¾ ton stirk so we didn’t rush to his assistance. Needless to say, the beast took off down the road and into a field, pulling said Hasher at such speed it looked like he was skiing along the road surface.

The rest of us played the ‘we’re not looking at you, so we don’t exist’ game to allow the other animals to trip-trap over that bridge to safety.

A few minutes later, our heroic Hasher reappeared, sans beast, clothing akimbo, looking nonchalant and apparently un-harmed. However, rope burns to both hands were severe enough, we learned later, to curtail at least one game of golf this week.  We hope you’ve recovered now.

Exhausted after all this, it was time to head off to the On,On,On or home.

On,on, ooh Matron and Oddjob

Don’t forget to look at the photos at: 

 http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

November 20th Anniversary Hash Driving Directions

Starting from the Little Duck traffic lights, proceed south down the superhighway (AH2). Continue until you reach the traffic lights at Rong Khun, or the White Temple. This is the second set of traffic lights you reach after leaving lights at the Little Duck. Turn right here and proceed for one and a half kilometres until you reach a concrete factory on the left hand side of the road. Immediately beyond this factory is a cross road. Turn left here.
 
Continue along this small and badly holed road until you come to kilometre stone 2 (facing road) or 11 (facing you). There are not many kilometre stones along this road so keep your eyes open. Continue along same road beyond ks 2/11 for approx 750 metres and then park up on the side of the road. HHH signs will be placed at the concrete factory and at the meeting point. Note: no sign at the White Temple traffic light. 
 
Please be at the meeting point at 2.45 so that we can start at 3 pm promptly and so finish in time to complete the circle - election of officers etc. - in the daylight.
 
I have arranged an On On On but need to know numbers. I will ask you whether you wish to attend  before Hash starts. On On!!! Ian

Hash Report No. 84 Oct. 2010

The ChiangRai ‘Start slowly and Taper off’ Hash

 Report   October2010

‘The Swiss Precision Hash’

Venue: Within the grounds of the C.R Horticultural Research Centre, off the old Chiang Mai road at Keystone 5. Beside lake with the trail covering a mix of newly planted and well established fruit and nut plantations. 

Hares:  ‘Doesn’t Matterhorn’ and ‘ Swiss Roll’

Scribe:  With Ooohmatron injured Oddjob is filling in

Attendance was excellent with a total of 37 happy hashers gathering -  14  women, 13 men and 10 children all raring to go. 

Trails: The hare found an idyllic spot where he was able to devise two trails – one for the runners and an easier route for the ramblers.

After being given friendly advice and hints from the hare we set off on our chosen path, the FRBs at a trot and the ramblers at a slow stroll (similar to shopping at Big C).  After taking photographs of the departing groups I joined the rear of the ramblers (what else did you expect from me).  I settled into a steady pace and caught up with the hare who was also acting as sweeper.  As we rounded a bend we came across the entire group standing at a white cross in the middle of the track.  The hare diagnosed the problem, this was the first checkpoint that the ramblers had ever seen.  Normally the front runners sort out such minor inconveniences long before any ramblers appear.  Pleas from the hare to look for paper eventually caused two ramblers to go down the left track whilst I headed down the right hand track looking for photo opportunities.  By chance I found paper and I had become a FRB (front rambling Brit).  This was first for me and for almost 1Km I lead the pack, until I reached the second checkpoint. 

I opted for the left path and proceeded up Mount Everest for miles, ok it was a gentle slope and after 100 metres I came across the white line across the track.  I turned and headed back retracing my steps to the checkpoint where a gaggle of ramblers had gathered.  “Look for paper” sounded a familiar Swiss voice followed by tutting (if tutting was an Olympic event the hare would be sure to get gold).  We were then joined by the runners Allo Allo, Able Seamen and who sailed past the checkpoint down the correct path to leave me at the rear, my moment of glory over. 

And now we arrive at “the corner of doom”.  The hash route took a sharp left off the main track.  To assist us a large HHH arrow style sign had been attached to a tree at eye level, together with the statutory paper trail on the ground.  The front runners were on a fast straight stretch and managed to run past the tree, not noticing the desired turn.  Some of the faster ramblers spotted the FRBs in the lead and instead of looking for paper, opted for the easier option of following runners.  They also missed the corner.  The hare arrived and saw what was happening.  He muttered words in a foreign tongue that I didn’t quite catch, but I believe it would have made a Swiss bar maid blush.  (Luckily the hare’s mother was too far away to hear the outburst).  He tried calling the disappearing group back, but they had their heads down and they were gone.  “Never mind, we will meet up with them later” was the hare’s closing comment as we set off in the correct direction. 

The ramblers then proceeded up a small hill where we were greeted by a panoramic view of Chiang Rai and another checkpoint.  The hare had softened and he kindly pointed out the way we should head, down the hill.  We accepted his kind gesture and began our descent, but not for long as the hare suddenly remembered that he had changed the route at the last moment and we had to retrace our steps back up again.  Even the best monkey can drop a coconut.

It was then that we spotted little figures running around in the distance and as they got closer we realised that it was the FRB’s who were coming up the hill towards us, on paper but in the wrong direction.  I will never forget the faces of Allo Allo, Able seaman and Namron as we crossed paths.  A bemused farmer was standing nearby watching the excitement.  I would have loved to have been able to explain to him what was going happening to put him out of his misery.  As he retold his tale that evening, would anybody believe him?

And so we descended the hill where we met more lost sheep who, after surveying the mountain, decided to turn and follow us back.  Shortly after this I crossed paths with Namron again.  Was he going around again?  No, just looking for lost children who had unfortunately followed the FRBs in the wrong direction but then missed the turn so ended up seeing nothing more than a flat dirt road. 

As I returned to base I found that Allo Allo and Able Seaman were first to arrive back.  They had completed the course and a bit more but in the wrong order.  The Lost Samurai followed closely by Debbie no name were next in.  They had completed the course in the correct order.  I will let the reader decide who has the honour of first and second in.  I came in a respectable third or fifth depending upon your opinion. 

This must have been one of the best hashes that I have been on – wonderful scenery, good tracks, a little mud, chaos and confusion.  What else can you expect for so little money.  The afternoon can never be repeated, you had to be there to experience the experience.  

After the hash

Swiss Roll provided an excellent repast for the Hashers including spicy salad, penang gai and green curry.  Compliments flew. Doesn't Matter Horn and Swiss Roll were presented with their well deserved Paris collection tee shirts embellished with exclusive hare badges. Three lucky hashers received their new names - a retired physicist received the name "Big Banger" and his lovely wife was dubbed "Well Dimensioned."  The daughter of Bad Man was in line to get her name as well but all were too intimidated by Bad Man to suggest something racy. 

Photographs of the hash can be found by following this link

 http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

 On, On!  Ooh Matron and Oddjob

Driving Directions for Oct. 16th Hash

Location - Chiangrai horticultural research center, Old Chiang Mai road

Time:  3:30 (15:30)


Hare: Doesn't Matter Horn

starting from the thai hospital (sathan payabarn rd / ถนนสถานพยาบาล)

- proceed 1.4 km west to the old chiang mai road (1211)

- at the second traffic light (denhaa / เด่นห้า) turn left into road 1211, direction south to chiang mai (old chiang Mai road)

- from denhaa / เด่นห้า proceed 5 km to the kstone 5 - respective kstone 25 (25 kms to dongmada / ดงมะดะ)  Now slow down!!

- just 150 meters beyond kstone 5,  turn right (hhh sign) and drive through the gate into the Chiangrai horticultural research center / ศูนย์วิจัยพีชสวนเชียงราย

- after 50 meters turn left (hhh signs) and then an other 50 meters turn right (hhh signs)

- now following this road for 2 kms to the parking area

- driving time starting from the thai hospital should be not more than 15 minutes

 for any question please contact 085 705 76 36 (english / thai)

Hash Report No. 83 Sept. 2010

The Sept. Chiang Rai Hash

Venue: Left past Ban Du Municipality market  and then along the 1151 towards Pong Phrabat Hot springs on a newly paved road.

Hares: Peter (Fired up) and Wi (On Fire) Their first hash as Hares .

The assembly: After 3 weeks of ‘proper’ rainy season weather, with daily torrential downpours and leaden skies, we were blessed with an unexpectedly clear and sunny afternoon.  Not only had the Superhighway between Ban Du and Rajabhat University reverted to road from flowing river, allowing arrival by car rather than boat, but the sun had dried out the hash trail very satisfactorily.  Spermbanks’ brave fashion choice of up –to- the- thigh green leather boots proving to be a tad unnecessary. With quite a few apologies from Hash regulars, and a number probably put off by the weather forecast, we were surprised by a robust turnout of 24 + 2 dogs.

It was great to welcome back ‘Allo ‘Allo  (a 200km round trip to Hash with us ) and partner, and to meet another hash Virgin, introduced to us by the Lost Samurai.

Hash Briefing: Peter (Fired up) gave the briefing. The route involving few inclines and only a few (still) muddy patches. He wasn’t sure how long the trail was (why not, did he and Wi not count their steps when laying the paper trail like everyone else does?), but promised us no unpleasant surprises.  And so it proved.

And they’re off:Yet again, the ease with which you can go from conurbation to countryside in Chiang Rai was illustrated.  And what beautiful countryside it was. Just stunning.  Shocking felt it was ‘well up there’ as a front runner for the Hash with the best scenery. This, coupled with the fact that it was on good paths (with nothing too energetic to raise the heart-rate - if you amble along) and in the company of pleasant people, certainly made it one of my favourites . Thank you, hares.

For those Hashers who choose to walk (OK. for some of us there isn’t any alternative) it was also a Hash where a food collection bag wouldn’t have come amiss.  There were endless fields of pineapples, a few Pomelo trees, rambutans, and other delights.  Nita introduced me to a small green fruit which she called a ‘Thai olive’ – it might be ‘a little sour’’ she said.  Sour – it nearly took the lining off my teeth.  There were hens, Muscovy ducks and even turkeys en-route, and we disturbed a Cinnamon Bittern into flight from one pond, and a White-breasted waterhen back into the foliage on another.

Nobody got very lost. Oddjob proved once again that he can find completely the wrong way to go but still get back ahead of me, though this time he and 2 other hashers (as yet un-named, 3^rd Hash coming up) did have to brave 8 vicious farm dogs to achieve this. They all got in safely but from the opposite direction to everyone else, so it rather gave their game away.

Wi  as not one of the FRBs this time, she had to act as sweeper and walk the course, gathering up the last of the flock back into the fold and amazingly enough, she let no one astray!

First back in:  The FRBs were ‘Allo ‘Allo and Able Seaman, running in together (but not hand in hand), followed by Allo Allo's better half, Lost Samurai, Namron and Titanic- amongst others -well ahead of the rest of the Hash pack.

Circle:

Thanks were given to the hares. We enjoyed it, and they must have too because they have already volunteered to do another trail next year.

Our Virgin was welcomed.

The four Hashers to receive their names next hash were toasted.

Shocking broke the news that he would be absent from the Hash for the next 3 months. The lure of scouse and Tetleys proving overwhelming. Of course, with him being away during our selection period for next year’s committee, we could (if we were so inclined) vote him back in without his knowledge, it could be a done deal.

Namron and Able Seaman, possibly Titanic could have been mentioned as worthy stand-ins for our G.M during his absence. My attention span had collapsed by this time.

Shocking sold another T-shirt.

And finally:-Forthcoming Hares:

·         October: Doesn’t Matterhorn

·         November: Gorf and Able Seaman

·         December: Wirgin Bruce and Wild Woman

2011

·         January: Stuart P.

·         February: Titanic

·         October: Fired up and On Fire

·         November: Oddjob and Ooh Matron

And we are looking forward to one hash being organized by the Jubbs. Next year. Two witnesses heard you say so.

As you will notice from the expanding list, you will need to get in quick if you want to pick and choose which month you will be the Hares for!!

Get your thinking caps on for November: November brings us round again to that eagerly awaited time (for the current occupants of the CRH Mis-management Committee it is, anyway).  It’s time for nominations for next years’ G.M, Hash Cash, Hash Beer and Scribe.  If you wish to take on any of these roles or want to nominate a victim, do let  someone on the committee know by e-mail or at one of the next 2 Hashes.  No experience or expertise required, no C.V or interviews. It’ll be the easiest job application you’ve ever done. And think what kudos it will add to your real C.V.

Photographs: Pictures from July, August and this month’s hash can be found by clicking on the following link:

 http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

Driving Directions for Sept. 18 Hash

Start time 3:30 p.m.!


Here are the instructions/directions on how to get to the start of the Chiang Rai HASH on Saturday 18th September 2010.
 
So, from Big 'C' head North on highway 1, direction Mae Sai, go over the river bridge, keep travelling North past MAKRO and the Airport don't turn off until you come to Bandu Municipality Market.   Look for concrete pedestrian overpass. Approximately 0.3 km past the market turn left under an arch that says "long live the King" in Thai.  It is either road #1151 or road #1511 but either way, it's the road to the Pong Phrabat Hot Springs and the Pong Phabat Waterfall. The turn off is 9.5 km from Big 'C'. 
 
Hopefully you will see a HHH sign here from about 13.30 , there are several other signs as well including one that says "Pong Phrabat Hot Springs 2.7 km". 
 
Carry on past Sinthanee 7, Mountain View for 2.7 km and just before the right hand bend where the Pong Phrabat Hot Springs & Bandu Municipality Offices are located you will see a concrete road off to your left, HHH sign here, take this road and travel approximately 2.6 km along the road, no turn offs, to the start/finish of the HASH, HHH sign here. If you have a pink bungalow on your left and the Bandu Municipality Offices on your right shortly after the turn off, you'r on the right road. 
 
Sounds straightforward, but please remember this is our first attempt at organising a HASH so we may have forgotten something, my mobile is 0843286926, English only & Wi's mobile is 0810301971 Thai & English.
 
All are welcome and we start at 15.25 with instructions from the Hares, then off sharp at 15.30. The start is a bit earlier than the last HASH, just in case the weather turns bad.
 
On, on !
 
On Fire & Fired Up
 
What if this is as good as it gets?

Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash Report no.82 August 2010

‘The Hash of a thousand (short) cuts’

Venue: Woodland area with many small lakes, half a kilometre off the Thoeng (1010) road, about ten minutes from C.R. town. Lovely.

Hares: Do it Yourself and Do it better.

Start time – 16.00hours

We assembled in an area that was familiar to many of us as the general vicinity had been used for a couple of other Hashes – though the actual route was new.

With Svens’ (‘Do it yourself’) directions proving accurate down to the nearest centimetre, none of us misplaced the starting point.  33 Hashers (only 3 children this time!) of whom  6  were virgins and one returner in the guise of ‘Barefoot Bob’ back to visit from far distant lands.

‘Fired up’ and ‘On Fire’ were not the only ones so eager to set off that they arrived an hour early.

The briefing

Sven reported that they had seen no snakes but a ‘small elephant’ when the trail was laid by them that morning. The trail was, again, on terrain suitable for the rainy season. A 6-7km route would take us through wooded areas, past many small ponds and fields on good paths. The weather was being particularly kind to us, with no rain and a light cloud cover to reduce the heat. Apart from one little ditch and a few metres of muddy path, there was no reason for anyone to get dirty or wet.  (Bushwacker – did you listen to this?)

Do it Yourself was to act as ‘sweeper’ and collect the usual detritus in the form of lagging Hashers.

On,On

We set off in our usual pattern, a few eager souls running off and a  big clump following.

Very soon, with no FRBs in sight or shouts of ‘On,On’ to help us, it became clear that we might have to make an effort to stay on track. Usually too busy talking to pay much attention – I sometimes wonder if ‘lemmings’ might be an appropriate term to describe the likes of Hashers such as myself and ‘Begging for it’ as it would be easy to imagine us walking blindly off a cliff in mid-sentence -  Sven had to resort to exhorting us to make an effort to ’look for paper’ and ‘follow the paper’. This seemed like a novel but sensible idea. With so many Hash virgins along, it wouldn’t look good for us more experienced Hashers to appear completely clueless.  Peering hopefully at the ground and yelling ‘are we on paper?’ every few minutes seemed to impress those who knew no better.

The scenery was beautiful, lots of shade, lots of tree species, a few remnants of a 1990’s housing project glimpsed upon a hill, a small field of dragon fruit (I suspect this had been heavily cropped by Do it better during the morning’s trail setting as she had lots to offer us to eat post-Hash), and a derelict plane parked in a clearing made for a vey enjoyable event. No one met any elephants, pink or otherwise.

Did anyone stay on course?

This Hash was notable for the many and diverse ways that CRHashers managed to deviate from the ‘true path’. Some of the straying was intentional, some misguided, and some Hashers carried on, unwitting and unaware that they had GONE THE WRONG WAY until some kindly soul (Namron) enlightened them at the Circle. Punishment being swiftly administered in the form of having to down a gassy soft drink.

The Hare signaled one ‘official’ shortcut which a lucky few of us took just after passing the derelict housing – this cut off a few hundred metres. Why ‘lucky’? Because those that were following behind and stayed on the proper trail encountered a pack of dogs ravenous for virgin meat.  No injuries were sustained, thankfully. Forget the stout stick defense, here you need a Tazer. (Must add this to my Christmas ‘wish-list’). Might keep Oddjob under control as well.

A few – including one of our Hares (whom we shall not name and shame on this page, but he was the taller one of the two) – sought to wrest a few minutes off their finishing time by taking another short cut across some rice paddies.  Those of us virtuous Hashers watching their progress from the trail could feel only sympathy as their strides turned to steps and then to desperate fumblings and leaps for firm ground as the paddy walls deteriorated.  The onlookers were definitely on the moral high and dry ground.

Doesn’t Matterhorn and Odd job, reaching a junction, elected to deviate from the trail deliberately and cut off a trip around a lake so they could arrive back in good time. Terrible example from two of our current mis-management committee.

Even Fired Up –one of our usual FRBs – was noted to arrive back from a different direction to everyone else. Ignoring/losing the paper trial and following instincts alone she forged her own path this month.

Whatever route people found, everyone agreed it was a very good Hash.

Able Seaman got back first, with Barefoot Bob in close attendance. The rest of us followed in dribs and drabs.

The missing minutes – what really happened to Shocking?

We had all- we thought- been back for some 10 -15 minutes and were enjoying the usual post-Hash euphoric experience of allowing the sweat to evaporate, eating and drinking  (soundtrack – ‘I will Survive’, Gloria Gaynor) when someone said ‘Where’s Pat?’

Now Sven the Sweeper was back, and no-one could remember when they had last seen our esteemed chairman.  Aghast at the thought of misplacing such a valuable antique, Sven appropriated a motorcycle and set off to look for him.  Shocking arrived back under his own steam shortly afterwards, Sven returning a little later. 

No explanation was given by Shocking, at the time, about where he had been. I can now reveal what caused his late return.

It was that phenomenon often encountered in Northern Thailand characterized by inexplicable memory losses and ‘missing time’ – he wandered into a warp in the time/space continuum thingy. One minute he was striding along – he’d been in training – all set for coming in a respectable and remarkable 3^rd place – when everything went wibbly-wobbly and there he was, last again.  Last, but never lost.

The Circle

1. Thanks were given to the Hares for a splendid Hash, and their complementary T-shirts were presented.
2. Next month’s Hares (Fired Up and On Fire) performed the customary ‘down,down’.
3. Virgin hashers were introduced to the delights of the Circle, and Barefoot Bob was welcomed back to the fold.  We hope you enjoyed yourselves and will come back again.
4. Shocking sold another T-shirt!!!
5. Early arrivals to the Hash venue were honoured – some of our Hashers show tremendous dedication. 
6. Shocking urged any Hasher who desired to be a Hare next year to ‘get in early’ to avoid disappointment.

The Circle closed and we gradually dispersed into the evening light.

CRH Definition:

’Short Cuts’ Deviation from set trail.

May be encountered on any CRHash under numerous guises; most commonly as:

• A deliberate and heinous attempt to reduce time and effort
• A Hasher’s excuse for becoming lost and not following paper.

Will accomplish little. Invariably ends in any or all of the following :- getting wet, getting muddy, getting even more lost, getting seen and having to explain your actions in the Circle or your actions revealed in the Hash report.

In terms of Hash crimes it falls somewhere far below that of the FRBs amending a trail to send the pack up and over a hill unnecessarily (a capital offense in my book), and that of the FRBs drinking all the beer before the pack gets back, but above that of arriving at a Hash and deciding you can’t be bothered to actually set off, sitting down and picnicking.

On,On Ooh Matron and Oddjob.

Photos

Photographs of July and Augusts’ Hashes can be found by following this link :

 http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/view?q=chiangraihhh&psc=G&filter=0#slideshow/5509246900356447362

 

This change enables us to include more evidence (of your enjoyment), and will also allow any of you who take along your own cameras to add to the gallery.