Report of Dec. 15, 2012 Christmas Hash

The 2012 Chiang Rai Family Friendly Christmas Hash, held at the royal golf estate of Wirgin Bluce (WB) and Wild Woman (WW), turned out to be the gala event of the year.  Recognizing real value for money, approximately sixty people showed up to feast upon grilled salmon, turkey, sate’, deserts, other delicacies, stuffing themselves with fine food and high quality beer for a meager 150 baht.   Many of the attendees were not regular hashers but were willing to endure the long walk for the bounties at the end.  The mix of attendees included all ages, from young children up to retirees with a large group of 20 something teachers and 50 something retirees.

The trail was a 7 km trek, mainly on dirt roads, through the bowels of Santiburi Golf Course’s  overgrown, underdeveloped, outlying lands.  Most of the veterans anticipated that the trail wouldn’t be as much of a hash as a re-hash of one of WB past trails.  True to form, the first false trail caught the young gun teachers off-guard but the old veterans knew better than to follow the trail out onto the 16^th hole.  Even though Cop Out and Scotch on the Rocks have spent much time searching for their miss-hit balls in this area of Santiburi, their familiarity of the terrain was not enough of an advantage to get them to the front of the pack. WB’s next checks turned out especially devious, luring the veterans up false trails used on previous hashes.  Their leg-up of assumed familiarity was quickly neutralized and even proved to be a disadvantage .  The dirt trails finally exited out on paved road at about the half-way point, close to Nong Luang, the large lake on the east side of Santiburi.  By the time the FRB’s assembled on the pavement, there were at least 8 vying for the lead including Damn Beaver, Bottom’s Up, Oral Blaster, Able Semen, Namron, and three others who have yet to earn hash names – Katie, Alex and Devin.  (As an aside, Katie a young American teacher,  failed to notice an untied shoelace in time and one miss-step sent her crashing into the loose gravel, embedding small stones and dirt under her skin and cutting her knee.  Showing true grit, she got herself off the ground and continued to run with the FRBs without as much as a whimper, even though she had a steady stream of blood trickling down her leg.  Remember this since she will get a hash name next month!)  WB took everyone back towards the golf course on a long stretch of dirt road and then set numerous checks that brought all the FRBs back together  again and again except for Bottoms Up and Devin who managed to lose the FRBs as well as the trail. Able Semen proved he is a very able indeed and was able to penetrate even the most devious checks, the ones that confused the younger and more virile FRB’s, and was the first to impregnate the on-on party with his presence.   He also proved to be very wily by ensuring that he had at least a 400 m. advantage before calling “on-on.”  Excellent hash behavior indeed!  The walkers had their fair share of adventures too.  Curly Beaver whose parents had flown in from the American version of City of Angels just for the hash were enjoying the trail until Curly Beaver decided it was time to start running – in the wrong direction!  Blindly following, CB’s parents and all the other walkers took the same wrong turn, went right through an X and were heading towards Wieng Chai until WB realized that ¾ of his guests weren’t going to show up at the party unless he took drastic action.  So he mobilized a rescue squad by commandeering Santa’s sleigh (conveniently parked on his roof) to set the errant hashers in the right direction.  Luckily Rudolph’s red nose was able to cut through the fog and save the day.

The circle turned out to be one of the shortest circles in hash history as the newly elected GM Able Semen was only able to give 3 splashes – one for the hares, one for the cooks and one for the virgins – before the temptation of getting a present from Santa proved too much and the circle was quickly closed.  (However Shocking did use his brief circle time to ‘flog a dead horse” to everyone’s amusement.) 

Behind the scenes there was some confusion as to who would play the role of Santa for the gift exchange (since the real Santa was away trying to find his stolen sleigh.)  Assuming that the slight Namron would make an appropriate Santa, Shocking and Wirgin Bluce pointed him to the red suit and Wild Woman even offered her personal pillow as a stomach stuffer.  However since Namron was stone sober and there were no vixen elves in sight, he used his FRB skills and quickly made himself scarce.  The ever astute Wirgin Bluce had already recognized that this situation might occur and had three other potential Santas lined up including Do It Yourself, Sore Ass I Has and Special Needs but these veteran hashers also knew what was in store and were able to extricate themselves from this potentially warm and uncomfortable situation.  So after suitably lubricating the virgin hasher Walter with alcohol and promises of sugar plum fairies and leggy rein “dears”, WB finally found a victim.  Santa entered the party to a big round of applause and assuming he was the guest of honor was completely unprepared to be affronted by the young boys No Name, Ranger Danger and Buffalo Bill who were OD’ing on the sugary sweets served by Wild Woman.  They called Santa a fake and tried to pull off his beard to expose the fraud they were sure they were witnessing.  Santa’s only weapon was the bag of presents in his grasp and the threats of not receiving a gift soon had the rowdy boys back in line.  Curly Beaver also assisted by baiting the little terrors, having them play chase through the estate.

Wild Woman

For the sake of brevity the scribe will end the report here but in conclusion WB and Wild Woman had a very successful hash, even though they never got to show off the Gangnam Style dance steps they had been practicing.  And if you do see Santa’s lost sleigh please report it to the local authorities as soon as possible because Christmas is only 1 week away!

Scribed by:  Namron

Virgin Splash

Hare Splash

Katie Feeling the Love

Little Terror #1

How can I steal his beard?

Santa showing his assets

Christmas Hash Dec 15 at 3:30 pm

The Christmas Hash will be held at the Wild Woman/Wirgin Bluce house in the Santiburi golf complex this year beginning at 3:30 pm on Saturday Dec 15. To get there travelling south along the Super Highway from the Big C, turn left onto to the highway 1020 to Therng. Travel along this road 6 km until you reach the first traffic lights then turn left at the t-junction. Go 2 km along this rural road until you see a golf course on your right and turn in at the main gate. Shortly thereafter you arrive at another t-junction where you will turn right again (HHH sign). Now you are on a ring road which goes all the way around the outside of the golf complex. Continue along this road never turning left for 2 km where you will see a lake and one two-story complex. This is the Wild Woman house (HHH sign). Park here. The drive will take 25 minutes from the Big C. The Wild Woman plans to put on a light dinner so it is important to advise me by Tuesday Dec 11 if you are planning to come and how many people are coming with you. Reply to bruce.kennedy1@gmail.com. There will also be an anonymous gift exchange. If you wish to participate, bring a gift-wrapped present not more than 200 Baht in value. You are welcome to also bring something of any value for distribution to your children. Just put the child's name on the present. On! on! Wirgin Bluce

Report of the 9th Anniversary Hash Nov 17, 2012

An excited band got together on November 17th for the Chiang Rai 9th anniversary hash. One of the great things about being a hasher is that every other month almost there’s something to celebrate! To mark this Special Occasion it had been decided to go outstation with the added incentives of a follow on dinner, pool and option of overnight stay at the Chiang Garden hotel in Mae Chan. Anticipation of a Very Special Hash had been further stoked by talk of bringing flashlights and the need for protective clothing. Certainly many of the members seemed much more equipped and outfitted than usual. Some of them looked like they were wearing parts of their ski gear. Lone Walker (otherwise known as Long and Hard) was even carrying a back pack large enough to cater for an overnighter in the forest as opposed to the hotel, which was just as well as we shall see, but perhaps his original intention had been simply to put in some practise for his Camino de Santiago plan. At the pre-hash briefing excitement was skilfully manipulated almost to fever-pitch by the hare Nam Ron who illustrated the new and more refined types of trail markers, which included rope as well as paper! Where will it all end? Inevitably, after such a build-up, the stage was set for disappointment, and the hash itself seemed relatively similar to all the other hashes. But one must not speak too soon: the situation was in fact saved at the end of the day (literally) when it became clear that there were indeed 3 hashers who had not make it back by nightfall, and were still nowhere to be seen 1 hour after everyone else including the 9-year olds had made it back. One of them was Lone Walker (Long and Hard), but we are confident this experience will stand him in good stead for his 478 km walk in Spain. We really do wish him the best of luck in his endeavour. The other M.I.A’s were a first-time hasher couple on vacation in Chiang Rai. We hope they did not become separated from each other in addition to becoming separated from the group since the wife spoke only French with a strong Quebec accent. It was remarked upon to the scribe that on this hash he (the scribe) was among the FRB’s, a highly unusual event. The uncharacteristic enthusiasm may have stemmed subconsciously from his exuberance in the knowledge that following the hash would be the AGM during which positions are reallocated to “volunteers” and that this was therefore his last time being a scribe. Given that the largest demographic in the hashes after retirees seems to be English teachers it should be no problem to find an excellent replacement. As the scribe left the Circle early (after obtaining confirmation that all the positions were going to be reallocated), he is unable to report on the dinner itself and whether or not there were any drunken brawls like at the last outstation and will have to leave any additional reporting to the ever-present, dependable and diplomatic Wirgin Bluce. Comes Twice Hash Scribe (retiring) PS The circle concluded with an election of new officers on the Mismanagement Committee. Shocking was finally kicked out as GM after 4 years unforgetable service and replaced by Able Semen. Shocking will remain a huge presence in our group as Sex Advisor. Nam Ron successfully campaigned for the post of Hash Scribe which entitles him to the last say on every subject through the medium of the written word. Fired Up hangs on to the money as Hash Cash but the relatively sober Wirgin Bluce spends as much as he can as Hash Beer. Long departed founding member Square Rooter returns spasmodically as Religious Advisor. Thirty eight people showed up for the hash, ten of whom were virgins. Four of these virgins teach at Mae Fah Luang University and threatened to come back again with their friends. So be prepared. Next month will be the Christmas hash to be held at the Wirgin Bluce/Wild Woman house. As WW will be putting on a dinner it is important that people who intend to come let us know in advance. There will also be the usual anonymous gift exchange where no gift exceeds 200 Baht in value. Parents can bring gifts for their kids of any value. More about this later. On! On! Wirgin Bluce Hash Sec

Directions to Chiang Rai Anniversary Hash Nov. 17, 2012

The Chiang Rai Anniversary Hash will be held in Mae Chan, starting from the Chang Resort.  Drive north on the superhighway, through the police checkpoint and after Tesco, turn right at the light.  Drive approx 2.25 km and look for hash signs.  The resort will be down a small road to your right, approx 150 m. after turning. Please be at the resort at latest 3:30 so we can have a hare brief and take you to the start.  The hash will be inside the reforestation area that is east of the police checkpoint.  The course will be about 7 km through forest and will have some rolling hills but will not be overly strenuous.  It is recommended to wear long pants or gators since some paths are still a bit overgrown.  If you are an extremely slow walker and think you might take longer than 2 hrs to do 7 km, please bring a flashlight.  After the hash there will be a buffet dinner at the resort for 200 baht per head.  Hashers are also welcome to spend the night for 350 baht which includes a western breakfast or 300 baht which includes a Thai breakfast.  If you plan to have dinner and/or spend the night, please contact Namron as soon as possible at jbclair (at) yahoo.com so that he can inform the resort.  The GPS coordinates are  20.140501°  99.877286°
Here are a few pictures of the area.  Hope to see you there!

Driving Directions to the Nov 4 Bicycle Hash

Our route on Sun 4th Nov will take us through the rice fields to the north-east of town, with a chance to see the Great Wall of Chiang Rai (as I call it). Then we will return along a raised levee following the Kok River. Total route is about 25km, almost all flat. About half is on rice trails - flat but some stones, so pack those puncture repair kits! Directions: Leave town from Hayek/Mengrai heading north on the Asian Highway. Cross the river, go through the first lights and prepare to turn right at the 2nd set. After turning right, after 3km or so continue straight across the set of lights and then continue straight on for 10km or so (sorry, didn't measure it), through Ban Farm. Eventually, you'll see signs right to Chiang Rai and Wiang Chai, as well as a small one to Waterford. (This road crosses a bridge.) Do not turn right across the bridge, but turn left into a small village. About 100m down this road, park outside a temple. Let's meet at 8.15am for an 8.30am start so we are back before the heat gets up (punctures permitting). Hand Cock

Report of the October 20 Hash

The usual suspects met up off the old Chiang Mai highway for our latest hash. Unusually, Wirgin Bluce was not present, and will therefore not be able to offer helpful editing tips for the improvement of this report, however he did email the scribe a list of the attendees, from which the scribe is able to report that the attendance consisted of 16 hashers and 2 children (not married to any of the hashers). Wirgin Bluce’s statistics even divulged which of the hashers sprung for the beer as opposed to the soft drink option, and upon close analysis it becomes clear that the Chiang Rai hash is indeed very family-friendly, to the extent, possibly, of running counter to the worldwide hashing creed. Hmmm. The hash was ably hared by Able Semen, who was able to lay a very tricky series of checks etc, to the extent that at one point he was able to trick two groups of hashers into encountering each other going in opposite directions on the same path. The trail was in fact so confusing that Able Semen wisely decided to drive around it on his scooter in order to offer assistance to the lost hashers. Somehow, as always, everyone made it back safely and the Circle began. There was a newcomer from the UK, and Shocking, scenting weakness, managed to rapidly sell him a t-shirt. Mercilessly, on a roll, he then tried to sell him a second one. There was also a naming ceremony for a third time hasher who will henceforth walk the earth rejoicing in the name Lone Walker. He is from Liverpool, like Shocking, and his hash name is some kind of an in-joke for people from Liverpool. Shocking and Lone Walker then continued for some time with their in-jokes from Liverpool, unfortunately this was over the head of the scribe and therefore cannot be transcribed. There was also a brief business-of-the-day debate about whether the forthcoming 111th Chiang Rai Hash should be a special occasion, during which it was democratically decided by Shocking that it should not be. Comes Twice Pro bono and pro tempore scribe for 1 more month

Driving Directions to Oct 20 Hash

Here are the directions to the October 2012 Chiang Rai SSATTO Family Friendly Hash, Run Number 108. Date: Saturday 20th October 2012 Time: start at 3.30 pm so be at the meeting point no later than 3.15 pm Directions: Proceed south down the Old Chiang Mai Road until you reach Kilometre Stone 18. Please note that 18 is the number facing the road and not the number facing you as you approach the stone. Also please note that the number 18 has faded so watch out for stone 17. 18 is the next one along! 0.75 kms after the stone, there is a turning to the left. It is immediately after a school, also on the left side of the road. Turn left here. There will be a Hash sign on the corner. After 100 metres turn right. You will see another Hash sign here. Go down this road for 4.15 kms until you reach a x roads. Turn right here - another helpful hash sign! (Note that the road to the x road takes a sharp rt turn after 1.2 kms. At this point, there is a minor road which goes straight ahead. Keep to the main road and follow it round to the right and continue to the x road). After turning right at the x road, go on for another 0.55 kms and you will see the meeting point on the right. Brief Descriptions: There will be a short and a longer run of +/- 6 and 9 kms respectively. Given the rain during the early part of the month, I thought it wise to opt for a flat trail, with no natural nor man made hazards - but it does have some tricky checks! On on. Able Semen

Report of Run #107: Saturday September 15, 2012

Location: Mockingham Palace, Behind Big C Hares: G.M. Shocking, Pat on the Back and Flying Dutchman The skies had poured rain all week but as our very own infalible meteorologist Thaitanic predicted (or precipitated) the skies cleared, the sun emerged and the rains ceased just in time to create yet another “family friendly” hash. This time however there were no children to make a family. Of the twenty-four hashers present, the women outnumbered the men 14 to ten. There was no need then for the Plan B which would lead the team through the Central Plaza underground parking, up the Little Duck stairs and into the Sriburin maternity ward. However time and weather was not sufficient to dry the route so the hares offered two options: (1) for the foolish, a walk through 100 meters of mud; and (2) for the sane, a shorter route avoiding it. The group then naturally split into two equal numbers, the first group being mainly FRBs while the latter had all the Thai women plus a few farangs like Hand Cock, Alan and your faithful correspondent who gallantly followed to keep the ladies from going astray. Our perpetual G.M. used his hare-ship to achieve many firsts in the Chiangrai Hashing world. For example this was the first hash to propose two plans A and B. It was also the first time our family friendly group had hashed along a super highway. Thirdly it was the first time the sweep used a vehicle to shepherd lost hashers along the straight and narrow. Finally this hash set a new gold standard in environmental consciousness, reducing the use of paper to well below the minimum needed to clearly show the route. As a result the saner group got thoroughly confused and had to call upon the vehicle-bound sweep to show the way forward. Our favourite G.M. hare informed the group that the trail would pass over two bamboo bridges. He claimed that he had personally tested these bridges so he could guarantee their safety. Wiser hashers now began to look doubtful wondering if the bridges had cracked or come loose under the formidable weight of the biggest G.M. in our family friendly history. Able Seaman was so worried that he chose to deviate from the papered trial in order to cross a different bridge and then created his own parallel trial in hopes of never having to cross water again. As the trail wandered behind Sriburin Hospital, this truthful reporter began to worry that some misinformed hashers may have mistakenly opted for the abandoned Plan B. So always thinking of others, he took it upon himself to investigate the hospital’s sanitary facilities while the others raced madly ahead. Finally back at Mockingham Palace, Pat on the Back put out a fine meal that fully compensated the forlorn for her husband’s excesses. It was also in celebration of her birthday which the charming G.M. pointed out is no special deal in their household as everyday is like a birthday since the day she married him. Delicious odors from the fine food must have drifted to the Dutch village for shortly thereafter Cop Out’s better half appeared. Once the crowd had eaten and were less inclined to lynch him, the G.M. called the circle to order to toast himself and the two other hares for what he considered a job well done. The first of the Snow Birds, notably Scotch on the Rocks and her better half, Allan plus long absent Do It Better were also toasted. This being Khun Joy’s third hash, the group deliberated on a name. Wild Woman testified to No Longer Virgin Joy’s bicycling speed but the crowd refused to honour her with the name “Fast Woman,” preferring “Dynamite in a Hole” as proposed by Do It Yourself who hinted at some inside knowledge. The G.M. knighted her accordingly using a nearby umbrella. Nam Ron, the Beavers along with the Flying Dutchman and Bottoms Up among others ensured that the party went on into the night so long as any hash beer stock remained. On! On! Wirgin Bluce Hash Sec

Driving Instructions to Chaingrai Hash Saturday 15 at 4 pm

The third Saturday comes quickly this month. Here are the driving instructions to the 107th Chiangrai family friendly hash on Saturday September 15. Head south on the Super Highway past the Big C. At the first set of traffic lights turn left onto Highway 1020. Travel this road for 500 metres then turn left at the HHH sign. After approximately one kilometer along this gravel road, you will come to a sharp right hand bend. Park about 300 metres after this bend at the HHH sign. Allow 10 minutes from Big C. FRBS can do it in half that time. The hash starts at 4 pm. Hares: Pat on the Back, Flying Dutchman, Shocking. In the event of Hurricanes/Tsunamis At this time of the year, the storm-tracking duo of Wirgin Bluce and Titanic will be on 24 hour alert for any Hurricanes or Tsunamis within a radius of 2,000 kilometres. Should they give the red light we will then put plan B into motion. PLAN B We will use are all weather hash trail trekking twice around the Big C carpark (undercover of course) then over the bridge to the Central Plaza car park,once around the car park straight through Tops,Robinsons and of course Mcdonalds. The long trail will take the FRBS up and down ten flights of stairs in the Little Duck hotel. BE FOREWARNED Any hasher seen riding the escalator or stepping into a lift, will be punished by drinking a double downer while standing on their head (as Bottoms Up does this every hash anyway, she will be made to sing the stars and stripes as well) The Circle Will take place in the maternity ward of Sriburin hospital were the virgins will be toasted. On On Perpetual G. M. Shocking --

Bicycle Hash Sunday September 2

The Chiang Rai bicycle hash will begin at the White Temple (Wat Rong Khun) starting at 8:30 am on Sunday September 2. To get there beginning at the Big C travel south along the Super Highway about fifteen kilometers. You will pass through two sets of traffic lights and then turn right at the third set. You can't miss the White Temple on your left. Go beyond the temple about 50 meters and then turn left into a big parking lot. That is where you will find us assembling our bicycles starting around 8:15 am onwards.

Correction to the August 18 Hash Report

It must be admitted on very rare occasions our hash reports do not get things exactly right. Sometimes it is a matter of collective perversity as for example, when the group refused to accord the name "Doesn't Work" honouring one member's early retirement and insisted on recalling his greatest career achievement "Crash." In another instance the group trivialized a member calling her "Jolly Molly" until that person's distinguished achievements on the bicycle hash forced upon them a name change to "Blows Twice." In the last hash, No Longer Virgin Jim outlined his trekking ambitions in Spain and the group voted in a "family friendly" way to honour such absurdity with the name "Long and Hard." However it seems the image of talking skeleton hanging from a stick had become so firmly lodged in many minds that the Hash Scribe incorrectly referred to him as "Walking Wreck." We apologize to Long and Hard for this egregious error and regret any discomfort this may have caused him. On! On! WB Hash Sec

HHH Run Report #106 Saturday August 18, 2012

The August 18 hash was once again a welcome break in the deadlines- and stress-filled lives of the Chiang Rai expat community. Thankfully we have this venerable institution to be able to dress in casual clothes and find the time for a drink at least once a month. Thaitanic and Iceberg were supposedly the co-hares, but judging by the sweat-drenched and slightly haggard appearance of Thaitanic versus the fragrant appearance of Iceberg at the beginning of the hash it would seem that Thaitanic did most of the work. The hashers met off highway 1020 at the foot of the hills with the mobile phone masts which are one of the distinctive architectural landmarks of our glorious city so full of architectural masterpieces. Thaitanic gave a brief description of the walk which awaited us; the gist of it was that there was nothing to worry about, there would be only one fork, with an L for the long route and an S for the short route, and nothing much else to report. The briefing was clearly deceptive, since one group of 5 hashers got thoroughly lost, and within that group a sub-group of 2 (Comes Twice and Nearly Virgin Andrew from Australia who doesn’t yet merit a hash name) got even more lost and ended up having to aim for those mobile phone masts in order to find their way to the road leading back to the OnOn meeting point. The Nearly Virgin Andrew and Comes Twice were concerned during their separation from the group about the anxiety their absence was surely occasioning the rest of the group, but upon their return it became apparent that these worries were unfounded. The only comment was from Nam Ron who helpfully pointed out that even the 9-year olds had made it back faster. Four new members were indicted, sorry inducted, 3 of them being recently arrived teachers who have now considerably lowered the average age of the CR HHH membership. They rejoice in the hash names of Bottoms Up, Curly Beaver and, er, (*emails Wirgin Bluce and Shocking*) Damn Beaver.The fourth new member, who was christened Walking Wreck, does not lower the average age of the membership. We were also introduced to a first timer, ‘Francesco from Spain’ who looked slightly apprehensive and didn’t say a word, possibly because he was having trouble following what Shocking was saying. Comes Twice Hash scribe

Driving Directions to Saturday hash August 18, 2012

The next outing of Chiangrai "family friendly" hash will be this Saturday August 18 beginning at 4 pm. For driving directions see below: From Big C go South on superhighway to the next set of lights. Turn left onto the 1020 and continue to the next set of lights (turnoff to Santiburi Golf Club, ). Go past the intersection and at the end of the center reservation do a U turn (there is a sign telling you not to, but this is Thailand!) Go back towards the lights and you will see a road on your left, (there will be a hash sign there) take this, and continue for approximately 6 km. Park by the side of the road where you see my car, a white Captiva, You are there. Hopefully there will be a HHH sign on the car. This is the rainy season, so please don't expect a dry walk!!! Depending upon the weather situation on the day, I may well have to modify the route to ensure you stay on reasonable tracks, as I don't have enough lifejackets for everyone!!!! There is one section where Nita advises the ladies and children (not the roughty toughty FRB's) to wear long sleaves and trousers to avoid getting scratched. Its only a short section. On! On! Thaitanic & Iceberg

July 21 Hash Report #105

The July 21st hash was held in the rolling hills at the base of the mountains SE of the city.  A brave 25 souls turned up for the occasion as the weather had been rainy for the days leading up to the hash.  Expectations were low because it was the first hash to be set by our Japanese duo of Lost Samurai and Mile High.  During the briefing Mile High mentioned that there was a long stretch of straight flat dusty road beside the main road that had the more experienced hashers trying to think of a good excuse to get away before the start but without an alibi, they were stuck.  The beginning of the hash led on a dirt road through a forested area and numerous checks were easily solved by the early FRBs including Able Semen, Flying Dutchman, Crash, Fired Up and an unnamed hasher aka Moses.   The young lads – Johnny Walker and Buffalo Bill were able to keep pace with the FRBs for the first couple km until a bamboo bridge leading into the rice fields was too much of a temptation and they relinquished their positions by opting to splash in mud by jumping off the bridge.  Just as Namron was commenting to Brain Health that first time hares had a tendency to make checks too easy, Able Semen came running back, cursing under his breath “God-damn, TWO false trails leading to a back check!”  Brain Health turned and said “those Japanese can be quite tricky, it looks like a completely different kettle of fish.”  Sure enough, the checks proved very devious and kept the pack together as tight as sardines for the first 70% of the course.  The trail was exceptionally beautiful taking us through verdant rice fields, over panoramic hills in fruit plantations and through cool deep forests.  Our hares were even kind enough to run us through some thick shiggy so that No Name and Ranger were able to add to their collection of weed induced scars on their young faces.  The weather cooperated and it turned out to be a radiant day (except for the FRBs who kept getting spanked by the checks.)  Being the sympathetic bastards that they are, the hares eventually took pity and made the approx. 1 km stretch of forested trail check free so that FRBs were finally able to break away from the pack.  The last 1 km was indeed a hot, flat 1 km walk back to the circle but there were no complaints.  By the time everyone returned at the circle, it was only 5:20 pm and the sun was still HOT so the circle took place in the only small patch of shade in the area.   After Shocking did his usual spiel, praising the hares and welcoming the guests and then needed something to keep the circle going he called Brain Health into the circle and with tears of ecstasy in his eyes told the circle that we should honor the Chiang Rai founding father (when will it stop!?)  Brain Health used the occasion to emphasize that the Chiang Rai hash is truly becoming an international affair with Japanese hares, British, American and Thai runners and an Irish virgin that he immediately took a shining to (since his wife was away testing the limits of his credit card in Central.)  However, when called into the circle, the hashers were befuddled that a virginal Irishwoman did not order beer, only  coke and not only that, she wasn’t able to finish it!  Brain Health started getting suspicious and through his lawyerly questioning ascertained that the virgin was actually an American of Irish heritage (from the rotten spud generation) and at that point, the gleam in his eyes disappeared (but unfortunately his credit card bill didn’t!).  The naming ceremony for Chompoo (Crash’s better half) was also a rather drawn out affair.  Crash, being afraid of repercussions, did not assist in the naming at all. (Showing obviously who wears the pants in that relationship!)  Finally Brain Health made the connection between her bike shop and bedroom behavior (Crash has not commented on this either) and she was christened the venerable “Pumps a Lot.”  

The GM, Shocking, who was unable to do the run because of a sliver in his big toe, did a commendable job of protecting the hash stash and the local beer thieves were only able to get away with 8 cans of beer before the FRBs returned.  Shocking said that if it wasn’t for his black belts in Akido and Jujitsu the bastards would have taken it all. 

Besides what turned out to be possibly the best virgin run that our Alzheimer infected hashers could remember, the hares also treated the hashers to a large variety of fresh fruits.  The 4 young lads along with Moses and Namron took full advantage of the fact that they were the only ones to have brought a mat to sit on and subsequently all the food ended up in front of them so they ravenously made short work of it.

Another interesting aside in CR hash history is that this must have been the first circle with more Coke requests for splashes than beer - certainly not living up to our billing as a drinking group with a running problem!  Wirgin Bluce, who has been working hard to come up with a hash name for the yet unnamed member of the Twice clan will be happy to know that since Gabriella did not show up, he will have a chance to work his magic yet again! 

Scribe: Namron who subscribes to the belief that you shouldn’t let the truth get in the way of a good story!

Driving Directions to HHH run Saturday 21 July at 4 pm

LOCATION----BAAN SUN SAAI, A.MUANG CHIANGRAI DIRECTIONS Head south the Super Hwy(#1) passing Big C and 4 way traffic lights at the#1020.Continue along the #1 Hwy, pass the traffic lights at the new bus terminal.(Do not turn left to the bus station). You will see ESSO gas station in about 300m on your left side, drive further down about 3 kilometers, you will come to see another gas station(CALTEX) on your left side and the first HHH sign. Turn left onto the paved Soi(the corners are the CALTEX and the Wat Ban Pong Sali) on your left side. (Do not pass the Wat, make sure to turn the Soi to the left at the HHH sign.). Drive along the winding road in the rice fields and village houses(Moo baan) about 1.7 Kilometers. And then you will see a narrow concrete bridge with the second HHH sign on your right side over the Mae Nam Lao river(there is a small grocery store on the left) , turn right to cross the bridge onto the rice fields both sides, proceed along this road for 500m ,and come to a narrow water way or an irrigation canal.Park up along the water way. Allow Approximately 15-20 minutes from Big C. ON ! ON ! Min Yamashita (Last Samurai) Shinji Imagawa (Mile or Maple High)

Report of Hash #104, June 16

This month’s hash began and ended at the so-called Twice Residence, so
it was more of an urban walk than a traditional hash further out of
town. As such the route was through some very degraded “nature”,
interspersed with numerous rubbish tips. Much like the other hashes
then.

After some tense moments before the start attempting to get the
hashers not to park on the grass, things quieted down and everyone set
off.

The hares had not had the heart to distribute copious amounts of
paper, so an attempt was made to stick together as a group. This
worked very well until the end of the driveway, after which the
hashers coalesced into a group of 5 very fast hashers, led by Blows
Twice’s son Stephane, and a group of 25 very slow hashers, led by the
hares. Blows Twice was possibly the first hare ever to do a hash in a
dress, but appearances can be deceptive, the hares were taking their
duties very seriously.

The atypical organisational framework occasioned much tut-tutting and
head shaking from Wirgin Bluce, but fortunately he is no longer the
hash scribe.

It is correct that some hashers got slightly lost due to the absence
of paper, but it was felt by the organisers that it would be quibbling
to differentiate between getting lost due to the absence of paper
versus getting lost due to paper intentionally pointing down false
trails.

The first part of the walk was through the vacant land around Doi
Prabat. This area is not on the tourist trail, and thus is used
primarily by the local community for leisure activities such as
buffalo grazing, catching snakes, fly-tipping and the like. After
doing a loop through here we reached the first thrill of the route, a
flimsy bridge consisting of 2 bamboo trunks. Nonetheless, everyone
decided to cross except Shocking, who was desirous to return home for
a head start on the drinks.

The vacant land on the other side of the river was more of the same.
For those adventurers amongst the hashers who like to “buy” land
without proper title and build on it, this part of Chiang Rai is
ideal. And you can walk to Central!  In fact you have to walk to
Central, because there won’t be a road going to your house.

The second bridge was even trickier than the first, due to a
pronounced swinging motion, but despite having cameras at the ready,
no one fell in, although On Fire picked up a leech. Some mastered the
bridge crossings more gracefully than others of course, but it’s not a
competition. Except for one of the hashers, who crossed a bridge on
her hands.

Back at home the business of the day was handled with customary
professionalism by Shocking, Wirgin Bluce and Able Semen. Blows
Twice’s son was on his 3rd hash and after a cliffhanger of a vote he
now rejoices in the hash name Twice As Long. These names are the gift
that keeps on giving.

The refreshments provided by the hosts (fruit) were slightly
underwhelming given that the outlay was only thb 1100, but at least
there was no issue with leftovers.

By in large the hashers were quite well behaved, apart from the odd
plastic bottle discovered on the lawn, and it is believed that no one
peed in the pool, at least not while standing on the side.

On On

Comes Twice and Blows Twice

As retired Hash Scribe your faithful ex-correspondent remains silent.
He resists commenting on the absence of paper which complicated the
search for the trail. All struggled to follow a lanky bald spot which
kept disappearing in the distance. While he acknowledges the perverse
creativity of the hares who insist on outlining in great detail every
twist and turn in the route to be followed, he confesses that at the
third turning to the left following at least four turns to the right,
he had no idea what the hare was talking about. It seems the ex-scribe
was not alone in his confusion. Stephane, son of Blows Twice who was
to lead the Front Running Bastards and presumably knew the  trail,
also got lost. It seems Stephane has a talent for leading the FRBs
astray and in recognition of this skill, he acquired the hash name
"Twice As Long."  His partner in sin, Gabriella will be coming up for
a name next time she makes the mistake of coming to a hash. May I
humbly consider that in memory of the fine hospitality we received at
the Twice residence at this June hash, we  give her the name "As Long
Inn." Jeremy the girl who walks as much on her hands as on her feet
will need a name next time also. Any  suggestions?
    I will send you by a separate email a fine video done of our hash
by Virgin Jim.
On! On!
WB

Driving Instructions for Hash Run #104 Saturday June 16

The Chiang Rai "Family Friendly" hash will begin at the Twice residence on Saturday June 16 starting at 4 pm. Please see the driving instructions below: 1. Drive down Paholyutin Rd from the city centre. When you reach the entrance to Central on your left, take the road on your right, opposite Central. After 300 m this road bisects the old airport runway. 2. Continue to follow this road, 400 m after the runway there is a t-junction. Turn left, you are now on Doi Prabhat Road. 3. We are on soi 10/1 (between soi 10 and soi 11), which is a dirt road on your left 1.4 km after the t-junction 4. We are 200 m straight down this soi, on your left, white wall and black gate. This part of the soi has deep mud grooves, so if your car has low ground clearance you are better off continuing on Doi Prabhat road to soi 11 (600 m further, on your left) and getting to our house that way. There will be HHH signs at both soi entrances.(Your faithful correspondent recommends the route via Soi 11 for all those who do not drive a 4 wheel drive.) The walk will include a couple of river crossings over flimsy bamboo/tree trunk bridges, so those who do not wish to risk getting wet in the river can return home via a short loop and get wet in the pool while awaiting the others. Swimming is encouraged, so do bring your speedos. On! On! Comes Twice and Blows Twice

Report of Sunday June 3 Bicycle Hash

The June 3 bicycle hash began in front of the Sriwan restaurant on the road to Thoeng. Seven people participated not counting Linda who wisely decided after 10 minutes that a bicycle hash is not the best way to experiment when pedalling for the first time in several decades. We started by cycling over the Laow River then transversing under the bridge so that we ended up in front of Chiangrai's oldest (and possibly only) windmill. Thereafter we pedalled upstream about 50 meters where the gravel ended and mud began. The next ten kilometers was mostly slipping and sliding through forest and rice paddies until we arrived at the paved rural road which took last month from the White Temple to Hua Doi. We crossed the Thoeng highway at the traffic lights on to the road to Santiburi and then immediately turned left on to a paved soi which led in vast semi circle back to the same Santiburi road about one kilometers beyond the golf course. After a short break we then took another paved farm road which led us first to the dam across the Laow River and then back to Sriwan. Altogether it was 27 km long and took us almost 3 hours. One surprise along the way was a Beechcraft double propeller airplane sitting in the middle of an orchard. The men in our group led especially by Comes Twice and Thaitanic had to examine the artifact closely. How an airplane could possibly end up there with its wings in tact defied the imagination. We have Ben and Elly to thank for scouting the route. Wise cyclists always kept the latter in sight as the female of the species, we discovered has the superior sense of direction. Other pedallers included Peter Gibbs, Blows Twice whose bicycle exceptionally did not break down, and your faithful correspondent. Cop Out and Pim will lead the July ride on Sunday July 1. On! On! WB

Bicycle Hash Sunday June 3d at 8 am

For the bike hash this Sunday June 3rd we will meet at Sriwan Restaurant. Starting from Big C travelling south along the super highway turn left at the first traffic light. This is highway 1020 to Thoeng. Sriwan Restaurant is about 2 km along this road on the left site. There is enough parkingplace, turn left just after the restaurant. The moment we are at Sriwan we will put our bicycles in front of the restaurant as a bike sign. The trip is approx. 27 km along quiet roads. The beginning of the route, about 25% of the route, is unpaved road. As it is still very hot during the day, we will begin the bike hash at 8 am. See you on Sunday June 3rd. Kind regards, Ben & Elly For those of little faith who truly do not believe a hash ride will take place in these days of testy weather, read the belated report of last month's ride: At first last Sunday's bicycle hash looked like it wasn't going to happen. It had rainned all night and the steady drizzle showed no sign of abating. That however was not enough to discourage Comes Twice who phoned the hare to insist that in the absence of deluge or lightening the ride should go ahead. Thus it was that eight hardy hashers showed up at the Hua Doi intersection all ready to go. These included Comes Twice, Blows Twice, her son Stephan and his girlfriend Gabrielle, Ben, Elly, Superglue and the hare who doubles here as your faithful correspondent. Five minutes into the ride Blows Twice discovers that she has a broken cable. Nothing son Stephan can do helps. Fortunately the deflault position for these gears is the lowest option so she is able to handle most hills and clay. There was a lot of both these challenges ahead. About 20% of the route was off the paved road and a goodly portion of trials had no gravel. As the wet clay soil clung to our bicycle frames we prayed that we would reach more paved road before our wheels clogged up entirely. As for the hills, these proved most challenging for Elly. However she found a novel solution. Using her finely cultivated feminine skills, she enticed a passing motorcyclist to allow her to cling to his arm as he drove upwards. Altogether we went about 33 km and it took about 3.5 hours including a coffee break at the White Temple and many cigarettes along the way. It rainned at the beginning and the end but most of the trip was pleasently cool and dry. Excessive sunshine was not a problem this time. On! On! Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce --

Run Report #103 Saturday May 19, 2012

The latest hash began with an added twist in that the first “checks“ or misleading trails, were cunningly laid by Hare Crash before the walking even began, for example by giving driving directions to turn at a non-existent “large orange house”. This may explain why the numbers this time were relatively circumscribed, but then again coincidence is not necessarily causation. The route started at a very pleasant plantation, with surprisingly little litter and very beautiful long grass between the trees. The hashers saw to this anomaly by decisively bulldozing the grass with a number of large and heavy SUV’s and pickups. The site is now in “normal condition”. The walk proceeded along a pleasant, wide path along plantations of tea and a tree species unknown to this reviewer. In fact the walk could well be recycled (excuse the pun) at a future date for a bike hash, since there are relatively few overlapping members between the groups. The longer sight lines in the plantation setting allowed the back-running b’s to guage more easily where the frb’s were heading and thus to avoid most of the false trails. Upon arrival at the finish line there was a relatively heavy downpour, and at this moment a technical glitch was discovered, in that, for nebulous reasons, the Assistant Hare, Shampoo, was in possession of the key to Wirgin Bluce’s car (are you still following me?), which contained the refreshments. And in an added twist, Assistant Hair, sorry Assistant Hare Shampoo was one of the last hashers to arrive at the finishing line. So the hashers found themselves in a situation of cold rain but no beer. Inexplicably some departed early, but again, coincidence is not necessarily causation. In the end though the organisation of the refreshments was as usual flawless, which is only to be expected from the kind of person who carries jump starters in the back of his car. The circle continued in its usual manner, with the consummate diplomat Shocking expressing gratitude to all those present for having made it. Conversely, some of those present felt the same way towards towards Shocking, since the solicitous hare, no doubt concerned about his legal responsibilities as the organiser, had sent the support vehicle to pick him up. The Hash name Farang Friendly was given to the sole new member of the day. She was fine with the name, but didn’t seem to like the beer too much. There were 4 out of towners, one being an American couple who seemed suitably grizzled and had all the gear to blend in perfectly with the crowd. Conversely the other couple, Jolly Molly’s son Stephane and his partner Gabriela stood out a little bit because Gabriela had omitted to bring Hash-appropriate gear from Bangkok and therefore came in an outfit borrowed from Jolly Molly’s infant daughter, much to the satisfaction of some of the hashers. When it came time for the business-to-discuss rubric of the Circle Wirgin Bluce bounded up and insisted pedantically that Jolly Molly’s name should be changed, based on an obscure Hash custom that Hash partners have connected names. He then “spontaneously” suggested the name Blows Twice since Jolly Molly had once had 2 flat tyres during a bike hash. Har, har, har. Comes Twice attempted to counter-suggest the name Molly Comes, since Molly comes to the Hashes regularly, but was out-bullied by Wirgin Bluce and Shocking. In retaliation Comes Twice tried to run Wirgin Bluce over on the way out, but unfortunately his vehicle was not sufficiently powerful and sprightly Bluce managed to jump out of the way. Many thanks to Crash for organising an interesting walk and as usual to Fired up, On Fire, Superglue, Lost Samurai, Maple High, Able Semen and all the others for their good cheer. Comes Twice Hash scribe (pro bono)

Run #103 Saturday May 19 at 4 pm

The 103d run of the Chiang Rai "Family Friendly" takes place Saturday May 19 beginning at 4 pm. Here are the driving directions: Heading west from the fancy Clock Tower, follow the bend at the end of the road and then take left turn at the first traffic lights. Now you are on Old Chiang Mai Road. Follow this road past kilometer stone 7 and make a right turn at the HHH sign. Locals "Thai" know this road as the Quarry Road. Look for the large orange house on the corner where you turn. Go 2.5k along this quarry road and park at the red motorcycle with the waving hare.

Report of Run #102: Saturday, April 21, 2012

Location: Baan Doi Hang Nai Hare: Soreasses and Marmalaid assisted by Crash Precisely at 4 pm the hare called the rowdy hashers to order, and sent them braying onwards along the track. Less than 10 minutes later the heavens which had been threatening rain for a week finally opened up and deluged its beneficence upon both the righteous and the rest. Fortunately the group was just passing a sheltered bus stop at that moment. Ten minutes later the worst had passed. Then Special Services boldly stepped forward well protected beneath a towering umbrella. Not long afterwards came the first hill. Shocking looked straight up and decided that this wasn’t for him. Pat-on-the-Back rushed back to accompany him fearing that he might otherwise get lost. Superglue defied all expectations by carrying on without his mother. The route took us through bucolic vistas but the price for such splendor was climbing and descending two very steep hills. At a couple of points the hares thoughtfully laid out ropes to help navigate the slopes but at one of those two lines, it was only the thought which counted as the tree to which the hares had attached the rope had since blown down. The eight checks did exactly what they were supposed to do. By the time the FRBs Flying Dutchman and Fired Up found the way forward, anyone could be in the lead. Thus it came about that Superglue managed to slip by these FRBs on the last check and cross the finish line first. Congratulations, Superglue. The trail at 7.5 km was on the long side and given the delay caused by the rain, darkness threatened to overtake hashers wondering about in the field. It didn’t help that being so environmentally conscious, Soreasses had marked the route using confetti paper which dissolves in the rain. So to save time the sweep, Crash indicated the way forward when the last hasher reached the check. Having only done the route once before, however, his memory was less than perfect. Thus he once again demonstrated the wisdom of his hash name, Crash. As a result of much painful experience, the Lost Samurai had developed a strategy to avoid getting lost. At each critical juncture, he got out his camera and took a picture. Afterwards he was unanimously elected Hash Flash. At the conclusion of the brief circle, Shocking proposed that all hashers who had survived the run deserve a down down. So we redrew an imaginary circle and recruited a neighbor to take the picture. On! On! Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce

Chiangrai Hash Run #102 Saturday April 21, 2012

Saturday, 21 April, will be the 102nd Chiangrai HHH in beautiful Baan Doi Hang Nai with a 4:00 start time.




The trail: a couple of short hills, narrow rice paddy ridges (our neighbors’ rice so please do not walk on it--recommend any dogs can be put on leashes when traversing through farmers' homestead proper and rice paddies), some heavy growth terrain, couple of places you might need a buddy to give you a hand up one or two vertical steps, otherwise 7.5 kilometers of pure enjoyment.
Directions to Don’s Café: Starting from the Shell garage at the top of the Old Chiang Mai Road (Highway numbered 1211) in Chiang Rai, proceed about 1.5 km south until you reach the second set of traffic lights in Den Haa (Moom Mai corner). Turn right here. (If you see the “Sixties Bar” you have just missed it.) Continue along this curving road until you reach Don’s Café on the left side of the road. It is about 8 km. The blue Doi In Cee Stupa signs will keep you going the right direction.
From Don's Cafe take the Soi going left at Don's "Y" intersection (HHH sign). Turn left at the "T" intersection when you see the blue "Doi In Cee Stupa" sign (HHH sign). You will be behind a school with a smaller soi going straight. Turn left on Soi 1 (HHH sign). The main soi will turn right at the king's picture, and a wat will be on your right, as well. Soi1 begins concrete then becomes gravel and grass. A blue house is on top of the hill then Soi 1 leads to 4 mint green buildings. Our house is the first one. The road leads directly into our driveway.



Parking: Since the children of House of Union are away at their villages now, you can park on the complex football field behind our house. Follow Moo 1 and go between the buildings.
**The Beer/Water/Snack Wagon can park in our driveway.**


On On On at Don's afterward is only off the menu because Don doesn't have the staff anymore to offer buffets. I'll take a head count before the trek of those who wish to go there afterward so he has a "heads-up".


Please call with questions or need of more information.
Debbie's "Marmalaid" mobile: 086.069.0992
Ron's "Sorearses" mobile: 086.069.0994

Report of Run #101: Saturday, March 17, 2012

Location: Huai Sak Reservoir

Hare: Cop Out and Scotch on the Rocks

This was a run of many firsts. Overlooking the hang-over hash last month, this was the first time, female hashers hared a route. It was also the first time in a long time, that the better halves of the hares neglected to come.

It was also the first time a Thai adult male had graced our run in eight years. Tak was one of eight virgins who showed up this day. He came as a guest of Tony who almost extinguished himself on the trial in the presence of On Fire. He complained about throbbing heart pains but it was nothing that another cigarette couldn’t solve.

It was a Goldilocks trail neither too long nor too short, or too hilly or too flat. Our two hares, Cop Out and Scotch on the Rocks recently returned from shopping spree in Penang and Hong Kong and they knew exactly what they wanted.

As usual Thaitanic and Flying Dutchman led the twenty-nine participants closely followed by Jet, a twelve-year old Canadian virgin running in flip flops. Jack Off, a hasher visiting from Istanbul was not far behind. As the end neared, they were surprised to discover Shocking ambling on well ahead. Following paper was never his forté but this time it seems he stumbled on the right trial by accident.

Thankfully the run began at 4 pm just after the heat of the day had passed. Most hasher took about an hour to complete the course. The FRBs finished about 15 minutes ahead. Anticipating the inevitable problems, your faithful correspondent had the foresight to lock the beer in his car. Fortunately there was a big lake nearby in which the drink-deprived FRBs could drown their sorrows.

The two Japanese, Lost Samurai and Mile High were as inseparable as ever. To everyone’s astonishment, Special Needs was able to walk 30 minutes without the constant attentions of Special Services. Marmalaid and Soreasses likewise took a break from one another. Best Man did even better. Somehow he mislaid the backsliding MANipulator and brought his friendly Rottweiler, now named Holly Bone in her place.

On! On!
Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce

Driving Instructions to Sunday March 4 Bicycle Hash

Start at Sanam Muay (Thai Boxing Ring) at Rob Wieng. Pedal off at 9 o'clock.
Approx 24kms, about 2 hour ride. Level of difficulty - EASY
Directions:-

Take route 1233 from Sri Sai Mun toward Wiang Chai. After 1 km (still inside city limits)pass Muang Chiang Rai School on your left. Cross the river bridge and take the first right immediately after the bridge. 20 mts on the right is the Boxing Ring, park vehicles around there and that's the starting point. The route is entirely flat, 80% off-road, all tracks are fairly level and only one place which is a little lumpy.
Recommend a scarf/handkerchief or dust mask as could be a little dusty in places unless we have some rain.
Bring enough water as no shops on route.
See you Sunday -- Peter Gibbs

HHH Run Report #100

Dates: Saturday February 17 through 19, 2012
Hares: Able Semen supplemented by Nam Ron, Red Hot and Pole Dancer
Location: Baan Ruam Mitr (Elephant Camp) Chiangrai town and Rai Boon Rawd

Friday Night Pub Crawl
It took a hundred runs before the Chiang Rai “Family Friendly” S2ATO (Start Slowly and Taper Off) Hash finally got around to doing anything innovative but at last that moment has come. On the eve of the great occasion beginning at 7:30 pm armed with only a hairy tennis ball and packet of manioc flour, Nam Ron boldly bounced out a trial from the Condoms and Cabbages to the Wangcom Hotel. Five very different bars lay along the way. The group began with your faithful correspondent, Pole Dancer, Red Hot, Soon to be Virgins Mindy and Kelly plus Not Yet Virgin Antony. At the first spot, Chiangrai Belly, we encountered our leader Shocking well into his beer along with Backsliders Boy Magnet and Pickled Prick. At the next spot, Rico’s, Mecca of expatriate residents, our numbers increased with the addition of the weekend’s hare, Able Semen then licking his wounds from a recent motorcycle accident along with Rubber and Fat Cat. Next we headed over the Chiangrai Hipster an outdoor place which was jumping with local kids. Going to the opposite extreme we hit Lek House on Tanalai Road where we were the only customers in their bamboo abode. Finally we staggered into the bar kitty-corner to the Wangcom Hotel where his pockets empty and his belly full, this truthful reporter left the others to continue their sins.


Saturday, Chiang Rai Hash 100th Run
The next day the group now greatly enlarged returned to Rico’s for registration and t-shirt distribution There were 43 of us including 5 children, and 14 women. This number included two extremes four virgins and eight hard core hashers from Chiangmai. The latter could be readily identified by their more risqué t-shirts and Rambo-style gear but otherwise they really looked quite similar to the Chiang Rai hashers.
Our Swiss German correspondent asserts here that at Rico’s we were of course received with the warm and gracious hospitality for which the Swiss are so renowned. He then goes on to observe that the t-shirts distributed bore a likeness of Shocking on the front, came in a choice of S, M, L or 2XL (for Shocking) and contained only one typo. This he declares makes it a real steal. The best customers were the Chiangmai hashers who, it seems were not as un-family friendly as is generally claimed. Many bought an extra presumably as a peace offering to partners left back home. Our shirts have gained some notoriety among hash circles as the only hash paraphernalia which people dare to wear outside hash circles.

From Rico’s the jolly group continued by boat to the Elephant Village, where the walk began. During the boat journey hashers were able to observe the Chiang Rai construction boom on both sides of the river, including at the Elephant Village itself where a new structure has been built that compares unfavourably to the old one (yes, this is possible) in terms of architectural merit.

Able Semen had laid out 2 trails, one steep and one relatively flat. Eighteen hashers including three children, four virgins and one recently delivered mother who didn’t know better dared to scale the steep option. Those who had the courage to look down, got the benefit of spectacular views over the Kok River. Being in Elephant Country we were also given a safety briefing (*yawn*) about what to do when encountering an elephant, but it was nonetheless with some surprise that we did actually come across one halfway through the walk. However he went and hid behind a bush (not easy when you’re an elephant) upon seeing (smelling?) the hashers, possibly because he took them to be his next ride. In any event, if a hasher does ever find himself in danger of being charged by an elephant, this is a situation where it is vitally important to be with a carefully chosen companion. This is because it will not be possible to outrun the elephant, so it is important to outrun the companion. For this reason the smallest children, Ranger, Buffalo Bill and Johnny Walker had lots of companionship on this trip, notably Nam Ron, Comes Twice, Jolly Molly, Pole Dancer, Red Hot, Barely Legal, Most Wanted plus Virgins Jereme and Kelly who despite their inexperience know a good thing when they see it. One thing that really impressed the Chiangmai hashers was how the paper went directly under the elephant. How did the hare manage that trick? Able Semen refused to divulge any “family friendly” secrets.

However steep trail went up and down, drainage at points could be a problem as Virgin Kelly discovered when she slipped knee deep into a puddle of mud. Just as Turkish Delight’s eye wandered to a busty lady leaning over some rice plants, he fell also into a pothole. When his cries for help failed to elicit the desired fondling attention, he was obliged to limp onwards for eventual evacuation to hospital. Likewise Horny Monkey found no sympathy when he was caught doing willful damage to a bamboo bridge with one leg dangling down between two poles.

Keeping on paper was no easy task. It seems our hare raided a confetti factory to get this run’s supply. The tiny pieces easily disappeared into the surrounding flora. Your devoted correspondent followed most the trail with founding GM Brain Health who after 35 years of hashing in Thailand has developed a practiced eye for paper. Nonetheless we lost our way many times but eventually saw Lost Potato and Virgin Bryan chasing up a hill in the distance. Unfortunately for them, they had stumbled upon the flatter route and were headed in the wrong direction. Some villagers sorted us out.

Our very own Flying Dutchman kept pace with Square Rooter and the other Chiangmai FRBs but at the end they were overtaken by Craven Image who slipstreamed in the enormous wake of Shocking and Fat Cat who accompanied by Kitty Kat and Belly Dancer, short-cutted the last hill. Meanwhile the twenty-five other hashers like Cop Out, Bang Cock, Second Hand and Scotch on the Rocks who chose to do the relatively flat route, leisurely wound their way about while Cop Out’s enamoured husband Virgin Pim serenaded.

Age and sorry experience trumped youth on this hash as most of the younger crowd got lost and had to be picked up by the old, sorry experienced hashers after they became tired of waiting in the elephant stables. The tricky point of etiquette as to which of the lady hashers should be given the comfortable seat inside the pickup was ingeniously resolved by Frozen Dick who commandeered the seat for himself. Last in were Barely Legal and Most Wanted who had become so absorbed in their own romancing that they failed to notice the absence of paper and had to call for assistance.

The boat trip back to Chiangrai landing in the cool of the setting sun was even more pleasant that outward trip. Once back on solid ground, the two Specials disappeared along with Soreasses and Marmalaid. Likewise our devoted scribe, Comes Twice slipped into the darkness with Jolly Molly so the story continues with input from this humble replacement.

GM Shocking called the circle to order to splash the hare and the virgins and visitors in the time honoured way. In his own immitigable style he recognized the founding couple of our hash, Brain Health and Just Perfect. Of the 99 people who came out to that first hash, the three were present this day happened to be the hares on that occasion, notably Brain Health, Square Rooter and yours truly. Brain Health and Buffalo Bill, aged 69 and 7 were honoured as the oldest and youngest people to complete the steep trail.

The formalities completed we got down to the serious business of the circle. Mindy was named “Most Wanted” with fond memories of her recent flirtations with the FBI. Shinji recently retired from Air Canada, got the name “Mile High.” Virgin Kelly demonstrated cartwheels as an alternative form of hashing. Virgin Jereme topped that by walking on her hands into the eager embrace of Horny Monkey. Not to be outdone Fat Cat insisted on showing off his idea of the back flip. His particular profile uniquely facilitated rolling around on the floor.

Now back at Rico’s for the On! On! On! Rico produced a buffet in such vast quantities that even 40 hashers could not consume it all. That served only to ready the crowd for the long night which stretched ahead. Your faithful correspondent like Cinderella had a deadline to meet and must let the story end there.

Sunday, Hangover Hash
However there is a postscript. As the last item of business at the circle, Red Hot and Pole Dancer announced that there would be a hangover hash the next morning and that anyone who got to the rendezvous point before 10:30 am would get a free cup of coffee. Eighteen hashers showed up in various stages of dehydration desperately in need of something to wake them out of their stupor. These included six women and two children, Ranger and Buffalo Bill plus two virgins Pedro and Elisha and Backslider Boy Magnet. Only Bushwacker, the dog looked eager for what would follow.

The trail wound around the rubber plantations of Rai Boonrawd off Old Chiangmai Road. As the sun rose in the sky and the coffee stimulus wore off, the hills seemed to rise steeper and valleys became ever muddier. At the last check, none of the alternative trails evidenced paper. This called for more creative solution which I am proud to report that your truthful correspondent discovered in his discrete sojourn behind an off-trail tree. Determined at last to be “first in” amongst the reduced competition, Able Semen and Flying Dutchman soon supplanted yours truly in the lead and claimed the final laurels for themselves.

On! On!
Hash Sec Wirgin Bluce and Hash Scribe Comes Twice

Chiang Rai 100th Hash Feb. 18th, 2012

Chiang Rai 100th

The Chiang Rai 100th hash will be on Sat. Feb. 18th.  To start of the festivities there will be a pub crawl on Friday, Feb. 17th starting at 7.30 pm.   The starting point will be the park across from Condoms and Cabbage Restaurant on Thanalai Rd. GPS coordinates -  19°54'31.52"N  99°50'7.85"E   Lots of parking available.  We will jog/walk to 5 or 6 different drinking establishments and have a refreshment at each one.  Wearing a hash shirt is mandatory.  Special prizes for the best pair of un-matching knee-high socks and goofiest hat.  Cost = price of alcohol you consume (clear your bill at each bar so you can piss off at any time.)   If you are running late and want to catch up with the group, call Namron at 089-661-5840.

For Saturday's events gather at Rico's Bar,  19.908819° and  99.823548°, at 1 p.m. for registration and distribution of the t-shirts. Early birds have the best chance of finding a shirt that fits. From there we will progress to the boat pier for a trip to the elephant camp where Able Semen has set two routes, one easy and one less so. Rico will have complementary coffee for anyone who is still recuperating from the previous night's pub crawl or otherwise needing stimulus to wake up. His kitchen will be open for anyone wanting to order a quick lunch. We will be coming back to Rico's for the On! On! On! so this is a good place to leave things (like a change of clothing) which will not be needed again until dinner. 

For all those true hashers who still have energy after two days, there may possibly be a hangover hash set by our youngest members Red Hot and Pole Dancer.  Further discussion at the Sat. circle.

Hope you can come join the fun and remember it is family friendly so bring the kids.

Hash Run Repot #99 January 21, 2012

The 99th CR Hash proved to be like a good beer, mellow at first blush, but with a pleasant, lingering aftertaste. None of the high drama, of, for example, the infamous outstation hash (which shall forever remain under a veil of silence), but nonetheless an enjoyable afternoon.
The first part of the walk was along a delightful forest path, not strenuous at all – as Wirgin Bluce remarked, if Shocking is in front, there must be something wrong with the difficulty level.
The second half was perhaps a touch anti-climactic, but only due to the expectations raised by the scenic first portion, and before we knew it we were back at the cars, none of which had been broken into, this being Thailand.
Some ungrateful souls suggested the walk had been too short and easy (Pat on the Back even did a push-up at the end in order to fill her exertion quota), but all in all it was agreed that the trail was well chosen and we would like to thank the hare Handcock for his efforts in clearing the path, he still has the scars to prove it. The usual suspects came in first, namely Namron, Fired Up, Able Semen, Flying Dutchman and Crash.
Numbers at this hash were modest, to the extent that the majority of the attendees were called Molly, which spurred our wordsmiths to crowbar the words “mollify” and “mollycoddle” into their Circle orations, very droll.
Five virgins were inducted into our sect, Red Hot from NY, Pole Dancer from Oregon, Lost Potato from Idaho [this is a state in the US], and Barely Able and Barely Legal from the Philippines. Our Filipino inductees seemed slightly nervous in anticipation of what initiation rites the red-faced brutes would make them go through, and were visibly relieved after the naming ceremony was over.
Able Semen was extremely warm and welcoming towards our new members Red Hot and Pole Dancer, at which point they began claiming that they were leaving the country shortly and wouldn’t really be coming to that many more hashes. Hmmm.
It must be mentioned that newcomers, Janey from Canada and Sh”*ç%”ç% from Japan did go through a truly cruel and unnatural hazing ritual (voluntarily!), namely drinking glasses of Coca Cola down in one.
The Circle was held in the middle of a road, but members did allow the public to pass, and even greeted some of them, in the vernacular (“Sawatdikup”). Let it never be said that members of the CR Hash do no engage with the local community.
Our GM, the aptly named Shocking, was as usual an MC extraordinaire, and I don’t care what anyone says behind his back, it doesn’t matter if most people can’t understand him, it’s the thought that counts. After some time we had a switch to received pronunciatim Able Semen, and then Wirgin Bluce took over and injected his customary gravitas into the proceedings. Various administrative matters were dealt with, such as the next confirmed hares: Able Semen in Feb, Scotch on the Rocks and Cop Out in March, Lost Samurai in May and Special Needs and Special Services in Oct, but the important point to remember is that Brain Health committed to funding 4 (four) cases of whichever beer is chosen for the 100th hash, regardless of how many bottles there are in each case.

On! On!Comes Twice
Hash Scribe (Pro Bono)