Circle highlights from last month's Taiwan Night City Hash hared by GM Frozen Ring and featuring some of us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWa1YvB6XfU&feature=share

December 16th - Directions

This hash will take place in Red Rocket Dog Shagger's childhood village. It's an awesome place to raise alcoholics for a hash. The ending circle will be held at his aunt's place, and if the stars align properly, we might get fed!





Start time: 3 PM
Location: Nang Lae, North of Rajabhat University
Google Maps:
https://goo.gl/maps/xHnmc2ayFD72
GPS: 20°01'27.6"N 99°52'19.0"E

Long form directions

1- From the King Mengrai statue, head North on the highway, towards Rajabhat University.
2- Pass Rajabhat, stay on the highway until the next set of lights. (Junction with 1209)
3- Once you pass the lights AFTER Rajabhat (1209 junction), keep left for 2.2 KM.
4- Look for HHH signs. The entrance to the house is directly on the highway.

 -Your hares, Red Rocket Dog Shagger and Frozen Ring

November Hash (Saturday 18th November 2017) and HHH Elections

Directions:

1. From the Mengrai statue, head North.

2. After around 10km, turn left towards Rajabhat University (signposted).

3. Before you get to the security booth, turn left.

4. Follow the road around, past the first lake.

5. Keep following the road around the second lake.

6. At the end of the second lake, there'll be a T-junction.

7. Turn right, then left. There'll be a wide open space to park.

8. Hash starts at 3pm

Following the Hash, there'll be elections on a new committee, as currently there are only three active members. How much Russian interference there will be remains to be seen.

THE TAIWANESE ARE COMING!!! (Joint city night hash - Friday the 17th)

A delegation of 100 strong Taiwanese Hashers is visiting the Golden Triangle for a 3 day hashing extravaganza. On Friday night, they are doing a Night run in the city, hared by our beloved GM Dildo Baggins and yours truly. 

Imagine: 100+ runners invading the streets of our tranquil town.

The Taiwan Hashers would really like to meet our little gang of alcoholics runners so they are giving us a special price of 100B for the run and booze. 

Come one, come all!  

This will be the ideal warm up for the real hash the day after, where elections will be held with minimal Russian interference.

EPIC TAIWANESE CITY RUN

Date: Friday, November 17th

Start time: 6 PM

Location: B2B parking lot (in front of Samakkhi school) GPS: 19.907323, 99.826221

Cost: 100B for run and booze

Note

It will be an A to B run, ending up close to Central. The Taiwan HHH have shuttles going back to B2B but bring some taxi money with you, just in case. Also, bring a flashlight. 

October Hash

.....is not happening. The holiday month, every fuckers' gonna be off travelling, therefore next hash will be third Sat of November.

Innabit, like.

- BH

September hash (Second Attempt, Saturday 23rd September)

Gonna keep this short and sweet - but just to confirm the CR Hash is most certainly happening on Saturday, after the heavy rain and flash flood warnings scuppered last week.

We will be meeting at 3pm at Mala Bar on Jedyod Road, and heading down as a group.

Alternatively, you can go direct to the Google Map pinpoint here, but I'd recommend coming to Mala bar. Hash start time: 4pm

- BH

https://www.google.com/maps/place/19%C2%B051'01.2%22N+99%C2%B050'41.7%22E/@19.8459596,99.8383337,14.5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0x0!8m2!3d19.85033!4d99.844903?hl=en 

Hash Report - 19th August 2017

THE HASH IS BACK!

What's up, you beautiful bastards! The Bad Hobbit is, for now, back back and back as the scribe, owing to the individual selected to be the scribe, Grubby-Dag, seemingly having disappeared into the ether. Or perhaps gone on a hash of his very own, gone over the hills, and not been heard from again.

July's hash, some of you may well have read the report on. However, as some of you may have perhaps surmised, that report was very much 

However, this isn't to say the actual story of July's hash wasn't an interesting one - hours went by, precisely no one came, as a result of which in a fit of sheer boredom and despair, Bad Hobbit, Pussy Rainbow, and Frozen ring just got rat-arsed by the lake, and Bad Hobbit resolved to attempt the same hash in August.

He did exactly that - and the hash this time, to put it simply, was much more of a roaring success. Though the rain did threaten it before the hash, it turned out to be the one part of the weekend with decent weather - and having by now had more than one attempt at doing the trail, Bad Hobbit was able to massively improve upon it.

The attendance group was at around 14 people, and reflected the new generation of CR Hashers who have started to attend and even do trails over the last few months, replacing some of the old guard who have either retired from hashing, or left CR for pastures new.

The weather was glorious as we set out, named hashers being Bad Hobbit and Takes It Up The Butt/ButtHash, along with Megan, Gemma, Rob, and TIUTB/BH's little man, Alexandra, who was distinctly less whiny about having to do a hash than he was last time.

After a stunningly beautiful first stage, a semi-circumnavigation of the lake, the intreprid group headed up the rise, to be confronted with even more stunning views of the lake, from higher up, showing even more why this spot has been used for more than one previous hash.

The first stage being completed, we descended the incline to find a check on the highway, a concrete bridge stretching imposingly out, a Stupa clearly visible on the top of the mountain in the distance.

After a brief sprint down the highway, off the trail went again, this time over into some farmland on the other side of the road, past a pond (although the group did get briefly lost as a result of being confused by some paper still remaining from the previous attempt at this trail last month. 

On passing between some bemused local's front porches and their rice fields, we picked up a new friend on the trail - a very friendly, and extremely hyper little terrier, who seemed at one point to be determined to finish the trail with us, but not before licking some of us to death. We also made friends of some emus, and some actual sheep - sheep being perhaps as rare in Thailand as elephants are in the UK.

Past the rice fields, and through expanses of further rice fields, with electricity pylons standing like colossal sentinels over the expanses, we returned to the road, and after finding the trail again, continued upwards, with yet more stunning views around us. As Shaquita commented, this kind of thing is precisely the reason why so many of us live in the North of Thailand. Sing the praises of the beaches all you want, for many of us, nothing compares to the beauty of the mountains of the north. 

After turning off to the right, and heading through the village and through a small nature reserve and rubber trees, we eventually happened upon the main road, after which it was a straight shot right down to the finish.

There were no front runners, this really was just a nice, chilled, and very long walk in the countryside, but not a single person regretted coming. 

After some rest and initial drinking, it was time for the circle, with the usual merriment all around, the main things of note being the naming of Rob, and Michelle. There was some controversy over whether hashes done outside CR count towards one's third hash, but as Shaquita pointed out, her previous hash in the state of beers, steers and queers (Texas) counted towards hers, so settled it was.

After having initially had 'Robocock', a variation of his actual CR nickname 'Robocop' suggested, Rob himself suggested some improvements which were way more genius than anything we could come up with. Eventually, we settled on the full name 'Defective Cuntstable Robocock', or 'Robocock' for short.

For Michelle, in reference to a story from Peace House, in which she had expressed regret at not taking a shower before coming out as there was a guy in attendance she fancied, it was full name 'Take A Fucking Shower, Dirty Hippie Fucker', or 'Dirty Hippie Fucker' for short. 'Dirty Hippie Fucker', as a sentence, has more than one meaning, both of which are soundly applicable to Michelle. Rob and Michelle, newly hash-named, then nobly stepped up to the task of being the new generation of CR Hashers and nobly agreed to hare the next one.

The sun went in, drinking kept going - however, the action wasn't over just yet - certain individuals decided to play on a very old, very rotten wooden jetty, that was fast losing the structural integrity befitting a jetty - as a result of which both Megan and James ended up going through some of said planks, resulting in mainly damaged egos and one or two minor cuts, to the bemusement of local onlookers.

In short, great time, excellent hash - more like this, please!

DIRECTIONS: Chiang Rai HHH, September 16th 2017

Oreyt then, here's the directions as supplied to me by the lovely, newly hash-named Dirty Hippie Fucker.
The location will be near Tha Sai, Mueang Chiang Rai District, Chiang Rai 57000

Google Map Pin: https://www.google.com/maps/place/19%C2%B051'01.2%22N+99%C2%B050'41.7%22E/@19.8459596,99.8383337,14.5z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0x0!8m2!3d19.85033!4d99.844903?hl=en

For those unable to use tech, we'll be meeting outside the Mala bar, Jetyod Road, circa 3pm Start time: 4pm. On, On, my Dudes! x

Directions - August Hash, Sat 19th.

Directions - August Hash, Sat 19th.

1. From the Mengrai statue, head South, towards Chiang Mai.

2. Turn left towards Thoeng & Phu Chi Fah (signposted).

3. After circa 18km, you'll come to a set of lights with a 7-Eleven next to it. Turn right, and keep going, until you arrive at Huai Suk Reservoir, where the hash will be starting from.

4. Start time: 4pm.

Hash Report - July 22nd

Note from Frozen Ring, interim Scribe: I’m filling in for Caillou who unexpectedly died before he could perform his duties for the first time. Out of respect for the family of the deceased, I will not go into details. The only thing I can say is that it involved autoerotic asphyxia and phalli. RIP Caillou, we will miss you.

What a glorious day this was! Rain was in the forecast, but it turned out to be the sunniest day ever at the Huay Sak reservoir. All the mud dried by the time the numerous Hashers hit the trail set by our beloved GM, Dildo Baggins.

Attendance broke new records, thanks to a Chip and Dale convention in town for the weekend. More than 30 of them decided to join us for the run to show off their glistening abs and to demonstrate how lap dancing does make you a better runner. Who would have thunk? They liked the run so much that they assured us that friends of theirs (female pole dancing professionals) were going to swing by Chiang Rai and definitely partake in the next Hash. If you don’t like scantily clad females, please abstain from the next one.

Attendance was also boosted by some of the old CRHHH guard (namely Able Semen and Shocking) that decided to partake in the circle simply for the joy of being in our company. They also made quite an announcement: Wirgin Bluce, to compensate for the disastrous job he did as Hash Beer last year, is going to host all On Ons for the rest of the year! He will provide food, drinks and venue. Doesn’t matter what people are saying, I think Wirgin Bluce is a good guy!

This Hash circle was quite eventful and many announcements were made:

• Takes It Up The Butt had a change of heart and conceded that her Hash name was growing on her. So much so that she is thinking of changing her legal name to match it. Good on you, Ms. Up the Butt!
• Leave No Man’s Behind announced, to the surprise of everybody present, that he was heterosexual and just got hitched with one (and only one) woman. He is also giving up alcohol.
• Wiked Witch and French Fanny volunteered to set all hashes until January. They believe that setting Hashes as a couple will strengthen their marriage, lead to better interpersonal communication and ultimately, help them achieve their life long goal: peace on earth.
• Sparta Puss, our long lost photographer, dropped her camera on the hard, dry soil and broke it (hence not many pictures for this one). She claimed that this would not have happened if the trail had been muddy. From now on, she will only attend on rainy days.
• Pussy Rainbow is moving to Bangkok. Nevertheless, he committed to attending every single CR Hash.

General comments for the Hash were mostly praises directed at the interim Hash Beer (yours truly): never was the beer so well iced and so neatly organized!

Comments on the trail were also exceptional: the recurring complaint being that we only got to do it once. For that reason, next month Hash will exceptionally be the same trail.

Yes, it was that good.

-Frozen Ring

Note: Some events and/or statements may or may not have actually happened.

Directions - July Hash, Sat 22nd.

1. From the Mengrai statue, head South, towards Chiang Mai.

2. Turn left towards Thoeng & Phu Chi Fah (signposted).

3. After circa 18km, you'll come to a set of lights with a 7-Eleven next to it. Turn right, and keep going, until you arrive at Huai Suk Reservoir, where the hash will be starting from.

4. Start time: 4pm.

July 2017 hash - POSTPONED to Saturday 22nd.

Going to keep this short and sweet- basically, last weekend I didn't get a chance to scout out the trail, and this weekend I'm away in Pai. July's Hash is therefore postponed to 22nd.

Bad Hobbit (GM and July hare).

ALL YOUR HASH ARE BELONG TO US

A tale of two hashes

Since the outgoing scribe, Bad Hobbit, has  ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶u̶t̶t̶e̶r̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶a̶z̶y̶ ̶b̶a̶s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶ been quite understandably busy of late with his new job and getting settled back in to life in Chiang Rai town, the following write-up will be not one but two hashes combined, with the account of the first one being a bit scant.

Before we start, it has come to my attention that the reason the lyric from one of our most revered traditional hash songs, “he/she’s a hasher true and true, he/she’s a pisspot so they say, he/she tried to get to heaven but went the other way” was initially changed due to a concern it could offend some religious beliefs. The scribe understands and sympathises with that sentiment, and in that spirit, and for the sake of inclusion and diversity, has chosen a representative of one of the minor faiths of the world to open with a prayer. He was initially considering the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, however at the last minute he instead selected a representative of the Cult of Kek, an ancient religion of meme-farmers and shitposters from the internet.

“Our Kek, who art in memetics
Hallowed be thy memes, Thy Trumpdom Come,

Thy will be done in real life as it is on /pol.

Give us this day our daily dubs,

And forgive us our baiting

As we forgive those who bait against us,

Lead us not into cuckoldry,

And deliver us from shills,

For thine is the memetics and the shitposting and the winning, from now and forever,

Prakse Kek.”

May’s Hash.

Following the impressive attendance at the last few hashes, and the April’s hash having cancelled due to the holiday season, May’s hash was the first one back after everyone was returned.

Unfortunately, after the adventures of the holiday period, ‘returned’ did not equate to ‘having shekels’. It was, unfortunately, going to be a few weeks until anyone was able to come out and do things again, and such being the case, along with the fact that it was raining torrentially up to and including just before the commencement of the Hash, compared to the last few hashes attendance was somewhat sparse. Having only just completed laying the trail that day, the hares could only stand and watch as all their hard work was unceremoniously washed away by a torrent of utter arseholery from Mother Nature.

Indeed, during the run, there were several points at the front runners had to search for the trail with slightly less laziness than usual, however the hares had the novel idea of coming back the other way, and laying paper anew, which meant that the trail, towards the end, was somewhat easier than it was at the start, though there *was* another buffalo problem before the finish. Despite all the trail issues, however, the hash was very scenic, with one excellent photo being provided by Hash Photographer Pussy Rainbow. The scribe himself was the first to finish, once again, and there was much waiting around before the rest finally finished, in dribs and drabs, before the circle could finally begin and he could commence the duties of his second job as GM, which  ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶b̶o̶l̶l̶o̶c̶k̶s̶,̶ ̶a̶k̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶-̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶p̶o̶s̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ is the vital, arduous and undoubtedly important task of leading the circle and making sure it goes smoothly. Bollocks-talking wise, there was a somewhat restrained effort from the scribe compared to past hashes, which may or may not have been due to residual ethanol from Peace House the previous night, or the wet weather putting a damper on the mood, or even a combination of the two.

There were virgins welcomed, but not slaughtered to honour Kek, Cthulhu, Yahweh, Allah, or the Great Juju Atop The Mountain or any of the thousands of Gods honoured by humanity since the commencement of recorded history.

There were also two third-timers, but due to the length of time between the writing of this report and the May Hash, the only one that the scribe can remember is Irena, who is now known as Dutch Ovens, though the circle did need some prompting by Bad Hobbit before Pussy Rainbow came up with the name.

Interlude

In between the two hashes, a very strange post appeared on the CR Hash Facebook page: “All your Hash are belong to Bad Hobbit”. This was initially suspected by followers of the page to be a hack, the prime suspects being the trolls of 4chan’s /Pol board. However, the fact that there was no extremely dodgy material or inappropriate imagery included in the post, not even a claim that “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong”, quickly excluded the edgelords of the ‘Chans, and eventually Bad Hobbit confessed he had indeed made this shitpost during a fit of apocalyptic-scale boredom, and referenced one of the oldest memes in internet history, “All your Base Are Belong To Us”.

As it has been brought to the scribe’s attention that there are a few normies in the CR hash group with scant knowledge of the oftentimes batshit place that is the internet, he will attempt to explain; “AYBABTU” is a reference to an old arcade game, whose opening cutscene was hilariously badly translated from Japanese to English, yet still has an almost Shakespearean ring to it. For any normies feeling slightly curious, here’s a video showing the scene.

June

The following has been put together the day after the Hash in question, with not a day spared, the scribe attempting and probably failing to compensate for his lackadasicalness and dilligence failure by getting on with it pronto.

The scene was, once again, Frozen Ring’s backyard, the insanely stunning countryside around Wat Huay Pla Kang. This time, there wasn’t any rain, however attendance was still somewhat restrained, with perhaps the odd few hangovers from Jedyod Road the previous night. The scribes account commences outside Mala Bar, the official hangout of the Chiang Rai Hash, but for reasons that cannot be disclosed here, that may well not be the case before long. After an encounter with Frozen Ring and his useful shirt for all things travel-wise, with little pictures everything a guy could need to ask for, up to and including ‘happy endings’ for his massages, the GMs past and present and scribes past and present eventually found the starting point, meeting up with a small group of hashers including the then-named Takes It Up The Butt and her son Alex. Unfortunately, Alex didn’t much like having to be outside and not playing games, and wasn’t shy about letting everyone know. TIUTB had to give Alex what is called in British Army culture a “beasting”, being made to do push-ups as a consequence for his whingeing, which was so irksome it put even Bad Hobbit to shame.

Frozen Ring had been highly dilligent in his trail-setting, which was less in terms of km than previous hashes, but more in the sense of more challenges in terms of hills and grass, which was to remind the scribe more of a Lanna Bush Hash than a tratitional family-friendly Hash, with not only ample hillage, but many instances in which it was necessary to fight through long grass and thick jungle. Unfortunately, the hash photographer returned zero footage this time, though Frozen Ring was highly dilligent in terms of posting preview photography from the trail he set, so anyone wanting to know how it was will have to rely on those, along with their memories and Bad Hobbit’s shitposting on this blog.

The trail started hard, with some huge inclines and challenging checks, however as the hash progressed, it not only got easier, but the rewards for running it quickly became apparent, as views of the rice fields and the Statue of Guayin at Wat Huay Pla Kang were came across. In the front-runner’s party, it started to feel a lot like Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdrome, as the three adult hashers who were running were kept pace with easily by people a third their age (well, a third in the case of Bad Hobbit – for the others, that difference may be slightly more). Though they initially needed a bit of guidance in terms of protocols (like not screaming “on, on” until it’s actually confirmed which way the trail is going), the younglings kept pace easily, and even outpaced some of the frontrunners, including veteran frontrunners who’ve done half-marathons and the Singha Park obstacle course.

They not only provided good competition, but good conversation as well, with Aidan talking for ages to Bad Hobbit about many things news-ey and geo-political, showing himself to be more of a switched-on person than a good many people in the world three or four times his age, or even more. He was also smart enough to not be fooled by Bad Hobbit’s lying about the fact that there were landmines around CR province leftover from the Vietnam war, thus providing a lesson for the other younglings that adults should on no account automatically be believed, as theres a chance they may be full of crap, like Mr Hobbit.

One of the highlights of the trail was the quarry, which opened out onto a next-level amazing view, and during which the frontrunners paused, or at least slowed down, to take it all in. Though during that time Alex just had to start whingeing again, and was threatened by his fellow front-runners with an imposition of more push-ups on behalf of TIUTB.

Finally, after a simple and breezy sprint to the finish, there was barely enough time to sink a couple of Changs or Leos (but no Singhas) before the commencement of the circle, with the outgoing GM doing her thang for one last time. After bidding a warm welcome to first-time Melina, a name was issued to third-timer Mr Grubb, said name being Grubby-Dag, which is an Australian word for bits of dried sheep dung stuck on said animal’s wool around its arse after shearing. Something that has actually made the scribe feel slightly queasy just typing out. Proving that once again, if you want to understand Australian history, culture and general ways, it helps to have a working knowledge of all things sheep.

That over with, TIUTB came out and presumed to demand a new hash name as “Takes It Up The Butt” is not to her liking.

Whilst her request might have been cause, in different circumstances, for a massive down-down at least and being lumbered with a worse name, we did agree that it was a bit long. In fact, in terms of long-windedness, it probably compares to Bad Hobbit’s shitpostings. We thus started taking ideas for new names. Fortunately, Bad Hobbit’s knowledge of the history and all the dark corners of the cybersphere provided the answer: Butt-Hash.

Explanation for the normies: ‘Butt-Hash’ was an internet hoax of several years back, in which kids in some parts of America were said to be capturing the fumes emanating from human excrement in balloons and inhaling it to get high – something that sounds like it could have emanated from the imaginings of one Chris Morris, but was enough to convince enough people in America, and even prompt press releases to be given by Florida sherrif’s departments warning of the dangers of Butt-Hash.

With yet more departures from the ‘Rai set to ensue over the next few months, the only thing left was to nominate a GM and scribe.  Bad Hobbit was unceremoniously dumped in the GM’s chair, and Grubby-Dag is now the new scribe, which will possibly mean this blog will start to look somewhat more professional and more family-friendly, and somewhat less like a shitpostathon on 4chan.org/pol

.

DIRECTIONS - JUNE 17TH HASH

Site: North of Huay Plakang

Time: 4 PM

Hare: Frozen Ring

Need a lift? Be at Malabar before 3:15PM

Since we're now embracing technology, this should be sufficient:

GPS coordinates: 19°58'22.9"N 99°48'03.0"E

Google Maps coordinates: 19.973021, 99.800831

Google Map from the clock tower: https://goo.gl/maps/UDzrjxrkxHC2

(if you are opening the map on your phone, make sure it is via the app, not a web browser)

For the technologically challenged:

1-Cross the Mae Faluang Bridge going North for about 2k

2-Turn right on BanHuayPlakang road (the road to go to the big white Buddha). Stay on this until you hit a T-junction

3-Turn left at the T-junction.

4-Take Soi 23

5-Take a left on Soi 23/5

6-After a few hundred metres, turn left on the cement road going uphill

7-Turn left at T-junction

8-Turn right on the cement road

See you there!

-Frozen Ring

Yes, there is a May Hash!

It's gotten nice and warm, so it's a perfect time for a romp in the rice fields and environs of Chiang Rai.

The next Hash will be at 4:00 on Saturday, May 20. Exhibitionist and his family (The Armpit of America and children Super Annoying & Sharts the Fart) are the hares.

In lieu of directions that are dangerous to read while you are driving or riding, we have updated to the 21st century. Below you will find a dropped pin on a Google map (maybe) . You can get your own directions from your point of origin. Let Siri do the directing. Matt & family live in MaeYao off Highway 1207 past the white Buddha, about 10 km from town.

https://her.is/2pVVeaW

Alternatively, you can meet at Mala Bar on Jed Yod Road and caravan to Matt's house. Meet at 3:15.

How to set a hash trail with Google as your only guide and pull it off while winning friends and influencing people yet temporarily almost get divorced

Note: The writer is covering for hashscribe Bad Hobbit, who is currently hashing around the Derbyshire, South Yorkshire, Staffordshire, Cheshire and Greater Manchester Peak District National Park so will mail this report in half-arsed.

The event began for some with a 2.45PM rendezvous at the Malabar to carpool and have a virgin follow on her souped up Honda CRV, sporting full leathers and and a full-face concrete-strength helmet (safety first). The car-poolers were pleasantly surprised to find the way to Doi Hang was literally littered with easy to spot hash signs at every possible bend. Driving comments from the GM and the writer alluded to a possible fact that in 3 years they had never experienced such an easy pre-hash route to follow. A credit to whomever made the signs and their placement with attention to detail. On arrival at the spacious grounds of the temple's shaded community space, which was to later be home to a jolly circle, we discovered that the immaculateness of the hash setting came with a price. After a morning of trail setting with only the world wide web for assistance, the hares - One Hung Low - think the Dude from The Big Lebowski who was on the Beers early and Many Men A Night - think  Julian Moore's Maude Lebowski character (research for the uninitiated) were a bit testy with each other over the more exact and perfect means and methods to satisfy the art of hash-trail setting. Their professions of nurse and electrician involve daily matters of life and death and thus they are used to taking their responsibilities seriously. The ice was firmly broken when MMAN explained to us that there would be a long trail marked with a self raising floured johnson or a short trail indicated by a chalked pair of breasts that resembled more a broken heart. Some people blushed, some smiled, some laughed and some just wanted to get on the road.
Latecomers. the New Jersey family, were the only folks who couldn't follow the best marked pre-hash route that mice or men had ever set. With a cry of 'Hail to the chief, he's the one we all say hail to!' we were off. The FRBs, Frozen Ring and Pussy Rainbow, did the hard yards of searching and destroying the false trails in the stifling heat whilst chatting about gun control, how drunkenness may change your behaviour and other world changing topics. It was a lovely jog through the countryside with nice scenery, hills, native vegetation,  water features, small cash crop farms, friendly and smiley locals saying "good" and offering water and was very jog-able compared to the last trail. Again terrific work, by the hares in that they used three types of bio-degradable substances to mark the trail in flour, chalk and paper. It really was a meticulously cute and pretty way of trail setting that complemented the surrounds - some may consider it a work of art.

After a final sprint, the Front Running Bastards (missing three as one was the hare, another is initiating a Brexit resistance movement in the UK and yet another has a bun in the oven) had earned their Lagers. To some surprise they were followed closely by the awesome new hashcash Wicked Witch, who had ran in the last leg, and the fellow from North America's toxic waste dump and son, who were amongst the afore-mentioned late arrivalists. The walkers strolled in pretty much as one, continuing their 4 km/per hour pace. It was nice to see Kiwinee and Yellow Beaver walking their puppy, named the Prince of Barkness, I don't know what sex it is but maybe for the May Hash I might bring my girl dog for procreation purposes if it's an unfixed boy or my boy dog for procreation purposes if it's an unfixed girl - or not (fixed that is). The circle began with the 20-odd odd hashers reclined on Barcelona chairs actually arranged in a circle for once. Comments for the seated hares on the hash were generally favourable as would be expected. Virgins were Jools from the Netherlands, an amiable young single gent who who ran a dive store at Ao Nang, Krabi (lovely place) and Ally from Cali, who is a wizened lecturer at MFU or CRRU or maybe both, with a mean set of wheels. Named were the Joysy Crue patriarch The Exhibitionist, who regaled us with his most embarrassing moment of stripping butt naked in front of med. students as a model because he was bored, underpaid and overworked or sick of the uncomfortable, daggy smock he had to don. Also named was the matriarch, Armpit of America, who in no way reminded us of Snooki from Jersey Shore. The first born male was named by the second born female as Super Annoying and said female named herself Shart the Fart.

Takes It To The Limit's son, Alexandre, also named himself All Day Long - uh huh. What a joy it is to have children join us at these events. We are forced to set the bar on family friendly hash behaviour and language, but like children themselves, can't help but push the barriers. Thank you to our models for helping flog our excellent ebony and ivory Hash Zone death by suicide metal shirts. I wear mine out regularly as it is striking, slimming, a talk-piece and of excellent quality but the hole on the top was obviously designed for someone with a smaller head than I. After consuming as much Beer as was socially acceptable before dark and with hungry hippos
waiting to be fed. a large quorum left to on on at the Malabar for home made Chicken and Margherita Pizzas. Some drank Mojitos, peppered with mint from the plant in the garden out the back, some drank Beer, some drank Tequila free Margaritas, some drank authentic Margaritas, some got high on their own supply, some danced, some sang, some shot shit,some VJ'd, some got lucky and eventually all went home having had a darn fine day. No hash in April as usual  because of the toxic smoke, Songkran celebration, teacher holidays and the repressive heat but we'll be back in May with a hash hared by The Exhibitionist, Armpit of America, Super Annoying and Shart the Fart.

THAT IS ALL.

Directions to the March 11 Hash

The March run/walk hash, moved up one week to this Saturday, March 11,  will begin at 3:30 pm from the parking lot of the Wat Doi Hang Nai, in Doi Hang Nai. 

GPS location is Latitude 19°55'1.42"N  Longitude 99°45'46.98"E

You are welcome to meet at the MalaBar on Jed Yod Rd. at 2:45 if you want to caravan or get a ride to the hash starting point. If you want to go it alone, here are the directions: 

Leaving Chiang Rai via the Walking Street (Thanalai Road which turns into the Old Chiang Mai Road/Thanon Rat Yotha/Rt. 1211), heading southwest out of town, turn right at the second traffic light in Den Har, onto Soi Honglee Road (the last traffic light going out of town). 

Head north, past Chiang Rai Saddlebags,  past the Hp Badminton Court.  At the intersection, (first picture below), stay to the Left; the police station will be on your R;  do not follow the road to the R to the Chiang Rai Women’s prison; doing the hash in predicted  97 degree F (36 C)  temperatures will be punishment enough. 

Follow the blue signs directing you to the Doi In Cee Stupa. At the next Y (second pic),  6.4 km from the Den Har intersection,  bear  Left. (Don't strain your neck!)

In about 1 km, you will see the Doihang School on your Right; turn Left (road unnamed), following signs for the Doi In Cee Stupa (last picture). In less than 1 km, the parking lot will be on your L, across from the  Wat Doi Hang Nai. 

If you have any questions about directions, call Lois (Many-men-a-night), at 06-1714-7052. 

March Hash now Saturday March 11

The March Hash has moved a week earlier than normal to Saturday March 11 at 3.30PM  to maximise attendance by local teachers, who are about to go on their hard-earned summer break, and by the hares themselves. More details on location soon.

February 2017 - Write-Up

The current setting is Mae Chan, there’s a few days to go until this scribe starts the process of (temporarily) leaving Thailand, everythings (mostly) ready that needs doing and he is currently in full lazy bastard mode, proudly upholding the standards of the mismanagement committee, sipping from his trademark British-style pint glass of Beerlao Dark.

The February Hash was a fair while in the making, being fraught with difficulties due to the two hares cancelling, and both co-GMs being away; in this scribe (and replacement hare)’s case going on an epic trip to (or should that be ‘in’) a field in Chiang Dao with a load of Japanese hippies, and then spending a week at a meditation retreat near Mae Hong Son to make up for all the gratuitous violation of the Fourth Precept that had ensued the previous week. 

(For those who are even remotely interested, and for those who aren’t, the Fourth Precept cautions one to “Refrain from intoxicants that lead to carelessness” – or in Yorkshire-speak “Doohnt doo stuff that fooks wi’ tha ‘ed”)

Due in part to his shirking of his duties, the hash was pushed back one week, which had the bonus effect of both GMs being able to make it, and more people in general able to attend due to it no longer co-inciding with the Chiang Rai balloon festival.

However, when the scribe/hare got off his motorbike at 5pm the day before, having left Mae Hong Son at 5am that day, he was pleased to find that Frozen Ring and H2Hoe had dutifully left paper at Pussy Rainbow’s bar. After physically collapsing his broken body onto a bed at Tot’s place for a few hours, he went out and set the trail the next day – a feet of physicality to be commended, and one which will no doubt render the scribe an even more insufferable arrogant smart-arse than he already is.

The setting was 18km along the old road to Chiang Mai, a location that had been used before, at almost this exact time last year, for Jono, aka Bad Hobbit, aka Dildo Bugger of Bell End the Bad Hobbit’s first hare-ing. A stunningly beautiful place, involving a bit of a trek through countryside before joining a country road that eventually opens out on a very large, very beautiful lake.

A relatively easy place to find, with clear-ish directions having been previously posted, however that didn’t stop Virgin Bruce (aka The Invisible Man) calling the scribe, at a time he was mid-way along the superhighway from Chiang Mai, because he couldn't figure out how a website works, and didn't know how to scroll downward.

After hare-ing the trail, and then collapsing again onto the back of the motorbike, Bad Hobbit was pleased yet again to find that there was a goodly turnout, of nearly 30 people, for the hash.

Sadly minus some of the old crowd, there was nonetheless a respectable turnout of newer folk, drawn here by Bad Hobbit’s frequent shitposting online, and not scared off by Spiritual Advisor Shocking’s menacing of the latecomers with a big stick at the January Hash, including the recently-named Takes It Up The Butt, 

Unfortunately, it appears Takes it up the butt does not like her given hash name, and has expressed a strong desire to change it.

Other newer folk to the CR Hash fam included Irena, Michelle, and first-timer Megan.

Once the hash massive started off, most people ran ahead and out of sight while the past and present scribes hang back to have one of their engaging literary discussions, during which time one of the many topics raised was the concept of having a Hash Photographer, since the current scribe possesses no camera or cameraphone. A novel idea indeed, and one to which the past scribe may well be suited for (and regret suggesting).

Since while both scribes, past and present, are adept in the art of memes and shitposting for teh keks (a venerable British art stretching back hundreds of years pre-dating the internet, that before Millennial times was known as 'talking bollocks'), only the past scribe is adept in the art of taking photographs of hashes and then posting them. However, that will be a discussion for another time.

The trail took us through countryside, up a steep hill through some very bushy terrain, which somehow resulted in only the hare’s legs being cut up bloody. The terrain was slightly different last time, due to farmers and burn-ers having been very busy indeed, and eventually connected with the main road, ending with a good, long run down a straight line to the lake. The weather was warm but not too hot, and in the bushy part there was plenty of coverage from the many rubber trees, albeit no coverage on the hill which had been Shireen Baratheon-ed to black ash before we got there.

Once again, Bad Hobbit was the first to finish, this time his own trail, and one which he didn’t even run (at first), further massaging his ego. Then more came – however, at one point there were 7 people missing, including the co-GM, Ringmaster.

At more or less the exact moment when we would have sent out search parties, in the last few came, who had somehow managed to get lost, on a trail where the hare was too much of a lazy bastard to do any checks or leave any false trails. The co-GM didn’t *quite* come in DFL (Dead Fucking Last), but she was close enough for pisstaking.

Eventually, the circle started (although not soon enough to pre-empt a round of “Why are we waiting, we could be fornicating?”), with the co-GM, scribe, hare, and choir rolled into one person and parked in the center, given his down-down, and teaching the many first-timers the exact words for the songs to be sung (“He’s a hasher true and true, he’s a pisspot so they say, he tried to get to heaven but he went the other way”).

After this, it was time for the virgins to get into the circle, including two who’d done a hash before, but not the CR one. In the absence of a hash lawyer to determine as to whether they needed to go in, in they went, each introducing themselves to the group, with both the GMs literally wrestling to preside over their down-downs.

Hares for March and May were decided, with April, as usual being skipped over, something to be expected due to the long school holiday, and teaching being one of the only legal jobs for foreigners to do in Thailand.

Circle closed, everyone hopped on the back of French Fanny’s pickup truck, a very happy and tipsy bunch of hashers, heading back, waving to locals. We also continued our engaging discussions about the meaning of life, the cruelty of being dropped into it, without being asked, amassing all these amazing experiences and then having to return to nothingness – a cruel fact of reality that, we discussed, religions are a way of dealing with.

The On On continued at Mala Bar, and ended up at the Reggae Bar, with lots of emotional hasher bonding and shit attempts at karaoke in which Bad Hobbit royally butchered “Highway to Hell” and thought he was Lemmy (he’s certainly no Angus Young). Other songs covered included Pussy Rainbow’s two favorite songs of all time, “Stairway to heaven” and “Bohemian Rhapsody” – if you’re ever doing karaoke, especially at Mala Bar, make sure you do these two songs, and sing ‘em loud – he loves ‘em.

Some post-hash on on photos, second time for on on pizza and first time for on on karaoke